Let it be known that I do not own TMNT or any of the characters. I only own Amelia because she is my OC.

He was gone. My protector, the one I could always count on being there. How could it have happened? He was always so strong. His only soft spot was for his family, and even that was safeguarded. He never let anyone know how he truly felt, how vulnerable he really was. How could Shredder have found that, could have used it against him? It just didn't seem possible. He had always been the strongest. I may never know how Shredder discovered that weak spot, but I know I'll make him pay for it. He used me against my brother. I was his biggest weakness. I had always been the frailest of the team.

Rage clouded my thoughts as my tears did the same to my vision. I punched that old, leather bag until my knuckles were raw. Even then, I didn't stop. This type of training had been his favorite. I could watch him for hours and he would never cease until something else caught his interest. I heard the soft padding of one of my brothers nearing me. I whipped out a kunai and threw it at his feet. It was my warning, to stay away from me. I wanted to be alone. Why couldn't anyone just grant me that one wish? Couldn't I mourn my own way?! The others had the chance! Why couldn't I have that luxury?! I pounded the punching bag even harder, my knuckles starting to bleed. I could feel the hot tears streaming down my cheeks. They felt like they were burning, but I didn't stop them. Why bother? They would only be replaced by fresh ones.

Finally, I couldn't unleash my pain and sorrow through my fists anymore. I sank to my knees, sobs racking my entire body. I punched the floor beneath me once, my blood smearing on the bricks. It wasn't fair! I doubled over in pain. It wasn't physical. No, I was in enough emotional pain to take the place. More tears burned my skin and I thought it fitting. After all, Raphael had died in that fire, making sure I had gotten out of that building. It was justified that I feel some kind of burn. Why was he so stupid?! Why did he come back?! Why did he have to die saving my life?! I punched the floor again, my sobs echoing through the lair. I knew Leonardo still stood behind me, waiting. He would approach me when he knew was right. Either that or he would come to me before I thought I was ready, but when I knew I was.

"My daughter," the wise, old voice of my father murmured softly. I hadn't even heard him enter the room. I supposed that was what happened when you were too busy unleashing your rage on whatever was in sight. I shook my head, wishing to be alone. Master Splinter sounded sorrowful and concerned. I looked up from my curled position, hiccupping gasps erupting from my lips. He stood before me and his dark eyes matched his voice. I felt pitiful looking at him and turned my gaze back to the ground. I then felt the hand of my brother on my shoulder. Leonardo had finally approached.

"Amelia, he wouldn't," he started.

"Don't," I hissed, though my voice was hoarse from my crying. "Don't tell me he wouldn't want me to be like this. Don't you think I already know that?! Knowing it doesn't make it any easier! Leo, Raph's dead! And it's all my fault!" By that time, I was yelling. I didn't care who heard. I wasn't ashamed of my anger, of my pain. Everyone was hurting, so no one could judge me.

"No, it's not. You're not to blame, Amy."

"He went back to save me. If I hadn't gotten myself stuck in there in the first place, he'd still be here and we'd be happy. He'd be the one hitting that punching bag instead of me!"

Leonardo remained silent for a few moments. He knew I wouldn't listen to reason just yet. I knew I wouldn't. Rather than speaking, he pulled me into a sitting position and wrapped his arms tightly around me. I cried harder, my tears moistening his rough skin. He remained still as I shook with my sobs. I knew I needed to gain control over myself, but simply couldn't. After what only seemed like a short time to me, he let go and I looked up to see Master Splinter nearing me. Leonardo had backed up to give our father room. Master Splinter gently brushed my short, chocolate brown hair out of my face in order to clearly see my tear-filled, matching eyes. I was the only one of my family who was 'normal' to the outside world.

"Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated," he said with that sage-like wisdom he always seemed to have.

I stared up at him with glistening eyes. His words were true. My God, they were true. They only brought me more pain, though. I knew very well he was intending to comfort me, and I supposed it would later. But at that moment, nothing short of a miracle could soothe me. More harsh gasps replaced my breathing as I struggled not to curl into a ball again. My body trembled as Master Splinter rested his paw on my cheek, my tears dampening his fur. I sniffled a few times, my bottom lip quivering.

"Master Splinter," I whispered, my voice wavering all across the scale. "How long will it hurt?" I was afraid I knew the answer, but I didn't want to admit it to myself. I feared the pain would last forever, that I would never get over my brother's death.

"I do not know, my child. This will pass, but you will always remember Raphael, as will we all."

I hiccupped with a small nod. I understood what he was saying, but that was all I could affirm. I pulled away a few minutes later and stood shakily. My knees were weak beneath me as I walked over to my kunai and picked it up, putting it back into the holster I carried on my hip. I stared at the wall just past Leo, where Raphael's Sais hung unused. We'd found them after the fire had been extinguished, along with what remained of Raphael. I squeezed my eyes shut and shook that image from my head. I stared back at the Sais, fighting back my tears. I would probably ask Master Splinter to teach me to use them. After all, my only weapons were kunai, throwing stars, senbon and my tessen. Taking up the Sais would be a tribute to my fallen brother.

I could almost swear I felt Raph's presence surrounding me, even after he was gone. Even in death, he still looked after me. A small, sad smile formed on my lips at the thought. Raph had always had the softest spot for me, though he'd never say so. He didn't need to. He had always been the first to act if I was put in danger. Raphael was my protector. Now, he'd protect me through the Sais that hung on that wall.

-Cries-

I feel so terrible for writing these stories, but I was in a tragic mood and, well... these always were my best... please R&R. No bashing.