Author's note: a one shot collection of moments and feelings in which the timeline flip flops all over the fucking place. References to season 4 so forewarning, also all the titles are song quotes. Similar format to my collection of glee drabbles. I'm not sure I got everyone's voices though Effy poetry isn't meant to be good- because I just imagine it wouldn't be.

At what point does a Shakespeare say, I'd think I'll write a play today.

Effy is sick of Shakespeare. They teach it every year in English and drama class, and she never liked it any better regardless of who buttered it. This year it was an analysis of a collection of sonnets rather than an entire play, though she had somewhat enjoyed reading 'hamlet' last year. she could smirk at Cook from across the table while Josie would read out paragraph after paragraph of sexual innuendo and violence in an upbeat tone. Seemingly oblivious to the connotation of it.

Freddie would be a welcoming distraction, with his attractive gaggling limbs, soft lips and kind words, but he was in a different English class and she was left to drown in deceptive words of love and lust by herself. She didn't smirk at Cook anymore, or speak to him at all, she kept her head down and tried not to wallow on things like lust or love or depression.

To add to it Mr Julius was a mediocre teacher at best and had set poetry writing as a prime piece of course work, and Effy had to force herself to sit in her chair and not feel like such a fucking cliché as she wrote poetry on depression and love. The guidelines had been to write something honest. Though that was vague as all fuck, she could be honest about toast if she put her mind to it.

"I am just as complete without you."

A promising start, though Mr Julius would hate it, not very Shakespearey, not something to whisper under balconies, but something true enough that she could bear to write it down.

"You love me into fractions,

Go and cut me out into pieces,

And make me into a whole again

What do I care about remainders?

Why do I care about a left over feeling?"

She wrote of love, depression and… math? What the hell? This was all going very pear shaped far quicker than she had anticipated. "You love me into fractions" She imagined what pieces of herself Freddie liked enough to want to keep. She knew he loved her, he said it all the time, but which parts did he like? There was a difference between love and like after all. She had reminded him and Cook the year before.

"Voices whisper you will not hurt me,

But the same voices always tell me to run,

So be sure to sew me back again after,

So I wouldn't fall apart on you when you're done."

She scrunched up pieces of paper, there was honesty and then there was truth and she'd hate to cross a line and Fail. Maybe she could keep some of it. Take out the bit's she didn't like. Just the things that were too painful.

Say it aint so, your drug is a heartbreaker

JJ doesn't understand drugs, the illegal kind not the kind that is supposed to make you better, though he didn't understand them either. But he thinks maybe people take them to be less like themselves much the same way JJ takes the prescription drugs. To feel like something other than yourself.

They're not very effectual though, Freddie gets stoned and becomes even more laidback and calm and Cook gets high and does crazy shit and tells him he loves him.

But they do that stuff anyway, maybe not quite so intently. They aren't different but an even further extension of themselves than they were before, and that's why JJ doesn't go near that stuff. He'd hate to be even more like himself. If he can help it he'd like to be as little like himself as humanly feasible.

That's what his drugs are hypothetically meant to do, though they have yet to produce that result they just make everything flat and difficult. Sometimes they make things simpler but for the most part they just dull the parts of his personality that are classified 'autistic.' Leaving in all the boring bits.

It interesting watching them both when they're both on their respective drug of choice at the same time. Freddie's glazed like the kind of donuts Thomas likes to eat when they're out of the frosted kind and his eyes slide over Cook without resistance. Landing and focusing on JJ with a dopey smile and droopy eyelids. He's trying to become one with the couch again, sinking in so deeply that he might just be swallowed and go searching for that buck fifty JJ lost there a week ago.

And while Freddie was treasure hunting for JJ's money, Cook was bouncing off the walls. Clingier than normal, and he's pretty clingy anyway. Cook likes to touch when he's like this. Especially JJ, like he wants to know exactly where JJ is at all times so he doesn't loose track of him. When he's like this Cook sometimes looks at him the way his mum looks at him, the kind of overbearing maternal look that should be confined strictly to people with newborn babies, and even then…

Being with them was always a trip, high or not, and he may be the only person in the shed not 'on' anything (medication excluded) but his friends defiantly altered his mental state. Like a calm euphoria.

And when I touch you I feel happy inside

Pandora and Thomas's first official date came after Thomas came back. Everything was still raw and clean and it was easy for him to take her hand and for everything to feel right and good.

Thomas looks at her and thinks not for the first time, that he might just be in love. Not just with donuts and odd words and large eyes. With her. Completely. And that just blows his mind because they barely know each other and already he feels like he would do anything for her. Just because it's her.

She takes him to the carnival because she likes the bright colours and she thinks he'd like the movement and crowds of people. And he does, It's different from being in a club, it's not one big movement to gratification. It's sweeter than that. Like Pandora is.

She smiles up at him and points to the Ferris wheel, "can we go on it? Oh please? I promise it'll be fun" and he nods because he can't refuse her anything and he likes the idea of them by themselves high above everything.

After a few goes round there are a few starts and stops to let people off. When it stops at the highest point Pandora leans over and kisses him, and he touches her face lightly and feels like he's like he's floating. But that probably has to do with being up in the air.

Later in the crowd he grabs her hand and promises to himself that he'll never let her go.

Whenever your world starts crashing down

When he was little, Tony used to dote on Effy; she was the first person he could ever say he loved. She was nothing like a little sister should be, too clever by half and twice as strong.

She used to follow him everywhere, his perfect little mimic. It became more difficult when he started playing the game and she was playing a different one. His life became about boredom and manipulation and friends, and hers about depression and partying and emptiness.

He thought she was going to be alright, but then he wasn't sure. He was going to do something about it but then he got hit by a bus. And he could only remember shards of things, only remember people he loved. He could see Effy and Sid almost clearly sometimes, not who they were, but how he felt about them, how much he loved them.

Then he used her. He didn't mean too, but he did have a choice they were both fucked up and he needed to use her as a crutch. He needed her to be the strong one.

And he slowly began to see the differences between them, Effy maybe a great mimic but Tony was always the one that made things happen even now and Effy was the one that let things happen. And she just let this keep happening and happening.

He eventually went to University and only visited at break, and she pretended she was just as strong even though he could see her cracking. She disappeared for a while, and by the time she came back he barely got to see her before having to leave again. He was worried, but there was nothing he could do without quitting Uni.

The next time was from a hospital bed, and he knew he should have been there sooner but seeing her like this was killing him, and he couldn't make this better, but he didn't want to let it happen.

Words were never easier for me to say or her to second guess

It's all about marketing. Katie knows this better than anyone, it's all about perception rather than body. She'd been doing it her whole life, building herself up into someone better than she was.

She's aware, as is everyone else; Emily is the one going places not her. Well everyone but Emily and Katie knows that's mostly her fault, not that she's guilty. No one would be able to tell why she does it, to keep Emily, because she's useless without her. And she owes all this to self marketing, after all no one suspects you of insecurities when you're that kind of mega bitch.

She seems to be on the other end of it though, this whole marketing thing. Freddie had told her he cared, and she had believed him. Everyone could see it; she should have been able to. He was still in love with Effy, but she lets herself be used.

He wasn't even that great, but she saw herself in a good relationship, something people would envy. Something other people would see and whisper, they would want to be her. So she'll keep letting herself be used, because she has an image to protect. Even at the expense of her and anybody else's heart.

Not to pull your halo down

Naomi tries to wipe out any proof of Emily from her room every morning after Emily spends the night. She likes it better that way, things clean and Emily-free. It's easier that way.

She knows it's not healthy that she wants to purge her bedroom from her girlfriend, but nothing about the relationship is healthy. She doesn't want Emily to know though, doesn't want her to realise the effect it has on her.

The truth is she loves Emily madly, desperately. She has for as long as she has known her, and that was real and deep and scary, because she has no idea where that will take her or how far that will make her go. She's never been afraid of anything, and she doesn't think she should start with her girlfriend.

So she cleans her room until her knuckles are raw and the room is clean and she's in pain and she can't think of Emily anymore. And then she gets up, she's not sure what to do, if she should say anything. She should do something to dull the feeling, mask the feeling because she doesn't want to kill this. Doesn't want to burn so bright she burns it out.

Naomi decides to think about it later, she has a University open day to get to, and a future to think about. No point in doing anything rash now.

If you jump I'll break you're fall

Sometimes she wonders what the hell Freddie and Cook are thinking. Emily wonders if they know how much they hurt JJ sometimes, despite all the times they've put up with 'eccentricities' he's not really the one causing the problems.

She knows she's not the most patient or the kindest to JJ, but really she's sure that's what he wants, a friend to treat him normally. Not boss him around, or patronise him or laugh at him (ruffling his hair apparently sets his teeth on edge and she knows this and they don't).

Of the two, she's sure Cook has the better handle on being a friend to JJ; she's surprised when she first noticed it. She always supposed it would be Freddie, but he really has no fucking clue what to say to him, what to do around him if he's not coddling him or stoned off his head.

Cook is needy with JJ, the sort of needy that would raise her eyebrows if she didn't know Cook's long history with women. He wants his attention all the time, and he looks at him with part amusement part annoyance part affection. Sort of like she looks at her own little brother- but her little brother is a complete tosser so it's more annoyance than anything else.

She loved JJ though, not like Naomi, but she does love him. He was the only person she knew that wouldn't tell her bullshit- he couldn't even if he wanted too. And best of all he tried. No one ever bothers to try with her, no one puts in that kind of effort- except for Naomi and she needed her arm twisted to do it at the beginning.

She holds him when he comes to her later, she wouldn't really feel comfortable doing that with any other friend (but then again her other friends hadn't seen her naked.) he didn't cry, and she didn't really expect him to, they just sat, clinging to each other at the end of her bed, Katie spying from the door.

She was glad- not that Katie was spying that was annoying as all hell- she was glad to know that she could be there for him, and would be whenever he needed her. And that she could feel him silently promising he'd be there for her the best he could when she needed someone too.

You're always a true friend

Cook mostly promised himself, 'tonight no pills' the second he entered the party an acquaintance (former one night stand) flagged him down bag of drugs in hand, 'no, for JJ I will remain sober!'

Of course a couple minuet later he had downed several pills and was starting to feel the beginnings of a particularly good high, 'damn' he found a couch in the house to flop onto. He had wanted to stay sober for JJ birthday.

Cook, not being a downer sort of person and feeling a rather good kick from the nameless pills he swallowed, he went to search for JJ. 'Probably with Freddie,' he had called a brief temporary cease fire with the other boy for the occasion and JJ had been brimming with excitement.

The plan had been quick stop at the party then to the movies, back to his house for cake and if he and Freddie could swing it, sneaking out late for another party, or getting high in Freddie's shed if no party could be found. A pretty lame way to spend a seventeenth birthday but it had been what JJ wanted and he had been threatened by both Freddie and Emily not to fuck it up or unspeakable acts of scrotum dis-attachment would occur.

Their threats had been almost word for word the same, and Cook had to concede as he had fucked up JJ 16th pretty badly last year (it had been bad- he didn't even know where he found that donkey but it had been hilarious high, hilarious but bad) and JJ still recoiled in horror about Cook's 17th so maybe under the raider had been a good plan.

He was not good however, at being under the raider, and had managed to get a random chick to blow him- which had been more her fault than his she had been gagging for it and punch some guy in the face- which okay, had been his fault and random girl's boyfriend, all before he found JJ. Who was already hanging with; the-fun-sponge, Emily and an annoyed looking Katie, "WHAT'S UP BIRTHDAY BOI!" Cook hugged him enthusiastically kissing him sloppily on the cheek.

Apparently that had all been a little enthusiastic (though not uncharacteristic) as someone (Freddie) accused him of being on something. "What? A man can be excited about another man's birthday" he kissed JJ's cheek again, aim off and a little awkward (he squeaked), and then kissed Freddie's cheek as well to prove some point Cook himself was not quite sure of.

JJ didn't look upset but both Freddie and Emily were scowling, like he'd done something wrong.

We'll fuck it, he tried. Time to get wasted.

You make me smile please stay for a while now

Pandora had never had a friend before Effy. And that was fine, she had loads of friends now, but Effy was a special kind of friend. A best friend. Pandora wasn't sure what a protocol for best friends was, so she made it up along as she went and hoped Effy wouldn't notice. She probably would because Effy had tones of friends.

"Pandora," Effy drawled, Pandora looked up from the checked tablecloth "yes Eff," Pandora smiled a ridiculously wide smile at her. "Are we on a date?"

"wha? No silly, see I was at this place looking for this thing for you, and I met this wacker of a girl named Sketch who says this is a great place for anniversaries, so I thought I'd take you here." Effy blinked slowly, "so… have we been dating for a while then."

Pandora shook her head, wringing he hands and motion to the Italian guys with violins. She had come in yesterday and practiced for a full hour with the guys, the old couple on their wedding anniversary said she'd greatly improved "It's our one year friendaversiary so I thought I'd do something special! Hit it guys!"

"Art class was so long ago,

Before you got expelled,

But you became my best friend,

In that you did excel,

You're my very best friend,

There's nothing I wouldn't do,

You're my very best friend,

And we all know it's true.

Sometimes we have lots of fun,

And I give you lot's of hugs,

Other times you get me in trouble,

Like when you sell some… salads.

You're my very best friend,

There's nothing I wouldn't do,

You're my very best friend,

And we all know it's true.

And we've been friends a whole year,

And I love you more and more,

You're the coolest girl I know,

and I want to know you more!"

Effy sat in silence before breaking out in to laughter, "whizzer," she laughed harder. "I love you too Panda," she stood up, "now show me the dance moves again."

Walk off the residual pain and forget how you got it

Katie didn't know when she started noticing Thomas. He wasn't her type. Okay he was completely smitten with another girl which had proven to be sort of her type, but he was nice and that was a first.

She actually wanted to help him with Pandora too, their relationship was full of cheating drama but they honestly loved each other and that was more than what she could say for even her good past relationships.

"You look nice today Katie," he smiled and escorted her off the bus, "thanks Thomas," the walked companionably to the ice cream place. It was almost a date only not really. But maybe…

"Thomas… what do you think of me" she adjusted her skirt and leaned over so he could see her lacy black bra through her unusually conservative top (which she had nicked from Emily.) he looked at her and smile, "you are very sweet" she smiled broadly, "now honestly Thomas."

"I once told Emily she was prettier than you" it the spirit of honesty (which she had none) she tried to keep the hurt look off her face, "I was just flirting though, I think you are most beautiful."

He pulled out her chair and ordered for them, she kind of liked the gentleman thing when he did it. He came back smiling with two big bowels of ice-cream, putting a caramel and fudge sundae in front of her, and she suddenly wished she didn't know that was Pandora's favourite.

"What is that" she laughed pointing at his strange coloured sundae, "it is banana, java and coffee it is a real wacker, do you want some." She shot down his spoon, "nah, okay let's talk about Pandora yeah?"

I'll meet you today when no-one is watching

Naomi noticed that they had unconsciously all sort of paired off with the boys, Katie with Freddie, Pandora with Thomas, Emily with JJ (which she still had nightmares about, and oddly enough rather pleasant threesome dreams), Effy with Freddie and Cook.

Naomi realised she had the short end of the stick here; she was actually friends with James Cook. She's not sure when it happened only that it had happened. Probably right around when he said it was okay she didn't want to sleep with him.

He was her only friend besides Emily (who hardly counted since they slept together) to come into her room. He in fact had passed out there at least as much as Ned-the-hippie did.

"Naomikins" he called, drinking coffee at her breakfast table when she stumbled down stairs that morning, "put some pants on girl you're turning me on" he laughed, her mother smiling amusedly at him. "Oh shut it you can't even get it up this early, Effy mentioned," Cook scowled "that girl and her- what's that word Jay uses propogana"

"Did you mean propaganda?" she asked sitting down, "donno maybe? Does that mean blatantly making up shit? Cause if so yeah, anyway I'm here for a reason" Naomi scowled. "If this is about providing lesbian peepshows for you're parties again you can forget it," Cook laughed at the memory, "babe you should consider it you and your piece are hot but no, I'm hurt and offended when I came here for honest reasons."

"Money?" she guessed, "in a manner of speaking," she pushed his legs off her kitchen table, "drug money." Cook shook his head with a shit eating grin, "think of it as an investment Nomes, tonight I get Jay on MDMA and stand back out of the way and see what or who he does first."

"you're an awful friend" she said through a smile stealing his coffee, "no I'm not I'm providing a much needed service," Naomi rolled her eyes, "does JJ know he's going to be acquiring this service."

"Don't be stupid, I'm slipping the stuff to him, the service is for you and me" he cackled "you're a regular saint aren't you?"

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