Rejected by all, loved by none…
Those were the words that came to me as I got back into the cab. I didn't even like that chubby little nerd. But that didn't stop the sting.
I wasn't even good enough for a nub to stick around.
Stupid little Gibster. How'd he get that? I thought. After pushing my hair out of my face, I sunk into the corner of the small cab and instructed the driver to go to the groovie smoothie.
"You okay lady?" he asked, his voice concerned as his eyes met mine in the rear-view mirror.
"Fine." I muttered turning my face towards the window.
Nobody's ever loved me. Nobody's ever cared enough about me to really get to know me. The part of me underneath the bully. Yeah, Carly's been there and sort of knows me, but it's different. She's my best friend but even then she doesn't get me most of the time.
And then there's Freddie. The nub who's turned into a full-out knight in shining armor type of guy, all tall, smart, and muscley. And sometimes I can close my eyes and just imagine that he could love me some day.
I put up some lame excuse to Carly and Freddie this morning. Told them that I didn't want to pay for it and that all the guys at school made me sick, but really they made me sick because I knew that none of them would care about me really. All they'd see was my body or my tough personality and be attracted for all the wrong reasons or scared.
I never told my two best friends my real feelings about my home, my parents. Before fifth grade, I'd had a loving father and mother, I loved my twin Melanie, and I was the happiest little girl you'd ever find. But then daddy left. He left all of us, leaving my mother an alcoholic and a playgirl.
My sister cut herself off from everybody. She put all of herself into her grades, growing so stressed that she almost committed suicide over getting a B on a test, which is why she went to the fancy private school. Melanie hid behind her smile.
I hid behind my tough personality.
Tears threatened, so I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead against the dirty glass of the cab window, refusing to cry. I promised myself I wouldn't today, that I'd have a great time and just forget my past. But apparently that proved impossible.
Smoothies make things better. You're almost there. I told myself, counting the minutes until we reached it.
"Here you go lady." He said. I began to dig in my pocket for some money when he cleared his throat.
"Er…we're straight. Have a good night." He said kindly. I smiled and thanked him before getting out.
He drove off into the night and I took a deep breath, staring briefly up at the stars and fingering my small star necklace. Dad had given it to me so long ago, and it was the only thing I had to remember him by, not that I really wanted to remember him.
I was the reason he left, I had to be. It was my fault. I don't know how, but it was. Or at least, that's what my mom had yelled at me last night after drinking a few shots.
I finally made my way down the path, towards the entrance of the Groovie Smoothie. Odd, but I heard music pouring out the door.
Once I pushed open the door and walked in a little, I raised my head to see who was in there. And froze in my tracks.
There they were, my two best friends, looking like the perfect little couple, swaying back and forth to the music, both with happy little smiles on their faces.
I swear my heart split into two.
It took me a couple of seconds to recover, I felt my face falling out of the bored mask I wore and my pain slipping through. It quickly took me over, so I turned around and walked back through the door. I told myself not to do it, I knew I'd regret it, but I looked through the window for one last glimpse.
They were in the same position, only Freddie was repositioning his hands, his smile fading slightly, but I didn't know why. I didn't care. I ran.
As fast as my shaking legs could carry me, I ran to Bushwell Plaza. I barreled through the lobby, ignoring Lewbert's shouts that crying blondes weren't allowed to be in his lobby. I hadn't even realized I was crying. I ran up the stairs and didn't stop until I couldn't run anymore.
I was on the top floor where nobody ever came. I managed to crawl around the corner so I was no longer visible by anyone on the stairs and then curled up against the wall, tugging off my shoes and pulling my knees up to my chest.
And then I let it go.
The tears came, fast and furious, pouring down my cheeks and landing on my knees and shirt. I sobbed for who knows how long, ignoring my phone when it rang Running Away, Freddie's ringtone, and Barbie Girl, Carly's. It even rang the odd song I'd chosen for Spencer, but I just eventually put it on silent, only able to focus on my rapidly breaking heart.
Even when the tears were gone, it didn't stop. My stomach heaved dryly, needing tears to continue and let out the growing pressure, but I'd run out of them.
I didn't even realize I was rocking myself until I felt my back hit the wall, and I stopped by resting my head on my knees, feeling ever ounce of energy leave my body.
Nobody loved me. Nobody cared. I was just a childhood friend who would fade into the backs of Carly and Freddie's minds, never to be brought up again. Who cared about me? I was always second best, always the one to get used, always the reject.
Mom liked Melanie better, I was constantly rejected and cast aside. By my mom, my dad, the guys I'd taken a chance to date. Jonah had gone out with me only to try and cheat on me with my best friend. Pete turned out to be a total sleaze and after our one date together, I ran away as soon as I got the chance.
It was how I coped with things, by running away. Burying my emotions deep down where nobody could find them, no one at all.
Hell, by this point I doubt anyone could, no matter how hard they tried. I had impenetrable walls, the only one who'd managed to get through even a little bit so far was Carly.
But then I reconsidered my thoughts. There was another, one who'd wormed his way through my walls in such a way that I had no idea he'd even begun to try when he'd found his way right into my heart.
Fredward Benson. One of the biggest nubs I'd ever met was now so deeply buried in my heart that it was impossible to remove him, not that I really wanted to. The only reason I did was that he could never love me back, he'd always loved Carly, always would. Wasn't tonight proof of that?
And now I was lying here, wanting to die from the pain in my heart.
If you've never felt heartbreak, there's no way to describe it.
Every time something like this happens, I feel as if a knife is plunged straight into my heart again and again, the pain overwhelming and taking me down to my knees every time.
And that's what it was now, icy pain shooting all throughout my entire being.
I felt incapacitated, as if my body just would not work. Numb all over, but still hurting in my heart.
And that's the condition I in when I felt something big and warm touch my shoulder.
Hey guys…I hope you enjoyed this, or not. I don't really care. I'm sorry for the delay in "Ghosts, Goblins, and…Princesses" but I've been working hard on it. It's kind of hard when your heart's broken :P I find recently that when I'm on emotional highs and lows, I have my most creative inspirational moments, so naturally when I told my best friend I loved him and he very kindly turned me down, I got inspired to write this. If you couldn't guess, this is based off of Sam's heartbroken look in iSpeed Date, and all of her little emotional outbursts and things throughout the episode I actually cried, watching that feeling so bad for her. Oh well, this is a two-shot and will have a happy Seddie-ish ending, with a little more caring friendship than romance don't hate me please! Hopefully another chapter for said story above will be up by tomorrow night, I'm going to try and get happy again :P