I awoke unsure of the time. My joints felt stiff, like I had been sleeping for a very long time, and I could tell that my hair was messed up, the clock beside my bead read 1:00 AM, but I had no clue what day.
Despite the early hour I was more awake then ever, there was someone else in the room with me, I could sense his presence. I didn't want to turn around and see his face, it would hurt too much.
"Bella? Are you awake?" His soft velvet voice caressed my face as he spoke, I hadn't heard this angelic voice in so long, yet it didn't hold the power over me like it used to. His cool, smooth finger traced my jawline, but I shrugged off his touch, I didn't want him to touch me.
"Bella?" I could tell that I hurt him from his voice, I felt bad, but he had what was coming to him.
Slowly I sat up and turned by body towards his, opening my eyes cautiously gazing at him.
"Yes Edward?" I thought it would hurt to say his name, but somehow it did not, and I was grateful.
"Okay, I have to know. I'm just going to come right out and say it, because yesterday when I would touch you, you would shrug away, and when I tried to kiss your head you turned away. I have to know, and whatever your decision, I will support it, I just have to know. Have I hurt you too much, have I pushed away the one person that I could ever love, is there someone else that has taken my place?"
His golden eyes were pained, now I was the one causing the pain. I didn't enjoy the feeling, even after what he had put me through, but I didn't know the answer to the question he was asking.
For six months I had tried to shut him away in the back of my mind, to not think about him or the pain he was causing me. It was easier that way, otherwise I would fall down gripping my chest. I had successfully shut him away, I hadn't thought about him in a long time. There was still a hole in my chest that I knew he was supposed to fill, but Jacob was slowly filling that hole. Soon he would replace Edward entirely if I let him.
So I didn't know the answer to the question Edward was asking. I was not ready to forgive him. For months I couldn't eat, couldn't listen to music, couldn't laugh or smile because the truest of loves had broken my heart into too many pieces and scattered them. Even though I was slowly finding the pieces of my heart, I was too fragile still to open myself up to such a strong love that could leave me again so suddenly.
Edward was waiting for an answer. I could tell he was straining, trying to read my face in the dark, and cursing because he couldn't read my mind the way he wanted. My lips seemed frozen together, not able to say what I was truly feeling. With a heavy sigh I raised my eyes to meet his golden ones.
"Edward, when you left, it nearly killed me," I began slowly, still not sure of what my answer would be.
"I know, it nearly killed me too Bella. I was only doing it to protect you from what I am. I have always loved you, I never stopped you. I wanted you to have a normal human life, to have a future that was not filled with pain, and danger; to grow old and have children and grandchildren. But I just can't stay away from you, I'm too weak, I'm too tired of pretending to be strong. I only left you for your own good..."
If he could have cried he would have been crying now. His head lowered into his hands, and his shoulders wracked with invisible silent sobs. I hated the thought that I was the one causing his pain.
"The part of me you took when you left is trying to put itself together. I don't know if I can do this anymore. These past couple months have been better, I'm not healed but I'm better. But I don't think I can do this anymore Edward. I'm sorry."
My words sunk in as he raised his head to look into my brown eyes. He looked like someone had just stabbed him. I wanted to cry because I was causing him so much pain. A few tears escaped and I quickly swept them away for fear he would see them.
"Bella, I am so sorry, you have no idea how sorry I am. I will beg for eternity for you to take me back, for me to show you that I will never leave you again, I'm not strong enough to leave. I need you Bella."
I grasped his cold hands in mine and looked at his beautiful face. A part of me would always love him, but not the way I used to. He broke my heart, there was no going back.
"I can't erase the past, but I know what I want now, and it kills me to say this, truly it does, but I can't be with you anymore. I'm not strong enough to live in your world anymore Edward. I will always love you, but I think its over, I just can't do this anymore."
More tears escaped my eyes and he wiped them away with his finger tip. I didn't know what else to say. My first love was over, I had to go through this to finally put the past behind me and truly pick up the remaining pieces of my broken heart.
"Bella I am such an idiot. I can't believe how stupid I have been. I'll leave you alone now, I promise you that I will never darken your door again."
He rose from the bed, I could tell his heat was broken and I was the cause, I felt absolutely awful, but I wasn't the only guilty one in this situation.
"Don't do that. I'll keep in touch if you do..." I suggested as I too rose off the bed. Edward's shoulders were hunched, not a normal position for him.
"I'll see you soon. Goodbye Isabelle. I love you and always will. Take care of yourself, and whoever you end up with, make sure he knows how lucky he is to have you okay? Never let him get away."
A few of the pieces I had found of my heart blew away in the wind when he spoke his parting words. More tears fell from my eyes, and I found it harder to breathe.
"Take care of yourself, and tell Alice that I love her. I'll never forget you Edward, you were my first love, but I was too young and it was too strong to last. I'm so sorry."
He wrapped his strong arms around my tiny waist and pulled me into his chest. My will power almost broke, but I held on. His scent washed over me, and I was glad I flew to Italy to save him. I don't think I could stand the thought of him not existing because of me. Silently he kissed the top of my head and disappeared out the window into the black night.