Title: Can't Walk Away
Rating: M, eventually.
Authors: a_windsor & roughian (a_roughian? windsorian?) [I believe what you're looking for is Super Fic Writing Team - A]
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. My one and a half years of law school could allow me to legalese this a little more, but it also tells me it's pretty useless. So please don't sue; it's not mine, I'm just playing!
Summary: The beginning and the end of an affair.
A/N: Set After 8x13: Basically we have been writing this rabidly for the better part of the week [Even before the episode! - A]. We like to joke that this fic has broken us, but in reality it's just been all-consuming. To that end, we haven't read any other post-If/Thens, so any similarities are because of the source material. Also, for our girlfriends' sakes we don't condone adultery, this is just MFEO in an alternate realty.
Oh! And flashbacks in italics.
Owen Hunt knew at the time that he was taking his beautiful life for granted, but it didn't really sink in until nights like tonight, when he comes home to an absolutely silent apartment and an empty fridge, rather than a house full of kids to snuggle and wrestle and a mouth watering home-cooked meal prepared by either wife or nanny. He and Torres may have fallen into marriage out of convenience, timing, and a burning need to have the picket fence life, and that life may have been hollow and claustrophobic sometimes, but there were those beautiful moments when it did, however briefly, live up to the hype.
So he escapes to the grocery store for yet another Hungry Man dinner or three. It's not that he can't cook, just that he has no energy, no spices, no pans. He thinks he's safe, because this grocery store is not the closest to The House, and therefore not the usual where Callie and the kids do their weekly routine.
He miscalculates. Arizona Robbins lives closer to this one, and it's close enough to The House that it would be her first instinct.
He recognizes her laugh first, and then a chorus of his favorite sounds in the world, his kids giggling and talking over each other, being extra sweet and cajoling. Sounds like a good old-fashioned cookie begging.
He sneaks around the corner, behind them, so they don't catch him. He tries not to come off too creepily.
"No, no, guys," Dr. Robbins laughs. "You're gonna get me in so much trouble with Mami."
Gavin is perched on her hip, Gus in the handle seat, and Allegra happily rides on the front of the shopping cart.
"Arizona, please," she lays on the charm, even adding a flutter of her lashes. "They look so yummy."
"Yeah," her brothers supply helpfully, Gavin sweetly laying his head on her shoulder.
"I wove choco chips," Gus adds.
"We won't ask for ice cream," Allegra piles it on.
"Okay, okay," Robbins caves. "One pack."
A chorus of "yays" greets her announcement, and she even playfully joins in.
"Your mother is gonna kill me," Robbins sighs, and the kids giggle again.
"Okay, we still have a list to get done, guys. What's left?"
"Bananas," Gavin says, bouncing in her arms.
"Rice Krispies," Allegra pipes up.
"Toast," Gus finishes.
Robbins grins: "Bread, Gus. Then we'll make it into toast."
"Right," Gus smiles.
"Oo, French toast. I bet Mami knows how to make that."
He wants to hate her, the woman who stole his family, but his life was unhappy, his wife was unhappy, long before Arizona Robbins started staring mooningly at Calliope Torres. And his kids love her. They love him, too, and are always bubbly about seeing him, too, but he sees them around the hospital and it's not just his ex-wife that looks at Robbins like she hangs the moon and stars. And Robbins, well, he's worked with her for years and he's never seen her so happy, so loose and free.
He very casually follows them around the rest of the store, always almost a whole aisle length away, because he doesn't want to interrupt, but he so misses his kids. He and Callie fell apart and he thinks in retrospect that they were never in love; he won't regret their marriage, though, because their kids are amazing.
They joke and play and mosey, and they're maybe not as well-behaved as they would be for Callie and Owen, but she keeps them within control and they seem to be having a great time. Cart full, they wander past the florist section as they head to the check out.
"Well, what do you think, guys?"
"About flowers?" Allegra asks, confused.
"For Mami."
"Ohhh," the boys chorus, even though they know nothing of what's going on.
Arizona walks over to the bouquets, Gavin still on her hip, sneakers kicking against her thighs.
"Red," Gus declares from the cart.
Allegra hops down to start examining them, too.
"Lilies."
Robbins spins around, clearly surprised.
"She likes lilies," Owen speaks up, awkwardly clearing his throat.
"Daddy!"
He's got Allegra and Gavin hanging off him in a second, Robbins quickly helping free Gus from his seat-prison.
"Dr. Hunt."
"Dr. Robbins."
"What are you doing here, Daddy?" Allegra asks.
"Sorry to interrupt. Just grabbing some dinner. What are you three up to?"
"Grocery shopping with Arizona. Mami's gonna meet us at home."
"Are you being good?" he asks, as if he hasn't been trailing them for awhile.
"Yes," Allegra swears, the boys nodding from their places clinging to his knees.
"Good. Hanging in there, Dr. Robbins? You're brave to take them here."
Arizona gives him a polite smile, uncomfortably running a thumbnail over the hard plastic of the shopping cart handle. "They've been great."
"Yeah? I'm glad."
"Sona, I hungry," Gus grumbles, dropping his grip on his daddy's legs and looking over his shoulder at his mother's girlfriend.
"I know, buddy. We'll take you home soon, okay?"
"You're right," Owen says, kissing Allegra's cheek and then leaning down to do the same to the boys. "You should head out."
"We don't have to go yet," Arizona insists. "If you want a few-"
"No, no. It's okay. I have to get home, too, and we have plans tomorrow afternoon, right, guys?"
The kids agree happily and kiss and hug him goodbye.
"Love you, Daddy," Allegra beams.
"I love you, too, baby."
He leaves them there in the florist section, gathering themselves together and scouring the lilies for the perfect bouquet for Callie. From afar, they could easily be mistaken as mother and children, what with the fairness of the twins mixed with the ease all three show with her.
He feels a twinge. He misses those three so much it hurts, all the time. He misses tucking them into bed, and overseeing a chaotic bath time, and even getting so annoyed with them that he wanted to scream (but didn't; he's never been that dad, even in his darkest moments). He gets continuity of care and fair visiting schedules, he does. Callie has been great about giving him plenty of access to them, and they're still in daycare close by. Despite the nags of his mother and others, he doesn't think Callie's infidelity justifies him getting full custody. Maybe because the only thing that kept him from doing it was a lack of courage. Maybe because he still doesn't trust himself with having them full time, not with the dreams still waiting in the wings.
Maybe because he's scared they'd miss her more than they miss him.
His mother, who always adored Callie, is having a lot of trouble understanding how well he's handling their split. Sometimes he misses the easy companionship of the first years of his relationship with Callie, but mostly he just feels guilty for not missing his wife much, at all.
"You guys took forever at the grocery store. I was scared you and Arizona had been stolen," Callie says overdramatically as she starts unbuckling Gus from his car seat, grabbing his stuffed monkey and tickling his nose with it. He grins and gives her a warm squeeze around her neck.
Allegra scrambles out and over Gavin, rocketing from the back of the SUV after a helpful lift from Arizona, who is still wrestling with the car seat. She's gotten pretty good at it recently, though, a skill she once confessed to never really expecting to need to master.
"Thanks, Sona," Gavin says as soon as he's freed and she helps him to the ground. Dinosaur in hand, he toddles after Allegra.
"You got a thank you," Callie says, impressed, as she kisses Gus's cheek and sends him after his brother. She keeps an eye on them through the door, then meets Arizona at the front of the car, kissing her hello. "And your car is here safe and sound. Thanks for taking mine and doing grocery duty with the Three Stooges."
"No problem."
One of the twins lets out a squawk, following by an annoyed shriek from Allegra.
"I better check on that."
"I'll get the groceries," Arizona assures, shooing her.
Callie plays with the twins in the living room, some game that involves buckets on their heads and Gavin growling like a dinosaur. She hates to think it, that even her kids are less tense since Mami and Daddy split up, but their deteriorating relationship and Owen's PTSD hung a black cloud over their house for a long time. But with Daddy seeking help now, Mami and Daddy talking without the burden of a crumbling marriage, and, Callie likes to think, the injection of the surprisingly sunshiney Dr. Robbins into their lives, the kids have just perked up magnificently. Callie finds she spends more quality time with them, and she's not sure exactly what they do, but the kids always come back beaming from their visits with Owen. They seem closer now than they were before this mess, too. And Arizona...
She looks up and sees Allegra hurrying to help carry in bags with Arizona, talking a mile a minute, both of them, like they didn't just spend an hour together running errands. It's so easy to fall into this pattern, this routine, splitting kids duties and grocery duties and falling asleep together every night. Like a marriage. Like a family.
But she notices that Arizona makes it a point to not stay more than two or three nights in a row. Makes it a point to hang out with the kids, but not to parent. This is all so new. They could all get so hurt. But still, nothing's ever felt so right.
"Ah, Gus-monkey, don't bite your brother," Callie laughs, grabbing the younger of the boys (by seven very painful minutes) before he can, playfully or otherwise, take a chunk out of Gavin.
"I hungry," is Gus's only response.
"Okay. Can you two play super nicely here while I go start dinner then?"
The boys raise no objections, and so she works on dinner while Arizona and Allegra bring in and put away the food. Callie notices with a flutter in her heart that Arizona already knows where everything goes in the fridge and pantry. Allegra wanders over to pester her brothers, and Arizona suddenly appears at her side, presenting a pretty bouquet of super market flowers, pure white with only one or two wilted at the edges.
"You brought me lilies," Calliope beams at her, giving her a sweet kiss while the kids are occupied, marveling at how her lips still make her go weak in the knees. She takes the flowers and gives them a good sniff.
"Yeah," Arizona grins shakily. "Um, Hunt told me they were your favorite."
"Oh."
She thinks back to those first few dates with Owen. He was handsome, and sweet, and honorable, and wanted everything she wanted out of life. He was perfect, she thought, and a soldier to boot, enough to make any girl swoon. But no one has ever made her swoon, never made her blush and stutter, like Arizona Robbins.
"You ran into Owen."
"At the grocery store, yep."
She still looks clearly unnerved by the experience.
"How was he?"
"He was... good," Arizona drops her gaze and pilfers a noodle from the pot Callie just finished straining. "Sorry, it's weird to bring you flowers your husband - ex-husband - recommended, isn't it? I'm sorry. He just said they were your favorites, and I didn't know that."
It's one of those things. One of those things that keep cropping up. First dates stuff. They moved so fast into this. They wanted to spend as much time as possible together, but Callie had three other equally important responsibilities, so the only time to themselves they got were Owen's visits with the kids.
"It's not weird. Thank you. I love them. I should've told you sooner, but it seemed like fishing for flowers."
Arizona's concerned frown turns up into a smile and she steals a quick kiss.
"Okay. C'mon. The four of us did some very hard work at the super market today. The least you could do is feed us."
Callie laughs and kisses her cheek.
Arizona tacks on: " And hey, you deserve as many flowers as you want."
Callie wasn't the drinks after work kind of girl anymore, but here she was, sitting at the dive bar by the hospital, ordering a cheap Malbec and rubbing elbows with Arizona Robbins, smiling into her Chardonnay. No, make that sniffing it, and swishing it around the glass.
"We're at Joe's. Both these glasses of wine cost $12.00. I don't think their Sutter Home is going to be anything to write home about," Callie teased.
"Right," Arizona clipped, smirking a little as held up her glass. "Let's just toast," she cleared her throat, straightened her shoulders. "To a fabulous surgery, the future of Cardio Thoracic Pediatrics and perhaps the future of a potential Torres-Robbins award."
"That doesn't exist," Callie snorted out a laugh.
"It doesn't exist yet," Arizona sparred playfully. "You have to admit it has a nice ring to it."
Glasses clinked and Callie tipped hers back into her mouth. Despite the cheapness, she cherished the dry sweetness as soon as it hit her tongue. It was a long day. But all of them were getting to that point lately.
Arizona chuckled at her phone as it lit up and she read whatever was on the screen. Even just sitting at a bar, Callie could tell Arizona was different outside of work. Animatedly, the blonde replied to the message.
"Am I interrupting?" Callie smiled, nodding subtly toward Arizona's phone.
"Oh, no. You're not. Was telling Laura I'm having drinks with the cardio surgeon who rocked the surgery with me last week."
"Laura, huh?" Callie sipped her wine. Maybe she was that much of a lightweight, but she was a little buzzed. Or at least, that's what her excuse was going to be to explain the weird pang of jealousy shooting through her.
"Yes," Arizona reaffirmed. "Laura's my best friend. She lives in Boston."
"Ah," Callie smiled, sipping her wine again, mentally chastising herself for acting like that.
Arizona's phone lit up one more time. "She told me to drink one for her, and buy you one on her as well."
"I think I like your friend already," Callie smirked.
"Oh, you should," she smiled.
Callie arched a brow, taking in Arizona wearing a smile instead of her usual stoic pursed lips and quirked eyebrow. She was pretty without that hardened features. Come to think of it, she was always pretty. Scowling or not.
"It's been a while for just...drinking," Arizona mused. "It's nice. I'm glad we could fit it in."
Callie had been staring, unabashedly. It was hard not to; the fitted blouse, the pencil skirt, those legs- Damnit.
"Yeah three kids doesn't really allow for too many boozing nights, but I'm glad the nanny agreed to staying a little later," Callie laughed softly. "And Owen doesn't really drink because it's kind of a trig-" she stopped herself, trailing off as she willed the last flashback of his episodes out of her mind.
"Right," Arizona mumbled, tracing the stem of her wine glass, dropping her gaze from that devastatingly beautiful face. It almost hurt to hear his name sometimes.
"So," Callie swallowed the last mouthful of wine, signalling to the burly barkeep for another.
"So," Arizona replied, then caught the bartender's attention. "Me too, please."
Despite the success of the day's surgery, Callie never regarded Arizona as one she might strike up a conversation with. However, as they languidly made their way through their second glass of wine, Callie was caught up. Arizona was incredible to talk to. The determined, private person at the hospital didn't exist next to her on the ripped up bar stool.
Instead of butting heads over innovations vs. safety, over whose procedure made for better medicine, the pair couldn't contain their laughter. Callie telling of her mother's hijinks, Arizona recounting her military upbringing with a hilarious impression of her stern father. Callie could tell the apple didn't fall far from the tree.
After the third glass, Callie paid their tab and made her way to the bathroom to freshen up before going home. She wasn't drunk, but the comfortable buzz that surrounded her gave promises of a really great sleep tonight. She stood in front of the mirror, carefully plucking at her long waves as she adjusted her blouse. She barely noticed the door open, the sound of familiar heels on slippery tile. She saw Arizona over her shoulder, offering a smile to her colleague.
"You look great, no need to fuss," Arizona said gently, but also sort of authoritatively.
Callie smiled. It was kind of hot.
"Yeah, thanks," the brunette smirked as she turned around, back resting against the sink as she watched Arizona do the same fussing in the mirror.
"I mean it," Arizona grinned as she finished, crossing her arms over her chest. "You have to know it."
Callie blushed but kept her gaze on the other's, trying desperately not to look in those haunting blue eyes. "I mean, coming from you, I will take the compliment."
Smiling, the blonde tucked a lock of hair behind her ear as she took a step closer to Callie. Her hands dropped, falling to her sides, itching to rest on either side of her companion. Instead she balled her fists and loosened them a few times.
Callie cocked her eyebrow, never losing her gaze. Arizona was close enough to her that she could smell her: the clinical twinge of hospital, the safe sterility of soap, the wine, and something else. Something distinctly Arizona.
"You were great, though, the other day. I mean it,," Arizona says with that same authority in her voice.
"I had amazing support," Callie said, wondering why her voice cracked in the middle of it.
"We were great," Arizona amended.
Callie wet her lips and Arizona took one more step closer. There was barely enough room for the exhale that scampered free from Callie's lungs.
"Hopefully we'll have more cases together," Arizona said, dropping her gaze to those lips, then back up to those eyes. There wasn't really a safe place to look though, it was all gorgeous.
"We usually do," Callie teased.
"Then more opportunities for bad wine at Joe's," Arizona laughed.
Guilt. Callie felt guilt, creeping in through her veins. But that same guilt was superceded by need. Her hand encircled Arizona's wrist and the blonde took a shuddering breath before leaning in and sliding a hand along the flawless curvature that was Callie's cheek. Her nose brushed the other, lips slowly following suit.
The phone ringing wasn't part of the plan and just as Arizona felt her lips graze Callie's, they were gone.
Callie wrestled her phone from her purse. "Hello, Dana? She does? And she hasn't been keeping it down? Hmm. Okay. I'm on my way home. No, Owen works until tomorrow morning."
Arizona brought trembling fingers to her lips, wiping them. She wanted that feeling off of her mouth, but there was a gut feeling that it wouldn't happen. Ever.
"Allegra's running a fever and vomiting, I've gotta go. I'm sorry," Callie said, collecting her things. She tried to disguise the slight waver of disappointment in her voice.
"Of course, family first. There's a bug going around, but let me know if you'd like me to get Graham to check her out tomorrow."
"Yeah," Callie said shakily as she pushed open the bathroom door. "I will."
tbc