Worth It

Hello everyone! So this is my first fanfiction that I've posted on this site (yay!). I'm really excited to get involved with this community because I love being able to share things that I've written with other people. It always makes me so happy! :D Anyway, please enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, but just imagine if I did! :D All rights belong to Tite Kubo, the mangaka responsible for the fantastic manga 'Bleach'.

...

Rain beats on down on the Rukongai, an odd sight to see at the end of December. Water mixes with the cold snow, transforming every surface into grey slush. Though the other residents are inside on a rainy day like today, the happiness and laughter from the end of Christmas fills the air. Oblivious to the Christmas cheer, I stand under the shelter of the porch, watching drops of water roll off the roof into the puddle of slush and rain that is slowly building near my feet. I hear a set of light footsteps come up behind me. "Toshiro," I say. The zanpaku-to strapped to his back clicks in its sheath as he stops. He's so close I can hear him breathing. Without turning around, I say, "Do you really have to go?" I turn to gaze into his teal eyes. My breath catches in my throat. Even now his eyes still makes my heart skip a beat. "New Years is only four days away. Can't the Court Guards be without you for that long?"

Toshiro shakes his head as he steps forward. He gently caresses my face. "I was lucky they've even let me stay this long." He shrugs. "You know what's happening with Aizen, Kazumi. Head Captain Yamamoto is worried that things are progressing faster than he thought. He needs every Shinigami ready at a moment's notice." I bury my face into his chest, breathing in his earthy, pine-needle scent. With his white hair and pine smell, he reminds me of a forest after a snowfall. His heartbeat is slow and steady under my grasp, a pillar of support in this churning sea of my sadness. He places his hand on top of my head, slowly stroking my hair. Tears burn behind my eyes. As hard as I try to hold them back, they slip out and roll down into the fabric of his shihakusho.

"Hey," he whispers softly "don't cry." I feel him sigh when I don't respond. "Kazumi, look up." Slowly, I lift my head, only to find his lips suddenly pressed to mine. I am taken aback for a second, then I close my eyes and lean into him. My hands find his hair and I bury them into the soft whiteness. He holds me around the waist and pulls me closer. I wish I could stay in this moment forever. All too soon, he pulls away. I feel as though a piece of my heart has been ripped away, leaving me raw and broken.

I pitch forward and grab his shihakusho again. "Toshiro, please!" I cry. I know I must seem hysterical, but I can't help myself. My body seems to be moving on its own accord. "The Court Guards keep you away from me all year! This is the only time we get to spend with each other, and now they're taking that away from us too." I look into his eyes again. "Please, don't leave me again." Toshiro breaks our eye contact and takes a piece of my auburn hair, playing with it in his fingers. When he looks back up, his eyes are full of pain.

"I don't want to leave you." he says. "But it's my duty. I have to go." With that, Toshiro pries my fingers from his shihakusho. He pulls me into a hug. "I'm sorry." he breathes into my hair. Toshiro kisses my head and backs away. "Good-bye, Kazumi."

I can't let him see the tears in my eyes, see the pain that I know is so clearly displayed in them. I look down at my feet. "Good-bye…Toshiro." I force myself to say through the lump in my throat. He sighs. I watch his feet walk down the stairs. Even when they're out of my sight I can hear him trying to avoid the puddles, cursing when he accidentally steps in one and soaks his socks. I look up and barely contain a giggle as he awkwardly tries to shake the water out. Suddenly, Toshiro turns around and waves, one of his rare smiles lighting up his face. I feel a blush rise to my cheeks as I smile shyly and wave back. Then he is gone, flash-stepping his way back to the Seireitei.

I realize my legs are shaking. I fall to my knees, the tears flowing freely now. "Why?" I sob. I don't know why I am so upset this time. Is it because of Aizen's betrayal? Or has the combination of love and loss made me weak? I clench my fists and bite my lip. No. I can't show weakness. I rise back to my feet. With one last longing glance to the North, towards the Seireitei, towards Toshiro, I turn on my heel and march back into my house.

...

The sky is still grey when I awake. From where I lay I turn my head towards the calendar pinned to the wall. A rush of excitement floods through me. It's New Years Eve. New Years has always been a very important holiday to me. It symbolizes new beginnings and breaking out of your comfort zone. There will be parties, fireworks, midnight kisses… With a pang of sadness I rest my hand on the other half of the bed, untouched since he last made it. It's cold to the touch, lonely and sad without a body lying in-between its sheets. All my excitement is gone now, replaced with a bitter sort of emptiness as I remember that this New Years I will be as lonely as the bed beside me. With a sigh, I slip out of the sheets and prepare myself for the long day ahead.

...

"Oh, Kazumi you look absolutely darling in that yukata!" squeals Rin. She clasps her hands together and gazes at me with wild-eyed excitement. I roll my eyes discreetly. She's said that about the last five outfits she has forced me to try on. Sitting beside her is my other friend, Yui, wearing a forest green yukata, again forced upon her by an over-enthusiastic Rin. Her unfocused eyes tell me that she is not excited to be here either. I glance down at the yukata I am wearing, a garb of fluorescent pink tied with a sash of lime-green. It was too flashy for me, but Rin seemed to enjoy it. I look back at the other four yukata's that Rin has picked out for me: bright yellow with a purple sash; orange with a royal blue sash; red with a forest green sash; and black with a sash of awfully loud colours. They're all so terrible to me I don't think I would be okay with any of them.

It had been Rin's idea to go shopping for new yukata's this year. She had claimed it was because the old-fashioned yukata's Yui and I had been wearing for the last five years were "too out-of-date." Rin had also said that she couldn't stand to be seen with people who "weren't caught up to the latest fashions." I knew why she really wanted to go, though. Her cousin—Hanataro Yamada of Fourth Company—had told her about the situation with Aizen. By her own logic, Rin devised that I would be alone for New Years, seeing as how my boyfriend was the Captain of Tenth Company. From that, she decided that shopping was the appropriate way to cheer me up.

Even when she thinks she's helping others, Rin always seems to get what she wants.

Now Rin is trying to compare the last few yukata's I've tried on. "Hm…" she says as she circles me like a vulture seeking out its newest prey. "I do rather like this one, but the black one is nice too: it'll stand out in a sea of flowers. What do you think, Yui?"

"What?" Yui asks, snapping back to reality. "Oh, I, uh, I think that Kazumi should try on the other one." She points back to the dressing room, obviously trying to steer the conversation away from herself.

Rin seems surprised. "There's another one? I was pretty sure I only picked out five. Unless…" she gasps. "Kazumi! Did you pick out a yukata for yourself?"

Heat rises to my cheeks. I don't want to admit it, but I did in fact pick out a yukata, one that I've been dying to try on since I picked it up. I'd hid it at the back of the dressing room, out of Rin's sight. I wanted to play along with Rin, let her have her fun with me. After all, it was her idea and her attempt to cheer me up. I wanted her to feel like she'd accomplished her goal. "Well, um…" Rin has her hand on her hips, her body position demanding a straight answer from me. I sigh. "Yes, Rin. I did pick one out."

Rin squeals, again jerking Yui out of her fantasy world. From behind Rin's back, Yui scowls and makes a face, drawing an unguarded giggle from me. "Go try it on, then!" Rin cries. She pushes me into the change room and pulls the curtain across. I smile. It's nice to see Rin so excited.

I pull the ghastly pink garb over my head and slip into the one I picked out. The touch of the silky fabric against my skin feels perfect, like it was made specifically for me. Before I even tie up the sash I know this is the one.

When I step out of the change room, Rin gasps. Even Yui reacts, her eyes widening ever-so slightly. Suddenly, Rin leaps from her seat and scrambles around the shop. When she comes back, she is clutching a hairpin shaped like a white lily. With extraordinary skill, she piles my hair on top of my head and pins it into place. Her smile widens into an all-out grin as she points at me and calls to the shopkeeper, "We'll take it!"

...

The snow gently floats down around me. I stick out my tongue in an attempt to catch one of the flakes, laughing as I do so. Toshiro would think it funny. Though snow falls from the sky, the air is warm, and the flakes melt immediately after touching the surfaces around me. Below, the sounds of laughter and music float through the air. Rin managed to convince me to come to her New Year's party, even though I would much rather stay home and wallow in my loneliness. Somehow, I managed to escape the hustle and bustle of the party and have taken sanctuary on the roof. Now all that is left for me to do is to wait for the fireworks that are to come at midnight. Toshiro always liked watching the fireworks, especially when it was snowing. Even though he is not here with me, the yukata I purchased reminds me of him. I smooth down the teal coloured silk fabric, the one that matches his eyes. Golden flowers and swirls adorn the cloth like a garden that has been touched by King Midas. And then there is the sash, pure as fresh fallen snow, and that perfectly complements the teal. I sigh. How I wish he was here beside me.

Tears once again burn behind my eyes. I grind my teeth. I have gone soft. Is this what happens when you fall in love? I bury my face in my hands, distraught by the rush of emotional pain I've been feeling. I'm so distracted by my public show of weakness that I don't notice someone come and sit down beside me.

"You look beautiful tonight." a voice says.

I whip around, too stunned to speak for a moment. He's still dressed in his shihakusho, but he has replaced his usual white sash with an elegant gold one, one that matches my eyes. "To-Toshiro!" I manage. Then, in an urge of desire, I throw my arms around him and pull him close. His scent fills me with joy. "How-how can you be here? I thought the Court Guards needed you this New Years?"

Toshiro rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. "Kazumi," he starts. "The Head Captain didn't exactly give me permission to come here." I raise my eyebrows. "It's okay," he says quickly. "I've got Rangiku covering for me back at the barracks, though I'm not sure how long that will last."

I push him away. "What do you think you're doing?" He is surprised at my sudden outburst. "You said it yourself. Being with the Court Guards is your duty. You shouldn't have to sacrifice all you have worked for just to be with—" I can't finish my sentence, can't force the words past the lump in my throat. Just to be with someone like me.

"Kazumi," Toshiro says. He brings me close again, so close I'm practically sitting on his lap. He wipes away a tear on my face. "I don't care about what the Court Guards and Yamamoto think. I want to be with you, more than I want to be a Captain." I try to look away, but he catches my face in his hands and holds it still. "Don't look away. You are worth it, Kazumi. To me, you will always be worth it. Never tell yourself otherwise." He drops his voice to a whisper. "Kazumi, I—" He swallows hard. "I-I love you."

He presses his mouth to mine, and we kiss as the first sets of fireworks ignite the night sky. Cheers erupt from below as shouts of "Happy New Year!" fill the air. The chimes of toasting glasses resound through the air. But my all my senses are only focused on Toshiro: his pine smell; his gentle touch on my cheek; the sound of his breathing; his sweet taste; and the sight of him that I can picture behind the closed lids of my eyes.

Against my lips, Toshiro smiles. "Happy New Year, Kazumi." he breathes.

"Happy New Year, Toshiro."

...

We are like fireworks

Rising, shining and, finally

Scattering and fading.

So until that time comes,

When we vanish like fireworks,

Let us sparkle brightly.

Always.

~Tite Kubo~

~Bleach Volume 20~

I hope you guys had as much fun reading this as I had writing it. Please review! Btw I'm not shy of constructive criticism (so feel free to be critical!) but if you could hold off on any cold-hearted hate that'd be much appreciated. :)