Controlling emotions

FreyA-wings

Chapter 1: The beginning… as always and ever shall be

I have gotten replies from you guys about how the first chapter was 'not very satisfactory' but in the end it got better. Well, now I decided I should just edit the first chapter because the beginning is always important to the readers. Thank you for you who are about to read this story. If you think the first bit is just dull boring, well… sorry, but I assure you the other chapters are better " v and yeah… I have completely changed the whole chapter one. I read it again and thought 'eww… I cannot believe I made this story'. So here is my new reborn chapter 1

Oh yeah, and by the way, the characters here are from Rurouni kenshin, besides this dude that I happen to just "make" up. grin and so, the plot is mine too!

Kaoru's POV

Dreams are always the weirdest thing life could offer to you. Sometimes you remember and yet most of the time… you don't. People always seem to think that dreams foreshadow the future and that is how deja-vu comes into play. Sometimes people just think that dream is a blurry vision of the unconscious mind, and most importantly 'unconscious desire'. Or maybe even in matrix style!... I believe neither… at first.

But then again, something did happen in my life that suddenly changed the whole point of dreams, because dreams, in my case, involve fantasy. And my fantasy just blinds my conscious mind. And if this one person in my dream did not stop me and wake me up to see the true light of reality, I guess my life would just be just like one of those that bangs into things because my mind is not working properly, wow… life is very, very, very, curious,..

It started when I opened my eyes to see the most beautiful landscape that I have ever seen. I was sitting on sand. It was white and soft, one of those kinds where it gets so hot when the sun shines its utmost rays of heat to the vast landscape. But it was not hot, but rather windy. The air entails the strong warm and fuzzy atmosphere that brings calmness to the whole body. The sky was amazingly blue and the beach salty water in front of me, made its wavy symphony. I was perplexed at first, but I did not care to wonder why such beautiful environment can be seen at this time, at this hour, at this new modern day.

I can feel the soft wind gushing towards me as if welcoming my presence. I sighed and crashed myself down to the soft sand and closed my eyes. I spread my arms wildly around the. Not to another second however, I noticed there was another presence. I opened my eyes and looked around. I saw red. It was a man… I think, because he was wearing traditional Japanese clothes that only suited for men. I couldn't see his face but to me he looked young. He was standing among the white sandy beach, his red hair blazing among the primary colors of the beach. He was glowing. He had this aura that soothes me somehow, even though we were quite apart.

Suddenly, the ground turned dark, the sky turned gray and all of my surrounding seems to be completely oblivious to this radical change. I was scared and all of the sudden the ground started to crumble. Gashes of dust and heat appeared from the crack. With no time to panic, I began to fall. I could see the gushes of fire from beneath me but somehow I could not feel anything. I screamed and yelled and screamed and yelled…

The tightness on my wrist made me glanced up. The admirable red headed man took hold of my hand. He tried to save me. Even though I was close enough to see his face, all I could see is a blurry vision, as if someone was trying to sensor his face. But my mind didn't matter at all. I was too scared to look down. His grip tightened.

Suddenly, I felt something lifted me. As I looked around, I saw him below, his hand reached up to me. I couldn't clearly see his face and his eyes were covered by his locks. But I knew he was smiling a handsome smile. I looked up to see white wings lifting me up. To my realization, it was my own wings, flapping its glowing feathers like the angels of the heavens. I smiled… he gave me wings.

I woke up with a jolt when I felt really cold liquid all over my body. I choked and gave a huge gasp. I opened my eyes only to find this 'cute' friend of mine, glaring her usual 'you-are-fucking-late-get-up-now' look. I looked at the clocked and groaned. My lazy butt isn't doing its proper work. My 'cute' friend pulled me and dragged me towards the bathroom. Ladies and gentleman, I present to you… my life.

My name is Kaoru Kamiya, please to meet you. Misao and I lived in an apartment just near the big city of Japan. I am 17 and Misao is a year younger. We don't go to the same school though. Misao's school is only a minute away while mine is 15 minutes away. We were friends since kindergarten, but because of high school, we went to different school. She was sick when we had the test and in response we couldn't make it to the same school together. It was a shame. Misao is a really smart person and the closest friend that I have.

I glanced at my watch while running towards the end of my life. It was the first day of school after the long holiday that I know better not to show up late. Of course, being the never-show-up-on-time person, I am just hoping that luck is just around the corner.

I was running out of breath as I stood just a few meters away from my school gate. 5 minutes late and I know I will be screwed if I am not in class for the next minute. I stared at the gate closing in front of me and I knew I had to hide so lurking police teachers (so we call them:)) wouldn't catch me being late. So I searched for a way back and I found a pile of garbage cans at the back of my school. Piling them up wasn't so hard, but climbing those piles of garbage cans would be harder than climbing Mount Everest. With a few hunches and grunts and pain, I can finally breathe in the smell of my supposedly prestigious school. I snorted and laughed mockingly. Prestigious school my fucking ass, I am just glad this is not one of the lowest.

The area was deserted but I had to get through the security guards. Frowning, I sighed. Then I remembered there was a small storage room where they have all the sports junk just near the entrance door. If I remember correctly, there was a window small enough for me to fit in. I searched for the window and wickedly smiled as I found what I was looking for. And so, the quest begins.

Climbing through the window probably wasn't the smartest thing to do nor was it the easiest thing to do. I have also yet to notice, that I seem to have gotten fatter over the holidays. Scrambling my way through the window, I finally went through and fell creating a loud thump as I hit the floor. One of my legs was tangled in the window and my face is squashed to the ground as I dangled upside down.

Then, I heard someone making small coughing noises. Stiffening, I glanced up to find a red-headed hunk (her first impression). He was staring at me with the most amazing eyes I have ever seen before. His long hair was tied and had long fringes covering his mystical eyes. Even in the darkish room I noticed how red his hair was. Too stunned to say anything, it took me 5 seconds to realize I was hanging upside down with my leg tangled in the window, my mouth open and to my horror; my school skirt was down, revealing my glamorous underwear.

I gasped and quickly pulled my skirt up and I heard him chuckled. My face went beat red and glared at this newcomer. 'Stop laughing!" I yelled at him. He looked at me again and started to laugh even harder. I groaned and tried to stand up. To my misery, he couldn't stop laughing as I tried so hard to get my foot out of the window and stand properly.

He was still laughing and I groaned lifting myself off the ground. He was pissing me off. So I took a step in front of him until his face was close to mine. He suddenly stopped his mischievous laughter and stared at me back. I can see the glint in his eyes and I knew he should not be underestimated.

'Wow, you have some nerve to laugh in my face instead of helping me up,' I said coldly. My teeth clenched and I had the urge to whip his ass. 'My first fucking day at school and here I am talking shit with you while you don't even have the courtesy to help a freakin' lady.'

'Are you sure you are a lady?' he answered back, sneering, his body was so close to mine I can feel my heartbeat racing. I tried to ignore it, 'by the way you tried to get in that small window and fall in heaps with your body upside down showing your fancy glamorous hello kitty underwear? I don't think so' He started to turn away and I had the urge to kick him in the behind. My face was unbeatably red and I knew I could burst any moment soon. Just before he left the room, taking a large pile of belongings from the storage room he looked at me and said, 'and I suggest you go to your class quickly. A real lady is never late.'

I was fuming. Never in my life have I seen such a display. He was not worth my time and much to say he was right about one thing. A lady is never late. Groaning, I tried not to have my emotion take over me but focused on how to get to class. I took a deep breath and swallow. Here is one enemy I should look out for. He and his super handsome face will be shredded to pieces if I ever see him again. And although I didn't want to admit it, I silently prayed I can see him again.

Glancing at my watch I knew I had to get out of this room. That stupid asshole made me even more delayed.

Funny, I have never been this lucky. I somehow surpassed the whole school security and managed to dodge the teacher. Luckily, he was out of the room when I came in. The teacher was supposedly heading to the washroom.

I sighed in my seat and Megumi who was sitting in front of me didn't take any chances to miss this opportunity of teasing me. I guess she is one of those beings on this planet who couldn't shut her mouth. I used to call her the 'wicked witch of the whole world' when we were still in junior high class. And surprisingly, she also used to be quiet close to me. Not until she had sex with an older dude and became quite unlike herself. Unfortunately and somehow, she is still my friend.

2 hours later

The bell rang, and by the next two seconds, the students have already milled out of class, cruising their way to the cafeteria. I was still sleepy from the partying the night before that I practically slept through the whole session. Michi, a friend of mine, woke me up with a kick at my table that I stumbled and fell to the ground. I guess I would actually call myself a loser because I do act like one. Cursing silently to her, she just grinned and told me she was heading for the cafeteria quickly for she had a meeting with a teacher.

I wiped the drool from my mouth and sighed. I headed off to the cafeteria, knowing I forgot to get my breakfast this morning with all the fuss of being late. Alone, I walked to the cafeteria. I was wondering whether the irritating hunk whose name I do not know, was somewhere around. I really was not ready to face him and start another painful glaring contest. But as I walked pass a few people on my way; they whispered something that made me halt in the middle of the corridor.

'did you see that guy----'

'---I think he's too short---'

'he is just so gorgeous---'

'did you see his eyes?'

'---I'll put his name on my list---'

'don't you take him, he's mine!'

'I love his red hair---'

Were they talking about…? I turned around to hear more of what they were saying only to find Megumi. 'Kaoru-chan, you are late again as always, but you've missed the most important part of the whole school.' Megumi reached towards me and touched my shoulders.

'Arg… what the hell are you talking about Megumi.' I pushed her hand aside, but she was too busy dreaming. 'Why, that new mysterious hunk of chocolate of course' I pushed her hand aside again and asked, 'what do you mean?'

Megumi walked in front of her followed by her giggling girlfriends. 'Why… that graceful guy with those eyes of amber…' she grinned impishly.

I stared at her in shock, only to realize that all these people were talking about is … is… him? I cursed in the middle of the hallway and ignored the people who were looking at me strangely.

'A lady shouldn't curse loudly like that. Hence, even a real lady doesn't even curse.' I stood rigid in my place. I silently pleaded for the sound of the voice not to be his. I was tired, already humiliated by him and his presence indicated he wanted a piece of me. Smiling maliciously, I slowly turned my body so I can face him.

I smiled at him, admiring his good looks and was about to say something rude, when a bunch of giggling girls were immediately all over him. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. These sorts of girls give 'girls' a bad name. His face was suddenly sour. He wasn't smiling his usual smile. It seemed to me he was forcing to smile. Strange, but I couldn't care less. I turned around and stalked off. Unknowingly, he was watching me walk off.

Later in the day

The last bell rang and everyone spontaneously relieved a sigh showing the usual liberating and yet tiring feeling at the end of the day. I quickly gathered my things, not wanting to spend anymore time at this school. I was working all night and now another wasted day is spent for sleeping and avoiding him. I am not a very promising person. I didn't think I would meet my parent's expectations. Instead, I should be studying and get good grades to get into university.

After a long walk down the street, I gazed into the sky wondering my purpose in life. The only friend I can trust is Misao. We would soon have to part. I have only been in for a year in this school. Another two years and I suppose we have to break into our right directions.

I reached down into my bag and picked up an envelope. The envelope was a bit twisted and crumpled due to the way I grasped and cried on it. This letter was too precious for me, as it was from my mother, given, the day she died.

Life without love, is no life at all

I could hear her in my head every time I read her letter. I knew she was always there for me. But why does she have to leave me at such a time? 'I miss you' I whispered to the letter. There was no one around but I really didn't care if they heard me. I really do miss her. I missed her smile, her sweet face, the way she would look up at me and say 'you are beautiful no matter who you are.' She was my pole, the pillar of my life. I broke that pillar of life. I cracked it using my non-existent self esteem. She must be broken hearted when she knew about the boy that I regarded as my 'true love.' If only I did listen to her, I wouldn't feel so much regret.

My mother used to tell me that sometimes, after a hard time, it would be suitable for me to keep something precious and not share it with my audience. Sorry readers, but I will not speak more about my mother, for I would rather keep it too myself. I hope I am not being too selfish, but the memories were too precious for me to tell you.

I sighed and slipped the letter in my wallet, which consisted of the salary that I got from working late yesterday night. I knew I would need this money for my future for I would hope that someday I would make my mother and father happy.

Smiling to the picture of my family in my wallet, I took out the $200 money that I received and decided that I should give some to Misao and some to the bank. Putting the money back in again I also folded the envelope to be safe in my wallet. I was ready to place it in my bag until some unknown person seized my wallet and made the run.

For a second I was too bewildered to react that it took me another minute to realize that that person stole my most precious treasure. Angry, I yelled at him 'give it back you mother fucker!' Reacting to my scream, he ran faster. Not taking any more chances, I raced towards him. He turned a curve to make his way into a small hallway. I was fortunate enough to be quite athletic that I was near to catching up to him.

He was dodging garbage cans and cars parked on the sides. Being a gymnast was a very lucky thing because dodging them was pretty easy. Just as he was about to turn the corner, I yelled and made a dash. Using the most of my strength I charged after him. I slammed hard and knocked him over. I yelled and screamed and as he hit the ground I could hear him gave a big grunt. I was rolling on the ground and tried to get up but he was too quick for me that he kicked me in the stomach. I groaned and painfully coughed. Blood started to sprout from my mouth and glancing up at him, I widened my eyes. He was ready to start another blow. I hurriedly closed my eyes only to hear a loud grunt and painful yell.

I heard shuffling about that I dared myself to look up at the intruder who so happened to save my life. I looked up to see an immobile man on the ground and a figure with red hair. I groaned when I noticed who this person was and wondered which is more painful, the man's kick or another man's presence.

However, to my unfortunate luck, I couldn't stand up. I had a pain in my stomach and it seemed I have twisted my ankle when I fell. He walked towards me and I didn't dare look up. I felt a touch in my stomach and ankle. He was searching for any damages or serious injuries.

'Are you okay?' he finally asked. My head was still jumbled up; I didn't know whether to be mad at him or the man for stealing my treasure. 'I'm fine,' I replied. 'No you're not' he answered me back. I rolled my eyes at him when he knelt down and tried to get me off the ground.

I tried to stand but my left ankle ached and knew it was sprained. My legs weakened and I nearly collapsed to the ground before he seized me and held me with his arms around my waist. I had to try again not to twist red like a tomato and only complained, 'o, man. Why does this happen to me?'

He chuckled and I glared back at him, only to see his striking and stunning eyes. It bore into me as if I was sucked into those deep pools of fiery amber. I quickly looked away. 'You are one feisty one?' he retorted. I sniffled and felt guilty.

Forgive ones foe and you shall compile to the heavens with sweet taste

'Sorry,' I barely whispered. Remembering my mother's words, I knew this was not the time for arguments. 'Thank you,' I said again, 'for saving my precious.'

He smiled and noticed this was the first time he showed me a genuine smile. My heart did a flip-flop and suddenly had goose-bumps. 'What about your self?' he asked. 'I can take care of myself thank you very much,' I replied back. I tried to convince myself so by standing up by my own only to find my legs immobile. He held on to me before I fall and chuckled.

'Fine!' I knew I was wrong, but seeing him this way, the total opposite of the one from the school, made me more hesitant and awkward. It was strange to see another side of his. Strange, but very mysterious.

He picked up my wallet and bag and heaved it upon his shoulder. Then without warning, he swept me off the ground. Dazed, I became speechless, unlike the normal me. I couldn't seem to open my mouth and he too did not say anything. He carried me down the alleyway and stopped in the end of the alley where the main road can be seen.

'Okay, you have to be helpful here,' he remarked, 'I need to know your address.' He stared at me and his face held only a few inches apart from my own. My heart beat faster and I was worried if he could hear the loud thumping of my heart. His eyes were more than intoxicating. His sweet face made my heart melt like the candle in the dark night. For once in my life, I felt something unusual. I have to ignore this new sensation, I said to myself; I need to get a grip. Shaking my head silently, I turned away and spoke in a small voice, 'apartment Unix. Down the road next to the Java Pub.'

He walked down the road quietly, carrying me and my bags without much effort at all. I admit he was strong. And to my gratitude and serious irritation, it was he who saved my life and my treasure. Someday I have to thank him. But for now, I want to enjoy this new feeling that overcame me, for the first time in many years. Slowly, I dug deeper into his shirt, taking in his scent and feeling just slightly, his muscular body. I took the pleasure to silently be very close to him, without even knowing his name, but also hearing the rapid heartbeats from his hot body, the same way he listened to my own.

YES! YES! YES! I have changed the whole thing. Man, that took me quite a while. I thought I should refresh my mind with this story or possibly make a new one. With this chapter I nearly changed the whole plot. I hope you enjoy the change but I have to warn you the rest of the chapter might not follow too much from this edited chapter but I guarantee you that the rest of the chapter will make sense.

Thanks for reading------ and don't forget to review (the ones that make me happy!)