Title: My Stupid Mouth
Author: Kate (heartsmash)
Rating: T, for language
Summary: Filling my 'forgiveness' prompt, Puck takes charge with some unforseen results. The picture that inspired it all (as well as what I think Baby Puckerman could look like) check the link - .
Thank you to Nova802 for reading this over and giving me a push to post it.
Despite being several years older, some things never change. You may start to look a little older, and maybe you even do get a little wiser. In Puck's case, he must have missed the "wiser" memo, because he honestly thought that he no longer had to run his awesome ideas by his wife. He honestly thought it was an awesome idea, too.
"Noah, you maimed our son!" Rachel wails before locking herself in their bedroom
He cringes at her use of maim because it's such an extreme word. He looks down at Jack who just smiles a toothless grin and goes back to playing with his Baby Einstein Octoplush because the kid doesn't exactly understand what the hell is going on.
Truthfully, neither does he. For one, he didn't do it maliciously. Honestly, he thinks their son needed a haircut and knowing how busy Rachel has been in preparing for her first opening night since Jack's birth, he figures he can help the both of them out. Listen, the kid is just starting to grab edges and pull himself up to walk and the last thing he needs is hair in his eyes to slow down the process.
So after the stylist was done losing her shit over how cute Jack was (but come on, the kid's genes basically guaranteed him for a life of good looks), she asked him how they were going to cut it.
"Uh…" Puck muttered scratching the back of his neck. He hadn't put that much thought into it, thinking that he was putting the stylist in charge of that decision. The stylist studies the baby thoughtfully, before she ruffled Jack's full head of dark hair and mentions that Travis Barker's boy rocked a pretty awesome haircut as a baby. Pulling out a photo book of kid's haircuts, she points to Landon Barker and Puck can't help but smile.
"It's still pretty popular. You want to go with it?"
"Yeah, let's do it."
It doesn't take the stylist very long to do. And Jack is awesome. He's all chilling on Puck's lap totally engrossed in an episode of The Backyardigans that Puck has on his iPhone (seriously, if he could hug Steve Jobs for all the tears quelled by the thing he totally would - no homo).
He pays and tips the girl and with his little guy strapped in the BabyBjörn, he heads out into the world feeling confident. His ego gets stroked more so when he goes into Starbucks and the barista tells him that he makes a very hot dad and he gets his coffee for free, despite that his wedding band is clear and present for all to see.
That is until he gets home and Rachel starts to lose her shit over Jack's hair. When he first enters the house and her jaw goes slack, he knows he's in for it. Rachel is never at a loss for words. So this - her being speechless – is not good.
"Tell me you're kidding," she says, "You let them give the baby Mohawk? Who was working at this establishment? Chuck Lidell and Mr. T?"
In reality, it's not a true Mohawk but he figures that that fact is futile. Honestly, he wants to know how she knows who Chuck Lidell is but he pockets that question for a later date. Puck hates fighting with Rachel and he can't understand why this is a big deal. He could understand if it looked bad or if it was permanent, but those were both not true.
"Babe, come on…he looks like a stud."
"Because that's exactly what he needs! He looks like he ready for his first blackout at a rock concert. Not like he's about to turn a year old!" Rachel cries as she picks her baby up and smoothes a hand over his newly shorn locks.
"Why are you making such a big deal about this? It's hair, it'll grow back."
He instantly regrets saying it because Rachel's eyes fill with tears. He thought hormones stopped when she popped the kid out but that clearly is not the case as Jack was about to celebrate his first birthday and there were times like this where the waterworks just started in (and trust him, it was not just because she could cry on command – he had learned that lesson after two nights on the couch during her second trimester).
"Baby, you loved my 'hawk. I just can't understand what the big deal is," he says to her as she puts Jack in his playpen.
"The big deal? The big deal, Noah, is that you maimed our son!" she wails and turning on her heel, she retreats to the bedroom in tears. He hears the lock turn and he knows he's fucked. He tries knocking for a minutes, asking her to please come out and let him apologize. Puck all but offers his balls up on a silver platter before he retreats to the living room. Jack is holding onto the side of the playpen and bounces happily at his return. The baby doesn't know what is going on and Noah is thankful for that because the last thing he needs is them crying in tandem.
Taking his cell phone out of his pocket, he calls in reinforcements. Otherwise, this is going to be a very long night.
He opens the front door to their brownstone to find Santana Lopez with a smirk on her face.
"What the fuck did you do now that has one of my best friends crying in the bedroom?" she asked, crossing into the house.
"Why do you automatically assume it's me?" he asks sourly.
"Because you're you. Now come on, out with it."
Puck doesn't tell her the story, instead ushers her into the living room and shows off the baby. Jack claps his chubby hands at seeing Santana, who laughs and coos at her nephew before looking at her former boyfriend. Putting the pieces together, she stood and crossed her arms. Suddenly, he wasn't so sure if having Santana in Manhattan was going to be a good or bad thing for the current situation.
"So I take it you took the kid to get his hair cut and Rachel is not giving away gratuitous blow jobs at the results?"
"San…" he said motioning to the baby. He had cleaned up his vocabulary greatly since Jack arrived, but the Latina still slipped occasionally. Puck knew that they had to be super careful – he had seen Meet the Fockers and he did not want his kid saying a profanity as his first word. He might be super proud at the kid taking after him, but Rachel would probably castrate him.
"Woops, sorry querido" she said to the baby at her slip. "Okay, I'm not taking sides but on one hand, I think the kid rocks the look. But then again, the kid could wear a tutu and I'd be for it." Puck scowled at the thought of his son in a tutu, before he focused on what Santana had to say. "But this is her first baby and she wants everything to be perfect. And knowing Rachel, that is a whole other level of perfection."
Puck nodded understanding what Santana meant.
"So basically, I'm really in the doghouse?"
"Eh, not with me on your team. I'll go talk to her but personally, I say we get the kid a modeling contract because damn, you two did really good."
Puck grins from ear to ear at the compliment but it's something he thinks every day about the kid.
Later, after Santana has talked Rachel down off the ledge and he had groveled to the point of embarrassment (much to the Latina's delight), they cuddled on the couch watching mindless television. He had played the role of the dutiful husband without complaint – went and picked up dinner from her favorite vegan restaurant, he had ran her a bubble bath and gotten the baby to sleep.
"I'm sorry," he said again and kissed the top of her head.
"I'm sorry too," she said softly, taking a sip of wine.
"What are you apologizing for? I wasn't the one crying for the better part of an hour."
She cracked a small smile and that made him feel a little better.
"I regret that I blew it out of proportion. You were correct, it's hair and it will grow back. And I know that you did it out of love."
He loved Rachel and Jack with all his heart, and he was glad that his wife knew that innately. He didn't want to push his luck but he was curious to know one final piece of information.
"Our kid can rock the 'hawk though huh?" he asked, kissing the exposed skin of her neck.
"Like father, like son," she answered with a smile and stood up, offering a hand to lead him to their room.
"Hell yeah babe," he smirked as he eagerly stood up to follow his wife to the bedroom. Because even after several years of marriage and even a baby, there wasn't much in the world that could tear them apart.