Title: She Is My Sin
Authors: Aubrey'sMaster & Seylin
Rating: PG-13/R
Summary: What's more pure than the light side of the Force? Only that unadulterated, passionate joy that comes with loving another living being. It's a feeling no Jedi is meant to know. But, Anakin Skywalker does. But, Anakin's purity has just died with Padmé. And, he'll do anything to get her back. Can Obi-Wan help him, before it's too late? Fear of loss is a path to the dark side, but what of loss itself? The Master still has much to learn from his padawan, but he's beginning to understand how Anakin feels.
Disclaimers: Aubrey and I do not own Star Wars, we wouldn't have to worry about paying for college if we did.
Warnings: Implied SLASH
She Is My Sin
Obi-Wan paced back and forth outside the door. It had been six hours since Padmé had called them and told Anakin that it was time. It had been one hour since her screaming stopped. He was worried; as much as this broke the rules he still wanted his young Padawan to be happy.
Inside the room, Anakin stared at Padmé in disbelief. She looked like she was sleeping...but, the heart monitor's flat drone told him she wasn't. The medical droids had taken the babies off to get them cleaned up. Babies...twins. He was the father of twins, and his wife was dead. His beloved Padmé...the love of his life...could he truly give their children the proper devotion, and mourn her at the same time?
Turning at the sound of the flat drone he turned with a frown on his face. He was no doctor but he knew that was not a good sign. Going up to the door he knocked.
"Anakin?" He questioned.
Quickly, the young Jedi ran his fingers over his face, to make sure he wasn't crying, before getting up, and walking toward the door to open it. His throat felt constricted, and dry, but he still opened the door for his master. He hoped he was doing a successful job of hiding how much he was hurting, right now...
The drone was louder now that the door was open. Obi-Wan sighed; he could see the pain his Padawan was trying to hide. He knew this was Anakin's punishment for breaking the laws of the Jedi but... did he really deserve this pain?
Obi-Wan stepped forward and took him into a warm embrace. Anakin felt his shoulders tighten, and though he tried to hold them back, he still felt the warm, salty tears start to slip down his cheeks.
"I failed her, Master." He managed to choke out miserably, into Obi-Wan's shoulder. "I...I failed everyone."
Obi-Wan just held him. He wanted to say that he had only disappointed himself, but that would probably just make things worse.
"I...I f-failed h...her..." He sobbed again. He might have said more, too. Except...right about then one of the medical droids came back, and spoke up in its cool, mechanical voice.
"Anakin Skywalker, there's a problem." Anakin didn't even turn; he just went limp in Obi-Wan's embrace, and waited for the droid to continue. "It's the babies..." He felt his breath catch in terror of what he was about to hear. "We've lost them."
Obi-Wan closed his eyes in sorrow. This was too much... one innocent death was enough. More than enough, as far as Anakin was concerned. He pulled away from his master wordlessly, and left the room, dulling the toneless buzz, signaling Padmé's death, with the heavy door. He didn't know what to do...Maybe he'd go work on his ship. It had damage from his last training session, still, and he liked to fix things. But, when he got to it, he just stared at the broken part helplessly. He felt totally lost at the moment, and he hated it. Obi-Wan followed him silently. A lost Anakin was not good, as unpredictable as he usually was when he got like this he was worse.
"Anakin, you know you can speak to me if you wish," he said.
He was silent for a few moments, where he just stared dully at the damaged wing.
"What should I say, Master?" He wondered finally. Like with his mother, his throat was finally loosening up again, so he could speak more coherently. "I broke the code."
"I cannot tell you. Yes, you broke the code but you have also paid for it," Obi-Wan stated.
"Why should she have been punished for something I did?"
"It was not my decision; you know I would never have wished such a thing to befall her."
"And her--our children? Are they the Force's means of punishment as well?" He leaned heavily against his ship's side. He was rapidly breaking down again.
"You broke one law, their deaths had nothing to do with the Force," Obi-Wan replied stepping closer.
"Then why?" Padmé would have been heartbroken, if she'd lived to find out...He hated the fact that something that would have hurt her so had transpired. His hand fisted against the shiny, white surface of the shuttle, and he closed his eyes, resting his forehead against his good arm.
Obi-Wan said nothing, he did not know what had befallen the little ones, all he knew was that seeing Anakin this way hurt him greatly.
"Is it wrong...to feel so lost...and alone...?" He wondered after a few minutes. "To still love her, even after she's gone? Aren't I still breaking the rules, even now?"
Obi-Wan stopped just behind him. It was wrong, but to tell him that?
"No. She is not here to receive that love any longer, it is just like throwing your love into space, it never ends and yet it is not returned," he answered.
"Somehow, that doesn't make me feel better, Master." He sighed. finally, his tears were slowing.
"Then the truth would make you feel worse, yes?" He joked trying to make Anakin feel at least a bit better.
"I failed her." He repeated, his tone just dripping with self loathing. "I failed them all. Breaking the code or not, is it not the Jedi way to protect people?" Obi-Wan lay a hand on his shoulder.
"Anakin..." he sighed.
"I couldn't save her, Master." His gaze darkened still more, eyes trying to decide whether they wanted to focus or not. "I couldn't save her, I couldn't save her babies, I couldn't save my mother...What kind of Jedi am I if all I can do is break things?"
"You haven't broken me. I'm still here. I will always be here." Anakin slowly lifted his head up, and stared wordlessly at Obi-Wan for a few minutes, over his shoulder, before turning all the way and embracing him tightly. He still didn't say anything, but felt that his silence spoke loudly enough for itself.
Obi-Wan silently wrapped his arms around his Padawan; one hand came up and gently stroked the younger one's hair.
"I'm so sorry, Master..." He mumbled softly. "I messed up...so much..."
"I do not blame you young one. You do not have to explain yourself to me," Obi-Wan told him.
"But someone has to!" He protested, crying again now. "There has to be a reason for this to have happened...There has to be, Master!" Obi-Wan leaned back and wiped his tears away.
"I do not have the answers you need and I am sorry for that."
"I don't know what to do..." Anakin admitted softly. "The Council's bound to find out...Master; you know they won't stand for this. I'll be kicked out of the Order for sure! What am I supposed to do then?"
A look of anger flashed across Obi-Wan's face at that. "I will not allow it. Not only are you the promised one to bring balance but you are my student and it is up to me to decide your punishment. Being there to watch your love and then hear your children die is enough. You have served your punishment in my eyes," he told him, his voice left no room for argument. Once Obi-Wan's mind was made up, there was no changing it.
Anakin stared at him, his eyes still bright with tears. He really should show his thanks...but how? How could he manage it, without getting himself any deeper in? He supposed he could just nod his head, and back off. But...well, honestly, he felt grateful enough to kiss him. So, he did. Right on the lips. Probably not the best choice of action, but Anakin Skywalker never was exactly known for his great judgment.
Obi-Wan's eyes went wide and then slowly closed as he gave into the feeling that felt this was some how right in his gut.
After a few minutes, Anakin pulled back away from him. His eyes were still moist, but they were steady. Panicked yet calm, at the same time. He knew he'd just done another bad thing... But, all he could do was wait to see the aftermath of his latest action play out. Obi-Wan blinked slowly. He brought his fingers to his lips and touched them.
"No wonder Padmé loved you so much," he murmured.
"I'm sorry, Master." He murmured, lying through his teeth, as he redirected his gaze to the ground. "I was out of my place."
"Did I tell you to be sorry or you were out of place?" Obi-Wan questioned.
"No." He admitted. "But, I know I was. I...I will never ascend to a Jedi Master, if I don't give up the stupid...childish habits, will I?"
"I could keep this to myself. Not all the things are the Force's business now is it?"
"But, why would you?" Anakin wondered softly, curiously, suspiciously. "Why would you take that risk for me?"
"You are my Padawan Anakin. I want what is best for you," he answered truthfully.
"But, I don't even know what's best for me!" He insisted hesitantly. "I thought I did, but not anymore. How are you so sure you know?" Obi-Wan shrugged.
"I do not know what is best for you but you have been punished enough as of now."
The younger Jedi just sunk to the ground, and leaned back against the belly of his shuttle, running his fingers through his curly hair.
"Thank you, Master."
Obi-Wan came and sat beside him just staring out the windows that looked up into space.
"How do you plan to over rule the council?" Anakin wondered after several minutes. "I think even Master Yoda will be against this one."
Obi-Wan didn't answer because he didn't know. He just laid his head back against the ship and closed his eyes.
They'd find out though, wouldn't they? Senator Padmé Amidala's funeral was public, and obviously they were burying the children too. This made it quite obvious that she'd been pregnant, and dear little Ani wasn't doing the best job of hiding who the father was, either. Oh, he tired to be subtle, it just wasn't working very well...
"Bow your head, to show your respect and hide your tears," Obi-Wan whispered to him as he bowed his own head.
"Yes, Master." He murmured back, mimicking the movement. He hated this so much...He wanted to go home and mope. His absence would have made him all the more conspicuous, though. So, he was stuck. After her body had been carried away Obi-Wan turned away.
"Come Anakin we are not needed here anymore," he stated. His Padawan nodded miserably, and made to follow his master away. He still didn't know what to do with himself. But, getting out of there was all he could do.
Obi-Wan led him to their ship and moments later they took off for the Capitol. Departing from the plane Obi-Wan stopped him.
"Remember Anakin. I am always here and I'm not broken," he said before turning and heading for his home.
Anakin watched after him for a moment, before just sighing, and heading back for his own little apartment. It felt lonely, without Padmé there. He'd hoped to live with her forever...That obviously wasn't going to happen, though. So...he figured it was getting late enough...he could probably go to bed...He'd regret that quick decision later, though. Later when he woke up in a cold sweat, panting unhappily, Padmé's pained expression still charred clearly in his mind. It only hurt more, when he rolled over to find her next to him, only to...not. The empty sheet was still smoothed, sans even the imprint of a body's weight. And, it sucked. It was enough to make him cry again right there. He didn't intend to, though. He had to figure out what to do with himself, first...
Obi-Wan sat by his window letting the night's cool air come in as he wrote in a small book. He had started keeping this book when he was still just a Padawan himself under Qui-Gon, now it continued on with stories of himself with Anakin as his Padawan. He worried about the boy but it was up to Anakin to set his own path, not him.
Anakin had paced around in his sitting room for about an hour, before he set out. Obi-Wan had told him he could come get help, anytime he needed it...why not take him up on it?
Obi-Wan stood stretching and set his drink down, the events of the day before and the ones leading up to it were taking it's toll, his shoulders were stiff.
As if he could get to bed on time with a depressed Anakin walking up his doorstep. Especially when he rang the bell JUST as Obi-Wan started to get up.
He looked at the time; it was well into the morning so who would be at his door at this hour? That answer met him as soon as he opened the door.
"Anakin," he welcomed stepping aside to let his Padawan in. He missed the movement outside just as he closed the door.
"I'm sorry to bother you, Master." He felt like a fucking five year old... "But I...and you told me I could come if...so I did, and..." Or, maybe a two year old...
Obi-Wan smiled a bit, it was fun watching Anakin stuttered.
"I told you, you could come and to that I hold. Would you like a drink?" He questioned.
"Maybe." He sighed slowly. "Depends on what it is."
"Something that is strong enough, but not enough to give you pain in the morning," he answered walking towards the kitchen.
"That's fine." He agreed, sinking slowly down onto the couch, and burying his fingers into his hair. He should have just gotten himself drunk at home, and not come here and been a burden... "Thank you, Master."
"You are not a burden Anakin, stop thinking that," Obi-Wan ordered.
Anakin glanced up, at the doorway to the kitchen. "Yes, Master." He agreed tonelessly. Hey, the less trouble he made, the better.
Obi-Wan returned with his drink and a new one for himself. He went over to the table he had been sitting at and closed his journal placing it back on the bookshelf.
"So what brought you here this late... er... early?"
"I had a...bad dream." It really sounded rather lame, when he said it out loud. "About her. And, I couldn't handle it...even when I tried."
Anakin started to say more. Really he did. It just didn't happen. He glanced up then, sensing something outside. Suddenly, he felt naked, as he realized that in his haste to find company, he'd forgotten his lightsaber at home. It felt weird to be out without it...Especially considering he might need it now. He was the only one in his right mind who would skulk around Obi-Wan Kenobi's house in the middle of the night! His Master looked up sensing the presence as well. He stood and placed his hand in his robe, his grip tightening on the handle of his lightsaber.
"Anakin?" He questioned wondering why he was not doing the same.
"I'm an idiot." He muttered, more to himself than to Obi-Wan. "I forgot it."
Obi-Wan sighed to himself berating him in his head for forgetting his lightsaber, a lecture would have to wait. He moved quickly stepping in front of him ready to protect him if need be. Just as he did so the door was smashed in. Anakin's eyes narrowed, and he stood up quickly. He was prepared to try and defend himself, even if he didn't have a weapon. Thought...a weapon would make it easier...His thoughts were interrupted by the eight or so Genosians starting to make their way forward, toward them. He didn't know why they were there, and not on Genosis...but it would probably be a good idea to fight back.
Obi-Wan waited for the Genosian soldiers to make their move first, once it was made he had no problem attacking them. As much as he tried not to be, he and Anakin were separated. As gifted a hand combat fighter Anakin was, he could not take all of the soldiers that were ganging up on him.
His teacher spun slicing one solider in half, his eyes caught sight of something that made his breath catch. Anakin was being held, struggling, but held.
"Anakin! No!" Obi-Wan screamed trying to fight his way over to him.
Young Skywalker bit down onto the hand covering his mouth. Hard. The soldier recoiled, but only enough so that he could reply. And, not with much. He only got one word out, before they jumped out the window--taking him with them.
"Master!" He called out, his voice sounding much more scared than he'd actually have liked for it to. His emotions were so...raw lately. It annoyed him to no end.
Obi-Wan was almost to the window ready to jump out after them when he felt someone behind him. He was only half turned when the handle of a lightsaber came down. Pain exploded in his head and he went to his knees then the floor.
"Ana...kin..." he whispered and his mind went black, his body limp on the floor.
Oh, this was SO not a good time to get kidnapped, Anakin decided, as he was carried away, by the intruders. It was the middle of the fucking night! No one who could save him would be awake, except Obi-Wan, and apparently wasn't doing shit about it.
Well...that wasn't quite true. Yoda sensed it, and it woke him up. And, being the little genius Jedi that he was, he decided that Anakin travelling away with hostile energies was a good reason to hold an emergency meeting of the Council. So, he did. It was just a matter of actually getting ahold of everyone at two in the morning, now...
"We need Obi-Wan's presence, we do. Mace shall get him, yes?" Yoda questioned or rather implied he would without leaving room for argument.
"Yes, Master Yoda." Mace nodded politely to him, standing and giving a slight bow. No matter what you're position, a good Jedi just didn't tell Yoda no. Which was how Mace ended up crouched down in Obi-Wan's house, trying to wake the man up quickly. Yoda had seemed rather...urgent about this. Obi-Wan groaned as he was brought back to the present.
"Anakin!" He exclaimed sitting up quickly and regretting it as his head pounded.
"No." Mace corrected slowly. "Master Yoda's called an emergency meeting of the council, and was concerned when you didn't come."
"The Genosians soldiers came. They took him! I must go after him!" He announced standing, taking a few shaky steps to the wall where he leaned on it waiting for his head to clear.
"If you come to the meeting, the rest of the council will be able to assist you."
"I don't need any help," he replied and quickly ran out running back to his star ship. He quickly fired the engines and took off for the Genosians planet. Well...so much for that...he'd just go back and tell Yoda that Obi-Wan had declined to come to the meeting...Yes. That was all.
Obi-Wan pushed his ship to it's limits, he didn't know how long he had been unconscious, hopefully he wasn't far behind the one's who had taken his young Padawan.
Well...not too far...but, he would be, by the time he got there. And, by the time he got there, Anakin would be a bit of a mess. The Genosians had a high taste for torture--mentally, and physically--and, thanks to Count Dooku, Anakin just happened to be their prime Jedi target. Which was why they were currently beating him senseless. Wouldn't want him fighting back, when stage two came. It would be mighty inconvenient if the supposedly chosen Jedi decided he was strong enough to resist being raped, now wouldn't it?
Obi-Wan landed his cruiser away from the main city he figured they would take Anakin to. Quietly and quickly he snuck in, using his senses to try and find his young Padawan. He was so absorbed with finding him he didn't sense the soldier who saw him and was now following, it's weapon prepared to attack.
Which...really was just as inconvenient as Anakin currently being about an inch and a half away form unconsciousness, and being raped by an insect like, Jedi hating, alien. And, considering the attack, it appeared the Genosian going at the younger Jedi was going to have ample time to finish.
Obi-Wan sensed the soldier behind him just before it attacked, he spun and slid to the side making the deadly wound he would have gotten only a major cut, it bled profusely but he ignored it and killed the soldier. He turned, placing a hand to his side with a wince. Ignoring the pain he took off at a run. He knew where Anakin was now.
His efforts to avoid damage were a bit too little, a bit too late, though. He arrived at Anakin's point of bondage just as he let out a cry of pain, and the Genosian pulled completely out of him at last, making some pleased noises. Anakin hung a bit limply, panting a bit, eyes screwed shut, in the chains they had him suspended by. Well...that was great. Now his pride, and his ass hurt.
Obi-Wan, as much as he hated seeing Anakin like this, waited until the Genosian soldiers left bragging about what they had just done. As soon as they were gone he broke into the cell holding the young Skywalker and set to work with the shackles holding him.
"Forgive me Anakin," he whispered.
Anakin blinked tiredly at him, and, still breathing heavily, let himself fall back weakly into Obi-Wan's arms. He honestly wasn't used to being bottom. His legs felt like jelly. He didn't think he could make them work right now, even if he weren't in pain and exhausted.
"M...Master..." He panted, looking up at him with half lidded, and slightly scared, yet still grateful eyes. He hated feeling scared! "I messed up...again."
If Anakin's weight leaning on him hadn't been sending waves of pain through him from his own wound he would have laughed. As gently as he could he picked him up, holding him like a father would a child... or a lover, and quickly carried him out. He cast his senses everything feeling for any soldiers that would hinder their progress. He hid when necessary but finally got back to the ship. Obi-Wan laid him on the cot and strapped him in before going to the controls and taking off.
Anakin slept most of the way back to the capital. And with good reason, too. Still he was awake when they landed again. He wasn't willing to move, but he was awake. When his Master's face appeared above him, he was pale and sweating.
"Come Anakin. I cannot carry you, but I will help," he said.
Anakin nodded, and forced himself to sit up, wincing against a sharp pain in his chest, that almost send him back down again, and glanced his master over, frowning.
"You're hurt." He stated unnecessarily, noting the blood. Obi-Wan blinked slowly.
"I'll be alright now come we must get you cleaned up," he stated.
"You're bleeding." He protested slightly, even as he was pulled to his feet. "A lot. You're sure you're okay?"
"No, I am not. But you must be taken care of first; now please, Anakin Skywalker, do not fight with me," Obi-Wan sighed heavily.
"I'm not fighting." He murmured, attempting to scramble his legs to support at least some of his weight. "I just can't walk." That sounded just as lame as his bad dream excuse...but, he had technically been a virgin, from that end. It wasn't that surprising that his first time was rough.
Obi-Wan took one of his arms and placed it over his shoulders taking as much of his weight as he could, Anakin was also his anchor, he presence kept him from swaying from the dizziness of blood loss. Eventually, though, they did end up at the medical wing.
"Get them to look at your wound, too, Master." Anakin frowned at him, as the droids took their turn at hauling him off. He was fairly certain that they weren't going to hurt him, though.
Obi-Wan sunk into a chair, the droids tried to get him into a medical exam room but he just waved them off waiting to hear about Anakin's condition. A droid did bring him some bandages to help stop the bleeding with.
One of the droids that had gone in with Anakin, exited the room, after a few hours, to report. Evidently, the Genosians had left Anakin sporting many bruises, some cuts, scratches, a few fractures (mostly in his ribs and wrist), And a slightly more severe break in his left knee cap. All in all, it would all hurt, but none of it was fatal.
Obi-Wan nodded and sighed closing his eyes as he leaned back, before he knew it he was asleep.
The droids insisted on keeping Anakin there for a few days, but once they were convinced that Anakin could go home, and not accidentally kill himself, they released him. Then, and only then. Not thirty seconds before.
Obi-Wan stood, he was not as pale as before since his bleeding had stopped but his wound had also not been treated.
"You will come back with me so I can keep an eye on you," he said.
Anakin raised an eyebrow at him. Another ridiculous and lame thing he was being subjected to...
"Don't you think I'm a little old for a baby sitter, Master?"
"Maybe but you are still recovering and I won't trust anyone with that job but myself," he told him.
Anakin looked like, under other circumstances, he might have offered a bit of a patient smile. But, life being as it was, he just shrugged slightly. He still hurt everywhere, even after having virtually not moved for the past few days. He hated this...he felt so weak. He was never putting his lightsaber down again, once he got it back.
While they had been away someone had taken the crashed door to Obi-Wan's home and... Left it, inside his belongings were ransacked.
"It seems we will have to go to your place," Obi-Wan stated, bending to pick up the pages that had been ripped out of his journal and then the journal itself. He winced when he felt his wound reopen.
"Are you alright, Master?" Anakin frowned concernedly at him. "I thought you were going to get that looked at..."
"I did," he lied. "Don't worry. Come, we should go."
"Yes, Master." He agreed, though he really didn't believe him, about the wound. Still he limped after his teacher as best as he could. Which...wasn't very well, considering all the things he had impairing him, but it was still the best he could, so, he went with it.
Once they got to Anakin's, Obi-Wan ordered him to go to bed and rest, he set to work putting his journal back together, trying his best to ignore the shaking of his hands.
Anakin offered him a dry look, but limped off toward his bedroom anyway. He wondered if he'd be able to sleep now...He'd been drugged so much, on pain killers, that any dreams had been lost on him. But what about now that sleep was natural again?
Obi-Wan wiped the sweat that came from his fever away from his forehead. He opened his shirt and tried to clean the blood away but wasn't very successful.
True to his fear, Anakin was awake again that night. And, about two AM again. Thankfully, though, he didn't have to go across town to find his master, for comfort. Just across the hall. unfortunately, when he got there, Obi-Wan was in no condition to do any nightmare clean up duty...His master blinked up at him before falling unconscious from his chair, blood covered the side of his tunic.
"Master!" Anakin scowled, he knew Obi-Wan hadn't taken care of that damn cut! And, now he was feeling scared again! Dammit! He moved forward as fast as he could (again, not very fast), and sunk carefully down next to his master. "Master...don't do this to me."
Obi-Wan shivered but he was also sweating with a high fever.
"Master..." He whispered, wrapping his unbroken arm around behind Obi-Wan's neck, and slowly, laying them both down. "Not broken, huh?" He snorted darkly, unsure of what to do now. So, he pressed a kiss to his master's temple, before wrapping around him as best as he could, trying to keep him warm. "I'm so sorry..."
His master shook in his embrace for a long time before he stopped, it seemed his chills were gone but his high fever still raged. His wound still needed to be cleaning and bound, probably stitched.
So, Anakin made plans to make sure he got that done the next morning. He figured, if nothing else, he could guilt him into it. Still, he stayed up about half an hour after Obi-Wan was actually asleep, to make sure he was still breathing, before drifting restlessly off himself.
Obi-Wan woke with a groan, memories of the night before came to him slowly and he cursed trying to move but was not successful. His limbs were heavy and he was still hot.
Well...that, and Anakin was still asleep. Thus still holding him tightly. It felt good, to him, to have another body with him. It was the first even slightly peaceful night he'd had since Padmé had died, and he was still tired, and enjoying himself.
The older man looked down at the top of Anakin's head, his soft dirty blonde hair brushing just ever so slightly against his chin, it tickled but he couldn't laugh, as it hurt.
He didn't stay asleep for too much longer. And, when he did wake, he glanced up at Obi-Wan with a small yawn, let out a relieved sigh, to see him awake, then scowled. This was one occasion where he saw berating his master as an appropriate thing to do.
Obi-Wan listened patiently with a growing headache.
"Are you finished yet?"
"No." He frowned still more. He'd made himself sit up at some point. "You're not doing this to me, Master. You're going to see a doctor. Today. Now, preferably."
"Well, as of right now I can't move, the doctor may have to come here," he replied.
"Fine." He was still frowning severely. He got up carefully, and went over until he found the communicator with R2D2. This would work fine, considering he could barely move too. His ribs were making everything a bitch. "R2," He spoke into it. "I need you to get a medical droid over here as soon as possible." Some confirming beeps came back through, and he put the microphone back, sinking down tiredly to the ground. "There." He glanced back over at Obi-Wan. "Doctor's coming."
"Are you alright? Maybe the doctor should..." he started but trailed off when he caught Anakin's glare.
"You're no leaving me, Master." Anakin stated firmly. "You're getting taken care of first. Like you should have, when I asked you to the first time."
Obi-Wan sighed. "I do not plan on leaving you anytime soon my little Padawan. In my life you and your safety comes before my own. That will never change," he said quietly, closing his eyes. He could feel sleep tugging at his senses once more.
"I was fine," Anakin glared at him again, though half heartedly this time. "And you...you weren't. And, then you lied about it." He, leaned grumpily back against the wall. "You really scared me last night. I thought you were dying, your fever was so high."
"You are still in pain, Anakin. I can feel it. I can always feel your pain..." With that his breathing gave way to that of one who was sleeping.
Of course he was in pain! What wasn't broken, on his body, was bruised or bleeding. Pain was natural in such circumstances. And, he fact that Padmé's death was still fresh, and raw on his heart didn't help at all. But, for now, he just frowned again, and concentrated, on getting over to where he could open the door, for when R2D2 showed up with the doctor.
R2D2 beeped in greeting as the medical droid went over to Obi-Wan and easily lifted him to the couch.
"I will tend to you in a moment young Skywalker," it told him.
"I'm fine." He lied, trying to brush that off. "Take care of him." Obi-Wan should have been taken care of days ago...
"My programs tell me you are not..." it paused as it's senses went over Obi-Wan's wound. "Infection, blood loss, and fever detected."
Anakin didn't say anything, just sat there, watching carefully. He wasn't half as bad off as he could have been, and Obi-Wan needed help now. He'd already been tended to, it was just a matter of waiting for everything to heal.
The droid pulled out some liquid and put it on the wound before cleaning it. When the wound was clean it took out a needle and thread, Obi-Wan made a sound of pain when the needle made it's first contact through his skin.
His Padawan winced, but he still remained quiet. It wouldn't take the droid long, he could ask his questions then.
Once the wound was sewn the droid wrapped the wound and then gave Obi-Wan something for his fever. Finally it turned back to Anakin.
"It is now your turn, young Skywalker," it stated.
"I'm fine!" He protested again, even though he still didn't fight against the droid, as it came over. "I've already been treated..."
"Consider this a check up then," it answered.
He made a couple grumbling noises, but let the droid have its way anyway. As if he could actually fight it off, with one hand and a set of fractured ribs...
15 minutes later the droid and R2D2 left, the droid seemingly satisfied with what it saw.
Once they were gone again, Anakin took the opportunity to crawl back over to his master. He wanted to make sure he'd be able to know when Obi-Wan woke up again. It struck him as slightly ironic, that he'd originally come to take care of him...
The medicine the droid had given Obi-Wan for his fever was already working, he was much cooler than before. Obi-Wan shifted and his eyes opened a bit.
"Anakin..." he said with a small smile, it felt good to wake up with the boy looking over him.
For a moment, it looked like his student might scold him some more, but in the end, he just sighed, and nodded.
"Are you feeling better, Master?"
"Much, and you?" He asked.
"I'm fine." He repeated again. "It'll all heal."
"Good," Obi-Wan sighed.
"You know...you really shouldn't have waited so long to get that taken care of." He frowned at him. "The doctor said that it was infected."
"I told you Anakin, you come first, it will always be that way."
"I was being taken care of though!" He insisted. "You could have gotten it looked at while we were at the medical wing, and you had nothing better to do, at the very least!" Obi-Wan blinked.
"That thought... never crossed my mind. I was to worried about you... you went through a lot."
"And, I got out of it alive, thanks to you." He was still frowning incredulously. "That was enough, Master, really. You should have taken care of yourself, too."
"Well if you stop lecturing me, I will promise to not do such a thing again... speaking of lecturing, I still owe you one for forgetting your lightsaber," Obi-Wan replied.
"It was the middle of the night, and I wasn't planning on being kidnapped by a gang of separatist Genosians?"
"You know that is not a good excuse. You should always be prepared," Obi-Wan told him.
"I know that!" He snapped, feeling childish again. "But, I was just a little distracted, at the time." Obi-Wan sighed.
"I know that but..." he let it drop there knowing that Anakin had been distracted by his nightmare.
"It won't happen again, Master." Anakin assured him, reaching his prosthetic hand down to his belt and withdrawing the saber's hilt, just to prove he already had it back on him.
"That is..." he started, but it gave way to a yawn.
"If you can get up, you should go into my room." His padawan advised idly. "That's where the only bed is."
"You keep you're bed, Anakin, I will be quiet fine here," Obi-Wan answered.
"You're my guest here, Master." Anakin insisted, frowning again. "I am not just going to leave you out on the couch, when you're injured."
"You are injured as well. I am your Master and I order you to keep your bed." Obi-Wan fixed him with a stern glare.
Anakin absolutely pouted to that. It was a rare sight, to see Anakin Skywalker pout. He hardly ever did it. But, Obi-Wan had just struck a low blow.
"What if I meet you half way?" He wondered. He wouldn't disobey his master, but he couldn't just give up either... "I'll keep my bed...but you have to come too." Obi-Wan sighed and nodded.
"Fine," he agreed and slowly sat up. His side throbbed but not nearly as bad as it had before.
Anakin stayed down where he was, until he was sure his master was getting up, to do as he'd asked. Then he got up. It wasn't exactly comfortable...but, he managed, by supporting his weight on his good leg.
"Do you need help?" Obi-Wan asked concerned.
"No." Anakin stated firmly, even though he probably did. "No, I...I'm just fine."
Obi-Wan rolled his eyes and put a supporting arm around his waist, below his stomach so he wouldn't hurt his ribs.
Anakin sighed, when he felt his master do that. This was all very frustrating. A little degrading too...
Together they made their way to the bedroom, only then did Obi-Wan drop his supporting hand.
"I'm sorry to be such a bother, Master." Anakin murmured, dropping heavily onto the bed that he had so recently shared with Padmé.
"Trouble maybe but never a bother," Obi-Wan replied making sure he was settled before climbing in himself.
"There's a difference?" Obi-Wan looked into Anakin's eyes.
"To me yes. I would never trade you for another Padawan in all the universe. Qui-Gon had great faith in you... and so do I."
"Well...I'm still sorry..." Obi-Wan sighed and closed his eyes.
"Please stop apologizing," he whispered.
"You could have died because of me, Master." He was beginning to think he had a bit of a complex here..."Twice."
"And you're point would be?"
"That I owe you an apology or twenty." He was getting frustrated again. This was taking a major chunk out of his pride. All of it was.
"You owe me nothing Anakin, now go to sleep," Obi-Wan told him.
The younger Jedi just sighed again, and sunk deeper into his bed. "Yes, Master..."
"Sleep well my little Padawan," Obi-Wan whispered once he was sure he was asleep.
Obviously, Anakin didn't say anything. But, after a few minutes, he did roll over a bit, toward his master's body heat. He grimaced against his pain, though, so, he rolled back onto his back again after that. After a few moments of deliberation Obi-Wan scooted closer, wincing at his own pain but not stopping until he was right by Anakin. The embrace he got in return was completely involuntary. Anakin's subconscious was just reaching the way he would have, had it been Padmé there. The fact that it wasn't made no difference whatsoever.
Obi-Wan sighed trying to relax into the embrace, it wasn't that hard to do, he closed his eyes and waited for sleep to come.
The next morning, when Anakin woke up, he was alone. It took him a few minutes to remember what had happened the day before, and when he did he felt...well, understandably worried that his master wasn't with him any longer.
Obi-Wan sat at the table he had been sitting at when he had passed outgoing through his journal trying to figure out what pages were missing. Anakin wasn't willing to resort to calling for him, just yet, but he did climb painedly out of bed, to go look around. It occurred to him, on some level, that what he was doing was, in fact, slowing his healing process down, but that wasn't what he was worried about, at the moment.
His master sensed him up before he heard him. Looking up, he saw Anakin in the doorway.
"You should be in bed," he commented.
"Probably." He agreed with a small shrug.
"Then why aren't you?" He asked placing a page in where it belonged.
"Because you weren't there, and I was worried." He really was turning into a worrier...or maybe he was just paranoid. Either way, though, it still had about the same effect.
"Well you see I am here so back to bed with you," he said.
"Yes, Master..." He agreed slowly, turning even more so, and heading back into the other room. He felt like an idiot. Of course Obi-Wan was okay...he hadn't expected much different.
A few moments later Obi-Wan appeared with some tea. He sat slowly and held the tea out to Anakin.
His padawan accepted it, in his prosthetic hand, still staring broodingly at the bed spread. Just because his mother, Padmé, and their babies had died, didn't mean everyone was going to...
He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder. Obi-Wan was concerned that he was going to burn a hole in his blanket, no he was more concerned for his well being but he didn't ask with words.
"I feel like an idiot." He snorted darkly, after a few minutes. "A big, paranoid, idiot."
Obi-Wan was slightly amused.
"Why?"
"I keep freaking out over little things...it's stupid, and weak to do that."
"It's alright to be weak at the right times, you just have to know when those times are. You have been through a lot these last few days so I figure you are overdue on freaking out on things."
"And it was all my fault." He pointed out. "I'm just...scared I'm going to do something to hurt you, too."
"I am touched that you would worry for me but you do not need to," Obi-Wan assured him.
"You were injured so badly, because you were coming to help me!"
"You are my Padawan, as I have told you before and I will again, you and your safety come first to me so stop blaming yourself." His master told him.
"But, it's still my fault!" He still insisted. "If I hadn't let myself be so upset over a dream, then I wouldn't have been at your house to begin with! Or, at the very least I would have remembered my lightsaber. Then, I wouldn't have gotten kidnapped, and you wouldn't have had to come after me, and gotten hurt."
"Somehow I don't think you being at my house would have mattered, in fact I consider it a gift."
"A gift?" He glanced up and raised an eyebrow. "You consider a giant gash in your side a gift?"
"I believe you would have been kidnapped no matter wherever you had been. I consider it a gift that you were at my home when you were. Had you not been, who knows what would have happened to you before I even knew you were gone?" Obi-Wan explained.
Anakin licked his lips, and turned his moody stare back down toward the bed. He knew at least part of what would have happened. But, he didn't know if his master knew that he'd been raped to begin with. He certainly wasn't admitting it, if he didn't.
"Anakin?"
"What?" He snapped back up to attention again, eyeing Obi-Wan expectantly. Obi-Wan fixed him with a concerned gaze.
"Remember if you ever want to talk I am here, now maybe you should get some sleep. It will help you to heal faster," he said.
"Yes, Master." He agreed with a small nod, holding the tea cup back out again. He couldn't very well sleep holding it, now could he?
Obi-Wan took the cup from him and covered him after he lay down.
"Sleep well, my little Padawan," he said quietly and turned the lights down.
"Master?" Anakin glanced over at him, as he did that. "Promise you won't leave?"
"Your house, or the room? I will stay here if you wish."
"Definitely the house..." He replied slowly. "Maybe the room?" Obi-Wan smiled softly and nodded.
"I will return in a moment," he stated and then disappeared. When he came back moments later he had his journal, there was no table in the room so he sat at the end of the bed with his back leaning against the wall.
"Thank you, Master." Anakin murmured, shifting slightly in the bed, before drifting off. He couldn't wait until he could move, again, without hurting...
Obi-Wan didn't know how long he had been sitting there before sleep also claimed him.
Apparently, Anakin took Obi-Wan's suggestion to sleep in order to heal to heart, because that's what he did. And, except for the occasional moment to wake up and see that his master was still alright, sleeping was all he did for days. However, when he did wake up, even if the broken bones weren't, at least most of the scrapes and bruises, and torn tissue were all healed up.
"Welcome back to the land of the living." Obi-Wan chuckled.
Anakin yawned, and glanced over at him, making sure he was still there, before speaking.
"Thank you, Master."
"There's some food in the other room with your name on it. Come, you need to get some into you," Obi-Wan told him.
Anakin nodded, and started to get up, wincing as he forgot to favour his hurt knee, and his weight was put on it. Yeah...that didn't feel to good. He got up regardless, though.
"You need to be careful," Obi-Wan scolded him.
"Yes, Master." Though...it seemed oddly like more of a humouring tone, than one of any great respect or obedience. Obi-Wan smiled and ruffled his hair when he sat.
Anakin blinked at him in mild confusion. He hadn't done that in so long...But, after a moment, he just turned his attention to that food Obi-Wan had mentioned before.
"You should eat quickly and then get some more rest. I'm sure the council will want to do something along the lines of a trial for your actions." Obi-Wan told him.
"Great." He snorted. But...when all this had started, Obi-Wan had promised that him that he wouldn't let him get kicked out of the Order...he wasn't too worried...But, the term 'trial' alone, was enough to worry him a little.
"I will help all I can. Hopefully they will leave me to see to your punishment," he said.
"Yeah." He nodded slowly. "Hopefully." The last thing he needed was to lose the last of his true passions, on top of everything else.
3 Days Later...
Obi-Wan escorted Anakin to the council meeting they had been informed of the day before.
"Now remember, try to stay on their good side by showing great respect. And... please, Anakin, be careful of what you say. I know you are not used to it but think about it before you say it."
"Master!" Anakin offered him an indignant look. "I always think! Saying what I think is the problem."
Obi-Wan smiled and put a hand on his shoulder. Together they walked into the building.
The entire Jedi Council was assembled for this, which within itself was enough for concern. They'd all left their respective mission to try him...
"Honest you should be, young Skywalker." Yoda warned him, motioning for Obi-Wan to take his seat. "May the Force be with you and your words."
Well shit...this was already looking against him...
Mace looked at him first.
"Anakin Skywalker, would you first like to start by trying to explain your actions?" He questioned.
"Not...really..." He replied slowly. "I don't think any explanation I can give you would really excuse me."
"That is true but I would still like to hear this."
"Choosing your words carefully, you should be." Yoda cut in, as he opened his mouth, with the intention of saying something to the effect of that the code was horribly silly to begin with, and forbidding love was an unreasonable expectation. So, Anakin decided a different rout.
"I let my emotions get the best of me, Master." He murmured finally. He didn't plan to apologize, though.
Mace nodded and looked to the next council member. And so it went for the next five hours until it was time for judgment to be passed. Everyone looked to Yoda then.
The little green Jedi looked contemplative. It would probably be a bad idea to kick the chosen one out of the order...
"On probation, you shall be." He decided finally. Anakin let out a breath of relief. "The rest of your punishment...left to Master Kenobi is shall be."
Obi-Wan stood and bowed to Master Yoda.
"Thank you Master Yoda. Come, Anakin, you are still healing and will need your rest for tomorrow," he said.
"Thank you, Masters." He bowed as much as he could, with his injuries still there, before turning after Obi-Wan. "What's tomorrow?" He wondered, as they exited the room.
"Your punishment will begin," he replied.
Anakin waited for the door to shut behind them, before frowning at his master, and hissing out,
"I thought you said I'd already been punished?" Obi-Wan brought a finger to his lips trying to hide his smile as they left the building. Only once they'd returned to his house, did Anakin speak again. "So? Are you going to punish me or not?"
"I will give you some intense training, but as I told you, you have been punished enough, and only after you have healed," he answered.
Anakin offered him the first, honest smile to grace his lips since before Padmé's death.
"Thank you, Master." He repeated what he'd told the council, this time honestly meaning it. He wasn't kicked out of the Order, and the only extra punishment he was getting was a bit of extra training! Aside from his entire family being dead, and a good twentieth of his bones still being broken, life was good
"Right now I want you to go and meditate while I fix us something to eat. Think about things that have been done, what could have been done to change them, what you would have done not to change them and... things that could be." His master told him.
"Yes, Master." He nodded his head obediently, before heading off to his bedroom, to do that. He knew one thing he might have changed...He might had listened to Padmé, and not started the whole thing to begin with. It would have saved them both a lot of grief...but his life had felt so...full, so complete with her...Wouldn't that have been just as wrong as breaking the code?
Obi-Wan tried to be as quiet as he could while he fixed their food. This was something he wanted Anakin to think about, and think about well.
However...after close to five more hours, Anakin still didn't have anything he'd definitely change. (Except maybe waiting a day to do her...so that she wouldn't have gotten pregnant and died.)
"Anakin," Obi-Wan called. Anakin's eyes opened slowly, and he glanced questioningly at his master. "I can't keep this food warm much longer. Come eat and then you can finish," he told him.
"Yes, Master." He stood up more carefully this time, following him over to the kitchen area. "I can't think of anything I would definitely change." He reported slowly. Obi-Wan nodded.
"So you haven't gotten to the things that could be yet?"
"No." He shook his head. "I'm not sure I really want to think about the future..."
"Well as it is part of your meditation it looks like you will have to," his master replied setting his plate in front of him.
"But only bad things happen when I think about the future." He never did it on purpose. When he did, it was in visions. Visions usually involving death.
"Then you will have to practice focusing on the good things."
"What good things?" He raised an eyebrow at him. Sure, there were things he enjoyed, things he was passionate about, but the only thing that had ever made him ever actually happy was Padmé. And, another relationship was out of the question, considering Yoda's little probation bit. Well, that and the code. A Jedi shall not know anger, nor hatred, nor love, right? So...being happy though another person wasn't even worth thinking about.
"That is up for you to decide," Obi-Wan replied. Anakin ate his food listlessly, not really tasting it, before getting up wordlessly to go do that. Damn future...always getting in the way...Obi-Wan watched him go before getting up to clean up the mess he had made.
After several more hours of meditation, Anakin had managed to come to one positive image: his master. But, they weren't like they were now. No...they were closer, more...intimate...Actually, it scared him more than made him feel good. His stupid emotions were going to screw things up for him again!
When he came into the main room, he saw Obi-Wan asleep on the couch. The pages of his journal shifted with a gentle breeze coming through the open window.
Anakin frowned, as that happy image returned to his mind. But, then he just sighed, and brushed it away. He limped back into his bedroom, and grabbed an extra pillow and blanket, before coming back in to make sure his master was as comfortable as he could possibly make him, on a couch. This required moving his journal, which obviously meant catching sight of his own name on one of the pages. He had to read it, after that...
(enter date here)
Anakin shows great improvement in his training. Master Qui-Gon Jin was right to believe in him. The only bad thing is that he lets his emotions rule his actions. He reminds me much of myself when my master took me on. I only hope he can get past thinking this way before it truly gets him in trouble.
OWK
Well...that warning was a little late. He shut the book, and got back to work on tucking Obi-Wan in, before the older Jedi woke up and caught him snooping. Once that was all done, he turned around and started back for his room. He'd just wake up early, and act like a nervous child then.
To bad he didn't read the next page, he would have been most surprised.
(enter date here)
I must stop thinking this way... Anakin is my Padawan nothing more. He loves Padmé, he could never feel the same for me as I do for him. Whatever being is there that controls us all must think this is some sort of cruel joke. OWK
Surprised...surprised would have been an understatement. The understatement of a lifetime. The very idea that Obi-Wan might be having the same...impure, code breaking thoughts that he was, was just so ridiculous it never even crossed his mind. And, for the night, he put those thoughts aside, and just went to sleep. He had another dream, but this one didn't send him bursting awake in a cold sweat, and cries of terror. This one was actually, slightly soothing...The ultimate release from all responsibilities, pain, and rules...
Obi-Wan woke up sometime in the early morning, sitting up he looked down a bit confused not remembering getting a blanket and pillow. Then the thought of Anakin taking care of him as he slept crossed his mind.
His thoughts drifted for a moment to what things could have led to if he had woken and... No!
He quickly shook his head. Feeling ashamed he lowered his head to his hands. Anakin was still grieving over Padmé, how dare those thoughts come to mind!
It was still a couple hours, before Anakin came back out from his bedroom. He looked slightly at peace for the first time in years...
"Did you sleep well, Master?" He wondered idly, leaning back against the doorway.
"Until a few hours ago yes," Obi-Wan replied.
"Is something the matter?"
"Nothing that you should concern yourself with."
"Alright." he agreed with a shrug. He wasn't the best cook, but he still headed into the kitchen. He'd been mildly upset to wake up from that dream, and really he just wanted something to do.
"Are you hungry?" Obi-Wan asked.
"No." He shook his head. "I'm bored." Obi-Wan chuckled and shook his head.
"I'm going to see if there is anything left of my home. I'll be back in a few hours," he said.
"Yes, Master." He nodded, waving good-bye, with his prosthetic hand, over his shoulder, as he continued into the kitchen.
Maybe he'd have a heart to heart with Obi-Wan, later. To see what he thought of his dream...a second opinion might be good, and as he'd said before, his master was as wise as Yoda.
The journal he had closed the night before lay on the table, had it been able to speak he was almost sure it would have been calling his name.
When Obi-Wan came back, Anakin was reading a book, but it wasn't his journal. It was a book Padmé had given him for his birthday, explaining some of the finer mechanical points of various weapons--including the lightsabers. He closed it, and smiled ever so slightly when his teacher came back in, though.
Obi-Wan nodded his greetings. He held one bow in his hands, it was small. It was the only thing left from when his home had been robbed. Probably the only reason it had not been taken was because he had hidden it under the floorboards.
Anakin was silent for a few more minutes, contemplating how to begin what he was about to bring up. Finally, he just threw caution to the winds, and started talking.
"I had a dream last night." He stated, flipping through the pages of his book again, but only for something to do with his hands. "I dreamt of death. But, it wasn't frightening or painful, like it usually is. It was...calm. Warm and welcoming, almost..."
"Well that is a change, a good change it seems," Obi-Wan stated.
"I'm not sure about that." He looked up from a picture of a gun, his eyes half focused as they landed on his master. "It was my own. And, it seemed so...inviting. It still does." Obi-Wan's head snapped up a concerned look on his face.
"Oh no... Anakin..." he whispered.
"You always told me that it was against the Jedi way to lie." He shrugged slightly. "So, I'm telling the truth."
"And that is good but... I don't want you to die..." he said quietly, he almost said 'I don't want to be alone...without you', but he caught himself.
"Why is that, Master?" He wondered thoughtfully. "I have no purpose here. No family, no source of happiness. Why is it that you don't want to release me?" A hurt look entered Obi-Wan's eyes when Anakin said that there was no source of happiness for himself... that meant... well he knew what it meant. He shook his head.
"I am just being selfish, Anakin, for once just ignore me." With that he walked away.
"Tell me one reason why I should stay, Master." Anakin called after him. He could feel the backs of his eyes throbbing with tears. "One reason that isn't sinful and wrong." Obi-Wan paused in the doorway.
"There is not one that is neither sinful nor wrong," he replied sadly.
"Then give me one in general." He frowned. "You're the wisest person I know. There has to be some reason for me to live. Tell me!"
"I think you already know," Obi-Wan answered looking back. His journal had been laying on the table when he left, it was now on the couch.
"No, I don't." He protested, now feeling angry. "If I knew, do you really think I'd be having this conversation with you?"
Obi-Wan broke his eye contact with Anakin for a moment before he turned and crossed the room in three strides. He placed his hands on Anakin's shoulders and lowered his lips to the younger man's. During that kiss, the tears that had been gathering started to spill over.
"No..." He groaned, once the kiss broke again, burying his face in his hands. "No...Master, don't do this to me, please! Don't...tempt me like this! Masters Yoda and Windu won't hesitate to kick me out, if I break the code again! And, I've been having such terrible thoughts. Thoughts so corrupted that they alone could get me expelled from the Order!"
Obi-Wan brought his chin up, his own tears shimmered in his eyes but didn't fall. He brushed Anakin's tears away.
"That is why... I went to the council today and asked Master Yoda to transfer you under a new master. You will bring great things Anakin... great things. And I... I do not want to be the cause of your downfall." He stepped back then. "Goodbye, Anakin." And then he was gone out the door.
"Master!" Anakin called after him, feeling completely broken again, now. "Obi-Wan!" Obi-Wan heard his cries... as much as he wanted to turn and run back taking the body in his arms... he steeled his heart and continued walking. "You said you wouldn't leave me!" He shouted now. "You promised!" Maybe he'd go to the council, or Palpatine, and request an execution. That way he wouldn't bare the dishonor of suicide...
Master Yoda was waiting for him when he arrived at the council. The shorter master saw both the distress in his mind and heart.
"Pay you must for the thoughts your mind thinks," he said. Obi-Wan lowered his head saying nothing as he followed Master Yoda to his punishment.
Anakin probably sat in that chair and cried for a good day and a half, before he forced himself to get up and actually go looking for his death. This was the second time he left his light saber sitting on his living room table. But, this time for good reason. He didn't care if he was captured and killed this time.
Obi-Wan lay on his stomach in his solitary confinement, he dared not move as his back sent fire through his body each time he tried. He had paid for his thoughts with this dark confident and 100 lashes.
Anakin arrived, and recalling Obi-Wan's past advice, he decided that the best way to get what he wanted was respect. So, he bowed as low as his ribs would allow, when he finally found a council member.
"Master Yoda," He murmured, trying to hide all emotion from his tone and mind. "I come here humbly, to atone for my sins against the Jedi Order."
"Pays for both of you, your former master does, young Skywalker," Master Yoda told him.
"I request an execution, Master." He continued, trying his best to not let the pang of hurt at the mention of Obi-Wan enter his tone. "I understand, if I'm not worthy of such a bothersome task, but that is my request."
"Hmm..." Master Yoda sighed.
"A Jedi shall know no anger, nor hatred, nor love." He quoted, feeling slightly nauseous. "I've felt all these things and so much more...Please kill me, Master. Haven't I earned my death yet?"
"Many years death seems to escape your grasp. This is what you truly wish for?"
"I'm...lonely." He admitted slowly. "And...it hurts so much. I have nothing to live for, Master. nothing! Why should I stay?"
"Purpose at times requires to break rules," Yoda mused.
"There is no purpose for me to break the rules for!" Anakin insisted, closing his eyes tightly. He really had been crying far too much lately. "Not anymore. Not without Padmé. And, now Master's left me too. I don't have anyone left, please!"
"Leave you he did not want. What is it you want, young Skywalker?"
"I want everyone I've lost back..." He admitted slowly. "Padmé, our children, my mother, Master...I want them all back, but I can't have any of them! I want someone to exist for! Some...reason to wake up in the morning!"
"Down you go then to the solitary confinements. Retrieve your master and be pleased, my blessings I give you." If it were possible he could have sworn that the old Master was smiling.
Anakin stood there, frozen for a moment, before breaking down into rough, grateful sobs. It took him a moment to calm down, but when he did, he obediently went toward the stair case to go down to solitary confinement, to find Obi-Wan. This...was what he wanted right? Well, he supposed he could always just kill himself later, if he was wrong.
Not knowing what had transpired between Yoda and Anakin when Obi-Wan felt Anakin coming closer he moved quickly back into the shadows. He would not be Anakin's downfall. His panic covered any thoughts of pain his back was sending him.
"Master?" Anakin opened the door to his cell carefully. (He did still have that fracture in his wrist, too.) "Master...I spoke with Master Yoda."
"Anakin... please... please say you did not ask him for the execution you wanted..." he asked his voice cracking.
"Well...I didDID...but, he said no." His tone was a little flat, when he relayed that. "He did say that I can take you back as my master, though." Obi-Wan's muffled cries stopped slowly.
"Wh-what?"
"Earlier, I told you..." He started carefully. "That I have no source of happiness. And, that's true. That was Padmé. But...it gets worse without you, Master." Obi-Wan stepped slowly out of the shadows. He came up and cupped Anakin's cheek.
"Do... do you really mean that?" He asked in a whisper.
"Yes." He stated firmly. "It really hurt, when you left, earlier..." Obi-Wan let out a cry and threw his arms around the younger man pulling him close.
"I was praying death would take me here so I wouldn't have to live without you."
"That's great, Master." Anakin mumbled painedly. "But, you're crushing me." His ribs were protesting this rather loudly, too. Obi-Wan quickly let go looking at his feet.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly.
"It's okay." Anakin let out an odd little noise, suspiciously similar to a laugh. He panted for a moment, before giving Obi-Wan a much gentler hug. Obi-Wan tensed but said nothing, it felt to good to have Anakin hug him for the pain from his lashes ruin it.
"I think I might love you." Anakin murmured after a few minutes. His master's heart soared.
"And I think I might love you back," he whispered stroking his hair.
"It's...confusing, though." He admitted softly. "Because it doesn't feel the same as it did with Padmé."
"Nothing and no one could ever replace her in your heart, Anakin, and I wouldn't want there to."
"Alright." He confirmed, then sighed tiredly. Emotional breakdowns were hard work...
"Come Anakin, we should get you home. It has been a long day, for both of us," Obi-Wan said and slipped an arm about his waist. It was not meant as a helping arm either, more like one of comfort.
"Yes, Master." Anakin agreed with no argument at all. For once he didn't resist the extra support either. Yoda had given them his blessing...He wasn't doing anything wrong this time.
Together they walked out of the council building, Obi-Wan bare chest since any shirt would have laid uncomfortably on his back.
They were just passing through the courtyard that connected the Jedi Temple to the Senate, when Anakin heard it.
"Anakin," He turned to find Chancellor Palpatine motioning for him. "I'd like to have a word with you." Anakin nodded, and turned back to Obi-Wan.
"You go ahead, Master." He said to the other. "I'll be home soon."
Obi-Wan fixed Palpatine with an icy stare, he had never gotten a good feeling about him but still he nodded knowing Anakin liked him.
"Don't be long or I will come to find you," he said, before walking on.
"What is it, Chancellor?" Anakin wondered next, following Palpatine over to a more isolated corner of the courtyard.
"What if I told you, Anakin," The old man began lowly. "That there was a method with which you can bring your wife and children back with? One that General Kenobi has been keeping from you."
Anakin stared at him in shocked silence. Something Obi-Wan had been keeping from him? Was it possible? His mind wandered to his master. He lessened the hurt that everything else instilled in him. He was a soothing presence. But...Padmé's death had left a giant, gaping whole in him, where her love should have been. If he could bring her back...True, it would make his master sad, but oh if he could bring her back...!
"I'm listening."
End
"Anakin, Chancellor Palpatine is evil
"From
my point of view, the Jedi are evil."
"Then you are lost!"
Anakin and Obi-Wan (Star Wars Episode III - Revenge of the Sith)