This story makes Naruto seem kinda selfish, or well its all complicated...
SasuNaru, yaoi, I dont own Naruto, yada yada...
Never A Burden~
Constant beeping noises projected from machines and bounced off white walls only to be replaced by more, one after the other in a rhythmic way. Night was slowly falling as the sun made its way below the rooftops, its rays dimming to fill the horizon with its vibrant colors. Only a few of its rays reached through the one large window of the single-bedded room, but no matter how much light filled the room it would always feel so cold to the dark haired man who peered into it from the tiny window of the door. He had been standing there for quite some time, just staring into the seemingly lifeless four walled cell. Every bit of it made him cringe, it was painful to even see the hospital let alone be inside it. It brought back memories that have been haunting him all his life and he prayed that it wouldn't end up leaving another to keep him up at night. No, not the person who was in there, who was lying in that bed, how he hoped that the heavens weren't going to take them yet, he wouldn't be able to go on with the scar that would be left.
Carefully he raised his pale hand to the handle, his slender fingers gradually wrapping around the cool metal and pressing down. Cautiously walking in his dark eyes scanned the dreary room to land on the human form in the bed. A blond, spiky tuff of hair lay motionless on the pillow as he silently sat down. The man who occupied the bed hadn't moved an inch since he was here yesterday. Although the patient had woken for a brief moment before, it was best that he just rest. His peach toned skin looked a bit more colored than the last time he'd seen as well, but still the raven haired man was fairly unsure of the others condition. As his eyes slipped from the gently sleeping face to the bandages that covered the small body's arm, he remembered the tattered skin that was once exposed and bleeding. A horrible pain clenched his pounding heart as a flash of that other day crossed his mind. His breath slightly hitched in his throat as he tried to force the images away. He heard that scream, all the blood flowing so fluently and shining brightly on the cold cement as hot flames that couldn't be tamed reached towards the pitch black night sky.
The chair he sat upon creaked with pain as his hands clenched it viciously. When he began to struggle to hold back his whimpers of inner despair his eyes widened as long lashes flicked open and blue eyes looked to him. There was a brief moment of silence as his heart slowed to a regular beat, and he reached his clammy hand out.
"Naruto," he whispered hoarsely touching the slightly warmer, tanner hand. Naruto's eyes flicked again and he swallowed with a small, throaty groan, trying to find his voice. His lukewarm fingers twitched under the other's shaky grasp, and he wringed his toes feeling the numbness of his long slumber fading. Then that precious, affectionate smile that made the other man's heart sing with content graced his lips.
"Sa…suke," the blonde's voice was unsteady and raspy, it being the first time he'd spoken since being admitted to the hospital. He grabbed Sasuke's hand more securely and softly pulled it, asking him to be closer. Responding in almost an instant the dark haired man inched to the edge of his seat and gazed down to those luminescent blue orbs as he rested his right hand atop soft golden spikes. "Sasuke…?"
"I'm here," Sasuke breathed lightly, rubbing his thumb against smooth stands of hair. "I'm here Naruto…" The blonde's smile grew sweeter making small dimples near the edges of his mouth. He lifted his other hand slowly, it hanging limply in the hair as he made the effort of moving his arm over his body. Silky, black hair was brushed as Naruto pressed the hand against a smooth cheek and slid small strands behind Sasuke's ear somewhat unintentionally. Sasuke lowered his head to brush against the others cheek, but ended up nestled against the crook of Naruto's neck as the man gently threw his arms around his broad shoulders. It came as somewhat as a surprise, but soon he too wrapped his arms around the smaller body, feeling him press his face to his neck.
By way he looked in his hospital gown, it looked as though Naruto had lost a little weight. It was inevitable that it happen seeing how the patient couldn't eat and had only been on iv for the past three days, but it was still disheartening to see someone who was once so full of life and lean appear so frail. Sasuke rubbed his hand to the others back comfortingly and he took in that pure, heavenly scent.
Leaning back against his pillow, Naruto took a slow deep breath and pinned his glistening eyes to the dark ones that watched him vigilantly. Reaching his arm out again he brushed Sasuke's arm attentively, and his voice came out almost hushed. "Is it warm outside?"
"Yeah, just a little hotter than a few days ago…" Sasuke said as he felt the others hand crawl under the short sleeve of his shirt. Naruto weakly smiled and allowed his hand to fall, then slowly opened his lips yet again.
"I… when I woke up yesterday I wanted to stand outside for a moment…" Briefly glancing to the window the blond let his sad eyes slip back to his fiddling hands. "They said I couldn't…because…I'd…"
The room grew quiet. Sasuke stared at the slowly breathing form in the bed; he wondered why Naruto wouldn't say anything about his state. He could still remember vividly when everything felt as it should be, when he didn't have to visit the hospital. How happy Naruto looked as he greeted him at his door, the way he fell asleep that night in his arms after they had heatedly tangled their bodies together. It brought a profound pain to his heart each time he saw that smile crumple over and over, when he saw the bandages that, even though were probably fresh, still had spots of blood on the first layers. Somehow he knew there was more wrong than can be seen.
"Sasuke," that sweet, quite voice broke into his bottomless thoughts, "I wish we could spend more time together-"
"Let's leave."
There was a slight pause as the blond stared at him puzzled. Sasuke looked directly into those unbelievable blue eyes. "I'll sneak you out for the night. Let's get your clothes on."
Quickly standing, he strode to the closet were Naruto's change of clothes were. Sitting to the edge of the bed painstakingly, Naruto watched Sasuke's fervent, dark eyes as he began to remove his gown and help dress him. After carefully removing the monitors he did each article little by little, trying not to rush even with all the anxiety coursing through his body so as not to hurt any of the vulnerable, sensitive appendages. Once his shirt, light sweater, and pants were on he helped the fragile body up until they were steady on their feet.
"Ok Sasuke, but we have to be back around midnight when they check the rooms…"
Peeking through the door, dark eyes searched the ends of the halls for anyone close by. Then gradually Sasuke walked Naruto silently down the hall, holding him close with one arm. They took long, shaky breaths while they traveled down the elevator, but unknowingly held them once again as the door slid open. When they made it out the front door he made hastened steps so as not to be seen, causing the already heavily breathing patient to limp quickly because his leg was bandaged as well.
Only when they were walking the almost abandoned streets of town did their hearts calm and their steps steady to an easy walk that Naruto could handle. Finally escaping the containment of the hospital both seemed fairly content. As Sasuke fully let go of him, being able to manage on his own, Naruto took a gentle grasp of the others hand. Only after a few short minutes did he come to a quick stop as his companion stared into the window of a shop that was readying to close.
"Stay here, I'll be right back." While Sasuke disappeared into the shop Naruto turned towards the street. He looked to the sky, falling helplessly into the deep, almost shadowed indigo that greeted his eyes. How he wished his heart didn't hurt so much so that he could further enjoy these precious moments. If only he'd done something before, weren't so careless. Allowing his heart to fall so madly in love made him lose sight of what was really there, but he couldn't blame Sasuke for existing, or anything for that matter. His hand gripped at his chest as he bit at his bottom lip, it hurt so much to feel like he was causing the one he loved pain.
"Here," Sasuke held out a Popsicle and placed his own to his lips as the blond swiftly faced him, quickly vanquishing the sad expression that showed the extent of his aching thoughts.
It was a warm night, but there was a cool wind that was enough to make anyone long for a little extra warmth. There were only a few people that dotted the streets, it being so late in the evening. Many people were closing their curtains to conceal themselves in the lit privacy of their homes, and most cars were parked instead of roaming the streets. Much of their walk had a dull quietness to it that felt neither wrong nor exceptionally right, which was fine by all means to the two men. They just wanted to be together, that was all that mattered.
The cold treats were long gone by the time the two lovers had turned onto the long walkway outside of town, a walkway that cars could not drive and that parted off to the neighboring park. Almost each star in the sky could be seen from here where the lights of civilization couldn't as easily disturb their beauty. Every remaining ray of sunlight quickly disappeared beyond even the lowest of shrubs, the blackness of night seeping out from the center of the skies. Since it was so warm, crickets' chirps filled each part of the cool, light atmosphere. Amazingly even in this peaceful scene, two hearts wrenched with unseen pain.
"Look Sasuke," oHo
Naruto beamed as he trotted as quickly as his injured leg allowed him to the small pond located close to the path in the park. White lilies that glowed in the shadowy darkness contrasted against the dark water. They floated as if they were meant to never die away; the water would hold them above effortlessly forever. A sweet laughter caused Sasuke to look back to the other as he watched him crouch to dip his fingers into the chilly water. "Remember after we first kissed here we fell in?"
"Of course, you stayed the night because you had to borrow clothes." A forced smile came to his lips as he watched those blue orbs sparkle with each shimmer of light the water gave off as it rippled under Naruto's touch. He would always remember that day when they first pressed their lips together, and the first time they joined their bodies into one. Every waking moment he saw that smile, those eyes, heard that voice, Naruto would be forever bonded to his soul no matter what happens. Maybe if he believed that, things won't turn out for the worst, even if it's only a wish, a prayer.
Girls hushed voices and giggles could be heard in the near proximity, coming from a building close by. The two shot up and moved behind a large tree. Naruto clutched Sasuke's arm as he recognized the voices as Sakura's and Ino's. Everyone they know knew that he was supposed to be in the hospital, surely if they found out he sneaked out both Sasuke and him would be in trouble.
"Sasuke," there was panic in the Naruto's whispers, "Sakura can't know I'm here, or Ino. We need to get out of here!" In the darkness of the trees he saw the others dark eyes light up as he grabbed his hand and started running in the opposite direction. Trees flew past at a reasonably fast speed as they ran as soundlessly as possible, but Naruto started having trouble keeping up with Sasuke as they kept close to the tree line between the park and the walkway. Avoiding a large root he huffed painfully, "Sasuke…."
Stopping for only a brief moment, Sasuke promptly pulled the fatigued blond onto his back and moved as fast as the excess weight permitted. Then without hesitation he ran across the path into a rather tight alley that was filled with several trashcans and boxes. He let the other down onto a box, and they stood catching their breath. Putting his hands to the box Naruto chuckled lightly, as if the situation was humorous.
When the dark haired man raised his eyes his waist was quickly encircled by smaller arms that pulled him in. His lips met soft, moist ones that still trembled with pain from the exertion of running. Sasuke enclosed his arms around the thin body as he pressed against them harder. As he touched his tongue to that quivering lower lip, the blond opened his mouth slowly taking in the heated muscle that brushed his. While slender legs entangled themselves around his waist, Sasuke pulled the other closer against himself, turning his head to reach further into the wet cavern. Their lungs began to beg for air as Naruto gripped the material that covered Sasuke's back, the air among them feeling heavy.
The sky looked even darker and appeared to twinkle with even more specks of light as Naruto tilted his head up, feeling fervent breath on his neck as it was kissed. His breaths slowed as he stared to the sky, in some way it reminded him of Sasuke. It was dark, yet held such an intense beauty that was hidden and easy to miss. Once it came to mind, the stars truly were like pinholes in the curtains of heaven. Somehow he felt as though, the stars in Sasuke's eyes, the light that he could catch at just the right moment, were maybe even brighter than any star. He embraced him, his heart heavy as he felt his body suddenly shiver to the ever cooling breeze. After they finally broke away, the raven haired man brushed the others cheek tenderly.
"Let's… go to your house Sasuke…" It felt like an eternity that he'd talked, but Naruto's words hummed true. Unsure dark eyes lingered on him for only a moment before those strong arms eased him down from the box. Sasuke couldn't help but feel a bit restless having Naruto out in the streets when he should be in the hospital, but something deep within his being wanted to explore out into the world and be with his beloved. The moment he'd said how he wanted to spend more time together the feeling had almost exploded inside him, like another force had took over him. It was eerie, but it felt right, even if he couldn't understand why.
As Sasuke splashed cold water on his face in the bathroom, Naruto casually flopped back onto the bed as if he'd actually ran all the way there. He took a deep breath as he approached the calmly stretching blond, who soon looked up at him with his big blue eyes. His partly unzipped sweater was threatening to slip down his shoulders and the collar of his shirt hanged low, enough to see the fine toned collarbone beneath as his blond tussles of hair reached messily across his face. Caringly fixing his clothes Sasuke stepped closer, but was soon yanked into a wet kiss by his shirt. The kiss deepened as Naruto continued pulling him down, causing him to rest his knees to the bed. With a gasp he pulled away, the other securely tucked beneath him biting at his neck.
"Naruto…" His words came out strained feeling dainty hands explore his taut chest. "Naruto, I… I wasn't planning on doing this…"
"Nothing will happen…I know you'll be gentle," the man cooed as he touched the fiery, smooth skin beneath the others shirt. Sasuke's eyes filled with worry as Naruto licked at his jaw line, pulling him closer. Their groins pressed together, the blond raising to meet him, showing his want. As his heart beat more rapidly with a sense of fear Sasuke looked to those determined, lust filled eyes, panting with restraint. "I want you to have every piece of me tonight."
Those words almost echoing in his mind, Sasuke met the others lips, thoroughly tasting every bit of supple skin found. Messily undoing and pushing aside the blonde's sweater, their lips still locked, he slid his hand down Naruto's pants, cupping the ever hardening skin there. With muffled groans, his lover pushed up his shirt and broke away to hungrily lick the rosy peaks of his chest. Withdrawing, the dark haired man slipped off his shirt as Naruto watched eagerly, sliding his arms out from his sweater's containment. Once the blonde's pants were lose enough, Sasuke once again rubbed the velvety skin found between his legs as he sank his teeth into the others neck while they slightly whimpered.
"Sa…Sasuke…" Naruto growled lowly as Sasuke meticulously found his way beneath his shirt, clamping down gently on his nipple with his teeth, dragging his pants completely off. Gasping slightly to his lower body completely exposed to the air, the sound that had escaped the Naruto's mouth was soon replaced by Sasuke's tongue. The slippery muscle brushed and intertwined with his, while his legs were slowly spread apart by the others waist. He looked into those fathomlessly dark eyes while Sasuke rested their foreheads together. A finger entered him and quickly loosened his muscles, his raven haired love making soft sounds in anticipation.
Then with little warning, Sasuke sheathed himself into the hot entrance of the blond, who shouted loudly to the sudden intrusion. As he began to steadily move, Naruto dug his nails into his back, gradually meeting his movements by lifting his waist. Sasuke moved progressively faster accordingly, still cautious of the wrapped wounds. Moderately lifting his legs to allow the other to more deeply penetrate him, Naruto moaned indefinitely as he rocked back into the fresh sheets again and again. He clenched his teeth both from the pain and the pleasure pulsing through his veins. Sasuke lightly, yet firmly held the blonde's wrists to either side of his head, reaching farther into that incredible heated place where he soon found the spot which made screams break from the smaller body.
As that spot was hit repeatedly with quickening pace, a loud moan flew out from Naruto as he arched his back and released white fluid onto their stomachs. Soon Sasuke followed, falling into that same flash of seemingly unbreakable whiteness, filling his lover with semen in a just auditable groan that rumbled from his chest. He collapsed next to the rapidly breathing blond, and kissed away the droplets of sweat that had gathered on the bridge of his nose.
They only basked in the wonderful warmth for a few minutes before Naruto raised his head, his eyelids heavy as he caressed the others cheek. "We should get back now. It'll be midnight soon."
Their footsteps resonated off the walls of an alley as they made their way back unhurriedly. Sasuke looked to the other, overlooking his body in the dim light. "How are your wounds? I didn't hurt you any did I?"
Naruto glanced to him, but shrugged with a small sigh. "No, my arm hurts a little, but I'm fine."
Looking more directly to the blonde's arm Sasuke glared, "The bandage looks redder than before…"
"It does?" Naruto looked curiously to the slightly exposed wrapping on his arm, still walking closely.
They sauntered out onto the open side walk as Sasuke sighed with frustration. "You really are an idiot-"
A heavy silence deathly fell between the two as Sasuke stared at the street before them, his eyes filled with hurt. Naruto stood still beside him and watched his mouth fall into a straight line. Then he followed his gaze and his heart nearly stopped.
Before them in the dim streetlights and shadows of the night was a street crossing their path. Blood stained its dark, cold cement and shining broken glass still lay gathered by the curb. Sasuke's heart jolted with pain as he remembered the loud crashes that had made him stalk out from his home a block away. When he came near the end of the alley a loud explosion stopped him in his tracks, its bright light making him close his eyes and cover his face protectively. He lowered his arms and ran out onto the sidewalk, hearing a familiar voice scream with pain. The sight he saw would forever be engraved into his mind.
Two cars stood immobile and totaled in the center of the road, flames engulfed one, its metal frame burned nearly black. In the midst of flames and glass shards a man flipped onto his back gritting with overwhelming pain. Sasuke recognized the blond locks and the blue eyes that shed tears of ache and fear.
"Naruto!" He ran up to the damaged small body and gently took him into his arms. Naruto's body felt almost cold to the touch and soon Sasuke's hands became red with his blood. The skin of his arm was torn from grinding against the ground, dirtied with rock and bits of glass that made it seep with more flowing crimson. Even more blood ran out from the man's leg, a large piece of glass protruding from the abrasion, dying his torn pants red. Sasuke felt a shiver run down his spine as he saw all the other scraps that marked the trembling body, and the gash on his head that turned his golden hair brown. He brushed Naruto's wet cheek tenderly, holding him as close as possible as if to never let him go.
"Ahn… Sa….uhn…. Sasuke," Naruto choked on fluid that gathered in the back of his throat. Sasuke hushed him, trying to calm him by rubbing his forehead with his thumb. He pulled his eyes away from his bleeding lover to see the wreck once again, but looked back again feeling him bury his face against his chest.
"Don't let go Naruto, please…Just don't let go…" Sasuke whispered his eyes burning to shed tears, sirens calling in the back of his head continuously. Later he found out that Naruto had jumped out from his car before it exploded into a fury of fire from a gas leak, and the other driver had died on impact, intoxicated.
The blonde's blue eyes shimmered with guilt as he looked to the ground, he couldn't help but feel like he was hurting him, because he was so blind, weak. "I… never meant to…to hurt you."
"What are you apologizing for?" Sasuke snapped whipping around with a glint in his dark eyes. He clutched onto Naruto's arms hard, receiving a small squeak. "What makes you think it's your fault?"
"Naa, Sasuke that hurts…" Naruto avoided his eyes.
"Answer me!" He barked again, slightly shaking the other to look at him. "If anything I should be the one apologizing! I should have picked you up, I could of…. I…" After all this time, he was actually breaking down on the outside, his voice softening to a murmur. "Naruto, all that blood… It's happening all over again. I don't want to lose anyone I love anymore."
His head limply fell to the others shoulder, and his knees gave as they sank to the ground. The blond held onto him, his half lidded eyes watering. Feeling him press his face to the warmth of his chest Naruto breathed in the cool night air once again.
"The only thing your guilty of is making me unconditionally happy. There's nothing you should feel bad for, just be happy knowing I love you Sasuke, more than anything. You will always be my world, linked together by the same pains and love. Just remember that, forever."
Looking numbly to his blue eyes, Sasuke wiped Naruto's tears away. With a soothing kiss, a small smile graced his lips. "I can't thank you enough for being alive and with me Naruto. You're my light, don't ever leave me."
A sad smile crept onto the blond man's lips as the other brushed their noses and caressed his head, but tears still streamed down his face.
When they finally rose to their feet Naruto nearly doubled over from the pain that shot through his leg. He tried to take deep breaths as Sasuke helped him start to walk across the street, but his body was so incredibly tired that it was more of a drag.
The monitors in the hospital room soon endlessly beeped once again as Sasuke pulled the blanket to his worn out lover's chest with a sparkle in his dark eyes that made them glow with a tinge grey. They had put his gown back on and arranged things as if they had never left. When the nurse had passed the door she didn't see Sasuke hidden in the corner either, so there was some content in his heart knowing their little adventure had gone smoothly. He sat down but was soon surprised by the amount of pain in the others half held eyes, it looked as though he was going to cry again. Something felt wrong, very wrong. "Naruto?"
His eyes didn't move, he kept blankly staring somewhere beyond the room. "Do you remember that one night I was shaking?" Sasuke nodded slightly, his gut aching with a feeling that made him feel almost angry, yet so afraid. There was another of those long pauses that made him want to scream, but he waited patiently as the listless patient opened his mouth again. "It was a minor seizure. I've been… sick for a long time. They think its cancer now, but the medication I was taking was working so it was kind of forgotten about until..."
"You…" Sasuke couldn't find any words as his hand curled into a fist, his nails threatening to break skin.
"Once the medicine was gone though, I didn't get more. I… couldn't afford it anyhow." Naruto's eyes narrowed into slits. "So now…"
"How could you! I could of token care of you. I could have paid for anything you needed Naruto and you know that!" The blonde's face crinkled with hurt, his tightly held hands threatening to tear the blanket and tears leaking out the corners of his eyes. Rising to his feet, Sasuke held the man's warm face tightly with both hands, a mixture of sorrow and anger shooting through his body at unimaginable speeds. "How could you be so selfish?"
Receiving no response, he fell back to his chair and leaned his head onto the bed, hiding his tears and viciously grasping the others hand. His heart was ripping apart. Somehow he knew what was happening, maybe even the whole time. This is what was in store for him? Was he always meant to be alone? "You were lying when you said you'd never leave me… You lied…"
Naruto placed his other hand on the silky, black spikes on the top of Sasuke's head. There wasn't much he could say, and it hurt not to able to, but he wasn't going to cause his love any more pain than he already has. "You might not think so," his voice was angelically soft and soothing, "but it's for you… I know it's…for you … Sasuke…"
Looking up Naruto's eyes were almost fully closed, he was losing the will to talk. Sasuke sat up watching the blond slowly drifting asleep still whispering his name. He was going to leave him all alone; ripping away his only light in his life was like cutting his heart out. Without Naruto, without love… there would be nothing. Glancing over to the side table he found a solution, even though he knew it would hurt his lover, it was what he wanted. With no pain or hate, there wouldn't be love anyway. It was destiny that they only hurt each other, but for him he wanted it.
There was a sound of rattling pills, Naruto wanted to react, to move, something, but nothing happened. His vision was growing too dark. He knew he wasn't going to last much longer, there was nothing more he could do, could say to change anything, to change the way he felt to save Sasuke from this. Murmuring his name once more he saw that sweet pear toned face streaked with tears weakly smile, a smile that was sadly too true.
"I love you Naruto." Darkness. "I love you."
Nothing.
With a horrible groan Sasuke lifted his head from his arms on the side of the bed, his hand still heating another with a firm grip. His stomach twisted, and his head felt light. A loud noise hit him like a ton of bricks when he raised his head up, making him gag. Putting his hand to his mouth, he wanted to throw up, but nothing came. An insistent screeching sound made his head pound more, and his ears ring. When his vision cleared he realized, he was alive, yet being alive meant he'd failed his attempt to break out of this now worthless life. It made the emptiness in his heart grow. As a doctor and nurses swarmed into the room, he felt something in his other hand. When he looked to the metal feeling object it was a necklace, Naruto's, its slender gem as blue as his eyes and almost just as beautiful. His dark eyes lit up slightly and he carefully put it around his thin, pale neck as the medical staff frantically did what they could, but he already knew it was too late. They all told him it must have been some kind of stroke in the night with half-hearted sympathy, but he wasn't listening, he didn't need to see the body, or anything.
The bright, hot sun poured its scorching rays down on him as he stood before a grave. He'd placed yellow chrysanthemums and white lilies before it, shrouding him in vibrant memories that made a smile come to his lips. He wanted to be the water to hold Naruto up forever, but even the most beautiful and well loved of flowers must die eventually. His flower just had an early fate, and he now knew that he just didn't want him to hold him up if he was withering anyway. A warm breeze blew petals from the flowers and whirled them around in the air as Sasuke felt the gem around his neck.
Now not only did he have all those everlasting memories burned into him, but he had a little piece of the love that once was, and forever will be.