A/N: This is my very first SVU fanfic! Please be gentle. And please review. It would make my day. I mean it.

Also, the emotions and comments are pretty eradicate, and that was done on purpose. I figure that she wouldn't have one clear emotion, but a mix of everything. Sadness, angry, hopefulness, acceptance, etc.

Again, please review!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this fic. It all belongs to Dick Wolf and NBC Universal. Alex Cabot is played by Stephanie March. I am not affiliated with any of those people. Just a fan. Oh, and I also don't own the quotation at the end, nor am I affiliated with the people that came up with it. Again, just a fan that thought it was awesome.

My name is Emily. I am an accountant.

Alexandra, Alex for short, Cabot is gone. She may never come back.

Emily. Emily. Emily. Alex is dead. Alex does not exist. Alex has never existed.

This is pointless, no matter how much I repeat this; I'm never going to remember this. I have always been Alexandra Cabot, Alex for short. I have always wanted to be an ADA. I could never fathom not being one.

My marshal tells me to get ride of all my memories, and replace it with "Emily's" life. Easy for him to say.

I have spent my entire life working toward this one goal. I forced myself to play sports in high school. Instead of going out and partying on Friday nights, I studied. I never blew off homework or projects. I've never ditched a class. I graduated from Harvard Law School, damn it. I worked like hell to become an ADA. Prosecuting criminals is one the thing that I wanted to do. How am I supposed to forget about all that?

And what about my case against Rafael Zapata? What's going to happen to that? Are they going to let him go free? We shouldn't be rewarding his bad behavior. Obviously, the US Marshals think differently.

My funeral is supposed to be tomorrow. The only people that know that I'm alive are Elliot and Olivia. Everyone will be full of grief. My mother will sick with grief, I shouldn't be doing this to her. The marshal said that it will get better after the funeral, let's hope so.

"10 more minutes," he said.

In 10 minutes, I will have a completely new life, as an accountant named Emily. In 10 minutes, I will leave Alex Cabot behind. As much as I want to stay Alex, I know that this is for the better. If I step down on this case, my family, the detectives, the witnesses and I will be safe. Unhappy, but alive. It would also give the detectives more time to build up a solid case.

It's going to be hard to forget about my life, and I don't want to do this. I'm hoping that I will be able to move on, and be content with this new life. I hope that I will be able to block out memories about my former life.

But I don't think that I'm ever going to stop thinking about the people I've left behind.

My mother, whom I love, will have to accept my death. She's actually going to believe that I'm dead. I know that it's going to be hard for her. The idea of her living in grief almost makes me want to go back and tell the truth. But my brain says that this isn't a good idea. And, most of the time, my brain is able to defeat my heart.

Although, I don't want to admit it, I'm also going to miss Bureau Chief Liz Donnelly. She was able to guide me through many of mine cases. She stuck out her neck for me when I didn't deserve it. It's funny how when I can finally appreciate her, I can't express my gratitude.

I wish her luck in dealing with young, stubborn ADAs, much like myself, she's going to need it. Now that I'm gone, I finally understand that her decisions were usually correct, and that she was right to reel me in.

I'm also going to miss the defense attorneys - possibly. Some of them deal with scumbags, and don't deserve my thoughts. But some of them actually care about justice. I wish those ones luck. They helped me become a better lawyer, and I'm grateful for that, even if I did antagonize them quite often.

In a strange way, I'm going to miss the judges, especially Lena Petrosky. She, even if I disagreed then, kept me in line. She cares about the pursuit of justice, and was able to prevent her emotions from clouding her judgment. We also antagonized each other quite often, but that isn't going to affect my judgment.

And Captain Donald Cragen. He may seem scary when you first meet him, but he's really just a big teddy bear. He's like the father of the team. Tough, but fair. Nice, but strict. And he wants to protect every member of his squad. He is extremely loyal, and he'll back up his team, even if he disagreed with their actions. If you were able to paint a picture of a perfect boss, it would turn up to be Don Cragen.

Finally, I'm going to miss the detectives of the Special Victims Unit. I have never met more people dedicated to justice than them. They have the strength to deal with rape survivors and rapists everyday, yet they still have a clear head. I know that they will be able to move on, and will not dwell in the past. Elliot and Olivia are an excellent team, and I am glad that they know the truth. They are extremely protective of each other, and will do any to ensure the other's safety. Fin Tutuola has this tough guy persona, but he's one of the nicest and most caring people in the world. He is able to keep a cool head, and has never instigated to violence during interrogation, even if they provoked him. He has put the work before himself on many occasions. He has a black and white view of the law, and believes that no matter who you are, you shouldn't get a free walk on crime. And Munch. It's going to be impossible to forget him. He can come up with a conspiracy theory for everything, it may be annoying, but it's funny as hell. He may not be sentimental, but his cynical facade has dropped, and reviled a deep compassion for children.

I hope that they will do the best they can to get justice for all the victims of Zapata and his men, and continue to work toward justice.

"We're here," he said.

I took a deep breath, and let it out. This is literally the very first step in my new life.

My name is Emily, and I am an accountant. I am not Alexandra "Alex" Cabot. She no longer exists. She might never walk on the face of the planet ever again.

"Bye, bye Alex. Good bye. Hopefully it won't be for long," I said as I walked out of the car.

Today is the first day of my new life. Alex Cabot was gone once I stepped out the van.

My name is Emily. I am an accountant.

"There are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept. Things we don't want to know, but have to learn; and people we can't live without, but have to let go." -Criminal Minds, episode 6.02, "JJ"

A/N2: I thought that this quote sums up this whole debacle, and I couldn't incorporate into the story because this was said this year.

A/N3: So what did you think? Please please please review. As I said earlier, reviews seriously make my day.

Also, do you think I should do something similar to this, just with the other character's thoughts? And with her reaction to coming back in "Ghost"? Tell me what you think!

Thanks for reading!