Disclaimer - I don't own Eva, but neither do you. Sup?
-XXX-
Sudden loss of pressure sent everything in state of chaos. He could see personnel being swept into the stratosphere, soldiers running amok into the face of the assailant, only to fail and disappear into the thin air. It was a nightmare scenario of every plane ride.
Shinji, once of the lucky ones, managed to find stability by clinging onto the broken rail. He was dead set on not letting go.
Its one eye was fixated on him.
"Come with me, Ikari." It called him, extending its arm by pushing it further through layers of the ship's hull. Screeching of metal dominated throughout the deck.
"Come with me, Ikari." It repeated. Its sound overwhelmed the background noises.
He could recognize the voice, but the rest was all blurry to him.
Misato was also there, and so was Miss. Sakura, preaching the wrongs of his decisions. He remembered the voices of bridge bunnies, screaming their reports while barely holding onto their chairs. All of them seemed like a faint, unintelligible noises in the back of his head, slowly disappearing into the commotion.
Misato was holding a detonator. Her finger was resting on the switch.
Giant's arm was just one step away.
He could have done it then.
-XXX-
A faint buzzing noise was still present in his head. First thing he remembered seeing was yet another unfamiliar ceiling. No matter how many times it happened, he was still not getting used to it.
Now lying on his bed, he wondered if the events he witnessed were just a bad dream.
Moment after, a touch on the metal collar around his neck broke the illusion.
Then he remembered, and then realized that the fire ceased.
The fighting was over, and he was still here, somewhere, flying in the air. They won, if anything. He wouldn't be alive otherwise. Obviously.
He got up into sitting position and inspected his surroundings.
There were no exits. He was in a jail, of sorts. Or at least in a room without anything but one bed, toilet, and cameras. He dared a glance at one. And when he stood up the camera followed his every step.
Near the doors, he found a small plate with two cans. He didn't feel hungry at the moment, so he decided to save them for later. He didn't bother to question their origin or how they ended up here, but then he noticed a small doors on the big ones. He suddenly did feel like he was in a jail, all things considered.
He did a circular walk around the room, knocked on the walls, and tried to open the doors without success, then settled back in his bed. He didn't like the cold floor below his feet.
Walls were made of metal, and only source of light was one ceiling lamp.
Great. It seemed like he woke in another reality, somewhere far away from NERV and everything else. When he thought about it, the last thing he remembered was the battle with 10th angel, and Ayanami. He wondered if they won that time.
He wanted to know what happened. Though, there was no way he could figure it out for himself. This situation was so surreal he didn't even know where to start guessing. Angel attack was the most plausible explanation, but that giant, that voice…
Where am I? Why am I?
It was just a part of a big pile of unanswered questions.
Only thing he knew is that Misato, Asuka, that weird bespectacled girl and some other people he recognized were safe. He wondered where Ayanami, his father and many others were. He hoped that they were safe as well.
Someone would probably come and explain everything to him, he realized. They couldn't just leave him here.
Yeah, he went with that.
But why did he wear a bomb-collar?
Shinji frowned. He turned and was now facing the bed. It was too perplexing to process.
Now that he thought about it, he was pretty sure that some people seemed quite older. Asuka looked like the same, but Misato, Doctor Akagi…
Shinji buried his face in a pillow.
He missed his good old SDAT player. He sure could use some good tracks to get his peace of the mind. If he remembered correctly, Rei had it at the time he…
He would ask her later.
Until then, he decided to sleep.
-XXX-
Without fail, his eyes were wide open at 7:00. He knew that even without a clock.
It was a good time to dine, bath and prepare all necessities for school and late afternoon. He would jump in his cozy slippers and roam free through Katsuragi residence, then wake his roomies with the smell of his cooking. Moments after, when they would come together around the kitchen table, he would serve everyone and continue with his routines.
Sometimes he would listen to Asuka nagging about the food. Sometimes he would not. They'd clean their plates either way, which was as good as any compliment. Misato would throw in a joke about him being henpecked, and Asuka would retort in angry manner.
He stared at the cans on his plate, devoid of any memories.
One with corn was prepared beforehand, but other with beans required a bit of effort to open. The smell was not present in either, and the color failed to make it desirable. He took no joy in it, but ate because it was necessary.
He finished it fast, unable to enjoy it, then placed it back on the place he found it.
With a circular walk around the cell he returned to his bed.
Outside, things were mostly silent. He liked to listen and pay attention, and know there was human presence somewhere around. Blinking of cameras just didn't do the trick.
From time to time he could detect footsteps passing somewhere near. Each clang would give him hope that someone is coming to visit. Well, he knew that someone would come and explain a few things eventually. Maybe even today. It wouldn't hurt right now either.
Incapable of doing anything productive - or anything at all - he spent the rest of his morning lying in his bed and asking trivial questions he eventually answered himself.
Shinji met solitude back at NERV, at the time he disobeyed the orders. That time, however, made some sense, but this time… he just didn't know.
He could hear one pair of footsteps passing through, but then stopping. Then without a warning, cell doors opened and one figure stepped into the room.
He jolted upwards into a sitting position.
"Easy there," she told him.
"D-d-doctor Akagi," he stammered. They were his first words in quite some time.
She was now pretty sure she looked older than he remembered, and wasn't wearing her usual medical getup. He didn't even manage to process the new hairstyle before she addressed him.
"I need to be brief, Shinji." she told him, taking out a portfolio and passed it to him.
He nodded instantly as he got the hold of it.
"This may all sound surreal to you at first" doctor went on, "but it's necessary that you're informed of our current situation and the reason for your inconvenient position."
"Will you let me out?" He asked her directly, almost as if he ignored her previous briefing.
"I'm afraid it won't be possible just yet." The woman paused. "For now, you'll have to remain in your quarters."
Shinji just nodded.
"Good. Now that you understand it's time to move on. Open your portfolio and follow my instructions. I'm requiring all of your attention for this."
He did as he was told. He would finally knew the truth he was so eager to hear.
"Well," She paused, then sighed, "it's been 14 years since our collision with 10th angel…"
His portfolio hit the ground.
His will to learn drifted elsewhere.
-XXX-
Ritsuko Agaki entering the commanding deck, exchanged few salutes with her crew members, then walked up to the person in command.
Commander Katsuragi stood on the bridge and idly supervised the repairs that were currently taking place. Debris was cleared and consoles and computers were fixed, and a group of technicians were reinforcing the ship's hull that was damaged in the latest attack. At this pace, Ritsuko guessed that it will take some time until they are fully operational.
"Third Child received the news," She reported.
Her commander nodded. "Good. Now proceed with repairs."
"Yes, sir." Ritsuko saluted, then backed away from the command chair.
She did a casual stroll along the bridge until finally settling in the comfort of her chair. Now that some space was cleared out, she was positioned on far corner of the bridge, sharing her working perimeter and her two operating consoles with two younger bridge bunnies.
When she came in sight, younger of the two hurried to her side.
"Here's your coffee, sir." Sakura offered, all formality.
Ritsuko didn't bother to negate her titling anymore. She told her numerous times that only Ritsuko was fine, but the girl was dead set on playing a soldier that she just gave up. It was charming in a way.
"Thank you, dear."
Ritsuko took a sip of coffee. It wasn't great, but it wasn't appalling either. She put the cup on her desk and lit a cigarette.
"So… any progress," She asked the other, then puffed on the cigar.
"We could say there's progress," Midori told her with a wave of her hand, still fixated on her console.
Not a second later, her terminal flashed and displayed error signs, followed by the buzzing noise and ended up displaying a black screen.
"Shit," pink haired girl exclaimed, hitting the terminal, "this thing doesn't listen to me."
Terminal erupted with sparkles, flashing the girl and making her fall out of her chair.
"Shit, shit, shit, shit!" The girl whined on the floor.
RItsuko buried her face in her palm. She really missed working with Maya. She took another sip and continued with her cigarette. Pay no mind, Rits.
Sakura stood behind Ritsuko's chair, idly observing her superiors' demeanor. She frowned.
"Hey! I saw that," Midori hissed, getting up in her chair.
Sakura pouted, adverting her gaze.
"You little brat." Midori muttered in her chin, finally back in her chair.
"You are literally one year older than me," Sakura retorted.
"It's the brains that count." Midori told her, wagging her finger.
"I completely agree."
Ritsuko grunted, silencing the two girls. "Midori, take my terminal and I'll see what I can do there." She peaked up. "And Sakura dear, please supervise your college. I don't want to lose yet another console."
"Yes, mam."
Midori muttered something in her chin.
Ritsuko restarted the console and started to boot it up again, while Midori proceeded with her given task. It wouldn't be long before they go back at it, she knew. They were worse than any other teenager she head a pleasure of working with. Maybe not Asuka but…
"So… about Ikari thing." Sakura mentioned out of the blur. "I heard they put him back in the brick."
"Who told you that?" Ritsuko eyed the girl. "That is a classified information."
"Everyone knows about it," Midori joined in, mashing the buttons in the process, "By now everyone knows the story about the traitor of all traitors."
Ritsuko took a moment to ponder about the title.
"Drop it," she told them, "that's not your business."
"I'd make him walk the plank, if you get what I mean," Midori thought aloud, ignoring Ritsuko's advice.
"I don't think that would be proper," Sakura commented.
"Of course you wouldn't." Midori taunted, "aren't you just above everything."
They started their rambling again. Ritsuko picked her cigarette from the ashtray and relaxed onto her chair. She was getting too old for this.
It could turn bad. Popularity wasn't something that would do good for Third Child. They should probably thing of something before…
"Enemy signals detected," Aoba shouted from the other side of the deck.
"Sound the alarm. All personnel on battle stations." Commander Katsuragi roared.
Two girls exchanged a glance, then joined in on the preparations. There was no need for further comments.
Ritsuko sighed, killing her cigarette in the ashtray. Definitely too old for this.
-XXX-
Shinji could feel the ship quickening the pace. Laud alarm noises, frequent march of footsteps. Then laud clang of metal.
Moments later, he could feel the every hit Wunder withstood. See nothing. Feel nothing.
Curled into a ball, covered in protection of his blanket, he was unfazed. His bed moved back and forth, hitting into all sides of the room. It didn't bother him even the slightest. Even when the impact made him jump and hit the cold floor, he stayed there as if it was his rightful place.
How many friends died? How many faces? How many were his own fault? How powerless he truly is.
When he did nothing, they bled. When he took the initiative, they collapsed. He always made the wrong choices.
Even now, when he wanted to fight, it didn't matter. It was too late anyway. Unit 01 is long gone, and so is this purpose here. He didn't belong here. In this time, this place, he was an unnecessary burden.
He shouldn't have listened to anyone. Not his father, not Misato, no one. He should have stayed with his teacher, far away from everything. If only he ran away. Yes. He should have ran away.
But he did it. He destroyed the world. He did it for the girl, Ayanami. Ayanami Rei. And even she is long gone.
It was all his fault.
Engines roared, and Wunder went into a violent nosedive. Shinji slid across the floor, then stopped in the corner of the ceiling. From the corner of his eye, he could see the portfolio sliding to his side. It opened, and he could once again see those pictures again. Those were of world as it is now, violated and broken.
Every hit, turbulence, shrieking of metal and sound of bullets. All the possible casualties. All because of his actions.
I'm sorry.
"I'm sorry," He whispered.
It was the only thing on his mind until he fell asleep.
-XXX-
"Get up," He could hear a voice ordering. He knew that voice.
"I told you to get up," It demanded.
His eyes snapped open. His body was still motionless.
"Don't make me pull you out of the bed, third."
Now conscious enough, he knew that voice very well and the person that stood in the corner.
"A-asuka…"
"It's Captain Shikiami for you, brat." She told him, arms crossed.
"I'm sorry."
Asuka almost felt like laughing. "Wow, way to piss me off in early morning. No one does it like you I guess."
He managed not to slip an apology this time.
"I can see you're back at your usual demeanor. Wasting space and stealing air."
He almost apologized again. And there was nothing else he dared to say. He deserved every second of it.
"And I'll assume that you're incapable of saying anything but empty apologies."
"B-but…" He gulped. "I truly am sorry."
"Oh like that means a shit to me, third," She barked, glaring daggers right at him, "tell it to everyone else who suffered because of you selfishness."
Let her, the voice in back of his head told him. You know she's right.
"I knew way back at NERV how you as a pilot was just the dumbest idea ever," redhead continued, "but why the hell would anyone listen to me?"
She's right. It was a dumb idea.
"And now everyone knows, but it doesn't really help me now, does it?"
She paused for a moment, just looking at him as he curled. She let out a silent grunt.
"I'd probably wipe your ass right now if I didn't know that you have no balls to defend yourself. One-sided fights are not very entertaining."
He knew that as well.
"Sheesh. What am I even doing here?" She wondered out loud.
He had to break the gaze, incapable of offering anything.
"And what now? You're going to continue feeling sorry for yourself and think how whole world is against you?"
"No…" He replied after a brief moment, unsure in his own statement.
"Then what?"
"I don't know," He told her. This time he was sure, "I really don't know."
Asuka was about to say something, but decided not to. She sighed and turned. "You know what? Forget it." She opened the doors and gave him a final glance. "You're a lost cause. Enjoy the rest of your immortal life."
With that, she was gone. Doors slammed shut and left him alone with himself, a company he really detested.
Shinji remained static, not moving an inch since she left. He didn't feel like doing anything, or thought that there was really something he could do.
What is there to do anyway? He wondered.
Everything he does turns against him. How much good did his decision making bring?
Not much.
…
He could try.
Not now. Not in due time. Maybe one day. If there was a small, tiny chance that someone, something, at some point in time will need him again.
But even then…
Maybe.
AN – Chapter 1/3 (maybe 4, or just longer ch 2) done. Sheesh. This should've been a one-shot, but I decided it would be better if I split it into parts. 10k or so words would be too demanding. So yeah… I'm back in the game. Sorry for the delay.
And yeah, transition between chapters kind of sucks, and I know that almost nothing happened. But. BUT- But I had some good reasons why there had to go like this... so yeah. This fic should also be called "Shinji sleeps a lot".
My other story will take some time to upload, since I'm not in possession of the disk where I saved my progress… but if I don't get it soon enough, then I'll probably go mad and re-write everything again. But until then, I decided to visit rebuild universe, which I honestly don't like that much. But hey, if Anno can do it…
I hope you enjoyed this and will continue to read. Cheers!