Disclaimer: Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle and its characters do not belong to me.
Spoiler: Nothing specific; just my own twist on Kurogane and Fai's relationship.
Summary: Who knew that body contact could cause so much misunderstanding between two people? After all, is it worth it to have sex without love? KuroFai.
Note: Written for 100situations LJ challenge. Theme #20 - Love.
Love Me Not
By Gloomy_Gloo
He did not know how they had become this way.
All he could remember were flashes of them yelling, him punching things, him throwing Fai down.
Now they were tangled up in pieces of clothing, both of them unsure of what would come next.
Fai was looking up at him with an emotionless eye, his hair untied and sprawled around his face in a halo, slender body unmoving and vulnerable beneath his, shirt opened in the middle where the buttons were ripped away.
Now was the perfect time for Kurogane to take what he had lusted after for so long. It would be easy for him to claim him now– just remove a couple buttons and the shirt would fall off; just a yank and his pants would come off, too.
But why did it feel so wrong?
Why was Fai lying on the ground like a mindless doll, neither pushing him away nor pulling him closer? Why, at a time like this, was he not reacting at all?
It drove Kurogane mad, the way Fai was so unresponsive; it made him want to beat that pretty face in, because at least then it would show some sort of emotion.
With a growl, he gripped Fai's shirt and ripped the remaining buttons apart, exposing more pale skin to the darkness of the room. Still, Fai did not move. Did not even wince. He just laid there, a blank look on his face, and said nothing.
It was all so wrong.
His body was telling him to just go along with it anyway, to rid them both of their clothes and just fuck the blond like he had intended. After all, sex was just an activity to relieve lust and frustration. It was not like he cared—
But he did. Somewhere along the line, he had learned to care. He didn't mean to, but it happened, and it was too late to turn back now. He cared about Fai like he had never cared about anyone else, though that didn't matter anymore – the feeling was obviously not mutual.
Fai just continued to stare at him with the single eye that reflected not anger, not pain, not passion; he just stared, like Kurogane was not even there, like he didn't care at all.
This was not the way he wanted it to happen, and it would never happen like the way he wanted it to happen, because Fai didn't want this; Fai didn't want him.
In a shove, he lifted himself off of the mage, turning around so that he did not have to look at Fai's empty expression any longer. He would never admit it, but it hurt.
"Get out," he snarled, knowing that Fai would do so anyway without his command.
He did not bother to look at the door as it clicked shut; he was far too frustrated to even think. His first instinctual reaction was to find something to hit, but he had already done that, and destroying everything around him would only prove his inability to control his anger.
Finding no other ways to soothe his frustation, Kurogane closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep, though he knew too well that sleep would not come for him that night.
Throughout the next few days, tension was thick whenever Kurogane and Fai were near each other, and it made the children uncomfortable.
Sakura could sense the beginning of something horribly wrong when Fai suddenly became prone to breaking things.
One morning, she had been handing the mage dishes to dry when his hand missed a plate and it fell to the ground in pieces. She would have dismissed that as a simple accident if not for the same night, Fai broke a glass while failing to reach for it in the cupboard and bumping it onto the counter instead.
After that, Fai had damaged several more dishes and cups while washing them or putting them away.
If Sakura did not know Fai better, she would almost say that he was clumsy, but Sakura knew that Fai was never clumsy. He was ever graceful and ever alert, so it was hardly normal for him to accidentally break so many things.
Fai might always try to hide his problems and feelings behind an indifferent mask, but Sakura could tell from his slip-ups that something significant was bothering him. She could also tell that whatever it was, it had to do with Kurogane. Those two were obviously not on good terms with each other as of late, and she was sure that if they did not resolve their problem soon, one of them would eventually blow.
Unable to just stay put and watch, Sakura decided to help them in any way she could.
"Kurogane-san, may I please speak with you?" she asked timidly as she poked her head into the courtyard where the ninja was practicing with his sword.
The man gave her a sharp look before stopping his swings and walking toward her.
Sakura fidgeted nervously, not sure how to phrase what she was going to say and afraid that Kurogane might just yell at her to "mind her own business". Regardless, she needed to talk about this; she could not just stand on the sidelines and observe the people she loved suffer.
"What is it?" The man asked, red eyes glaring down at her in disinterest.
"I, um, I noticed that you and Fai-san haven't been talking lately. Did something happen between you two?" At the murderous look on the man's face, Sakura thought that maybe confronting Kurogane like this was not the best idea.
"We had a fight; it's nothing unusual," he replied shortly, and Sakura breathed a mental sigh of relief that he neither yelled at her nor told her to go away. However, it made her sad to know that Kurogane and Fai had yet another fight, and this one seemed more serious than any of the ones previous.
"I see," she said, "I hope you two make up soon, then. I hate to see Kurogane-san angry, and I've never seen Fai-san so upset."
At Kurogane's inquisitive look, she explained, "Fai-san…he had been accidentally breaking a lot of things these past few days. It's almost like his mind is constantly elsewhere. I know something is troubling him, but he won't talk about it."
She saw surprise and worry flickered on Kurogane's face at hearing this, and it comforted her to know that Kurogane still cared.
"No matter how much you try to hide it, I know that you are concerned with Fai-san, too, so please, don't fight anymore," the girl finished and gave Kurogane a quick hug before rushing away, leaving the man to ponder over her words.
It was four days after their "fight" and a day after Sakura confronted him that Kurogane decided it was time to straighten things out with Fai.
"Oi, magician," he called, finding the blonde alone in his room.
As he expected, Fai said nothing in return.
"We need to talk," Kurogane continued, walking into the room without permission until he was standing before the mage. Everything was shrouded in blackness so he could not see Fai's expression well, but he had a good idea of where the other man was sitting.
"I know you've been acting out of it lately," he said while looking down at the dark form on the ground that outlined Fai, "the princess is worried about you."
At the lack of response still, Kurogane finally lost his patience and made a grab for Fai's collar, "Say something!" He snarled as his fingers tightened against the fabric of the shirt.
There was a short silence before Fai muttered, "Don't touch me," and those three words made Kurogane let go of him faster than if the shirt was scorching off the skin on his hand.
"Do you hate me that much?" Kurogane asked, angry and hurt all the same, though his voice was just as strong as ever, refusing to let Fai get the better of him.
There was bitterness in his voice when Fai replied, "It's mutual, isn't it? I hate you and you hate me."
"You think that I hate you?" Kurogane scowled.
He heard a humorless chuckle before Fai answered, "Of course you do. Isn't that why you wanted to have your way with me, to hurt me? In the end, though, you were just a big coward and couldn't go through with it."
At that moment, Kurogane suspected that the color of his eyes might have bled into everything around him, because all he could see was red.
"Is that how you think of me?" He growled, voice low in suppressed wrath, "Did you really think that I was capable of forcing myself on someone if I hated him enough? Did you think that I would even want to touch you like that if I didn't lov—"And Kurogane cut himself off right then, realizing that he was about to say something he had never even admitted to himself before.
Fai could only stare at him with a look of unguarded shock and disbelief, having caught his unfinished word anyway.
All this time, he had thought that Kurogane didn't want him. Wasn't that why he stopped even when he had the chance to take him? He was afraid that Kurogane didn't care, and the thought of it had hurt so much that Fai found it difficult to focus properly for the past couple of days; now, he knew he had misunderstood, and felt like a true idiot for it.
Hesitantly, Fai got up and reached for the man standing before him; seeing as how Kuogane only stiffened at his touch but didn't push him away, Fai continued to bring his arms forward until they were wrapped around the ninja's waist in an embrace.
"I'm sorry," Fai murmured as he leaned his head against Kurogane's chest, listening to the sound of rapid heartbeats.
"Idiot," Kurogane grumbled, not used to the human contact but grateful for it all the same, especially since it was Fai who made the contact.
"I'm sorry for being an idiot, and for misinterpreting things, and for making you think that I hate you."
"So you don't hate me then?" Kurogane put a hand under Fai's chin to lift his face up so that their eyes met.
In response, Fai leaned forward and pressed their lips together, hands going to the front of Kurogane's shirt to undo the buttons one by one.
As he deepened their kiss, Kurogane knew too well that sleep would not come for him that night either.
A/N: Thanks for reading!