Whatever may come

By Carla

DISCLAIMER: The way the season's going, this is a total A/U. As much as I would love to claim some of the guys as mine, they're not. Would I be writing if I owned those boys? ;) Shonda does, her people too. Hope you enjoy the story!

Chapter I

2 weeks ago…

"Here?" he asked, covering her flat stomach with his hand.

"Yeah." She breathed, comforted by the feeling of his skin, next to her. She always felt comfortable around him. He was the one person she knew she could turn to and would be there for her. He was the love of her life, her soul mate. Even if it had been really hard for them to figure that out in the beginning, she knew it was worth the tears and the fights and everything that came after that.

Everything had been worth it for them to be now at this moment.

"I can't believe it." He murmured in that deep voice that made her swoon, as he leaned forward and kissed her softly in the forehead.

"Neither can I." she answered, caressing his strong arms. She was lying on her back, her husband next to her, both naked in their bed. Their penthouse was a far cry from the trailer, she still had nightmares about it. Their place was like a little piece of New York in Seattle, like she liked to put it. She loved their place, she had decorated it herself.

"You do realize we're moving, right?" he asked, and she wondered if he was reading her mind.

"What? Move? What… why?"

"Because no son of mine is going to grow up in an apartment…"

"Penthouse!"

"Whatever…"

"And we could have a daughter."

"Addison, that's hardly the point."

"I love this place!"

"I do too, but come on. Our kid is going to need a garden and maybe a little pool and lots of space to run around…"

"We have space here."

"A baby should live in a house. Come on, this is for little Matthew."

"Who is little Matthew?" she asked, glaring at him.

"Our baby." He answered, kissing her stomach.

"When did we name him Matthew?"

"I was just thinking names over…"

"When? I told you yesterday I was pregnant."

"Since yesterday. Don't you like Matthew?" she glared at him again and sighed, "Come on, it's cute! Baby Matthew? Matt? Mattie? How can you not like Mattie?"

"I don't like or dislike it… I just haven't thought about names yet." She looked at him in the eyes. They were shining. He was so happy with their pregnancy, and she was happy too. She had always wanted a child, and seeing him this excited at the prospect of being a father made her heart swell.

And he did seem rather attached to the name…

"Matthew?"

"Matthew."

"It's a good name." at that, he smiled his brightest smile.

"I thought so too."

"Although I would have loved to be a part of the whole naming our child thing," she half-joked.

"Okay. Fair's fair. You let me have Matthew, you can decide the girl's name."

"Oh, so you do know there's a chance this baby may be a girl?"

"No, this is my kid, I know it's gonna be a boy."

"Macho much?"

"Ha ha. But, in the off chance we may have a girl… that I would love as much as a boy…"

"Mmmhhh…" she was enjoying herself. She started thinking about names while he caressed her face tenderly, his other hand still covering her stomach, trying to get that much closer to their child.

"Anything…?"

"I was thinking… Kathleen…?"

"Kitty?"

"No way."

"Katie… Kate?"

"Katie… I kinda like Katie… it's sweet."

"So, Kathleen?"

"Yeah…" she smiled, looking at him, "Kathleen and Matthew."

"Those are great names."

"Yes, they are."

"Can you believe we just named our child?"

"No… it's just so…"

"Amazing."

"Yeah."

"We're pregnant."

"Really? You getting that much morning sickness, sweetie?"

"You know what I meant, Addison." He scolded her, good-naturally.

"I know." And she did, and although she was teasing him now, it meant the world to her that in the day he had known about their impending parenthood, he had already made the time to think about names and was using the plural. It made her feel happier than she had imagined to know her husband was going to be by her side every step of the way, because truth be told, she was scared. She was having a child, she was going to go through a pregnancy, and labor, and then she would get to take the child home with her. She was going to be a mother. And her husband was going to do it alongside her, and that gave her all the strength she needed at the moment.

"I love you, Addison." He whispered, kissing her on the lips.

"I love you too." She answered, and God she meant it! This was a whole new life, something she had not imagined having in a long long time. But now, it was all hers, he was hers. She felt loved, wanted, protected, in love, desired, worshipped… she felt a million things, even before the pregnancy.

"I just want you to know… that I'm here for you, babe. For you and little Matt or Katie, I'm here. Whatever you need, I'm going to take care of the both of you for the rest of my life. You two are the most important thing in the world to me, and I'm going to spend every single second of my life making sure you know that. I know I can be a jerk and we have our issues, but bottom line, I love you and I love our baby. And I'm going to do everything I can to be the best husband and the best daddy you two can have. Okay? You know that?"

"I do." She said, shocking back tears. Pregnancy was making her emotional already, and listening to her husband's words was making it almost impossible to stay in control of her emotions. She couldn't do anything but throw her arms around his neck and bury her face on the hook of his shoulder as he kept whispering over and over that he loved her.

And she loved him too.

Now…

Addison couldn't help remembering a happier time as she sat, all dressed in black, watching as her husband's coffin descended into the ground. Could it be really only two weeks? Two weeks since everything in her life was perfect? She was married to a wonderful man who was nuts about becoming a father, she was carrying their baby and so happy… and now, he was dead.

It was almost impossible to grasp… she was a widow now.

How could he die? He was young, a good man and an excellent surgeon. He was not supposed to die. They were supposed to be house-shopping for a house with a garden, where baby Matt or Katie could give his or her first steps. They were supposed to raise a family, listen to their baby's first words and… and he was just supposed to be there.

She was not supposed to do it all alone.

"Addison…" she felt strong arms around her, as she turned to meet her mentor's gaze. He was concerned, heart-broken over her. She was heart-broken over herself too.

"This is wrong Richard." She couldn't bear it anymore. The coffin was at the bottom now. Everyone was staring at her, and she knew they were expecting her to walk out and threw the first handful of dirt over the coffin.

"You don't have to do this if it's too much."

"Too much? He's dead, Richard! He's dead, he's never going to meet his child! That is too much!" she was sobbing now and she couldn't stop.

"I know, sweetheart." Richard answered, caressing her face, "But you need to be strong now, okay?" he was talking to her as she would a child now, as she would one day address her baby, "Think about your baby, he needs you to remain calm and strong." At that moment she wanted to yell at the absurdity or been calm and trying not to be upset with her husband lying unmoving under the ground, but she knew Richard was right. This baby was the only remaining important thing in her life.

"I love him. I miss him." She whispered, more calm now.

"I know." She nodded, breathing. Good air in, bad air out…

"I'm okay." She whispered.

"You ready?"

"Yeah." Richard took her hand and walked her over to the grave, staying by her side the whole time in case she needed him. Addison took a handful of dirt and threw it over his coffin, her vision again clouding with tears.

"I love you." She whispered, as she made her back to her sit… she saw them walk in a line, mimicking her actions… all this people who had inducted him into their lives, accepted him as one of their own… first his mother, his brother, then Richard, Adele Webber, Miranda Bailey, Preston Burke, Christina Yang, Alex Karev, Izzie Stevens, George O'Malley, Callie Torres, Meredith Grey… it was an emotional moment as she saw him walk over to the grave… his eyes were sad and he couldn't stop some tears from falling. It was good to know that in the end, the two more important men in her life had finally made peace.

And as the buriers started filling the grave after Derek Shepherd said his final good-bye to his one time best friend, all she could do was stare at the headstone that would be marking his final resting place.

Mark Gregory Sloan

1966-2008

Husband, father, friend, healer.

He will be missed