Okay so I have a request I'm working on right now but I've been kinda depressed as of late and decided I needed to at least and try to write something that didn't end in smex or happy-joyness. I think I did pretty well and I actually like how this turned out alot. I really like Harry Potter but haven't read/watched it in a bit so excuse any mistakes that might have been made.

Not my usual stuff, just for a warning and not Naruto...wow, 2 birds with 1 stone look at me go!

Anyway...enjoy

Disclaimer: I don't anything but the generalish plot. Characters not mine. Duh.

It was so damn hard sometimes. Well most of the time actually. Life just isn't fair and lately it's just been slamming things down on me one after another and I'm getting rather sick of it.

There he is, a little later today than usual. Hermione and Ron didn't notice the twitch of my hand when he walked in. I didn't even have to look up; I could feel his presence in the room. It was icy, like an Arctic wind went off course to our schools dining hall.

And now he's sitting. His blond hair shines perfectly in the candle light of the room. We've always sat in the same seats since 1st year which works well in my favor; now I can be looking at him while appearing to be looking at Ron. I've been doing this for the past year and no one's noticed. Except Hermione who notices everything.

God that smirk is so incredible, in a total wow-aren't-I-so-amazing-and-you-should-be-jealous sort of way. Which I find very hot; which is really not right is it? It shouldn't be hot. It shouldn't make me want to kiss him until he can't form it. It shouldn't plague my dreams in the middle of the night, making me have to put a soundproof spell around my bed, so I don't wake up the others. But it does.

And it hurts. It hurts to have his attention solely focused on me because when it is it's to insult and hurt me. But when it isn't all I want to do is lock the person he's talking to away so they can never speak again. It hurts to watch the other Slytherians be able to talk and joke with him and to hear about him screwing around with them behind closed doors.

It's worse when it's not behind closed doors. I don't even remember the last little Slytherian slut that was with him but she annoyed me to no end. Her high pitched voice was always where he was, she followed him around like a sick puppy. She was always hanging off his arm (which drove Draco nuts, even if he didn't show it) and they were always either all over each other or trying not to be. It took almost all of my self control to not throw the skinny bitch into the ocean or obliviate her. It was the worst 2 weeks of my life(thank merlin he never kept one around for longer than that).

As I watch him slide in and out of relationships, go through fuck buddies faster than weeds can grow I slowly torment myself more and more. I've actually begun to instigate him, whenever he happens to pass me in the hall I take an extra step toward him so we bump shoulders and he has to retort. Because he's Draco Malfoy and he cannot allow Harry Potter to hit or do anything to him without a retort.

And I love every moment that he's yelling at me. He's at his sexiest when his face is flushed in anger, forehead slightly sweating so his blond bangs stick to it, eyes blazing and overflowing with passionate emotions. When he gets really pissed he'll get right up in my face, trying to make himself as big as he can to intimidate me when all I can think about is that expression twisted in a pleasurable way as he writhers underneath me.

Torture, some would call what I do, purposely putting myself in a position that will only have me hurting more in the end. They're probably right. Who in their right mind keeps going back to their source of pain? It's the definition of insanity: doing something over and over in the same way but expecting a different outcome.

I've actually cried over this at times. Late at night when I'm afraid to go to bed because I don't want to wake up screaming his name. Just thinking about how he's right there and totally unsuspecting, how I could easily over take him and tell him exactly what I think of him.

How he can taunt me and abuse me and criticize everything I do and belittle me and break me down and grind me into the ground with the heel of his boot like I was nothing more than a little annoying bug who happened to step in his path. Yet I still go back. And ask for it over and over and over again.

No matter what Hermione says, no matter how many times she can tell me that Draco's bi (he has had several male sex toys in the past, I already knew that) there's always that little voice in my head screaming at me 'don't get your hopes up, it's pointless; he doesn't like you. The best you could hope for would be him to use you one night and be done with you forever.'

But I'd be fine with that. One night could be enough. But I know it wouldn't be, I'd ache for more and more until I finally cracked and took him against his will; which would crush me as well as any chance I had with him.

So as I sit at the breakfast table, watching him while pretending to be interested in whatever Ron and Hermione are arguing about I slowly drive myself insane. Insane with images of that smirk as we fight, insane with pictures of what he would look like at my mercy, insane with the same routine of forcing him to fight with me just so I can satisfy this crazy desire; if only a little bit.

So I'll cry at night, scream his name in my sleep, instigate him, watch him, be jealous, try to hide it, think of him constantly, watch him some more, cry some more, plan the death of everyone he pays more attention to than me, and slowly, ever so slowly, go insane.

Hope you liked :D

Tell me what you thought or how I could do it better. Don't worry about hurting my feelings or trying to sugar coat things, I can handle anything. Just give it to me straight.

Ja mata =3