A/N: Background you need to know on this story.
Told in Simon's point of view.
In The Message in the part where Kaylee is listening to Tracey's "last recording" and Simon shows up at the door of the engine room.
I messed up. Of course I did. Like always, it shouldn't come as surprise. It's funny that the top 3 percent doctor, top of the class, could make mistakes this often. Here's the worst part, I haven't fixed it yet. The million apologies I make in my head are never going to help if they disappear every time I see her.
If she talks to me at all, its cold, one word and only directed towards me, like she discussing it with someone else entirely and wants to make sure I hear. I don't blame her. She's given me so many chances, so many times I see the hurt in her eyes but she just shrugs it off and I don't know how to fix it.
I have to go. Decisive now, I get up and start walking towards the engine room. Shaking off the self-condemnation I think very carefully about what I am going to say. Analyze it; scan every part of it until I finally know exactly what I want to say. Determined not lose it; I walk, hardly paying attention to where my feet are taking me.
Finally I reach the engine room. A vaguely familiar voice reaches my ears. As I listened, I recognize it. First hesitating, I turned around and walked away, going to my room.
The pain was numbing, almost soothing.
I knew I didn't deserve her.
Kaylee.
Strawberries and wide smiles.
Pink frilly dresses and painted butterflies.
Shiny, bubbly optimism.
Bright colors and engine grease.
And me, the man who is too busy looking after his sister to give her the attention she deserves.
The man who's is too proper to let her know that he loves her.
The man who she constantly has to forgive because he always says the wrong thing.
My only wish left is that the man that could be her everything wasn't dead.
That all that's left of him wasn't a recording and some old war stories.
Because never could I be selfish enough to believe it was or could ever be me.
Awww. Poor Simon. I've always liked this part---it's so cute. (Wiping away tears) Now I have to go write something really happy! First sort of angst-y fic I've written. What do you think? Review pretty please with strawberries on top.
-OtterPotter