This is my fist fanfiction, in fact this is the translation of my french fanfic (Parle moi). Sorry for my bad English but it's not my mother language (but I try^^), hope you will be able to read all of it.
It was a rainy and cloudy evening, just like was the humor of Elliot Stabler, alone in this bar, to flood his bitterness in his fifth glass of scotch.
Kathy blame him again for not be home enough, to be to much absorb by his work. He had tried again to explain her but she had announced him coldly that she was seeing another man anyway, a working colleague, a kind man who was more thoughtful than him.
He could see his kids when he desire but she did not wish to continue any more like this, to live as "strangers".
Elliot questioned since a few months on his future with Kathy, but he wanted to try, continue, if not for him and Kathy but for the children, but nevertheless his effort it was her who had eventually made a decision for them.
He finished his glass and ask for another one, he wondered what he was going to become, was he going to support to return to a small empty and cold hotel room every evenings, not to hear or see his children every day? He swallow a sob and emptied his glass, he needed some fresh air.
Olivia had just gone out of a relaxing shower, she put on a pair of short and an old T-shirt but they were so comfortable for a small evening in front of the television.
She got ready a tea and settled down comfortably on her sofa.
Half an hour later a blow on her door made her go out of her movie, She cut the TV and got up reluctantly.
She looked by the judas and it was with surprise that she opened the door.
-Elliot!
-...
-What happen, you look awfull! Are Kathy and the kids ok?
Elliot did not answer at once and contented with fixing the puddle which formed in his feet.
-Can I enter, I'm freezing?
Olivia moved back to leave him the passage. He entered of a slow and heavy step.
-What happen Elliot?
-I disturb you, I'm sorry.
-No, not at all, I just wasn't expecting you to be here in front of my door on friday evening! What's the matter?
He walk towards the sofa and sat down, his head between his hands.
-I lost everything.
-What! What are you talking about Elliot?
-Kathy...she has just admitted me that everything was over... for good this time.
Olivia sat down next to him and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
-The ...
-No, this time it's really over, she sees somebody else... I didn't even try to fight... talk to her.. all I did was turn heels and left.
Olivia dind't know what to say
-I don't even know why I feel like this, I know that my children are going to miss me but I knew for a long time that my feelings for Kathy were gone long ago, same for her. I thing that I am simply afraid of finding myself alone again.
-El, you are not alone, I am here for you, and all the team is there for you too.
-I know but I don't want them to know, not now, I don't want to see pity in they eyes.
-Okay
-Can I... can I stay here for the night? I just don't want to be alone.
-Of course, you didn't have to ask, you're welcome here, you know that.
-Thanks Life.
They spend the rest of the night talking, watch tv and eat a pizza which they order a little later.
The next day, when Elliot opened his eyes he wondered during a few seconds where he was but recognized very quickly Olivia's living room and remembered this evening which they had spend to speak and Liv had comforted him.
By arriving at the post the tension was height, a suspect had been bring for an interrogation. The man, called Owen Morris was suspected for the murder of his wife.
Elliot and Olivia start the interrogation.
-I do not understand why I am here, I didn't do anything , you should be looking for the murderer of my wife and you are here questionning me.
-First we want to have some explanations, you see, in the evening of the murder the waiter of the restaurant where you had dinner confirm that you where arguing with your wife, Why?
-It is personal.
Elliot who was silence until now told him:
-She had just announced you that she left you, that she had meet another man and that driven you crazy, you begin to shout, she shout in return and then you have snap, you have...
-No, no, you are crazy. Yes, she had just announced me that she had just met another man, yes it drove me crazy but no I do not touch my wife, I did nothing to her, I loved her, I still love her.
-You learn that your wife, the woman who you loved deceives you, she leaves you for another one, she threatens you to part from your children, it is more than a man would support.
-I have just told you that I do not kill my wife...
Elliot began shouting.
-Admit it, that driven you crazy, you gave her so many years of your life, you sacrifice yourself for her and the children, you made every effort for your marriage to holds and she left you for another man, she breaks your life, your dream of a perfect family, then...
Olivia took the arm of Elliot to calm him, but at this moment Owen Morris got up and began shouting too.
-No, no, NO, I did nothing, you don't understand, I loved my wife, I love my children, do you believe that I would deprive them of their mother and their father by the same occation. Do you only know what is like to love someone that much detective?
Elliot seized him by the throat and pushed him against the wall, Olivia intervene immediately by trying to make him break his hold.
-Elliot stop!
Cragen and Fin which observed the interrogation intervened in their turn.
They made Elliot break his hold, Cragen intervened between both men.
Owen Morris fell to his knees coughing, trying to find his breath.
Cragen glare at Elliot and told him:
-In my office, now.
In the passage Elliot knocked down a chair, what made Olivia jump and Fin look at her, shock by what he had just seen.
-What's the matter whith him?
Olivia looked at him but did not answer, she went out of the room without a word.
In Cragen's office, Elliot turned as a lion in cage.
-Care to explain what happen in there!
-He is guilty, he does not want to admit it, he hides behind his love for his wife and his children but we all know that's bullshit. He killed her because he did not support the idea to be replace. How nobody can see the truth!
-Elliot this is enough! You push the limits, this case just start and you already find him guilty for everything, you treat him and you almost choke him.
-A scum like him less won't be a big loss.
-ELLIOT! That's enough, I'm sick of your behavior, I remove you from the case.
-You cannot make us that captain, it is our case.
-Correction, it is Olivia's case , I assignd her Fin as partner for this one.
No, I ...
-It is my decision and you do not have to discuss it Elliot, don't argue, you out of the case. You're out of any case till you calm down. Take some time of, spent time with your family Elliot. Just calm down and straight your mind.
-...
-Did I made myself clear.
-Yes captain.
Elliot got out of the office by almost tearing away the door. Olivia who was coming try to speak to him but he passed by her without sending her a look, go towards his desk to take his jacket and in few seconds he had disappeared in the elevator.
Olivia watched at him going away without knowing what to think, then looked towards Cragen's office.
It's been now three days since Elliot was on "holidays". He had give no sign of life to the numerous messages which Olivia had leave to him.
It was thus with a certain relief that she see him in front of her door when she opened to him, but this relief was fast replace by a concern.
His garment was a complete mess , it had a hideous appearance and smelt the alcohol with full nose.
-Heyyyyyy, Liv.
He did not wait her invitasion and entered her apartment.
-You are drunk, Elliot?
-What a sense of observation!
She closed the door behind her.
-Where were you during this three days? You answered none of my messages!
-I needed to think!
-And what! you expecting to find your answers in a bottom of a bottle!
He glare at her but did not answer.
-Elliot.
-I needed to be alone.
-Elliot, I don't recognize you anymore, three days ago you came to my home, the next day you assault a suspect, and then dissapeard for three days not answering my messages, and here you are again, stinking the alcohol.
-I made an mistake by coming here.
He was going to leave but Olivia stop him.
-Waits, talk to me, what's really going on?
-No, I thought that you would be there for me, that you would understand me, but I see that I was wrong.
-I am here for you! I want to understand! Talk to me...dont shut me down!
-...
-Elliot, talk to me!
-...
-ELLIOT!
-...
-Please.
-OK, you want me to talk.
He approached her so abruptly that Olivia step back in surprise.
-You want to know what happen, I am tired of all this, to always be the good person that everybody want me to be, I am me, Olivia, not somebody else.
-But you are a good man...
-Stop... just stop the crap.
Elliot feel the anger rise in him.
-I did everything to keep my marriage safe, everything. I was going home every night, take the kids out for the week end, I took care of Eli every night but that wasn't enough, nothing is never enough. You are all the same, you always want more, we do everything for you and in the end you trough us like garbage.
Olivia was going to say something when Elliot interrupted her.
-Do not even try to say the opposite, you are exactly as the others, you take advantage of people to throw them better later.
-You know very well that it is not true, I...
-Stop it Olivia! You think you are so better than the others, so much superior, the perfect girl, Olivia Benson.
It was in Olivia's tour to feel the anger rise up in her. They already had arguments, but he never had word so hard with her.
-You are not perfect yourself Elliot, look at you, you neglect yourself for three days, your wife leave you and you does not even fight to keep her, all you did was is to take refuge in the alcohol, you only give her right, did you even talk to her since she left or were you to drunk to be able to manage this situation?
He look at her in shook, then smile, But Olivia knew this smile to much, he only have this smile when he was nervous or angry.
He pointed a finger in front of her face and answered her.
-Oh yes, miss perfect, you know what it is like to have to deal with drunk people don't you, I've forgot, but do not forget a thing, if your mother became an alcoholic it is because of you.
He knew that he did not think what he said, but he only wanted to hurt her, to see her suffering as he suffered at the moment.
-See your face every single day remind her what happen to her, why she had you, she had to support your presence and remember.
-That's enough, get out of here!
She goes towards the door but Elliot caught her arm and pulled her to him.
-Elliot Stabler, get of me immediately!
-Or what?
He push her agains the wall next to them.
-What are you gonna do?
His body agains her keep her from moving, she try to push him but he grab her wrist and put them behind her back.
He was so close.
-See, you can't do nothing to me, or maybe you don't want to do anything. You like it don't you, my body agains yours, so close that I can feel your heart beat.
Olivia really didn't like the situation.
-Elliot, stop, get of me.
-Do Not.
His face was so close to hers.
-Say it Olivia, you like me being so close!
-You're drunk Elliot.
He smile.
-Yes... so.
-You're not thinking straight, so stop.
-I don't want to, I am good as I am.
Olivia still trying to push him away but it was only irritating Him more.
-Stop fight back Olivia. Why do we always have to fight, why do you always want to have the upper hand, always to be right?
-You know that it is not true, El!
-El... this is the way you call me to calm me down?
-No, I always call you like this.
-Liv Liv Liv, do not even try to begin this small game with me.
-I don't play any game with you Elliot, you're hurting me!
He did not listen to her and got closer a little more if it was still possible. He approached his lips from her neck and began kissing her
-Elliot, STOP!
He plunged his look into hers, what she saw scared her like never before.
This look which she would never have believed to see in him , the look of a predator, a man who as nothing to lose.
He kiss her brutally on her lips. He maintained her wrists with one hand when the other start to discover the curves of her body.
Olivia froze, never in her worst nightmares, she tought that him, his partner, his best friend can do this to her.
-Olivia... You're so beautiful, you know that don't you. All those men who look at you, how they undress you with they eyes, all tose things they want to do to you, do you really think I did'nt see that. All those men who wants you, that made me sick, I just want to kill them.
His hands touched her bare skin under her t-shirt, he went up delicately until reach her breast.
-Your skin is so soft, as I always have imagine it.
He feel her tense, what made him hesitate a few seconds.
-Elliot please don't do this.
-Olivia...
Suddenly he grab one of her breast and crash his lips against hers to suppress her protests.
She fight even more and managed to make him break his grip, that took him of gard. She pushed him away violently and try to leave but he grab her and slapped her in the face, split her lip in two, she taste her own blood in her mouth. She fell on the ground under the blow and the surprise.
Elliot caught her ankle and pulled her to him , the second after he was on top of her.
His weight on her and the panic made difficult to breath, she try again to push him away but he seizes her wrists again and maintained them above her head.
-You can't do nothing against me Olivia, it is me who have the upper hand, don't resist so much.
Obtaining no reaction from her, his lips start to explore her neck again, he wanted to kiss her on the lips but she turn her head.
-I dream about this moment for so long, and I know that you too, I see the looks you have for me, I know what you think, I your feelings for years, I know them because I have the same.
He hold her wrists in one hand and with the other one found again its way under her t-shirt and towards its breast.
-Don't be so tense Olivia, do you even know how you make me feel.
His hand go to her hip, then on her leg.
-Would you like that I made love to you, here and now.
With no reaction from her, he reach towards her crotch and put his knees between her legs, force her to open them.
Suddenly, he heard her sobs, he stop and looked at her. She still had her head turn and her eyes was still close but he saw this only tear pouring down her cheek.
This vision shocked him more than he would have imagine, Olivia was crying, she cried because of him, of what he does to her. All the truth of what it had just did struck him as if he had just collided with a wall. He get of of her as if he had just received an electric shock.
How could he made this, how could he made this to her, he, who promise himself to always be there for her, to protect her no matter what, her for whom he would have give his life. And there he was trying to rape her, his partner, his best friend, the person who had always supported him.
-I Am a monster
Olivia opened her eyes, her heart calmed down.
She put herself in seated position and looked at Elliot.
He was there in front of her looking at his hands as if they did not belong to him anymore, as if he saw them for the first time.
He mumble again, more for himself.
-A monster, I am a monster.
Tears flowed on his cheeks without restraint.
Olivia did not move or say nothing, she looked at him, not knowing how to act in front of what took place under the eyes.
He, who had just tried to assault her was in tears infront of her.
He raised his head and his look settled on her.
-Olivia...
He wasn't able to end his sentence, tears flowd even more.
-What have I became?
In front of the sincerity of his words and his look when he had to look at her Olivia got closer to him.
-The
-No, do not approach me, I do not deserve that you speaks to me or comfort me. Not after what I was going to do. I became all that I hate. I am a monster.
-Do not say that Elliot.
-How can you even... after what I have just made.
-It was not you Elliot, I knows you, you are hurt, lost, angry but I know that in the bottom of your heart the truth you, the kind person, the thoughtful is always there. You always take care of the others, do not let this person disappear.
She put her hand on his cheek and force him to look at her.
-Look me in the eyes and say to me that he is always there, in your heart, say that I did not lose this person whom you are, say that I did not lose you.
His vision blurred again, he collapsed in Olivia's arms.
-I feel so broken, so lost, I do not know what to do any more, I have the impression to sink into a bottomless abyss.
Forgive me Olivia, please forgive me, do not leave me too.
-Never Elliot, I always be tere for you, I am here.
With every tears, all the pain, all the anger, was talking. Olivia had never seen him like this.
She embraced him in her turn.
-Shh... Elliot, that is going to be ok , I am here, that is going to be ok.
She began rocking him delicately.
-I am so sorry Olivia, I am so sorry.
Forgive me...
The end
Hope you enjoy this fanfic.
Tanks for reading.