Hi again!
So, this is the first of the Elintézetlen follow ons. Its a three parter to start with. Sorry, it's a bit tense. I promise the rest is fluff! I promise! Just hold on a bit!
Anyway, like I said, follow on from Elintézetlen, so probably best to read those first.
Cheeky wee review would make my day!
Hope you're all having a happy November! xxx
He's growing up so fast.
He's walking steadily - you and Harry couldn't contain yourselves when he took his first steps.
Now he's getting into everything. He almost fell into the washing machine the other day. How you wish he'd sit down sometimes…
He's soaking up, taking in everything you say, and repeating it, much to Harry's amusement.
And his Mother's disapproval.
He's learned the hard way that he can no longer curse in the presence of his son.
You almost had a full conversation with him the other day. It seems almost impossible, that the little bundle in your arms is starting to grow up, at an alarming rate. Turning into a proper little boy.
He's growing up so fast.
Too fast.
You often find yourself missing having a baby. You found it soothing to have someone completely dependent on you, it was more of a comfort to you, than it was to him, when you used to rock him, gently back and forth in your embrace, to send him to sleep.
Harry is your polar opposite. He is immensely enjoying this new 'friend' he has found in his son's rapid growth. And he is wonderfully good with him, he almost has just as much energy as your almost 3 year old, perhaps it's the obvious buckets of love he holds for him that spur him on so much.
They often play out in the garden, chasing each other around. Every so often, Kit awkwardly stumbles and falls on his face and Harry runs over and pulls him up and they carry on without a fuss. It's nicest in the autumn, when Harry jumps in the leaves and Kit jumps on Harry and they're so wrapped up in jackets and scarves and hats and each other that neither of them can stay on their feet for long, helplessly falling around like skittles, giggling the whole time.
And you watch them, smiling, from your bedroom window, quite often without a care in the world, though it's not quite as simple today.
Today, as you watch out of the window, you realise you have been lost in your thoughts for a second too long and now the only movement in the garden is the crisp leaves, caught by the gentle wind, falling through the air and landing silently on the lawn.
Harry suddenly comes into the room and you jump, spinning round, hands behind your back.
"Are we heading out soon? Mum's expecting us for about 5."
He looks at you with such an untroubled, innocent expression, it makes you feel guilty for keeping secrets from him. Everything has been perfect for over a full year. For two autumns, you've been a family. And he has been bright and cheerful and loving and attentive every single day, not one single slip-up. You had both agreed to take it slow to begin with, and you truly believed that it made you stronger in the long run. He's shared everything with you and you've shared everything with him.
Until now, of course.
You try and look relaxed, normal. But you can barely even fool yourself today.
You feel the colour drain from your face as he looks at you, nothing but love in his eyes, but it makes you uncomfortable, you feel like somehow he already knows, and he's judging you, hating you, blaming you already.
It's just your own insecurities. He can't possibly know. You don't even know yet, not for certain, at least.
You find that words don't form properly on your tongue and so you chose to nod at him instead, a sudden, quick and violent movement, quite out of character.
"You alright?"
As he scrutinises your face, you force a smile as best you can – you've never been Oscar winning material and so you end up looking like you're in some sort of pain instead.
"Okay, well, I'll get the boy ready, catch you downstairs!"
And he's off again. Harry. Your Harry. Who trusts you enough to not question you when you look him directly in the eye and tell him that you're fine.
That everything is fine.
That nothing unexpected and most certainly dangerous is going to come along and burst his little happy bubble.
That you most certainly were not hiding a pregnancy test behind your back.