Another one of my crazy fics, with a few self-insertions. Enjoy! (Everyone already knows the disclaimer, so why waste space? I don't own GW, and I'm not trying to.)
WARNING: Very bad attempt at humor by a hyper-off-sugar pixie.
**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**
Relena's Driving Lessons- Featuring the Gundam Gang
{Let's pretend that everyone is 16, and Relena wants to get a driver's license (since she had Pagan drive her everywhere.). And guess who gets stuck teaching her how to drive? …You got it! ^_^}
[INSIDE CAR… QUATRE'S UP]
Quatre: Ok, Relena, what's the first rule of driving?
Relena: Um, look both ways before crossing the street?
Quatre: No.
Relena: Check all mirrors?
Quatre: No.
Relena: Don't drink and drive?
Quatre: No.
[51 MINUTES LATER…]
Relena: Don't put the map on the passenger's side?
Quatre: No.
Relena: Don't ever ask for the blue plate special at Davie's?
Quatre: NO!
[TROWA'S TURN… NEXT DAY]
Trowa: Alright, have you read the Driver's Manual?
Relena: No.
Trowa: *hands book to her* Good. Read it.
Relena: Wha…?
Trowa: There will be a test. You have three hours to memorize everything, starting now.
Relena: *groan*
Pixie: *comes out to car* Here Trowa, I typed up that thing you wanted. *hands Trowa a stack of papers thick as a book*
Trowa: Thanks. This is your test, Relena.
Relena: *bigger groan*
[DUO'S TURN… LATER THE SAME DAY]
Duo: Ok, have you memorized the parts of the engine yet?
Relena: Nani???
Duo: Well? You have to be somewhat of a good mechanic if you have car trouble. C'mere, let me run you over the basics.
*they get out, Duo pops car hood*
Duo: Now, see this piece right here? This is a cord that runs…
[HALF AN HOUR LATER…]
*Duo and Relena have various tools and are playing around with the different parts*
Duo: I think you're finally getting the hang of it! *beams* Because you had a great teacher, of course. Next… AAAAHHH!! DON'T CUT THE-
Relena: What? *snip*
DUO: --BATTERY WIRE. *sigh*
Relena: *stares at engine for a moment* Acck! *gets a squirt of oil in the face* Duo…
Duo: Heh, well, it happens sometimes…
[INSIDE THE HOUSE]
Relena: Well, I think Quatre took that fairly well, hm?
Duo: Especially considering the fact that he missed when he chucked one of Trowa's knives at us. Usually if he's really mad, he can hit the target. Too bad about his car though… Owell! You can use Sally's. Speaking of which… Hey Wufei!
Wufei: What?
Duo: It's your turn to work with Relena.
Wufei: What?????? You want me to teach this woman how to drive?? Why do I have to do it?
Duo: Because I'm taking a nap. Just be nice for once in your life.
Wufei: *grumble* Maxwell… C'mon, Woman.
Relena: Oh boy…
[IN SALLY'S LANDROVER…]
Wufei: Do you even know how to turn a car on, Woman?
Relena: I thought that's what you're here for.
Wufei: *grumble* Weak… Take the key and put it in the ignition.
Relena: The what?
Wufei: *sigh* The shiny little circle next to the steering wheel.
Relena: Oh.
Wufei: Now crank it, slowly… I said SLOWLY!! *car revs loudly*
Relena: Ok, what next?
Wufei: Now, put your foot on the brake, ease the gear now to Park, and then SLOWLY let off the brake and let the car idle out of the garage.
Relena: What? *accidentally puts in into Reverse* Now, which one's the brake? *hits gas*
Wufei: NO!!
*car backs into garage wall*
Relena: *sheepish grin* Whoopsies.
WUFEI: YOU WEAK WOMAN!!! INJUSTICE!!! YOU DENTED SALLY'S CAR!!!!! INJUST--
[IN HOUSE…]
Quatre: *looks up from book* Whatever that crashing sound was, it did not sound good.
Trowa: The question is, do we really want Relena driving?
*the two exchange glances*
*Wufei barges in, ranting and raving about injustice*
Wufei: I GIVE UP!!! SOMEONE ELSE TEACH THE WOMAN!!!
Relena: *puts hands on hips* I have a name, you know.
Quatre and Trowa: *big sigh*
Quatre: It's Heero's turn.
[ANOTHER PART OF HOUSE…]
Heero: No. Absolutely not. I refuse.
Duo: Hee-chan, you can't. Everyone else has tried, and besides, do you want me to tell everyone what you wear to bed at night?
Heero: *turns bright red* Fine. I'll do it.
Duo: Blackmail. Ya gotta love it.
Heero: What was that?
Duo: Nothing!
[IN CAR AGAIN…]
Heero: *deep breath* Ok, I think everything's ready.
Relena: What do you mean?
Heero: I locked up Zero, wrote my will… Yup, we're ready to go.
{He gives directions to Relena, and surprisingly, she does fairly well. …At least until they got out of the driveway.}
Heero: No, Relena, you don't hit the gas pedal! You gradually go on to it! Slow down! This is a residential area!
Relena: Wheee! This is fun!
Heero: WATCH OUT FOR THAT BIRDBATH!
Relena: *swerves* Relax, Heero, I've got everything under control, see? I'm a good driver.
Heero: WRONG SIDE OF ROAD!
Relena: *another swerve* Whoops, silly me. How's this?
Heero: DON'T HIT THE SQUIRREL!
Relena: Aw, poor squirrely. Owell, he'll get over it. How am I doing now, Heero?
Heero: HEY, THAT'S BROKEN GLASS!
Relena: Too late now!
*tire blows, car goes all over road*
Relena: It's a bit bumpy, but I'm doing ok, right Heero?
Heero: *is praying*
[BACK AT HOUSE…]
*Heero and Relena walk in*
Heero: Pixie, I will personally murder you for writing this fic… In a second. *goes to bathroom and throws up*
Quatre: You'd better run.
Pixie: Nah, I think I have at least 7 minutes before he pulls out a gun on me. Besides, I'm in charge here, remember?
Duo: You're right, I forgot about that.
Relena: *runs to Pixie and hugs her* Pixie-chan, you're the best! Thank you for writing this! They would never let me drive if you hadn't! Now, how about a fic where Heero lets me pilot Wing Zero?
Pixie: Um…
Everyone else: NO!!!!!!
**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-
END
Ok, no one suffered any long-term damage from these events (Except for Heero, who never, ever let Relena drive a car when he was there). Relena's huge amount of money paid for Sally and Quatre's cars, and the garage wall. Trowa spent the next three months grading Relena's test. And so was Relena's first driving lesson.
__________________________
So?? Did everyone like it? Do I hear a request for a sequel?
Heero: NO!
Relena: YES!
Please R/R and tell me if I should give up on humor writing.
WARNING: Very bad attempt at humor by a hyper-off-sugar pixie.
**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**
Relena's Driving Lessons- Featuring the Gundam Gang
{Let's pretend that everyone is 16, and Relena wants to get a driver's license (since she had Pagan drive her everywhere.). And guess who gets stuck teaching her how to drive? …You got it! ^_^}
[INSIDE CAR… QUATRE'S UP]
Quatre: Ok, Relena, what's the first rule of driving?
Relena: Um, look both ways before crossing the street?
Quatre: No.
Relena: Check all mirrors?
Quatre: No.
Relena: Don't drink and drive?
Quatre: No.
[51 MINUTES LATER…]
Relena: Don't put the map on the passenger's side?
Quatre: No.
Relena: Don't ever ask for the blue plate special at Davie's?
Quatre: NO!
[TROWA'S TURN… NEXT DAY]
Trowa: Alright, have you read the Driver's Manual?
Relena: No.
Trowa: *hands book to her* Good. Read it.
Relena: Wha…?
Trowa: There will be a test. You have three hours to memorize everything, starting now.
Relena: *groan*
Pixie: *comes out to car* Here Trowa, I typed up that thing you wanted. *hands Trowa a stack of papers thick as a book*
Trowa: Thanks. This is your test, Relena.
Relena: *bigger groan*
[DUO'S TURN… LATER THE SAME DAY]
Duo: Ok, have you memorized the parts of the engine yet?
Relena: Nani???
Duo: Well? You have to be somewhat of a good mechanic if you have car trouble. C'mere, let me run you over the basics.
*they get out, Duo pops car hood*
Duo: Now, see this piece right here? This is a cord that runs…
[HALF AN HOUR LATER…]
*Duo and Relena have various tools and are playing around with the different parts*
Duo: I think you're finally getting the hang of it! *beams* Because you had a great teacher, of course. Next… AAAAHHH!! DON'T CUT THE-
Relena: What? *snip*
DUO: --BATTERY WIRE. *sigh*
Relena: *stares at engine for a moment* Acck! *gets a squirt of oil in the face* Duo…
Duo: Heh, well, it happens sometimes…
[INSIDE THE HOUSE]
Relena: Well, I think Quatre took that fairly well, hm?
Duo: Especially considering the fact that he missed when he chucked one of Trowa's knives at us. Usually if he's really mad, he can hit the target. Too bad about his car though… Owell! You can use Sally's. Speaking of which… Hey Wufei!
Wufei: What?
Duo: It's your turn to work with Relena.
Wufei: What?????? You want me to teach this woman how to drive?? Why do I have to do it?
Duo: Because I'm taking a nap. Just be nice for once in your life.
Wufei: *grumble* Maxwell… C'mon, Woman.
Relena: Oh boy…
[IN SALLY'S LANDROVER…]
Wufei: Do you even know how to turn a car on, Woman?
Relena: I thought that's what you're here for.
Wufei: *grumble* Weak… Take the key and put it in the ignition.
Relena: The what?
Wufei: *sigh* The shiny little circle next to the steering wheel.
Relena: Oh.
Wufei: Now crank it, slowly… I said SLOWLY!! *car revs loudly*
Relena: Ok, what next?
Wufei: Now, put your foot on the brake, ease the gear now to Park, and then SLOWLY let off the brake and let the car idle out of the garage.
Relena: What? *accidentally puts in into Reverse* Now, which one's the brake? *hits gas*
Wufei: NO!!
*car backs into garage wall*
Relena: *sheepish grin* Whoopsies.
WUFEI: YOU WEAK WOMAN!!! INJUSTICE!!! YOU DENTED SALLY'S CAR!!!!! INJUST--
[IN HOUSE…]
Quatre: *looks up from book* Whatever that crashing sound was, it did not sound good.
Trowa: The question is, do we really want Relena driving?
*the two exchange glances*
*Wufei barges in, ranting and raving about injustice*
Wufei: I GIVE UP!!! SOMEONE ELSE TEACH THE WOMAN!!!
Relena: *puts hands on hips* I have a name, you know.
Quatre and Trowa: *big sigh*
Quatre: It's Heero's turn.
[ANOTHER PART OF HOUSE…]
Heero: No. Absolutely not. I refuse.
Duo: Hee-chan, you can't. Everyone else has tried, and besides, do you want me to tell everyone what you wear to bed at night?
Heero: *turns bright red* Fine. I'll do it.
Duo: Blackmail. Ya gotta love it.
Heero: What was that?
Duo: Nothing!
[IN CAR AGAIN…]
Heero: *deep breath* Ok, I think everything's ready.
Relena: What do you mean?
Heero: I locked up Zero, wrote my will… Yup, we're ready to go.
{He gives directions to Relena, and surprisingly, she does fairly well. …At least until they got out of the driveway.}
Heero: No, Relena, you don't hit the gas pedal! You gradually go on to it! Slow down! This is a residential area!
Relena: Wheee! This is fun!
Heero: WATCH OUT FOR THAT BIRDBATH!
Relena: *swerves* Relax, Heero, I've got everything under control, see? I'm a good driver.
Heero: WRONG SIDE OF ROAD!
Relena: *another swerve* Whoops, silly me. How's this?
Heero: DON'T HIT THE SQUIRREL!
Relena: Aw, poor squirrely. Owell, he'll get over it. How am I doing now, Heero?
Heero: HEY, THAT'S BROKEN GLASS!
Relena: Too late now!
*tire blows, car goes all over road*
Relena: It's a bit bumpy, but I'm doing ok, right Heero?
Heero: *is praying*
[BACK AT HOUSE…]
*Heero and Relena walk in*
Heero: Pixie, I will personally murder you for writing this fic… In a second. *goes to bathroom and throws up*
Quatre: You'd better run.
Pixie: Nah, I think I have at least 7 minutes before he pulls out a gun on me. Besides, I'm in charge here, remember?
Duo: You're right, I forgot about that.
Relena: *runs to Pixie and hugs her* Pixie-chan, you're the best! Thank you for writing this! They would never let me drive if you hadn't! Now, how about a fic where Heero lets me pilot Wing Zero?
Pixie: Um…
Everyone else: NO!!!!!!
**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-**-
END
Ok, no one suffered any long-term damage from these events (Except for Heero, who never, ever let Relena drive a car when he was there). Relena's huge amount of money paid for Sally and Quatre's cars, and the garage wall. Trowa spent the next three months grading Relena's test. And so was Relena's first driving lesson.
__________________________
So?? Did everyone like it? Do I hear a request for a sequel?
Heero: NO!
Relena: YES!
Please R/R and tell me if I should give up on humor writing.