CLOSED
An X-Files Fanfic
(Set in season 4, after Scully has discovered she has cancer - sometime after Momento Mori but before Redux)
Disclaimer - as much as I would love to, I don't own The X-Files, Chris Carter and Fox do..
"Scully? You in there..?"
Mulder was leaning his temple against the door of her bathroom, his voice was tight and full of care and concern, she wasn't coming out, no matter what he said or did.
The question was so ridiculous.
He had seen her walking in the bathroom, he knew she was in there… but she wasn't answering and he was near the point of desperation..
"Scully, please.. let me in.." He begged with a heavy sigh.
They had been at work, in a meeting with Skinner when it had all gone horribly wrong. He closed his eyes and tried to recall if any of it had been his fault.
Had he said something to worry her or get her worked up..?
"Agent Mulder, you can't make these demands, you know I'm under a lot of pressure to keep you under wraps, for your own sake, and for Agent Scully's..." Skinner had huffed with frustration as Mulder pressured him about the Smoking Man. He wanted to know how to get to him. He had had enough. This happened occasionally, these angry, demanding outbursts, which all his hope was lost - especially now as Scully had cancer, news which shock him to the core.
He couldn't believe it, and he wanted to find the cure for it, he had to. As this was all his fault anyway...
"I don't care! I don't give a shit!" Mulder had shouted, standing up from his chair then, just as Scully frowned, which he would later realise was in pain from a searing headache, at his side.
"Mulder, let it go.. he can't help with this…" she had mumbled weakly, but he had ignored her, his fury driving him away from any reasoning..
"I'm fine, Mulder."
He pulled his temple away from the door then, in shocked surprise.
He had been doing this for at least a half hour - since he followed her home from the FBI, since she stormed up to her apartment.
He still followed her yes, through the rain, through the biting cold outside which whipped his trench coat around him, up to her apartment door, catching it.. just before she slammed it shut in his face, his hand gripping it just before it trapped his fingers..
"You're not fine. I know what that means from you, Scully…" He started painfully, then sighed again as he stared at the closed door in front of him, "-please, just let me in.. you scared the shit out of me.."
"I just need a minute."
She interrupted him partly, and he could hear the desperation in her voice for him to go.
He respected her need for alone time, her space, but she had just collapsed right in front of him, and Skinner. When he had caught her in his arms, which he did easily, as he had natural reactions to protect that woman, his instincts kicked in as if on overdrive whenever she needed him.. he had held her and looked down at her closed eyes, her pale skin, whiter than usual, not her pale yet beautiful complexion he had gotten so used to, but almost a tinge of blue, as if she was already..
"Ok.." He sighed, pushing his hands against the door and moving backwards against the wall behind him and slumping there, crossing his arms. He would wait for her, as long as it took. "I'll be here, whenever you're ready to come out."
"Mulder…" She started helplessly.
Her voice rang a hint of sadness to him, and it broke his heart.
"No." He whispered firmly, as he always knew what she was thinking, or was about to say, "I'm not leaving you."
She clutched the basin with one hand and pushed the toilet paper to her nose and tried to stop the oncoming nose bleed which she knew was imminent. Looking at herself in the mirror, she hardly recognised who she saw. Her blue eyes were dimmer, her cheeks more sunken, her skin was so pale, almost blue. She swallowed nervously and pushed her fears and worries down. She was strong, she had always been such a strong person, this was something she could fight, she could overcome it..
But deep down she wasn't so sure, she was dying…
She stifled down a sob and turned on the faucet so Mulder couldn't hear her tears.
He wasn't leaving, he had followed her all the way home, which annoyed her but also she found somewhat comforting, even if she didn't want to admit it. But she didn't want him to be worried about her, following her all the time, being there for her in case she collapsed again, what a burden, she thought. He didn't need that shit...
She sniffed a tear away and then she felt it, almost on cue, the bleeding from her nostrils.
Scully closed her eyes in resignation and stuffed another load of toilet paper to her nose and sat down on the side of the tub, sighing and trying to calm herself.
She couldn't collapse again, she needed to calm the hell down and relax...
Mulder waited for her, listening to every sound he could make out.
His heart was raging in his chest with worry, was she ok?!
His greatest fear was her collapsing again and smacking her head against the side of the basin, or, he thought, slipping as she went over and hitting her chin on the side of the tub, or falling down to the tiles and smacking her face against them as she hit the ground, god, he really needed her to open that damn door..
He frowned as he heard the water running, wondering what her next move might be.
Was she having a bath? A shower?
What was she doing?
Why did she need to wash her face? Was she crying..?!
"Scu.." He started quietly, edging towards the door again, he was desperate to check on her, but he stopped himself as she had asked him to give her a minute, and he had to respect her privacy.
He was relieved when she didn't answer, but only because he could hear the water stopping, so she just still be conscious, right?
"Mulder…. Just go home."
He froze as he heard her voice, it was tearful and muffled now, as if she had something covering her face or her mouth, her nose even.
Then it hit him, the nosebleeds. She was having another one...
He groaned painfully as he realised this, his heart breaking now with sympathy and sadness. He couldn't help it as he stepped back towards the door and clasped the handle.
"No, I'm not going anywhere." He said softly.
She was silent for a while and he just stayed there. He leant towards the door again, resting his whole forehead against it now.
"There's nothing you can do for me."
He frowned in refusal.
"I can't have you collapsing again. You scared the shit out of me." He repeated. He heard a heavy sigh from her and he closed his eyes sadly. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to upset you by saying that, but you did.."
Suddenly he heard a shuffling, as if she was walking around, and he pulled back and clutched the handle tighter, his heart rising with hope.
Please open the door, please open the door… he begged to her internally..
"I'm not going to collapse again Mulder."
He stared at the door, his heart skipping a beat as he realised she was right next to him now on the other side, she had moved, she had moved towards the door..
"Let me in. Open the door, whatever, please.."
But he needn't have asked, as she was letting him in.
He felt the handle turn in his hand and he stared at it, loosening his grip so she could unlock the door and pull it open.
PLEASE REVIEW!
Not 100% sure where this is going yet, but hope you like it. Glad to be writing again. Xx