"The Captain and the Doctor"
By Ten Story
Author's note: I don't own any of these characters, yadda yadda, you know the drill. And FYI these characters a based a bit more in movieverse than bookverse. Thanks for comments!
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Of all the men he had ever seen near death in their hammocks below the decks of a ship or on some blood-drenched battlefield, only one had ever broken his heart this much.
It had been such a damned foolish accident. So foolish it was downright maddening. To be shot by a man trying to shoot a bird, a bird that the sweet, naive doctor was simply trying to look at. Some primal anger festered in him, trying to command him to lash out and blast the man's brains out all over the deck, or at the very least flog him personally. But a civilized and disciplined voice within replied by steadying his hand - after all, what good would it really do except satisfy temporarily his absolutely uncontrollable fury about the situation?
And Stephen looked so helpless now, with his labored, painful breathing as he slept. Admittedly he had always looked helpless in the Captain's eyes; like a younger brother who needed looking after, though Jack knew he was perfectly capable of defending himself. And he had shown a kind of courage earlier today no other man he knew could boast of in prying open his own body to remove the bullet, while those all around him nearly vomited at the sight. Perhaps the deeper recessions of his mind liked to ignore all these evidences, as it made him feel validated to be needed somehow by someone he admired so much. And Stephen was the only person that he sought validation from. No one else's opinion mattered. And it was such trouble pretending that his words bounced off him like a rubber ball off the floor.
He laughed as he reviewed his thoughts and knew Stephen would laugh at him for thinking such things. Jack was sure he had no idea how much he mattered to him, especially after the bullheaded argument they had had about the islands. Sometimes he wished he could just damn himself and be done with it for some of the absolutely ridiculous things that would occasionally come spewing out of his mouth to ruin anything good that had ever happened to him. Of course in that particular instance he had meant every word, but it was all regrettable now since it had estranged Stephen from him.
A quiet moan escaped Stephen's lips as he shifted uncomfortably on the cot. Absentmindedly Jack took his hand and squeezed it affectionately, his heart swelling. To think he was even considering for the briefest moment of gallivanting off again and leaving his most cherished friend to die of blood loss or worse, under the buffoon Higgin's knife. About the first time, well…he was sure Stephen understood and would eventually forgive him, even knowing that if he was presented with the decision again, he would not change it. And perhaps this delayed excursion would make up for it a little…better late than never, after all.
So pale, so sweaty. His brow so thoroughly knitted in pain as he sought desperately to sustain his rest within the unconscious world. Gently Jack blotted some of the beads away from Stephen's forehead, then lightly dabbed at his smooth, bare chest. When his eyes drifted over the wound he hissed, reacting to the blood like never before. Flashes of a pathetic and yet surprisingly erotic voice begging him to place his hand on his belly and press down on his command came into Jack's head, making his stomach turn right then and there. Why was it when he saw Stephen's blood and innards he reacted to them like he had the first time he had seen such things as a young boy? Why was his pain so much more real than others?
It was an unnecessary question, really. He watched with some fascination as his hand crawled up Stephen's abdomen to the same place he had pressed down. Just as he had then, he focused on how smooth the Doctor's skin was – at the time he had thrown out the thought, dismissing it as a desperation his mind had created to make him strong enough to get through the ordeal. But now there was no excuse. Though thought impossible before, Jack's adoration and resulting attraction for Stephen had doubled in this brief amount of time. He knew then that there was no other person who could complete his life more – that Stephen was everything he wished to have in himself but could not, and vice versa.
He loved him. And that was the truth of it.
"Jack…" Stephen moaned quietly. His eyelids fluttered yet remained closed, fully reminding Jack of Stephen's pain and inflicting it vicariously on him. And Jack could not help himself. Even while Stephen eased into consciousness and looked up the Captain kissed his hand adoringly, then pressed it to his heart. The Doctor did not need an explanation. He tried to manage a smile but was too weak – instead he begged softly in a vulnerable tone he would only show to one man:
"Stay with me?"
"Yes, my dearest friend. All night tonight and upon the dawn, for always."
He knew he could not lie down and hold him through the night, as he so wished to do. And he could tell that was what Stephen would have preferred as well – his weak hand gestures beckoned him. But the men might discover them accidentally. The only solution was for him to sit up next to the cot all night, clutching Stephen's hand. That would have to do for now.
After looking around for possible intruders, the Captain leaned forward and scooped a hand under the Doctor's neck, pulling his head upwards for a warm, moist kiss. Their tongues just barely brushed each other's, adding to the mixture of heat and delight that at last put the final missing puzzle piece into place inside their hearts. Lovingly the Captain's fingers caressed the Doctor's cheek until he felt him grow heavy underneath him; the sure sign he had fallen again from the waking world.
To deprive himself of sleep to watch over Stephen was nothing to him – especially now. He sighed as he licked his lips, savoring the first kiss in his memory that had truly stirred him and made him feel that all was right with the world. And it was. And he imagined it would never be any other way again.