A/N: This story is really inane. For those of you that bother to read my other story: No, I haven't forgotten about Growing Up Yakuza. I have the next chapter half-way written. I am just quite slow at writting. So, this oneshot is to get a reprieve for a couple of weeks.
A/N2: "This is talking", "this is whispering or muttering", 'these are thoughts', "this is people talking in unison"
Warning: If you haven't read the manga and seen season1 of the drama you might be confused. Heck, even if you have you might be confused.
Disclaimer: Gokusen isn't mine and I don't think they would like to claim this story as theirs.
Gokusen VS Gokusen
"What da hell's goin' on here?!" Kyoutarou looked around to see a group of people in 3-D along with his 2-D friends. Curious, he took tentative steps towards the 3-D people.
"Who are ya?" Manga-Kyoutarou's question was directed at the 3-D group as a whole. The 3-D characters looked hesitantly amongst themselves as if mentally designating their mouthpiece. The older of the 3-D characters stepped forward, used to taking control of any situation.
"We are characters of the drama-Gokusen." The drama-characters looked at each other nodding in agreement. The manga-group was stunned.
"We are characters of the manga-Gokusen." The manga-Kuroda-Boss said. The drama-people were intrigued by this turn of events. More intriguing was the fact that almost none of them looked like anyone on the other group, with a few exceptions. And, it was this lack of lookalikes that sent them searching earnestly for their other-self.
Now manga-Kyou was looking around for his drama-self. Unable to find him, he stood by the manga-Kuroda-men. A drama-group, who was led by the old man who had spoken earlier, approached them.
"So, these are my men in the manga?" The drama-old-man asked examining the group before him. Directing his attention to the manga-old-man, he said "You must be Kuroda of the Oedo clan."
"Huh?", said the manga-Boss. "There's no Oedo clan. We're the Kuroda clan."
"But, you're also Kuroda... Didn't I hear some people calling you Kuroda Ryuuichirou?"
"Well, yes but it could be a problem with the translation, 'cause I know my last name is Inaba." Drama-Boss looked incredulous at manga-Boss. And, as if to make a point, manga-Boss asked, "So... who's this Oedo guy?... the one that founded your clan?"
"Hmm... don't know... Er... Don't think any of us do... Do any of you guys know?" Drama-Boss asked some of his drama-subordinates. They simply shook their heads in the negative.
"Really? What kind of a yakuza boss are you?" Manga-Boss asked drama-Boss.
"Well, I admit we're not very yakuza oriented in the drama." Drama-Boss said slightly ashamed.
"So, what do you do as part of the yakuza?" Manga-Boss asked drama-Boss. Drama-Boss thought for a long while.
"Um... I guess we don't do anything." Drama-Boss pondered a while longer as if to make certain that this was the case. "We just wait for Ojou to come back from school, really."
"tsk... tsk... tsk... Yep, that'd explain why you don't even look like a kumi at all!" Manga-Boss said. Giving drama-Boss an assessing look, he added, "...you're a bit long in the tooth also."
"You're no spring chicken yourself." Drama-Boss replied. They kept looking at each other.
"Hell! At least I'm in shape. Look at your flabby ass!" Manga-Boss opened his yukata and added, "Now look at me. I am still lean and strong." He showed well defined abs and a V shaped torso. Drama-Boss was impressed which caused him to hold on to his yukata protectively, ashamed to have let his body go a little.
Drama-Boss retorted, "It's easy to be that lean when you are just a drawing." Manga-Boss glowered at this.
"Well, where's the fire, the pride, and the smug smile that comes from being a yakuza?" Manga-Kyou said evaluating the drama-Boss before him. "You know, put on a red suit and you might as well be Santa! You look too jolly and nice." This earned him a glare from manga-Boss.
"A little more respect, he is still us." Manga-Boss said. Manga-Kyou bowed his head.
"Who are you?" Manga-Wakamatsu said to a short, scrawny looking drama-gangster.
"I'm drama-Wakamatsu." The manga-kumi exchanged incredulous looks before erupting into bouts of laughter. The drama-kumi looked at each other perplexed.
"You're just a little shrimp, aren't ya?" Manga-Wakamatsu said between laughs.
"Oi, Wakamatsu! It's like you were put in the drier and just shrunk!" Manga-Kyou said to manga-Wakamatsu as he held the cheeks of Wakamatsu's petit doppelganger-wannabe and laughed.
"Hey! Watch whatcha say!" Shrunken-Wakamatsu said pushing manga-Kyou's hands away and giving as fierce a look as he could manage. This, however, made all manga-kumi laugh even harder. The drama-kumi were not happy.
"Geez, you drama-kumi are just a bunch of lame-ass wusses." Manga-Boss concluded disappointed. "I'm ashamed to even call you our drama-selves."
"We are not wusses! We are badasses!" Drama-Wakamatsu said.
"Yeah, compared to my great-great grandma!" Manga-Wakamatsu retorted.
"Oh my God!" Manga-Kyou said as a stray thought popped into his mind. "You don't think drama-Kyou is a lil' shrimp like this guy, do you?" Manga-Kyou pointed at drama-Wakamatsu.
"Hey!" Both Wakamatsus said in unison.
"I don't think we have one of you." Drama-Boss said to manga-Kyou.
"Are you sure? I am Kyoutarou." He leaned into drama-Boss to let him have a closer look. Drama-Boss shook his head.
"Nope. Don't have one of you." The rest of the drama-kumi agreed.
"What?! You think you're better than me?" Kyou huffed at drama-Boss. The next question was directed at manga-Boss. "Am I not important in the Kuroda clan?"
"Of course you are! You have to understand that you are probably too scary for them, besides they aren't even Kuroda, and they know nothing of the yakuza. They just wait for Ojou and make funny faces." Manga-Boss tried consoling Kyou.
"B-but look at Wakamatsu... Wakamatsu is scarier than me in the manga and they have him in the drama!" Kyou paused for a moment before he continued with his observation, "Of course they sissified him!" Kyou sniffled.
"So, you wanna be sissified?" manga-Wakamatsu asked Kyou. He pointed to drama-Wakamatsu as if to emphasize the consequences he'd have to face. Kyou pondered for several minutes.
Meanwhile, two egg-shaped characters, one from each group, were enrapt by each others likeness. The only difference between those two was that the drama one was scarless... well and 3-Dimensional. It was this smoothness compounded by his egg shape which gave him the appearance of humpty before the great fall while the jagged scarred one looked more like humpty after the fall and having all the king's horses and all the king's men succesfully put him together again. Which brings up one question about the nursery rhyme, what the hell were the king's horses doing trying to repair humpty? It should come as no surprise that their efforts were fruitless after employing horses to glue a friggin' egg. But that is another story all together.
"Well, at least Tetsu looks like Tetsu." Manga-Kyou pointed to the scarless humpty-wannabe-drama-guy. The drama-kumi regarded each other with confused bewilderment.
"No, I'm drama-Minoru." The scarless-humpty-wannabe-drama-guy said. Manga-Minoru thought drama-Minoru was joking around. The manga-kumi did a double take.
"You're pulling my leg?!" Manga-Minoru said. Drama-Minoru shook his head.
"But you look like manga-Tetsu! Heck, if you two hanged around together people would think there was a humpty dumpty convention in town." There was a murmur of agreement among the manga-group. The two humpty-wannabes stood in wounded silence. "Now, he... looks like me. Well, just slightly older..." Manga-Minoru pointed to drama-Tetsu.
Nevertheless, as much as the manga-kumi insisted that drama-Tetsu must be drama-Minoru and vice-versa, the drama-kumi would not budge in their assertion that this simply was not the case, leaving the manga-kumi to mutter in unison, "What the fuck?".
-o-
On the other end of the room, manga-Kumiko and manga-Fujiyama were talking to their drama-selves.
"My, my, I am not very curvy at all." Manga-Fujiyama said to drama-Fujiyama and both Kumikos. Drama-Fujiyama was a little self-conscious about her humble curves. "If it wasn't for the clothes, I would have thought you were drama-Kumiko." Manga-Fujiyama stared at the almost nonexistent breasts of drama-Fujiyama. Drama-Kumiko felt vindicated. After all the remarks made by the drama-students about her boyish figure, it was good to hear someone point out that drama-Fujiyama herself had a boyish figure. Besides, she didn't like the whole boyish figure term, maybe she didn't have wide hips, but she had breasts. She looked at her manga-self. They both seem to have A cup breasts. 'And, how could A cups be a boyish figure? Show me a boy with breast tissue the size of an A cup who thinks this is normal and I will show you a transexual.' Drama-Kumiko's thoughts were interrupted by manga-Fujiyama who, without dropping her gaze from her drama-self, added, "You are a bit of a tease. Aren't you? Hmm... I like that." Drama-Fujiyama blushed at manga-Fujiyama's saucy remark.
At this point the boys, both manga and drama, came over.
"Oooh" Manga-Fujiyama squealed as she saw the drama-boys. "So, these are the drama-boys." Manga-Fujiyama strutted towards the group of drama-boys. "Not bad..." She looked appraisingly at drama-Shin. "Not bad at all..." She had sashayed towards drama-Ucchi letting her eyes wander freely over said boy. "A little bit on the skinny side, but such pretty boys." She said cupping drama-Ucchi's chin and lifting it in the process. The drama boys shuddered a bit at manga-Fujiyama's boldness. In reality the drama-boys weren't that good looking but compared to the manga boys... well... let's just say it was a heck of an improvement, and manga-Fujiyama was pleasantly surprised considering she had been a little disappointed at her drama-self. The only exception was Shin whose manga and drama persona were about as equally cute though almost as equally skinny.
Manga-Kumiko ran towards manga-Fujiyama and held her by the shoulders as she whispered in her ear, "Down girl! Down!" This made drama-Fujiyama grumble to herself, "So, I guess I'm a hussy in the manga."
The manga-boys, used to manga-Fujiyama, didn't bat an eye at her antics. Their attention firmly placed on drama-Fujiyama. They whispered to themselves, so as not to be heard by anyone else.
"She's cute though not very curvy." Manga-Ucchi whispered to the other manga-boys.
"If anything, she's as curvy as both Yankumis." Manga-Kuma whispered in response.
They shifted their attention to their drama-selves. Manga-Minami said, "Hey, we really look good". The drama-boys couldn't make the same statement as they were staring at four ugly dudes and one redheaded pretty boy. The drama-boys tried to decide who was who afraid of which ugly dude was their manga-persona.
"Is Shin still our leader in the manga?", asked drama-Ucchi. The manga-boys nodded. "Then redheaded-pretty-boy here must be Shin 'cause they're not gonna make any of those the leader." Drama-Ucchi said pointing at the rest of the manga-boys.
"I'd have thought that was me", said a disappointed drama-Minami. "He has my haircut and haircolor. He should be Minami."
"Nope. That'd be me." Manga-Minami raised his hand. His drama-self gave a little shriek. Manga-Minami was slightly offended but decided to ignore drama-Minami's reaction. He asked, "Are you one of the forgotten in the drama?"
"What do you mean?" Drama-Minami asked.
"I mean, in the manga, I am just more of a space filler. There have been no stories about me." Manga-Minami looked around as if he was telling his drama-self this big secret. Drama-Minami shook his head.
"I actually had a whole episode about me." Manga-Minami was upset at this, and yelled at fanfiction heaven, "Didcha hear that? He had a WHOLE episode about him. What about ME?" Unfortunately the only one in fanfiction heaven listening was the writer of this fic who has no power to make an official story about him. Besides the writer hasn't read the whole manga, so who knows if there is a story in the volumes that she hasn't read. She planted these thoughts in manga-Minami's mind which seemed to calm him down a bit. The rest of the manga-boys sweatdropped at manga-Minami's outburst while the drama-boys, not having anime/manga capabilites, had to conform themselves to giving him withering looks.
"Eh... well... who's Ucchi?" Manga-Ucchi asked. Drama-Ucchi raised his hand. "Ooh, I'm pretty!" Manga-Ucchi clasped his hands together admiring himself almost dreamily.
"Wow, Ucchi! He doesn't look like you at all..." Manga-Noda said to manga-Ucchi. Manga-Ucchi didn't care. He was ecstatic that he looked pretty in the drama. Manga-Minami said, "Doesn't he look like a llama?" This did not sit well with drama-Ucchi or the rest of the drama-boys.
"He still looks better than that!" A couple of the drama-boys said pointing at manga-Ucchi. Manga-Ucchi gave them a wounded look.
"Hey, hey! Enough of that!" Both Shins said. All the boys backed away.
"This must mean that you are Noda." Manga-Noda with his cap on looked at drama-Noda with his neck scarf. They mirrored each other's frown.
The two Kumas, who were satisfied with their lookalikes, looked at the two Nodas, and as they shared a bag of chips, said in unison, "Why are you two so upset?"
The Nodas looked at the Kumas and said, "Well... just look at him."
"Hey, what the hell does THAT mean?" The Nodas said to each other. The Kumas kept eating as they continued listening to the whole exchange.
"I'm not fashionable AT ALL! What's the deal with the cap? You wanna look like a trucker?" Drama-Noda pointed at manga-Noda's cap.
"Better look like a trucker than some fairy"
"Whose a fairy?"
"YOU ARE with that scarf you always wear on your neck. What's the deal with that?"
"I am artistic. Didn't you know I want to be a fashion designer?"
"You wanna be a fashion designer? Well, if that ain't fruity I don't know what is!"
"Hey! Not all fashion designers are gay. Besides, I ain't gay. I'm the one with the crush on Fujiyama." At this the manga-boys looked at each other puzzled.
"Ucchi's the one with the unhealthy obsession to the busty Fujiyama in the manga."
"Really?" It was the drama-boys' turn to look puzzled.
"Well, in all honesty, you have ogled her once or twice." Manga-Kuma said to manga-Minami.
"Hey! Who hasn't?" They all looked at both Shins who were staring at each other in bored silence. Looking at their half-lidded eyes, they seemed to be in quiet contention as to who could look more bored...
"Well, maybe with the exception of the Shins here..." Manga-Minami rectified. "Still, ogling and having a crush are two different things."
"Whatever, take that fucking scarf off my fucking neck!" Manga-Noda attempted to grab the scarf. Drama-Noda protected his scarf with one hand as he tried to take the cap with the other one. "NO! It is my fucking neck. You take the fucking cap off." Of course a brawl ensued as the drama-boys defended their scarf-wearing-friend while the manga-boys defended their cap-wearing-friend.
"You fucking idiots stop this fight right now." Both Kumikos yelled at the boys. The boys stopped their fighting. The Kumikos realizing what they said went into idiot-mode. "Hehehehehe" while they scratched the back of their heads with one hand.
"What the hell are ya doing? We all know about your yakuza background." The drama-boys said.
"Really? Even the manga-boys?" Drama-Kumiko asked manga-Kumiko. Manga-Kumiko shrugged. They looked at manga-Minami who seemed to be the only one communicating with the writer of this weird-ass story. Though no one else was aware that both Shins knew the writer's thoughts... don't ask...
"The writer hasn't read the whole manga, but she has read some blogs, and it seems we might find out later on, but she is not sure." Manga-Minami said.
"Really?" Manga-Kumiko muttered to herself, her forefinger tapping her lips, while drama-Kumiko, excited about this, raised a fist in the air and said, "Fight-o-oh!" Of course this made the manga and drama boys cock an eyebrow.
At this point, the manga-boys decided to examine drama-Yankumi with the same scrutinity they'd used with their own Yankumi.
"She's still a little weird." Manga-Noda said.
"Dresses weird too." Manga-Kuma said. Drama-Yankumi was shrinking with each statement. Manga-Yankumi tried to see if what they were saying was true.
"Her temper is nicer if a little bit weak." Manga-Minami said.
"Stop talking about me... her as if she wasn't here!" Manga-Yankumi yelled. The manga-boys raised their eyebrows as if saying, 'See what we mean?'
"Well, drama-Yankumi may act like a wuss at times, but when she says she's gonna kick some ass, she means it. One thing we don't get is why she takes off her glasses and ponytails before a fight?" Drama-Kuma said.
"Yeah, why's that? Won't it be better if you keep the ponytails so that your hair doesn't get in the way?" Manga-Yankumi asked drama- Yankumi.
Drama-Yankumi shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe having my hair whipping around while I fight makes me look pretty." She said and raised her fist in the air and added, "Fight-o-oh!" This made manga-Yankumi want to hurl.
The boys rolled their eyes while they shook their heads. Ignoring drama-Yankumi's fondness for self-encouragment, the manga-boys continued their analysis. They reached a conclusion which was voiced by manga-Noda, "You look pretty cute in drama, Yankumi."
At the thought, manga-Shin tried to be inconspicuous as he tried to hide his slightly tinted cheeks.
The drama-boys, who had been doing their own analysis on manga-Yankumi, had reached their own conclusion as well. This was voiced by drama-Ucchi, "Well, manga-Yankumi is sort of cute too, though a little bit scary." Both Kumikos blushed like little school girls sending both Shins' hormones surging causing their palms to sweat and their hearts to flutter. The writer thinks this is the reason why both Shins keep their hands in their pockets. She doesn't want to think of the other alternative for their hands being in their pockets.
"Ha! You should've seen her in the 1st volume of the manga." Manga-Minami said raising his eyebrows.
"Uh-huh, it was NOT pretty... not pretty at all." Manga-Noda said with a little shudder which spread amongst the manga-boys, Shin included.
"Hey, cut it out you!" Manga-Kumiko yelled at the boys. After a few minutes, manga-Shin's four friends and their drama-selves were involved in deep conversation while the Kumikos and Fujiyamas were talking to each other, leaving the bored-looking-Shins to deal with themselves.
"I see I'm even skinnier in the drama." Manga-Shin leaned lazily against the wall, hands deep in his pockets, eyes wandering around listlessly on his drama-self.
"It's not like you have that much muscle." Drama-Shin said with one hand deep in one of his pockets while the other one gave a languid wave.
"I have enough. Remember the fundoshi moment?" Manga-Shin tilted his head and gave a casual glance at manga-Kumiko.
"Fundoshi moment? What happened in this moment?" Drama-Shin cast off his impassive expression. His interest had been piqued. Manga-Shin smirked at how easy it was to lower his drama-self defenses.
Manga-Kumiko heard drama-Shin's questions which brought back the incident she'd tried to forget. This left her with a goofy grin, trapped once again in a dream of naughty things. All other thoughts had been pushed aside.
"That's what happened." Manga-Shin pointed at manga-Kumiko with a smug look on his face. Drama-Kumiko was trying to get manga-Kumiko out of her trance. She didn't hear the Shins conversation.
"You mean she saw you in a fundoshi and she got like that?" Manga-Shin closed his eyes as he nodded. Drama-Shin got a bit jealous. He added, "She saw me naked." This caused manga-Shin to cough uncontrollably.
"What?" Manga-Shin managed to say between coughs.
"At the onsen... I think I was naked... well, the writer thinks I was naked. I'm not sure." Drama-Shin said uncertainly.
"I guess she didn't react like my Kumiko" Manga-Shin mused. Drama-Shin raised an eyebrow at the use of the possessive. Manga-Shin noticed this and raised his eyebrow in open challenge.
"What makes you think she didn't?" Drama-Shin said as he let said eyebrow settle to its original position.
Manga-Shin shook his head and said, "I don't know, could it be the fact that you went to fucking Africa! What the hell? Couldn't you become a man here in Japan?"
"Umm... well, it's not my fault. It was the writers of the show that sent me there." Drama-Shin protested.
"I think you should probably hunt them down for that." Manga-Shin said. Both Shins looked at both Kumikos. Manga-Kumiko by now was drooling a little bit while drama-Kumiko, unable to bring her out of her trance, resorted to screaming "Fight-o-oh!" a few times hoping the self-encouragement will help her break the trance.
Talking about the Kumikos was a sore subject for drama-Shin, seeing as his manga-self had made more headway than him in this area. Intent on changing the subject, drama-Shin asked, "So, how's our sister in manga world?"
"You mean brother." Manga-Shin corrected.
"Nope, sister. I have a sister in the drama. She's pretty cute and very cool." Drama-Shin said.
"Ah, I wish I had a sister. I have a brother who's an S.O.B. Haven't seen him in awhile." Manga-Shin looked in deep thought. He added, "Is our father an asshole in your world too?"
"Yep. Same-o, same-o." Drama-Shin sighed as he said it. "But what do you expect from a senator?"
"What? Senator? He's a chief of police in the manga."
"Really? That'll make it harder to be with Kumiko" Drama-Shin muttered.
"Harder to be with her in either case." Manga-Shin muttered, upset that the writer of either world was intent in making it difficult for them to hook up with the Kumikos.
-o-
On another part of the room, the two Shinoharas faced each other.
"So you're the other me." Drama-Shinohara said to manga-Shinohara. "I'm quite handsome in manga if I do say so myself." Drama- Shinohara smiled.
"Unfortunately you're a bit of a sissy in the drama. I, at least, am more manly" Manga-Shinohara retorted to drama-Shinohara.
"I'm manly! I have three beautiful women trying to get me to pursue them." Drama-Shinohara bragged.
"Exactly. And what have you done? Nothing. You have 3 beautiful women after you, and you can't tell them who you are interested in." They looked at the Kumikos and at drama Fujiyama.
"You shouldn't be the one to talk. You could've told Kumiko a long time ago how you felt instead of stringing her along. You're not an idiot. You knew she liked you." Drama-Shinohara said to manga-Shinohara. But then a sudden thought struck him, and to get back at his manga-self for the previous remark he added, "Maybe I am an idiot in the manga..."
"I'll show you an idiot." Manga-Shinohara prepared himself to punch drama-Shinohara.
-o-
...Meanwhile, with the boys
The manga and drama boys saw the Shinoharas. The manga-boys ran towards the Shins followed by confused drama-boys. Manga-Ucchi said to the Shins, "Oi, did you see the Shinoharas over there?" Both Shins looked over to see the Shinoharas in animated conversation giving furtive looks at the Kumikos. Thankfully the Fujiyamas had helped drama-Kumiko get manga-Kumiko out of her trance. Though some think they helped just to stop drama-Kumiko from yelling another "Fight-o-oh!".
The Shins looked at their friends through half-lidded eyes. "D'ya want us to take care of 'em?" Manga-Kuma asked sharing some buns with his drama-self, though no one knows where he found the food.
The drama-guys didn't understand what was the big deal about the Shinoharas.
"Why do we have to kick their asses?" Drama-Minami asked the manga-boys. The manga-boys cocked an eyebrow each giving a suspicious look at drama-Shin.
"Manga-Shin likes Yankumi. Doesn't drama-Shin?" They all looked at drama-Shin who shook his head as he lowered it down and grumbled, "Thank you manga-guys", without saying another word.
"Holy Shit! He does like Yankumi." They looked at both Yankumis who at this moment realized their Shinoharas were there. And before anyone knew it, both Kumikos and drama-Fujiyama screamed "Shinohara-sensei! Shinohara-sensei!" Manga-Fujiyama looked at the trio in disbelief.
The Shinoharas had been about to fight each other when they heard their names being called and flinched. Forgetting their argument, they started to back away while the boys, manga and drama alike, ran towards them to keep the Kumikos away from the older-pretty-boys' asses. That was the least the boys could do for their Shins. Though, in all honesty, drama-Noda was only trying to keep drama-Fujiyama away from the Shinoharas. Meanwhile the Yankumis continued to scream "Shinohara-sensei! Shinohara-sensei!".
The drama-kumi didn't know about the Shinohara guy unlike the manga-kumi who lowered their heads and waited for their Ojou to stop embarrassing herself.
And, there you have it. The two worlds colliding might not be such a good idea. Which is better? Manga universe has better yakuza. Drama universe has prettier boys. The Shinoharas can't tell a woman how they feel, though manga-Shinohara is manlier. Both Fujiyamas are flirtatious in their own way. Admittedly, manga-Fujiyama might be a bit creepier. Both Kumikos can be idiots at times. And poor Kyou, though wanting to be in the drama, would rather not be sissified. You draw your own conclusions.
A/N: I hope it wasn't too confusing. So, do I get a reprieve for a few more weeks? Chuckle chuckle
A/N2: As most of you may have noticed, my stories are unbeta'd by choice. So, if you see any mistakes feel free to PM me and I will try to fix them.