The Lonely

2am; where do I begin? Crying off my face again.
The silent sound of loneliness wants to follow me to bed.

Xiao Qiao sat on her window, staring outside the window into the night sky. The glistening tears roamed down her face, she didn't sob or wail out her cries; she cried silently in pain, and that means she was really in pain. She has pulled a lot of all-nighters, spending most of time effortlessly sitting; she can't sleep although she was really tired.

She hates being like this. She was suffering, she knows that. Yet, why can't she stop? She doesn't want to be like this. But then something happened to her, something that really mattered; a memory of a dead person.

Everywhere she goes, the face of the dead would pop up in her mind. It's not just the dead; it was her beloved husband, Zhou Yu, the strategist of Wu. He was speared through his chest by an officer from Wei. She was there and the scene happened in front of her very eyes, the blood splattered on her face and some parts of her clothes.

The war was over and Wu has won the victory. Xiao went to the place where Zhou Yu was laid for a rest, then the pain struck her in the heart when she heard the news, "I'm sorry, my Lord... He won't be able to make it..." Sun Ce punched the nearest wall with his bare fist, Da Qiao looked at him worriedly with some tears in her eyes. The other officers looked down to the ground, how will Xiao react to these news? Suddenly, Xiao came out from her hiding spot and approached the doctor.

"Doctor... May I... See him?"

She walked into the room, slowly taking steps to near him. Her husband was in the sheets, sleeping soundly. Xiao touched his pale face and caressed his cheeks. Zhou Yu's sleep was disrupted when he noticed her, and then he turned his direction to her and cast her a light smile, breathing heavily and said to her; "I'm sorry, Xiao.. For not keeping my promise..."

Xiao picked him up gently and brought him into her arms as she sits on the bed, tears cascaded from her eyes, "Please.. Don't cry, you are too beautiful to cry... I don't deserve to be worth of your tears..."

He raised his hand slowly and wiped away the tears, "Why... Why you? I'm so stupid, I can't even protect you... Why?! It should have been me!" she wailed out. The words stung Zhou Yu, he knew that he will be the cause of her wife's sadness and what's more worse, he won't be there for her. He won't be able to comfort her and hug her. His time is almost done.

"Don't say that, Xiao..." He stared into her emerald eyes, "My wife... My lovely, beautiful wife..." He said above a whisper, caressing her cheeks. "Zhou Yu, how do you.. Feel now?" she asked, looking down at him, "I feel very tired, more sleepy and tired than before. It's like I'm in depression." He answered, "I can't breathe properly, I can feel that my chest is also getting heavier... Argh!" pain shot him in the chest, "Z-Zhou Yu..?" she stared at him, more tears were coming into her eyes.

I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most.
I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well.

Xiao wanted to be a girl that everyone likes; kind, caring, smart, beautiful, nice, strong, funny, helpful and fun. Just like her sister. She wished that she can be more like her sister but whenever she tried, she always end up annoying everyone.

She was always so cheerful as well. Even though she can be annoying, she brings out the joy to most people when they felt her radiating brightness. But however, after a dark event happened; she suddenly turned cold, you can also feel a dark aura emitting from her. Da Qiao had some trouble trying to bring her out from her shell, but she can't, she was failing miserably. She felt like a bad sister, Sun Ce tried to cheer her wife up and reassured her that Xiao will be okay.

"Zhou Yu? Please... Please..." she begged, Zhou Yu grabbed her hand tightly and looked up into her eyes again, "D-don't worry my love... I am here for you... I won't leave your side... Ever.." he smiled again, Xiao held his hand tightly. "I am here for you too, my husband... I love you with all my heart; you were always there for me, you never left my side, not even once. You are faithful and strong. I won't forget you..."

Xiao bend down and gave him a long-fully kiss on the forehead, "My Xiao..." she began to recall the events of her marriage. She is going to miss his warmth, his scent, his smile, his undying love, his voice, everything.

She was hoping that someone would burst into the room and tell a good news about a recently discovered cure. But she knew that it was impossible, it was faith which has decided this. She can't bring back a dead to life. She can't.

Dancing slowly in an empty room, can the lonely take the place of you?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby; let you go and let the lonely in to take my heart again.

She slowly crept into a room, the room was quite big and it was empty; the windows were left open which made the air quite chilly. The room was her husband's room. Memories starts to flash through her mind. She also brought her fans with her, and then she approached the center of the room. She began to dance.

"Xiao... Will you tell the others that I'm sorry that I have failed them?.." asked Zhou Yu, Xiao looked surprised, "But Zhou Yu... You didn't fail us... You never did... Don't say that!" she exclaimed, looking at her husband with strict, Zhou Yu only smiled. "But look at me now..." Xiao looked down with bangs covering her eyes, he noticed then continued, "Xiao, everyone dies; that's how the system of this world works, no one will be able to stay alive for eternity but once they close their eyes, they will stay that way for eternity until the judgement time comes."

"And I know that, we will be reunited once again, together." He pulled her in a hug with his weak arms, she only stayed still as she hears his heartbeats beating slower by each minute. She shut her eyes tightly.

Too afraid to go inside for the pain of one more loveless night.
But the loneliness will stay with me and hold me till I fall asleep.

Whenever a new day comes, she was afraid. She can't take the pain anymore, she had to face a lonely night. The feeling won't go away, it continues to stay with her. She was also scared of sleeping, for fear of her dying. Yet, at the same time, she feels like she wants to die.

"Xiao, everyone dies; that's how the system of this world works, no one will be able to stay alive for eternity but once they close their eyes, they will stay that way for eternity until the judgement time comes." The words rang through her mind.

The atmosphere in the room was becoming tense, Yu began to shiver. Xiao was becoming more worried, she hugged him tightly yet gently, to let the man breathe. "Xiao Qiao..?" she looked up to him as he pulled her into a kiss and when they broke apart, "I love you."

"I love you too.." she replied with her voice cracked. She knew what was going to happen next. Another pain shot Zhou Yu through his chest, Xiao Qiao unbearably watched the scene, all she could do is calm him down. She brought him into her arms and her lap again, then Zhou Yu began to speak hoarsely to her.

"Xiao... I want you to know that... A girl like you is impossible to find. I'm glad that I was the one chosen to be with you, I feel like the luckiest man on Earth." he chuckled lowly, "I'm glad that I met you. I regret for not spending most of my time with you, I should have even if I was a busy man... Thank you, Xiao.. For bearing with me, for being with me, for being there for me, for seeing who I am in the inside and not just the outside... Thank you..."

"N-no... Zh-Zhou Yu..."

Broken pieces of a barely breathing story where there once was love.
Now there's only me and the lonely.

As she continued to dance with her fans, more flashbacks came to her mind. Tears were struggling to escape her eyes but she held them back.

"I love you..."

His body became heavy, the pounding beats in his chest had stopped, his red lips turned baby blue and his eyes became dull and lifeless. He was gone and all that is left is the body. She stared wide-eyed in disbelief, he was actually gone. The loneliness, remorse sadness and depression took over her. The memories of them spending time together lingered through her mind, she already missed him. He was gone. Her love was gone.

It's only her and the memory of him now.

Dancing slowly in an empty room, can the lonely take the place of you?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby; let you go and let the lonely in to take my heart again.

She suddenly stopped dancing, letting the feeling over-wash her. Every night, she would come to (t)his room. Where she could feel those radiating happiness again, feel his presence again. She doesn't know how to describe what she was feeling now. Oh yes! She was feeling rather... Empty.

She walked towards the window and stared outside again. She began to sing a song to herself:

Even if I'm alone, I'll go on, even if it's painful.

I will definitely the dream that I had with you.

I'm glad that it was with you and nobody else,

But when I woke up in the morning, you weren't there.

A voice disrupted her from singing, she turned around to see her sister by the door. She looked sad, no. More than sad; like guilt and pity. "Jie jie..." she hoarsely whispered out, she quickly threw herself into the arms of her sister then she finally let out the tears. She missed her warmth too ever since she locked herself up in the room.

"Are you back to the old little sister I have now?" Da asked worriedly, Xiao looked up and nodded, "I'm sorry, Jie jie... For being an exact opposite of myself..."

"You are forgiven, Xiao... Don't be sad now, Zhou Yu is in a better place now. What will he do if he sees you like this?"

She gave a thought for a moment; if she was sad, then Zhou Yu would be sad too. Right? Her only response was looking down at the ground, "He'll be sad too.. Then he'll blame himself..."

"Exactly. Now come on, dry those tears. You're strong, just keep him inside your heart forever and he will not be forgotten. But at the same time, don't forget those who are around you. Your sadness might take effect on them, you shouldn't also fake a smile, but... If life shows you hundreds of reasons to cry, show life that you have thousands of reason to smile."

The warm-hearted words brought Xiao to come to her senses, "T-thank you, Jie jie..." she smiled sincerely before hugging her sister tightly. She was now back to herself but a scar has been already engraved in her heart, for an undesirable moment. She was glad though, she was glad that she spent the last moment with him.

'I will wait for my time to come... Then we will unite... I miss you, Zhou Yu..'

A/N: Phew! Now that was exhausting! Anyway, I hope you liked it! The song is mainly called "The Lonely" by Christina Perri. The song which Xiao sang was "Ichiban no Takaramono" which is Yui version, so just imagine Xiao singing in that voice. Thanks for reading!