By my side, you'll never be.
By: Twilight Always
C.D.J.B
By my side
you'll never be
by my side
you'll never be
I stand in the rain, wondering what was going through her head, as she stared sadly into my eyes. Did those beautiful eyes look sad because she missed me? Missed her best friend? Or did they look so sad because she was so disappointed, so upset because of what I had become. Who I had become. Maybe I'd never know, but I had hoped that it was because she missed me. I needed hope. I fought for my hope in this situation, even when it seemed like all hope was gone forever, I needed to fight for it, I needed to at least pretend to have hope. Maybe that's all I have these days, pretends and false hope.
Because I'm fake at the seas
Lost in my dreams
"Sev," she breathed through the sound of the lightly pouring rain. "Lily" I responded, trying to keep my cool mask of indifference, acting like I didn't care that we haven't talked in months, like I didn't care that she was engaged to Potter now. But I did, I cared so much that it hurt. I heard a few weeks ago, about the wedding, I was in the three broomsticks for drinks, when I heard familiar joyous voices coming from the corner of the place. My hood was up, they couldn't tell who I was, but I knew who they were. James Potter, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin, having drinks happily, celebrating the fact that Potter was finally getting his long time dream, marring the girl of both our dreams.
And I want you to know
that I can't let you go
"Severus, what do you want? I got your letter" she asked my sadly. I stride closer, so there wasn't as much of a distance between me and her. I didn't like the distance. "I. . .I heard you're marring Potter" I choked out, disgusted, "I knew you liked him, in school even when you said horrible things about him, I knew it" I said, tears pooling in my dull eyes. I was suddenly very grateful for the rain, maybe she wouldn't realize the fact that a single tear fell from those eyes. But yet, I felt that Lily, who was watching me carefully with those soulful knowing eyes, knew. "Severus, you don't know James like I do, I know I said horrible things about him, but we were younger, and things changed. . ." she said, sticking up for her soon to be husband."Well, things shouldn't have changed Lily . . .you were my best friend, you still are, and that shouldn't have changed" I said without thinking, hoping that I didn't sound pathetic to her.
"Oh, Sev" she said, with so much pain in her voice it sent a shock of pain through my heart, "I miss you, I really do, but things happened, things that can't be unsaid-" she said, but I cut her off, "Lily! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to call you a mudblood, it just . . . slipped out" I said, realizing I was fighting a lost battle. I couldn't take back the fact that I had called her a mudblood, and she would never come back to me with open arms, I knew that.
And you're never coming home again
and you're never coming home again
She looked so beautiful, more beautiful then I even remembered, even now, standing in the pouring rain, getting soaked, she still looked so god damn beautiful. So pure, so everything that I wanted but knew I would never have. She was Potters now. I cringed at the thought
By my side
you'll never be
By my side
You'll never be
You'll never be
"Listen, I love James, I'm crazily insanely in love with him . . . please, accept that" she said. I could never accept that. "Severus, You'll always be my best friend . . . but, we can't go back to who we are, and we can't change things, everything's different now . . .the times are different, I'm different, you're different. . ." She whispered, sobbing quietly. She was breaking my heart into little pieces; the pain was so much it made me want to die right there and then.
I wanted to tell you I changed
I wanted to tell you that things would be different this time
I see you
you see me differently
I see you
you see me differently
"I know that things are different, I know! But please, just . . . just please Lily, forgive me" I said, with clear pain in my voice. "Sev, I forgave you a long time ago, but things still can't go back to how they were, I'm so sorry Sev" she said, looking at the ground. She couldn't even look me in the eyes, and I wanted so desperately to see those eyes. "Lily, things could be different. . .things would be better, I just want another chance" I said to her. I was In love with her, she knew it, I knew it, but I also knew that she was completely in love with James Potter; not me.
You tell me that you love me
but you never wanna see me again
She took another step closer, and wrapped her arms around me in a hug, I hugged her back like there was no tomorrow. Taking in everything about her, her scent, how she felt wrapped in my arms. "Oh, Sev" she whispered, I felt the soft coolness of her breath on my neck, making my shiver. "I love you, Sev, you know I do, but like I said things are different, there's...there are rumors" she said, stepping back and she was out of my arms. "Rumors?" I knew what she was referring to. "Yes, that you . . . that you joined you-know-who" she whispered, in a cool, depressed voice. I just looked at her, not able to speak. It was true, but I couldn't admit to it, not to her, but yet, I couldn't lie to her.
You tell me that you love me
but you never wanna see again
After a few moments of not answering, she finally spoke, "Oh god Severus . . . it's true, isn't it?" I couldn't meet her eyes. I was ashamed.
You tell me that you love me
but you never wanna see me again
"Severus, it's best if we don't meet up like this anymore, I'm sorry, but we shouldn't see each other anymore" tears raced down her beautiful face, and I felt them run down mine to. She moved forward and put a gentle, soft hand to my cheek. "You're my best friend" she said sadly, then let her hand drop from my face, "always and forever" I said in return. and with that, she turned around and walked through the rain, and out of my life. As she walked away, I said my last words to her, but I knew she couldn't hear me,
"I'll always love you, my Lily"
You tell me that you love me
but you never wanna see me again.
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