Life.
One word, too many individual meanings.
But one thing was certain to Kyp Durron as he tossed back his half empty bottle of ale; he knew that life could slap you down so hard it could take forever to scramble back to your feet.
And forever was a damned long time.
He sat on the edge of a flat roof of an older apartment building. No doubt he'd freaked the hell out of the residents when he'd suddenly appeared out of nowhere right in front of their window while climbing up to reach his destination. He didn't care, though. Up here there was peace and marginal quiet. Down below all that waited for him were endless questions posed by people who had no kriffing idea what it was like.
No kriffing idea whatsoever.
Another swig of ale.
He was already feeling a little light-headed and dizzy. But not yet dizzy enough. He was going for all out drunk this time around. At least for a little while it would numb the pain threatening to take him over. It would quiet the raging accusations going through his mind. Yeah, getting drunk seemed like one hell of a good idea.
Sure not the smartest thing to do while sitting several kilometers above ground level but it wasn't anything he couldn't handle. He could use the Force, after all.
Kyp snorted and sipped at his bottle. Was it his fourth? Or fifth? He wasn't sure.
Did it make a difference?
Not really.
The Force was just kriffing magnificent. He could do about anything he wanted to do. Control thoughts, make individuals do his bidding, erase memories, move things with his mind and he was a bad ass swordsman, too.
Didn't make him infallible, though. He made mistakes just like any other sentient being. Going back through his life, he'd made a whole lot of mistakes but he'd learned.
Hadn't he?
Another gulp of ale and the bottle was empty. Time to clamber back down and face the world again.
He set the bottle aside and closed his eyes. The wind was fierce up here. His hair whipped against his unshaved face, leaving behind streaks of red. It stung a little but he didn't let it bother him. Too simple to have it bother him.
His com link chirped. Fourth time in the last hour?
A nagging sense of guilt made itself known. He knew it was Liz checking up on him and by the Force he knew he owed her an explanation but…yeah, not now.
He'd dropped out of the Force, simply put. Raising up a wall around his entire persona, not letting anyone in and sure as hell not letting his presence out.
He needed this time for himself. He hadn't climbed up half a building for the hell of it. He wanted to forget.
Answering the com link…too real.
Kyp took a deep breath and let it out on a mirthless laugh. He decided he needed another drink but grimaced when he realized he'd have to leave his new favorite place in the world. He wasn't nearly drunk enough.
It started to rain as the wind settled down a little.
The first cool drops pearled down his chiseled face. Cold and slick they ran their course down his cheeks and jaw, along the hollow of his throat as he lifted his head to meet the sky. Merely a few minutes passed until he was completely drenched. His hair plastered to his head, his clothes sticking to his athletic frame but the dirt that coated him…would he ever be able to wash it all off?
His com link went off again.
But dammit, he had to answer. What kind of jerk was he, making her worry? He was certain she was about ready to go insane and if he walked through the door looking like this, she'd –
She would hug him. She would kiss him. She would whisper words he didn't deserve to hear.
That was the only thing he was truly afraid of. Her compassion. Her warmth and love.
Her understanding.
She could break him with a single touch.
With a sigh he dug out his com link and held it firmly in one hand. The chirping sound was lost as thunder rumbled through the heavens, accompanied by flashing white lightning.
He didn't answer, though.
He sent her a message instead.
I'll be home soon.
The dizziness and light-headedness was getting worse. Which was a damned good thing, in his opinion. This had been what he'd been going for in the first place. Numbing his thoughts, numbing the hurt.
Too bad it wasn't kriffing working.
He could still feel just fine and what was worse, he could still think clearly.
The Force had this uncanny ability to clear his system of all narcotics even if he didn't want it too. It was like this subliminal communications with his brain.
He could do almost anything with the Force.
Besides raise the dead, of course.
And wasn't that just kriffing peachy?
***
The worst of it all were the rumors. Coupled with the fact that no one, absolutely no one, was willing to tell her what the hell was going on, Liz was about ready to bust down some doors and knock heads together to get some answers.
Since she wasn't officially with the Jedi, they completely cut her off when it came to their own. Any information she obtained had either come from Kyp or Jaina but even Jaina was going about this situation with a hush-hush attitude.
Liz hated it. Every damned second of it. She stared at the holographic clock embedded in the caf table, watching as the seconds ticked down. She'd been trying to reach Kyp for the past five hours. She had been at home when she'd felt him completely close himself off, severing their connection, the mutual bond they had shared for the better part of ten years.
There was no doubt in her mind that something terrible had happened. In all the years she'd known Kyp, he had never done this before. If there had been a problem of any sort, he would speak up about it or shut it out of his life but this? This hiding and running away? It wasn't like him.
It made her sick to her stomach not knowing if he was okay or not. Fine, he'd sent her a message that he'd be home soon but that wasn't really reassuring. Soon lay in the eye of the beholder. Soon could be a few minutes; soon could be a few hours.
Liz turned her head towards the window and stared out into the dark night. It had rained for three days in a row already but it seemed the thunderstorms were getting worse. It was like the planet itself was weeping.
With another sigh, she dialed Kyp's frequency and hoped that he would finally pick up. By the Force, she'd never been this worried about him before. But half a minute later, she gave up without getting an answer.
Rage tore through with such severity that she threw her com link against the wall. It didn't break apart. It lay on the floor of her living room, the top half flipped open. The tiny little screen showed a picture of Kyp, a picture she'd taken just a few days earlier. He'd been happy then, smiling.
And now?
Liz jogged into her office and switched on the communications console. Her fingers flew over the keypad while her face was set, as if carved from stone. This time she wouldn't let anyone evade her questions, she wouldn't let anyone lie to her. It wasn't their hearts being torn to shreds; it wasn't their lives being twisted beyond recognition.
She needed answers and she would get them.
Whatever it took, she would damned well get them.