This is just a short ficlet I decided to write after reading a post on fmylife – hope you enjoy! :)
Sighing as I entered the large white house I'd come to call home, I breathed in the familiar scent and smiled. For a moment I had to stop and just take it in – the pristine white furniture, Emmett's x-box and games piled by the television, and so many other details. I still had to wonder how I'd gotten to call such a place home – my real home. Not just a house or an apartment I'd found when I'd been a wanderer after leaving Maria.
Before I found Alice – or rather, she found me – I never dreamed that I could feel so secure, so welcome, so loved. And I had Alice to thank for all of it. Not just for bringing me to live with the Cullens, not even just for finding me; when Alice walked into my life she finally gave my existence meaning. Every time I touched her, looked into her eyes, held her close…I knew nothing in the world could ever make me feel the way she did. I don't know how I ever lived without her, or ever could in the future. It just wasn't possible.
As I finally came out of my reverie, I suddenly became aware of the feeling of guilt rolling through the household in waves, and I could quickly feel who it was coming from – Alice. What could she have possibly done? I'd never felt her feel this kind of guilt before. I stood frozen by the doorway and listened.
"You did what?" Rosalie screeched, and I flinched.
"I couldn't help it!" I snapped defensively. "Anyway, if you were in my position, wouldn't you have done it?"
"That's not the point, Alice!" she huffed, crossing her arms as she sat across from me on my bed. "This is so unlike you! What possessed you to do that?"
"Look," I said, giving up my defensive front, also crossing my arms. "This is the first time I've ever cheated, so just go easy on me, okay? It's not like I do this sort of thing all the time. Just please, don't tell Jasper? I'd rather he not know what I did…"
I heard a door close downstairs, but I didn't pay much attention to it; everyone in the house was always in and out the door for some reason or another. It was probably Emmett coming back from hunting.
Rosalie sighed and uncrossed her arms, leaning one of her elbows on her leg and resting her chin against her hand. "Fine, I won't. But you should at least tell him. I mean it's just a bio-chem test, I guess."
"I guess…" I mumbled. I really didn't want to see the disappointment on Jasper's face, no matter how small the infraction. I still couldn't believe I'd even have to resort to my future-seeing abilities to pass that damn test. I guess taking that class for the first time and not studying was my first mistake. I'd promised myself I'd never use my abilities to cheat, but that didn't work out…
Suddenly I felt a vision coming. I let my mind focus on it, and I gasped when it became clear. It was Jasper in the middle of the forest out by the creek, curled in a ball, dry sobbing.
I felt Rosalie's hand on my shoulder, shaking me gently. "Alice? Alice, what do you see?"
I looked up at her quickly and muttered, "I have to go, be back soon!"
In a flash I was out the window and sprinting towards my love at top speed. I reached him in less than a minute, but to me it seemed too long.
I tried to calm my breathing as I sat curled in a ball listening to the creek, but I couldn't hold back the sobs that broke from within my chest. I knew this was too good to be true. How could I think that this paradise could last? No demon like me deserved a heaven like this with an angel like Alice.
Oh God, Alice…
How could she do this? I could barely imagine her in the arms of another man, but every time I thought of it, I felt ill and dizzy. It's no wonder though…How could anyone think of me as more than a loathsome murderer? I've known from the moment I met her that I didn't deserve her.
But that didn't help quell the stinging pain I felt now. Nothing could have prepared me for how I felt now. I wanted to lay down and die, to leave everything behind, to forget everything and to be forgotten. Anything would be better than this.
I heard light footsteps approach me and I immediately knew it was her. She kneeled next to me, but I refused to look at her. I didn't think I could bear it.
"Jasper, what's wrong darling?" her sweet voice called to me as she wrapped her arms around my shoulder. I could feel the emotions emanating from her – confusion, compassion…love?
I shrugged her arms off of me and I felt her confusion increase. I took a shaky breath before I looked up at her.
The pain in my eyes shone through; I knew because she gave a slight gasp when her eyes met mine.
"Jasper, what – ?" She held her hand to my cheek, though I turned my face away. She let her hand drop, and I felt a new emotion flicker through her: pain. I wanted to hug her, comfort her, make that hurting go away, but my own grief didn't allow me to.
After a long and painful silence, I finally managed to whisper, "Why?"
Alice paused, her confusion returning. "Why wh – ?"
I snapped my head back to look at her. "Why'd…Why'd you cheat on me, Alice? I mean, I'm not…" My throat threatened to constrict with another sob, so I let the sentence stay hanging. I looked at her for a brief moment, saw the dumbfounded shock on her face, and swiftly turned away once more.
I felt shock run through her quicker than any of the other emotions had, though it was still clouded with confusion. Then suddenly, I felt a new emotion fill her – amusement? I was even more stunned when she began laughing.
I looked up at her with disbelief. Was I really so unimportant that she'd laugh at my pain, right in my face? Anger coursed through me, and I abruptly stood and turned to run, though she grabbed my arm.
"No, Jasper, wait," she said through giggles, trying to calm herself. "You don't understand!"
"I understand plenty, Alice!" I snarled. I'd never spoken to harshly to her before; it was painful. She promptly sobered quieted for a moment, and tightened her grip on my arm as I tried to pull free from her grasp.
She pulled forcefully on my arm, forcing me to face her. "Jasper Whitlock Hale! Would you listen to me for a minute?"
I pulled my arm from her hand, but stayed where I was. Sighing, she continued more calmly. "Jasper, love, I never cheated on you." Skepticism ran through me, though I could only feel sincerity coming from her. "You must've overheard me talking with Rosalie – Jasper, I was talking about how I cheated on my bio-chemistry test!"
I stared at her wide-eyed. She looked back with earnest hope and sincerity, and I could feel it rolling off of her in waves. She placed her hand gently back on my cheek, and this time I didn't pull away. She was telling the truth.
And I felt ashamed.
"I…Alice, I'm…" I stuttered, unsure of what to say. She'd done nothing wrong to me, and I'd shouted terribly at her – and I hardly ever yelled, at anyone. I cast my eyes downward; she must think I'm horrible.
But her emotions told another story. Again I felt compassion and love, even stronger than I'd felt before. I even felt guilt from her, which immediately caught my attention. Before I could say something, she hastily pulled me into her arms, and I immediately wrapped mine around her.
"I'm so sorry, Jasper, for making you think that I –" she started, but I cut her off.
"Don't you even say that," I said quickly, pulling back so I could place my hands on both sides of her face. God, she looked beautiful… "Please, just…don't. It's not your fault." I chuckled slightly at the absurdity of all of this. But then I thought of how reasonable it seemed that she'd find someone new. I didn't deserve her in the slightest…
My countenance must have betrayed my thoughts because she swiftly enveloped me in her arms once more. Out of selfishness I held her too, even though I knew that she should be with someone else, someone other than a monster like me.
"Jasper, why do you so easily think I'll leave you?" she asked after a few moments of quiet, her voice small and tinted with sadness. I held her closer, breathing in her beautiful cinnamon scent.
"Because…" I sighed, pausing. "Because I don't deserve you."
She instantly pulled back and looked me directly in the eye, a sudden fire burning within them. "Jasper Hale, don't you dare ever say that again," she said with conviction. "I love you more than anything there is, or ever has been, or ever will be, in this world. And I know you love me just as much." She took my hand and started covering it with light, feathery kisses. "Don't ever, ever doubt that."
Uncertainty still clouded my mind as I looked at her, though I longed to believe her without any reservation. My past left scars – and not just physical ones – too deep to allow me to be completely trusting of anything. "Alice, I'm a monster. You should hate me, for everything I've done."
"No," she said with a gentle smile, "I love you for everything that you are."
I finally found myself beginning to believe her words, and I gave her a loving smile in return. "How am I worthy of an angel like you, Mrs. Hale?"
"Why Mr. Hale, I believe you have it quite backwards," she said playfully, and brought me into a passionate kiss. As we pulled away, I wrapped her in my arms once more and sighed in content.
Perhaps demons have their heaven, too.
Not my best work ever, but I'd like to know what you think.
Constructive criticism is absolutely encouraged, especially if I want to be an author someday :)
So please, leave a review? Pretty please? :)
ElementalSerenity
