this is unbetaed so if anyone wants to volunteer just let me know.
The first time he told someone, he ended up with a bloody nose.
It was his dorm mate who he had thought was his friend.
He called him a fag then punched him so hard Tim fell to the ground and only woke up when he arrived at the hospital.
He told himself first that he didn't care about their reaction.
The second time he bother to tell someone, the girl, who was suppose to be his childhood friend scoffed and turned away, Tim decided that hurt worse then the punch.
The third time was worse then both. He knew it would be.
He eased himself into a chair next to his father in the living room. A soccer game was on, and for a brief moment Tim wondered if he should even bother.
"Dad?"
His father doesn't even glance away from the TV.
"Yeah?"
"Can I talk to you?" he willed his voice to be strong, but tightened his hand on the arm rest when he realizeed his fingers were trembling.
"What's wrong?" this time his father does turn away to look at him.
"Nothing…just something I want to tell you."
When he actually says the words his father says nothing. He merely stands and walks into the kitchen and speaks harshly to his mother. He'd later find out it was a simple, "Take him away before I do something I might regret."
He went back to school the next day, only his mother was there to say goodbye. And by the confusion in her eyes he knew his father hadn't told her anything.
It was then Tim decided not to tell anyone anymore. All it did was hurt.
But years later when he met Gavin all his rules came tumbling down. All the rules and vows he'd taken to protect himself crashed down around him when Gavin smiled at him and held the door open for him.
Years later he knows it's lame. He knows he doesn't have to hold so tightly to his lover. He knows he doesn't have to act like the world is out to get him. He's got Gavin to love, to protect him. But when he remembers how alone he was before, how scary the world seemed with Gavin standing beside him, all he can seem to do is hold tighter.