AN: I know, I said I wasn't going to do this. I lied. Bunnies ate my brain.

Disclaimer: As much as I love them, they are not mine.

And That

Don't fuck this up don't fuck this up don't fuck this up

The mantra had become so deeply embedded in Axel's brain that it wasn't even part of his conscious thought anymore, just a droning in the back of his mind. The front was entirely occupied by irritating self-doubts and baseless worries. At least, he was pretty sure they were baseless. He hoped they were baseless.

It was all Fate's fault. Stupid, horrible, wonderful Fate. The unpredictable wench. Got off on playing games with poor innocent men. First she'd given him Roxas and now she was keeping them apart. He'd barely seen the blond since that night. That amazing night. And of course the following morning. He was sure that no matter what happened, he'd never forget it. It would be a personal holiday. November the fifth. Hell, as far as he was concerned a day that good should be a national holiday and who cared if no one knew why? Although, come to think of it, wasn't it a holiday somewhere?...

Whatever. Point was, great day followed by crappy weeks. Thanks to a few sadistic profs who'd decided to start the end-of-semester push a little early he hadn't been able to spend any time alone with Roxas. He still saw him in class, yeah, but that was hardly the forum for the kinds of things Axel wanted to do or even really talk about. Neither was the one night they'd both had a scholastic reprieve, which just-so-happened to be the same night that they were invited over to Sora's dorm for an all-night gaming session. It was starting to drive him nuts. And leave him dangerously frustrated.

Really, though, it wasn't all about the sex. Wasn't even mostly about the sex. Not that he didn't appreciate it. Hello. He was a healthy 21-year-old after all. He had every intention of repeating that day at the nearest possible opportunity. But only if that's what Roxas wanted. Because Axel really did like the guy. That's what it was all about, had always been about. He liked Roxas for being Roxas, not a pretty face or a hot body (though he wasn't lacking in either department). Hell, he was pretty sure it went way beyond like but that wasn't so important to him at the moment. He figured he had time to figure that one out later. Besides, if Roxas changed his mind and he never let himself realize just exactly how deep it went, no broken heart, right? Sure.

Man. And Axel had thought that day was extreme for its ups and downs – the elation when he'd taken a chance and it paid off, the painful but somewhat expected disappointment when he woke up and Roxas was gone, and then the pure euphoria when he'd come back willing to continue. He figured everything would be easy after that. But he'd been on a freaking roller coaster since then due completely to the fact that that bitch Fate was now screwing with him.

Of course, he could have made the effort, could have found the time somewhere, somehow, but he hesitated to do so. Truth be told, he still felt a little guilty about making the first move. It was a totally bone-headed way to feel, no duh, and Roxas had flat-out said it was as much his own decision, but there it was. Until Roxas made some kind of indication that this was what he wanted, Axel just didn't want to push him.

He sighed and brushed a hand through his thick crimson mane as he walked back to his single. It was pretty late and the campus had been dark for hours. No one with any sense ought to be walking around. But tell that to his project group. Dumbasses. He hated having to work in groups. It was faster and easier to just do it your-bloody-self. And that dippy blond had been hitting on him non-stop. Dude just couldn't take a hint. Axel was one eye tic away from shoving something pointy somewhere unmentionable.

He twitched just thinking about it. And then twitched again as his thoughts inevitably drifted back to Roxas. Seriously. The way he'd been lately he was surprised someone hadn't accused him of being tweaked on something. And that ditzy group member wasn't helping anything. He just served to remind Axel that he'd never been interested in guys. Truthfully, he'd never been that interested in anybody, although he tended to notice women more than men. And then he'd met Roxas.

It had started off innocently. It wasn't love at first sight or anything ridiculous like that. Not even attraction at first sight. They'd just had a class together and hit it off. It was pure chance, really. They were totally different majors – Chem. and History – and different years – junior and freshman. If hadn't been for the fact that Axel's crazy-ass science major left hardly any time for the gen. ed.'s he was required to take (And seriously, what the hell? Why did he have to take every science class the damn university offered?) he probably never would have been taking a gen. ed. class in his third year anyway. But he was, and they met, and the rest had pretty much been history. They shared a lot of interests and somewhat wry senses of humor and it had only been natural that their camaraderie branched to meetings outside of the classroom.

Axel honestly wasn't sure when his mind had moved Roxas from the "friend" category into the "potential good time" category. Not that he was that crass about it. But he'd started looking at the blond in a new light and after a while he thought he saw a similar look being returned to him. And Axel had gotten a little bolder, testing his limits with casual touches, closeness, veiled suggestions. Roxas hadn't rebuked him and finally he crossed the line with an unmistakable signal, i.e. he kissed him. The blond seemed taken aback for a moment during which Axel half-expected to get his ass well and truly beaten. But then Roxas had returned the embrace with equal enthusiasm, apparently not minding that his friend had just come on to him. His guy friend. And Axel figured he felt the same way.

But the thing was, didn't everyone say college was a time for experimentation? What if that's all this was to Roxas? He couldn't begrudge him that, hell, he'd done his own random things. The latest had been the tattoos, although that was less of a spur of the moment thing than he generally liked to let on. The actual doing was spur-ish but the consideration was a year or so of deliberation and research. After all, he wanted it done right. It was going on his face. He chuckled to himself remembering the apprehension he'd had when he called his mother to tell her. Twenty-one years old and an adult by all rights and he was still afraid to tell her. But, hey, anyone who tried to claim that their mom wasn't scary as all get-out was a liar. Thankfully it was groundless as she turned out to be cool with it, even complementary. But anyway if that's how Roxas was taking this, as just an experimental thing, it would kill him, it really would.

Axel realized he was twitching again. He growled and shook himself, adjusting his bag. It was because Thanksgiving break was looming ahead, an imminent deadline. Somehow he felt that if he didn't get this resolved by then it never would. Roxas would go off home for Thanksgiving, no doubt hanging out with Sora – some kind of cousin, though from a different city – and Angel-face – another sort of cousin through marriage or something – probably forgetting about Axel who was all the way on the other side of the state. Might as well have been completely different worlds. And then they'd come back and be slammed by end-of-semester projects and finals and never see each other then. And after that was all over it would be winter break. Once again they'd go off to their separate homes, this time for a whole month. And unless he or Roxas made the effort when they came back for spring semester, they might not ever meet. What were the chances that they would have another class together? Pretty infinitesimal.

A frigid gust suddenly assaulted him and he scrunched his face down into his scarf and thrust his hands into the deep pockets of his wool coat. This would be perfect weather to be walking with Roxas. Not that they'd really be able to keep each other warm but at least they could hold hands or something and bitch about their freezing appendages. Axel groaned at himself. He was such a freaking sap. Soon he'd probably be pining away like some whiny Shakespeare character.

He grit his teeth. Fuck it all. He should just grab the blond after class, drag him into a dark corner somewhere, and make him forget his own name. Get what he could, while he could. After a moment of contemplating that scenario Axel growled in frustration. He just couldn't do that. He didn't want to. He wanted Roxas, not a warm body to screw.

So back to the mantra. Don't fuck this up. Whatever it was. Don't push, don't demand, don't take. And just keep wallowing in self-doubt. Good lord, he was pathetic. Axel sighed and glared indiscriminately out into the darkened campus.

"Man, you look pissed." Axel's head snapped up and he turned in surprise to see Roxas approaching from a side path. "Someone try to flatten your hair again?"

"What the hell are you doing out this late?" Axel cringed as soon as he said it – it was the first thing that popped into his head. Holy crap, he really was pathetic. Now he was worried about the blond's safety. As if Roxas couldn't take care of himself.

Roxas quirked an irritated brow at the taller man. "Freezing my ass off, that's what. I had to stay at the library for a while. Research paper due right before break."

"Oh." This was an opportunity, he knew it, but he had no idea what the hell to say.

Roxas shifted from foot to foot. "Hey, look, since we're so close anyway, would you mind if I crashed at your room for a little? I'm seriously freezing my butt off here."

"Yeah, no problem." They turned and began walking together, side by side. Axel wanted to take the shorter man's hand but wasn't sure how he would react it that and so did nothing. In silence they reached Axel's building, pausing briefly while he unlocked the door then again when he unlocked the door to his single.

Roxas brushed in with the comfortable air of someone familiar with his environment, sighing with pleasured relief as he let his swollen bookbag slide off his shoulder. Axel started at the loud thud the impact made and curiously tested the bag's weight with a gentle pull to the strap. The thing barely budged and it was only with quite a bit more effort that Axel raised it off the floor.

"Shit, Roxas. This has gotta be at least thirty-five pounds! What'd you do, check out half the library?"

The blond glared at the redhead as he shrugged out of his black fleece hoodie, working his shoulders and rolling his neck out. "I told you, I have a paper due." He dropped the hoodie onto the end of the bed and then flopped down on it, scooting back until he could lean against the wall, which he did with another sigh. Axel couldn't blame him after hauling that load around. Removing his coat and scarf, he hung them up on the hook behind the door and took the only other seat in the room, the hard wooden desk chair.

Roxas had closed his eyes, his hands lying loosely in his lap, head back against the wall. Axel raised his brow but just shrugged to himself and flipped on his TV – AS was on, mature cartoon goodness. He tapped down the volume so it didn't disturb the blond then relaxed into the chair.

"You have anything you have to work on tonight?" The redhead looked back but Roxas' eyes were still closed.

"Nah," he answered, watching the blond covertly. Not for the first time, Axel thought about how much his face looked like that of an angel's, a cherub's. Not that he'd ever tell him that. If he did Roxas would no doubt make good on his spoon threat. But he couldn't help it – the slightly rounded pink cheeks, the bright clear eyes and surprisingly dark thick lashes. He was definitely a pretty boy. Axel gave himself a shake and yanked his train of thought back onto the rails, realizing he'd stopped talking mid-thought. "I had a group meeting tonight. Our project's pretty much done and I had my section finished days ago. Just gotta piece it all together at some point."

The pretty boy's eyes flickered open and Axel took a moment to enjoy the intense blue before casually turning back to the television. He chuckled at the random gratuitous violence and heard Roxas give a small snort.

"Why don't you come over here?" the blond invited through what sounded like a yawn as he thumped the bed with a heavy hand. Très sexy, Axel thought wryly. Roxas cut the yawn off and continued: "I didn't mean to take your bed from you. I know that chair's not comfortable. Come 'ere." He patted the bed again. Axel allowed a small smile to cross his lips before he languidly rose off the chair and went over to join Roxas, sprawling haphazardly alongside him.

The show ended and Axel glanced over to see that his friend's eyes had closed again. He looked so peaceful Axel wondered if he'd actually fallen asleep. He also wondered if, if that were the case, he should move the blond into a more comfortable position – but ultimately decided not to disturb him and simply enjoy his presence.

Axel was beginning to get drowsy himself (despite the highly entertaining animated carnage) when his senses were suddenly called back into attention by a hand gently taking his own. His eyes snapped over and locked with Roxas' eyes. Without breaking eye contact Roxas raised Axel's hand to his lips and softly kissed the palm. With some difficulty the redhead reminded himself to breathe.

The blonde's eyes sparkled as he continued to lay kisses along the older man's palm and fingers until he suddenly slipped a finger inside his mouth, lightly sucking before giving the tip a mild nip which traveled straight to Axel's groin. Desperately he tried not to drool as he stared at Roxas in what he was sure was the dumbest possible fashion.

"I've missed you lately," the younger man spoke softly. "I hate only being able to see you in class." The words stirred the redhead even more than the actions, quelling some of his earlier concerns.

"Yeah, I do, too," he admitted. He gently pulled his hand out of Roxas' grasp and used it to stroke his cheek. Man, it just felt so good to touch him. His fingers trailed down the blond's jaw and across his lips which parted slightly, white teeth nipping playfully. The natural blush of his cheeks deepened and his eyes took on that hazy look that Axel had been privileged to see just twice before.

"So," Roxas began, shifting to straddle Axel's legs, "do you … have to get up early tomorrow?"

The redhead's lips quirked and he suppressed a smirk. "Yeah, kind of," he replied, honestly.

"Oh." Roxas lost a bit of his glow and he sat back. Or tried to, anyway. The hands Axel put on his waist kept him from doing so.

"But getting to spend time with you is worth being tired in the morning," he finished. The blond grinned and leaned forward as Axel moved one of his hands up to his nape. The kiss wasn't the passionate one Axel had necessarily been expecting but it was both soothing and arousing, a long soft touching of lips.

They broke apart and Axel ran his hand through the blond spikes. Staring into those incredible blue eyes he couldn't stop the question, even though he was sure it sounded pathetic.

"Did you really miss me?"

Roxas grinned again, a hint of amusement in the expression. "Yeah. I like you, Axel. A lot."

The redhead took a moment to return the grin and answer, "Me too", before pulling the blond back down, this time opening his mouth and coaxing the other's tongue into battle.

&&&&&&&&&

Axel barely dragged himself to class the next morning, exhausted. But holy hell, had it been worth it. The grin was plastered on his face all day.

Originally written 14 Mar. '08