A/N: This fandom is all a bit doom and gloom about the Ponds leaving, so I thought I'd try and cheer us all up with some humorous ways for them to leave the TARDIS. I have a few more ideas for these, but I'll see how this one goes down. Have fun. :)
UPDATE 18/02/14: The other ideas didn't happen, but I still like this one so I'll keep it up. I probably won't continue this either, because the Ponds are now gone and I'm still sad.
iPonds
The Doctor had been acting oddly for the best part of a week now. He'd shut himself in his room one afternoon without as much as a word. Now and again Rory and Amy would hear shouting and banging from in there. The Doctor only came out when he was hungry and no amount of questioning would get him to disclose what he was up to.
"What are you doing in there, Doctor?" Amy had asked two days ago over breakfast. She pushed a bowl of Weetabix across the table towards the Time Lord who eyed it suspiciously. Amy left the words, I'm giving you Weetabix until you stop being all secretive – and look, there's no sugar in it unsaid.
"Where?" the Doctor asked innocently, but the effect was ruined by the glare he gave his new breakfast menu.
Amy was still standing and leaned on the table with two hands. "Don't play stupid with me."
"I'm not." He thought for a long moment, choosing his words carefully. "It's a surprise!" he said in the end, cheerfully. Amy glared. He glared back.
Rory watched the exchange but said nothing. He just munched on his own breakfast. The only sound in the room was that of his munching. It was he who broke the silence with, "Doctor, are you going to finish that or are you just going to glare at it?" Both the Doctor and Amy snapped their heads around to look at him. "I mean the Weetabix," he mumbled. The Doctor blinked. "I was a Roman for two thousand years."
The Doctor shoved his bowl over to Rory's side of the table. Rory nodded. "Cheers."
"Doctor," Amy said, getting her plan back on track. "Tell me, what are you doing?"
The Doctor sniffed haughtily. "You'll just have to wait and see, Pond." He stood and found something to eat with seventy-five per cent sugar in it and he had stalked out with his head in the air.
So that plan of Amy's had been a colossal failure. Her next plan, which was carried out yesterday, involved Rory and the Doctor spending some time 'alone'. Amy hid in the corridor while Rory was supposed to meet the Doctor just as he came out of his room at lunchtime. This first part of the plan went like clockwork.
The Doctor closed the door behind him and Amy noticed that he didn't lock it. She allowed herself a small smile at that. Rory then 'casually' wandered along the corridor at the same time. To Rory 'casually' meant sticking his hands in his pockets and looking like a teenager on a street corner. "Oh, Doctor, hullo," Rory said.
Frowning, the Doctor asked, "Are you alright, Rory?"
"What? Yeah. Listen, Amy's made a mess in the kitchen so we're going to have to eat lunch in our room. She's made consolation sorry-I-destroyed-your-space-time-ship's-kitchen sandwiches."
Amy held her breath, waiting for the Doctor's answer.
"Okay, Rory," he said. "Those are usually her best sandwiches. Lead the way."
She listened to their retreating footsteps, waited a few moments and then a few more, before she started to silently creep along the corridor to follow them. On her way past she checked the door to the Doctor's room, but found that it had either locked itself or that the TARDIS was hiding something too. Please, Doctor, she thought. Please tell Rory what you're doing. She reached her and Rory's bedroom door and pressed her ear against the Bellsidian wood.
"...And then, Rory, I had this excellent idea, okay – watch this," the Doctor was saying. There was a pause.
"Oh – wow – that's massive," said Rory.
"I know; it's very impressive, isn't it?"
"Mm."
"And the taste – amazing!" the Doctor went on.
"Yeah," said Rory plainly.
Amy had heard enough. She shoved the door open with her hand, then stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips. "Okay, Doctor – what... are you doing?" she finished weakly. The end of her sentence was supposed to sound threatening but instead her tone had shifted to puzzlement. The Doctor had made all of his smaller sandwiches into one—
"Leaning Tower of Sandwich," Rory supplied.
Amy saw her plan drop to the floor before her eyes. "Okay."
With not one but two failed plans in the space of two days, Amy was not in the best of moods when the Doctor finally announced today that his 'masterpiece' was finished and that Amy and Rory should come and see. They waited outside the Doctor's room for a while before Amy's patience snapped and she knocked sharply on the door.
The Doctor opened the door and with a broad grin on his face he held up a little, plastic model Amy which was about four inches high. Amy and Rory stood speechless as the Doctor explained; "It's a pocket Amy – an iPond, if you will (actually that just about sums it up). So, basically, I keep this in my pocket all of the time so even in Amy's not there she can still give me advice. It's got some pre-recorded phrases such as – you'll love this..." He pushed a little button situated on the iPond's head.
A grainy recording of Amy's voice said, "Run, Doctor!"
"If used in context," the Doctor continued, "this could prove very useful. Of course I'm going to have to ask Amy for her voice acting skills so that the iPond says more than just 'run'. But just think: I'm standing in the middle of nowhere and a monster appears on the horizon. I press the button on the iPond and it reminds me what to do in the situation." He gestured with his hands, imagining the scene.
He pressed the button again. "Run, Doctor!"
"See? Genius. And," he said, sticking an index finger in the air, "I've made an iRory too."
The Doctor stuck his hand into his pocket and pulled out a plastic Rory. He pushed a button on the iRory's head.
Rory's voice said, "Oh, Doctor, hullo."
"So, what do you think?" the Doctor questioned, finally paying attention to his companions.
Rory was staring at him, frowning. Amy's expression was unreadable, but it wasn't something he'd classify as 'elated'. Or even 'happy'.
The tension in the air was tangible.
After a long, long silence and much staring at the Doctor, Amy said, "Rory."
He nodded. "I'll get the suitcases."