Author's note: This is an idea that popped into my head and wouldn't leave. So I wrote it down. If there's enough interest, I might consider expanding it further at some point. Hope you enjoy!

It was nearly four o'clock on a Saturday, and I was trying to figure out what to do with myself for the evening. I was broke, so I couldn't really afford to go out, but being broke also meant there was next to no food in my apartment. I couldn't quite make myself eat Rex's hamster crunchies.

I'd broken up with Joe, again, last week, so my mom was pretty furious with me. So I'd have to be on the verge of starvation before I'd mooch dinner from my parents. Starving was preferable to having to listen to yet another "why me?" and a lecture on how I was going to die lonely and miserable if I didn't go crawling back to Joe immediately.

I love Joe, I really do, but we'd both come the realization that we weren't in love with each other like we should be to get married. He wanted a housewife and mom to his brood of kids. I wanted to be Wonder Woman. It just didn't work, but we'd actually sat down and discussed it like mature adults rather than rant and wave and use copious Italian hand gestures.

We might even be able to be friends one day. Maybe miracles do happen.

I flopped back down on my threadbare couch and stared at my blank TV. I'd cancelled cable to save that $70 a month, and none of my movies appealed to me. I was contemplating giving myself a pedicure when there was a tentative knock on my door.

I heaved myself to my feet, hoping it was a food fairy.

I peeked out the security hole and blinked with shock. It wasn't the food fairy. It was my asshole ex-husband.

I opened the door cautiously. "Dickie?"

He shot me a weak smile. "Hey Steph."

I just continued to look at him for a minute. "Uh, could I come in?" he finally asked.

I opened the door and let him in, and then led him to my crappy couch.

"So, what are you doing here?" I asked after another few minutes of silence.

He let out a long breath. "I've come to apologize."

"For?"

"Everything, really. For being such an asshole to you. For cheating on you. For ripping you off in the divorce."

Damn. This must be one of the signs of the impending apocalypse. Or maybe he was an alien clone.

"Why?" was all I could ask a minute later.

Another deep breath in and long sigh out. "Well, it's a long story."

"I've got a few minutes."

He nodded and started talking. "Well, I came to work really high one day almost a year ago. One of the partners caught me and gave me an ultimatum to either get treatment or get fired. I picked treatment, of course, but figured I could just fake it for a while and hide it better at work. I knew I was smarter than any therapist or whatever. But the guy that Tony, that's my boss, told me I had to see was actually a lot smarter than I thought."

"Wow."

"Yeah. So it turns out I have an addiction problem. And I'm addicted to thrills and adrenaline. So going to work high or drunk was a thrill to try to not get caught. Pretty much any risky behavior was thrilling. Driving too fast, drinking too much, doing harder and harder drugs, even risky sex. I was just trying to get that adrenaline high by doing stupid shit. I would have eventually killed myself or caught HIV or something. But my therapist helped me to see my problem, and he got me into a couple of recovery groups to help me to deal with my addiction problems to drugs, alcohol and sex. So I've been going to AA and NA and everything, and well, it's actually starting to make sense. But one of the things we have to do is to try to make amends to those we've hurt. And when I started making my list of all those I've hurt in my life, and it's a long list, you were at the very top. I was so awful to you, and I just want you to know how sorry I am."

Holy crap. I just blinked at him in shock.

"So part of it is to tell you that I'm sorry, but I also felt like I should try to do something to at least try to make it up to you, not that I think I ever could. So here."

He handed me an envelope and I took it mechanically. My brain was completely blown.

"Open it," he encouraged after a minute of me just staring at it.

I did. I pulled out a cashier's check for $75,000. "What the hell?" I exclaimed.

Dickie shot me a shy smile. "I screwed you over in so many ways, Steph. Part of me knew that I shouldn't be married, that I was just going to make your life hell. But the other part of me got off of trying to hide things from you. I think that's why I got caught cheating, part of me wanted you to know so you'd leave me. I did love you, at least as much as I could back then, and I didn't want to see you waste your life with me. I just didn't know to deal with all of my own shit. So I brought that skank home and knew you'd find us. As stupid and horrible as it sounds, to some degree, I was trying to protect you. I know you won't believe it, and I didn't either the first time my therapist asked me. But over the last nine months, I've really had to reevaluate my life. And I didn't like the man I was."

"But this much money?" That was more than I would typically make in several years.

"I'd inherited a lot of money from my great uncle, but I never told you, and I kept it out of the divorce. I totally screwed you over and left you with half of my debt, which I could have paid off pretty easily with my inheritance. My ego got involved once you found me with Joyce, and I got pissed that you'd told everyone about my infidelity. So I tried my best to screw you over as much as possible."

I just gaped at him.

"I was a real asshole to you. And I'm sorry. And I know the money won't make up for it, but I figured I owed you for the twenty grand in bills I left you with, and to share part of my great-uncle's inheritance with you. Legally, you should have gotten half since he died while we were married. I just lied about it."

"Holy shit, Dickie!"

He smiled a real smile, and just for a second, I remembered why I'd dated him in the first place. He had a very nice smile.

I was gobsmacked. "It's yours, Steph. Whatever you want to do with it. Buy out Macy's, buy your own place, whatever you want. It's yours, and it should have been yours years ago."

I just shook my head. "Dickie, I can't."

He just nodded. "You can. You ended up having to pay nearly twenty grand in loans that I'd taken out to cover my drinking and using. I know that totally wrecked your savings. I was a vindictive little bastard. This is what you should've gotten then. I'm just sorry I was too much of a self-absorbed asshole to be fair to you back then."

"Are you for real?"

"I am. I know I'll never make it up to you, but this should go a long way to helping you move on with your life."

He was right. Once I cashed this thing, I could actually buy some food. And perhaps even a halfway decent car the next time mine exploded.

"I swear to God, if this is a joke, I will make you regret ever being born."

He chuckled. "There's my spunky Stephanie. It's not a joke. And I already have a ton of regrets. It's a cashier's check, so it's legit. I promise."

I eyed him speculatively. "So why now?"

His grin faded. "I'm trying to get clean. I've been sober for almost four months now. It's been hard, I won't lie, and I've screwed up more than a couple of times. But if I don't want to be dead by forty, I've got to do something about it. And it was just time to start trying to make amends. Now, I'm not going to be giving checks to everyone, but you're the person I think I've wronged the most. So I'm trying to work through my list. It just seemed like it was time."

I nodded slowly. "If you're for real, then I'm proud of you."

He let out a breath and smiled. "Thanks. That means a lot."

We just sat there in silence for a few more minutes until my stomach let out a loud roar. I blushed as Dickie laughed. "I guess I should go and let you get some dinner, huh?"

"I'll have to cash the check first, it's been sort of slow for me. But thanks. This really will help a lot."

"How about I take you out to dinner then?"

I snorted. "Are you nuts? My mom would start planning another wedding."

He winced. "Your mom's a little nuts."

He's not kidding. "Want to order a pizza then?"

"I think I just need to sit an think about this first. But thanks."

"Sure." He stood awkwardly. "I did love you Steph, and I'm sorry for screwing up everything. If there's ever anything you need, you just call me."

I just nodded. I felt like my brain was going to explode. I followed him to the door and said goodbye, and then carefully attached the check to my fridge with a Pino's magnet. Like I need a magnet to know their phone number.

Half an hour later, I was still sitting on my couch, utterly lost in thought when there was another knock on my door. At this rate, it could be Publisher's Clearing House with my million dollar prize money!

It was Dickie. Again. But this time, he had two pizza boxes, a box that looked like it was from the Tasty Pastry, a case of Coke's at his feet and a couple of grocery store bags.

"What the heck?" I asked.

He walked in and put the pizzas and pastries down on my bar. "Figured it would maybe give me a few karma points to make sure you had some food."

I gaped at him as he brought in the rest of the items. "Two pizzas with everything, a dozen Boston crèmes, and some other stuff I grabbed at the store."

"But… but…"

He laughed. "Called in the pizza and then ran by the donut shop and the grocery store. It's not a lot, but it should keep you alive until you can get to the bank on Monday."

"Damn, Dickie!"

He laughed and then gave me a soft kiss on the cheek. "I really am sorry, Steph. Hope you have a good night." And then he was gone.

Aliens have taken over the world. I was sure of it. But at least I would be full and happy when the alien overlords came for me.