Disclaimer: I don't own South of Nowhere or any of the characters affiliated with it. It's sort of a crossover between SON and Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, which I also don't own.
The Sweetest Drug
Chapter 1:
My entire world was falling apart. I was shunning the people I loved more than anything in the world to get the high I craved. Drugs ruled my life. They were all I cared about anymore. Nothing Spencer said could make me forget the sensation of the high that I needed to survive. I was on anything and everything.
They say drugs will kill you. I disagree. Drugs were the thing I needed to survive. Drugs were keeping me alive. It started out simple. Pot, pain killers, less intense stuff than what I was into now. Now my main focus was ecstasy. That shit was intense. More intense than you could imagine. What got me started on it, believe it or not, was Spencer herself. I know crazy right? But it's not what you're thinking. She didn't push them on me or anything like that. I was out with some of the big wigs in the industry one night, when I heard them talking about some hardcore drug that gave them the best high they'd ever had. I had become a music star since high school, throwing me into this effed up world. Intrigued, I walked over to listen in to their conversation.
"Dude, Davies, with that hot ass girl that you've got, you've got to try this stuff."
"What are you talking about?" I asked them, more than a little annoyed that they had been looking at my Spencer.
"You're girlfriend, Spencer, right? You cannot deny the girl is smokin'."
"You're point?" I asked through gritted teeth.
He handed me a small baggie full of white pills.
"You're girl will look ten times more appealing than she already does with one little pill."
I raised my eyebrow, studying the innocent looking pills in the bag.
"What does it do?" I asked him, throwing a sidelong glance at Spencer, who was immersed in conversation with some guy.
She already looked delicious. She was wearing a tight red dress with black heels, highlighting the stunning blue color of her eyes. Those eyes were lined with a charcoal liner, and the bronzer she had on made her skin shimmer. The dip in the front of her dress showed the merest hint of cleavage, which left everyone who saw it craving for more. Her hair was loose and flowing down her back. Looking at her, I wondered what had made that beautiful creature choose me.
The guy followed my gaze and smirked. "It makes everything more desirable. Including your girl."
I pulled a pill out of the bag, my eyes still on Spencer. She looked around and smiled dazzlingly at me, making me go weak at the knees. I brought my eyes down to the pill, sniffing it.
"Try it once and you'll be hooked Davies."
Throwing another look at Spencer, I downed the pill.
The effect was almost instantaneous. Everything seemed to take on a rosy hue, making me want to touch all of it. I could almost see every molecule in every object begging to be touched. I blinked rapidly, bringing my hand in front of my face. It seemed to be alive. I brought my other hand around and touched the skin of the outstretched hand. It felt unbelievably soft under my finger tips.
Remembering what I took this for, I focused my attention on Spencer and gasped. I heard muffled chuckling from the guy who handed me the pills. Spencer looked 100 times more touchable than minutes before. I watched as her full lips formed words and the silky skin on her neck begged to be touched. Before I knew what was happening, my feet were carrying me forward. My hands slid across the rough fabric of Spencer's dress, making her start and turn around, clearly confused. My hands roamed across her arms, shivering at how soft and touchable they were.
"Ash?!" her voice pleaded. Even her voice sounded more appealing on this drug. I pulled her along behind me, into a secluded corner, where my hands could roam over her freely.
"Ash?" she said again.
"Spence, just shhh." I told her, before bringing my lips to her neck, feeling that delicious skin move under them.
The next morning I awoke feeling awful. I glanced next to me to see Spencer's bare back moving up and down in a gentle rhythm. I reached out and drew my finger down her spine, remembering the feeling of her on the drug I had taken the previous night. She snuggled closer to my touch, sighing gently. I sat there, listening to her deep even breaths before she woke up.
Spencer had no idea I was abusing drugs so badly or she would have done something. I know her. She is the gentlest, most amazing person I have ever had the pleasure of coming into contact with. She deserved so much better than me, but, being selfish as I am, I couldn't let her go.
I felt her stir underneath my hand, and I looked over to meet her now open eyes.
"What was last night Ashley?" she asked me softly.
I cringed inwardly. "Um, it was….nothing Spence."
"Liar." She whispered, moving marginally closer to me.
I sighed. "I don't know, Spence. I just don't know."
With that, she snuggled into my neck, hugging me close. I allowed myself to get lost in her comforting warmth.
With that one pill of ecstasy, started the downward spiral that was my life. I needed to get clean for Spencer, I could see what kind of toll this was having on her. She figured out I was on some hard core drugs, but never caught me at it, so there wasn't really anything she could do but beg me to stop. But I just couldn't. Addiction is a powerful thing. It rules your life more so than even the air you breathe.
The drugs became the air you breathe, the food you eat, the water you drink, the only reason you're alive.
"Ash, this needs to stop!" was what Spencer said to me, studying the dark circles under my eyes.
"What does?" I asked in a bored voice, knowing full well what she meant.
"Oh, don't play dumb with me Ashley; you know I know when you're lying."
I rolled my eyes, suddenly craving some sort of drug, what kind I don't even know.
"I can't live like this Ash…" her voice trailed off weakly.
That, more than anything snapped my attention fully on her.
"What are you saying Spencer?"
"I can't keep wondering what you'll be on when you get home. I can't keep wondering if you'll ever even come home! I can't keep wondering who else has touched you throughout the course of the night!"
I cringed. How could she possibly know about that?! I couldn't even try to control myself on the ecstasy, so I let whoever wanted to take me, take me. I felt so horrible every time it happened, but I couldn't stop. Her soft voice brought me back to the present.
"Consider this an intervention Ashley…lose the drugs, or lose me."
She turned and walked out of the room, leaving an echoing silence in her wake. My breathing became shallow. I couldn't lose Spencer. If anything, Spencer was my only anti drug. Anytime I was with her, the cravings became more bearable. Lose Spencer, and I would lose my sanity.
I pushed myself out of the chair, following my love out the door.
"Spence!" I called out to her.
She turned to me, her face a hardened mask. In that moment, I knew the toll my drugs had taken on her. Regret burned through my veins as I looked at her beautiful face. Her mask crumbled away and I saw someone who was unbearably tired standing before me.
"What Ashley?" she sighed out.
"I don't want to lose you Spencer….I love you."
She sighed again. "You're going to have to prove that."
I was silent. Prove it? How in the world could I prove it?
She saw the internal struggle I was going through and averted her eyes.
"I need you Spencer…"
"Just like you need the drugs?!" she asked bitterly, a cynical smile curling her lips.
Again, I said nothing. If I denied it, she would know I was lying.
"Spence, I-"
"Save it!" she spat, anger clouding her face.
I looked down, unable to meet her eyes. I heard her sigh again.
"Look, Ashley, I'm sorry-"
"No, Spencer, I should be the one apologizing. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for putting you through this. I don't know what to do anymore…"
Her eyes softened, and she took a hesitant step toward me. Looking up, I met her blue eyes, seeing the tenderness within her heart displayed there.
"Just try Ash, that's all I'm asking you. I don't want to lose you either. I sure don't want to lose you to an overdose!"
I winced, her words hit home. I needed to do this for her. She was all I wanted.
Which is what brings me here, to a rehab center.
Good luck Davies….