they'll name a city after us

and later say it's all our fault

(REGINA SPEKTOR)

please don't confront me with my failures

i have not forgotten them

(JACKSON BROWNE)

i fought the war

but the war won

(METRIC)

You must be ready to burn yourself in your own flame;
how could you become new if you haven't first become ashes?

(NIETZSCHE)

\The war was supposed to end like this:

Harry Potter defeats the Dark Lord and marries the beautiful Ginny Weasley and everyone that is evil is locked away for good. The key is thrown away and dropped into the center of the Indian Ocean and by the time it's found, the evil people have died and are rotting in the ground and the key is too rusty to do any good.

Except:

Harry Potter defeats the Dark Lord (of course he does), but he doesn't marry Ginny Weasley (in an interview with the Prophet he explains that, although they remain close friends, they didn't want to rush into anything that they might regret later), and at least three of the people who were locked away are released mere months later.

Someone found their key too early.

Azkaban tastes like mothballs, Narcissa decides after the third night. How utterly trivial.

Her hair catches along the stone wall when she slides down to the floor of her cell and she picks at her sleeve.

"So this is where doing everything in your power to save your son gets you," she murmurs to herself, staring at the opposite wall and longing for a window. Down the hall, she can hear her husband's voice yelling at someone. Your Lord is dead, Narcissa wants to scream at him. It is your fault we're in here.

Somewhere farther down from Lucius is their son. Their only son, locked away and Narcissa just wants to see him and hold him and promise him that it will be all right.

Their trial is in twelve weeks.

The guards are nicer to her than she expected, probably because the Potter boy mentioned in numerous interviews that it was because of her that he survived in the Forest that night. She remembers him saying that she didn't care whether or not Voldemort won – all that mattered to her was her son.

The man on the weekends looks like he could be Draco's age and he casts her sympathetic looks when he hands over her bowl of soup.

"How are you holding up?" he asks and his eyes are pitying.

Narcissa raises her eyebrow and lifts her aristocratic chin in defiance. The Dark Lord lived in my home, she wants to say. This is nothing compared to that. You do not know fear. Instead, she just accepts the bowl. "I'm fine, thank you" and tastes it. The soup scalds her tongue.

She waits until he's gone to spit it out.

Draco was only seventeen (he spends his eighteenth birthday in Azkaban), but he was locked away with her and Lucius all the same. Narcissa remembers asking why that was necessary and pleading to not imprison him, but all they said was, it's a necessary precaution, Madame Malfoy as if that were supposed to make her feel better.

("He's seventeen," she had ground out, clenching her teeth, and the Auror that had come to fetch him just shrugged.

"Barty Crouch Jr was nineteen when he helped your sister put the Longbottoms in Saint Mungo's for the rest of their lives," the Auror told her and Narcissa remembers almost slapping him.

"Completely different circumstances," she said instead. "You heard what Potter said about my son."

The Auror just raised and lowered one shoulder and he was so infuriatingly blasé about the entire ordeal that she wanted to scream. Draco, however, remained silent and hadn't put up any struggle, as though he were expecting this.

He would tell her years later, that he was. "It was only a matter of time, I figured," he will say and put his tea cup on the saucer. "There was no way I wouldn't get my comeuppance.")

The younger guard (his name is Julian, she learns) tells her that a vigilante murdered Pansy Parkinson, one of Draco's friends at school, two days after the battle because her father was a Death Eater and she'd tried to turn Harry Potter over to the Dark Lord.

After she hears that, she does feel a bit better in a sick sort of way.

"Mother?"

Narcissa hears Draco's voice from the darkness, but she doesn't move. She's used to hearing his voice after it gets dark and yes, she is well aware that she sounds like she's going mad, thank you.

Her cell door opens then and she sits up a little on her ratty little bed and Draco walks in, his hair a shock of white-blonde against the blackness and even though she can see Julian standing behind him, she runs to her son and pulls him into a tight hug. She buries her face in his hair and just breathes in his scent. He no longer smells of French milled soap and the cologne he started wearing in his fifth year – he smells dirty and ill and so Narcissa holds him tighter.

"Julian said you wanted to see me," he murmurs, his voice muffled and his face pressed against her neck.

"I did," Narcissa breathes. "I so wanted to see you."

After a few minutes, they break away. Julian is nowhere in sight, but Narcissa figures he's probably lurking about. She strokes her fingers against her son's cheek. "How are you?" Draco asks and Narcissa lets out a quiet laugh at him being concerned about her.

"I'm fine," she whispers. "How are you?"

Draco raises and lowers one shoulder. He is so thin now, his cheeks hollow and his skin tinged grey again. His eyes are downcast, fixed on his knees. Narcissa combs her fingers through his hair, smoothing it away from his face. "What are we going to do about father?" Draco asks.

"What do you mean?" Narcissa murmurs, running the backs of her fingers against his cheek.

"I mean, are we just going to leave him? He thinks you want to just leave him to fend for himself and that you won't testify for him at our trial. He thinks you're just going to throw him to the wolves." Draco still isn't looking at her.

Narcissa takes his chin in her hand and gently turns his head so that they're looking in each other's eyes. "Draco," she tells him firmly, quietly, "I am absolutely furious at your father. He joined the Dark Lord and led us down this path that landed us here. It is his fault that we got into this mess. He knows that. And one thing he should also know is that you and I are going to make him work like hell for us to respect him again, but we will never, ever, ever abandon him." Her lips quirk into a smile. "I love your father. You love your father. And Malfoys don't abandon each other, my darling. Remember that." She taps his nose with her finger. "Malfoys don't abandon each other."

One final hug and a kiss to Draco's cheek and Julian escorts him back to his cell.

Malfoys don't abandon each other, and neither do Blacks, and that's why Narcissa thinks about Sirius and Bella and Meda in the days leading up to her trial.

She misses her sisters, has missed Bellatrix ever since her sister broke out of Azkaban and had returned with her mind… changed and has missed Meda ever since she left without a word.

Tucking her right thumb to her palm, Narcissa makes a loose fist and vows to make amends with her older sister after her release.

If I'm released, she thinks and shakes her head.

Narcissa drums her nails against the wall and counts down the days until their trial.

Lucius looks terrible – even worse than he did after escaping Azkaban last year – and that gives Narcissa a vicious sort of satisfaction.

"You look like a corpse," she mutters to him, as she smooths down her robes and blonde hair and runs a maternal hand over Draco's hair. She smiles at her son and presses a kiss to his cheek. They arrived to the Ministry an hour before their trial was due to start and Narcissa is using this opportunity to fuss over her son (she missed doing that) and go over what they're going to say.

There are footsteps behind her and Narcissa whirls around and instinctively goes to shield her son, remembering Pansy Parkinson. She lets out a quiet breath when she sees Harry Potter standing there and she adjusts herself, lifting her chin and says, "Hello, Mr Potter."

"Mrs Malfoy," Potter says, nodding his head at her. "Mr Malfoy. Draco."

Lucius scowls at Potter and doesn't say a word. Draco just looks nervous, but he returns Potter's nod. "Potter," he greets, not looking nearly as disdainful as he would have years ago.

Potter actually smiles then and asks if he can borrow Draco for a moment. Draco looks nervously at Narcissa who motions at him to go and they wander off, leaving her alone with Lucius, who sighs heavily. "So I suppose you're ignoring me now," he mutters.

"Absolutely," Narcissa says.

"And I suppose you hate me."

"Of course not," and she kisses him on the cheek. "But you shall be sleeping in the guest room when we get out." She looks at him and her eyes flash for a moment. "And we will be getting out."

Lucius reaches over and cups her elbow in his big hand tenderly.

Potter testifies and he does it with a polished, practiced air, and Narcissa suspects that he's testified for more than a few Death Eaters and suspected supporters. A few times, he catches Draco's eye but Draco keeps looking straight forward, his face carefully blank but he fidgets a little and grabs her hand at one point while Potter is recounting how Draco was only going to kill Dumbledore because the Dark Lord was going to kill his parents.

Narcissa squeezes his hand, silently telling him, he's not here, Draco. He can't hurt us anymore, and she hopes he understands her.

Combined, all three testimonies from the Malfoy family take about sixty minutes.

Then the sentence is read.

Innocent.

Narcissa closes her eyes and just breathes.

Draco holds Narcissa's hand as they leave the Ministry with Lucius following a few paces behind them, and Narcissa doesn't even notice the people who stare at them, because her son's hand is in hers and everyone is safe.

Then Potter appears and says, "Mrs Malfoy, I don't think I ever got the chance to thank you for saving my life."

Narcissa answers, "Mr Potter, I believe you just did," and inclines her head down the hall they've just walked down, indicating the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and Potter just shakes his head.

"That was nothing," he says. "You saved my life – "

"And you may have saved mine by getting me out of that place," Narcissa interrupts. "Mr Potter, we are even now and if you will excuse my son and Lucius and myself, we would really like to go to our home now." She brushes by him, fingers still curved tightly around Draco's hand and Draco does this odd little gesture with his head at Potter as they pass – he sort of nods and raises his eyebrows knowingly.

They are three steps away when Potter calls, "Would you like to see your sister?"

Narcissa stops dead in her tracks, rooted to the spot and staring directly ahead. Then she turns her head, very slightly. "What did you say?" she asks, even though she heard him perfectly well.

And Potter says, "I've been helping Andromeda with Ton – Nymphadora's baby, Teddy. Nymphadora and her husband Remus Lupin were both killed in the Battle. She says…" Potter takes a deep breath, "She says that after what she heard about you betraying Voldemort –" (he ignores the Malfoys' collective sharp intake of breath) " – she says that she reckons you about saved everyone."

"So?" Narcissa asks. "Everyone knows what I have done and I'm still looked at as scum because of my associations." She doesn't even look at Lucius and she can feel him deflate slightly at her comment. (Narcissa loves her husband, she adores him with every fiber of her being, but she needs to stick to her principles – he will pay for what he did.) "I doubt Andromeda would like to see me now."

Potter shakes his head and he's so bloody earnest that Narcissa wants to smack him and also kiss him and do something about his hair and that horrible sweater he's wearing. "No, Mrs Malfoy, she'd love to see you," he says. "She knew that I would see you today, so she gave me this note." He hands Narcissa a scrap of parchment and she puts it in her pocket.

"Thank you," she says a bit stiffly.

They turn to leave.

Potter shouts after them, "see you around, Draco" and the back of Draco's neck goes beet red and he doesn't even do a courtesy glance back at Potter.

Narcissa –

I heard about what happened the night of the Battle. I know that you and I did not leave on friendly terms and that we haven't spoken in over twenty years, but I know how close you were to Bellatrix and, mad as she was in her final days, she was still our sister.

You always were her favorite, probably because you were the youngest, and Mother and Father weren't always present in our lives.

As you probably know, my daughter - (here, Andromeda's neat handwriting quivers a little and Narcissa wants nothing more than to reach through the parchment and give her a warm hug and soothe her and tell her that she's here for her) - Nymphadora and her husband, Remus Lupin, were both killed in the Battle, leaving behind Teddy, their son. I was thinking that perhaps, since you are his great-aunt, you could stop by and see him? He doesn't have many living relatives and I think Teddy would like meeting you and your son, if he'd like to come along. Harry Potter will probably be there, since he absolutely dotes on Teddy (he is his godfather, I'm not sure if you were aware), but if there is still schoolboy animosity between him and your son, I'm sure he'll understand if you do not want him around.

It would be nice to catch up, Narcissa. I have missed you.

Andromeda.

Narcissa wipes a few of the tears from her eyes as she puts the letter between two of the pages of the book she's been reading and wraps her arms around herself. A moment later, the weight of the bed shifts and she can feel two bony arms wrap around her and Draco's voice says, "I'm sorry, mum" and neither are sure what he's sorry about.

Draco sleeps in her bed that night, wedged between her and Lucius and they wake up in a tangle of white limbs and blonde hair and the pillow is damp underneath Draco's eyes.

They visit Andromeda's a week later and this is the part where Narcissa's life starts to pull itself together.

Harry Potter is at Andromeda's house when they arrive and Draco still has a bit of a nervous, twitchy look when he lays eyes on him, but Potter is warm and gracious and then Potter says, "Hey, Draco, I've got two broomsticks and Andromeda says it's all right if we go flying. Care to join me?" and Draco looks up at Narcissa, terrified, but she rests a hand on his shoulder and gently pushes him toward Potter and so they go.

It takes both sisters a few moments to make eye contact with each other, even after Andromeda offers Narcissa tea. They sit opposite each other at a polished wooden table and Narcissa murmurs, "Meda, I'm so, so sorry about Nymphadora and your husband."

"Bellatrix killed her," Andromeda says in a thick voice, but she's not crying, not yet. "Bellatrix killed my daughter."

Narcissa's not sure what to say so she just stares into the amber contents of her teacup.

"And, anyway, I'm sorry about you and your son and Lucius."

"What do you mean?" Narcissa whispers.

"Potter said… he told me that Draco joined the Death Eaters and that he was going to assassinate Albus Dumbledore because You-Know-Who would have killed you and Lucius if he didn't."

Narcissa nods and stirs some sugar into her tea. "The Dark Lord had Draco join him in the hopes that Draco would fail in his mission to kill Dumbledore to punish Lucius for his failure." She sips her tea, eyes downcast.

"So we both almost lost our children in this war," Andromeda murmurs and Narcissa looks up in time to see two tears drip down Andromeda's face onto the table.

She leans forward.

She takes her sister's hand in her own and squeezes it.

"Did you know when you betrayed You-Know-Who that you were also betraying Bella?" Andromeda asks one afternoon as she and Narcissa walk around the grounds of Malfoy manor. They still aren't as close as they were as children, but the ice is broken and they've fallen into step with one another again.

Narcissa nods. Overhead, she can hear Draco swear and she tilts her head up, shielding her eyes from the sun as she sees him toss a ball at that Potter boy as they swoop about on broomsticks. She smiles to herself. "I knew what I was doing."

"You betrayed our own sister," and Andromeda's voice is not accusing; she's stating a fact and Narcissa shakes her head. "You betrayed Bella, Cissa."

"She was long gone by then, Meda," Narcissa murmurs. "When Draco was first given the task to kill Dumbledore, I went to Snape to ask him to try to change the mind of the Dark Lord. I didn't – I couldn't let my son do that," and traitorous tears form in her eyes. She swipes at them and continues. "He was only sixteen. And Bella kept saying that if she had a son, she would gladly give him to the Dark Lord. Bella wasn't… She was changed, Meda. She was no longer our sister. The woman who died that night was not our Bella," and Narcissa lets the tears fall freely now.

Draco is at her side in an instant and he wraps his arms around his mother's shoulders. He seems to sense the occasional crying jags before they even happen these days and he holds her tight. She puts her arms around his waist, his too-skinny waist, and hugs him, pressing her face into his hair. "Shh," Draco soothes. "Shh, mother, don't cry." He smooths down her hair and wipes her tears away with his thumbs.

It takes a few minutes for her to calm down and once she does, Draco casts his mother a concerned look and goes off with Potter again. Narcissa notices the way Potter touches her son's arm on the way back to where they left their brooms.

Andromeda wraps a comforting arm around Narcissa's shoulders as they continue their walk.

Narcissa never realized how much she'd missed her sister until they'd started seeing each other again. She missed Andromeda's beauty and cleverness and compassion. This sister wouldn't make her son watch as she tortured and murdered Muggles. This sister didn't scream at her Draco and belittle both him and her husband and even her, and this sister treats her with respect.

Like an equal. She doesn't think Bella every saw her as one.

Most afternoons find Narcissa and Andromeda in Andromeda's dining room reminiscing while Draco and Potter play with baby Teddy in the living room.

Draco seems happier now than he's been in ages, and Narcissa suspects it's because of that Potter boy that he's been spending so much time with.

It takes Narcissa seven weeks after being released from Azkaban to forgive Lucius. She speaks to him in clipped tones sometimes, but she respects him more now.

He apologizes to her three times a day every day and kisses Draco on the forehead every night before they go to bed.

Two, three, four years pass and Lucius finally reinstated at the Ministry, Narcissa babysits Teddy while Andromeda is at work and Draco gets a job at the Ministry laboratory, helping them with potions. (Harry Potter becomes an Auror, not that Narcissa pays attention to him, but Draco seems to and that absolutely does not escape her notice.) Draco splits his time between Malfoy Manor and a cozy little apartment in Diagon Alley.

He tells her one night, "I've never been happier, mother," and grins and blushes a little, and Narcissa believes he deserves all the happiness in the world at this point.

"Do you think that Draco is in love with Potter?" Lucius asks Narcissa over tea.

"If he is, then we'll wish him the best," Narcissa answers shortly, eyes narrowing at Lucius over the rim of her tea cup. "Won't we, darling?"

Lucius just clears his throat and nods. "Yes, yes, of course, darling." At her still-narrowed gaze, he sighs. "I just don't like Potter, that's all."

"May I remind you, Lucius, my love, that it's your fault that we got into that mess all those years ago and the least you can do is support our son's happiness, regardless of whomever he may be in love with. Potter is a good boy. If they are in love, I'm sure he will treat Draco well and that's all that matters." She lowers her voice, just a little, "And Lucius, if you try to scare off the Potter boy, I will never, ever forgive you. Draco will because he adores you, but mark my words…" Her eyes flash and Lucius lowers his gaze. "Do not ruin this for him, Lucius," vaguely reminiscent of a lioness.

Potter arrives early for dinner at the Manor one night with Andromeda and Teddy in tow. It's nearly Christmas and he helps Narcissa with some early decorations and he tells her in a low, steady voice, "Mrs Malfoy… I just wanted you to know that I lo – I like your son very much."

Narcissa just smiles. "I know you do, Mr Potter." She squeezes him on the shoulder. "I know you do. And Draco quite likes you as well."

Potter actually blushes then and says, "How does your husband feel about… us?"

"Don't worry about Lucius, Mr Potter. His opinion on this matter is irrelevant unless it is a positive one." He looks a bit pale and Narcissa smiles wider and touches his arm gently. "Don't worry about him," she says again, quieter and strokes the backs of her fingers along his cheek.

Draco appears then and Narcissa sweeps him into a big hug, kissing his forehead and both of his cheeks and she doesn't think she'll ever get tired of holding her son in her arms. Once she releases him, she sees him exchange a look with Potter that reminds Narcissa vividly of the ones she and Lucius would share while in polite company – sort of like the rest of the world doesn't matter.

She doesn't point out the mark on her son's neck, and they all sit down to eat, Lucius at one end of the table with Draco at his immediate right, Narcissa at the other end with Andromeda at her right. Potter is at Draco's right and Teddy next to Andromeda.

"You know, Cissa, without you, this family would fall apart," Lucius murmurs to her as they lay in the bed, the curtains drawn as they stare at the ceiling through the darkness.

She knows.

This is how the war ends:

Harry Potter defeats the Dark Lord and now he's sharing a flat with Draco Malfoy, former Death Eater. Most of the people that were evil were locked away except for a select few and among those granted early release were the Malfoys. Narcissa Malfoy reunites with her sister, Andromeda Tonks and helps raise Andromeda's grandson. Lucius Malfoy is still tentative when he goes out in public and he squints like the bright sun hurts his eyes. There are bridges to mend and some to burn for them, but the Malfoys will triumph. It will take them awhile to pick up the pieces, but they will, eventually.

They always do.

end.