A quick one shot inspired by the episode with Famine and the prompt Self Doubt.
He was done. Nothing seemed to matter anymore and Dean could not see any reason to keep trying to save people he knew were only going to die during the Apocalypse anyway. What was the point in hunting anymore?
He wanted to blame everything on Famine. He had originally thought that he was able to resist Famines pull because he was well fed. When he was hungry he ate, had sex when he felt the need, drank when he was thirsty... Then the Horseman had told him the truth he had kept from everyone, including himself: he was dead on the inside.
When they had let Lucifer out of the box he had thought they could fight and win against him but the he knew it was useless. As a hunter he wanted to try and take the devil down but it was looking more like a dream than a reality.
He just wanted to be done with it.
With a little hunters helper Dean was an empty shell. He was not sure when he had started drinking or how much he had actually consumed but while he was sitting on the floor of the motel room he was sharing with his brother he felt nothing. Just the way he liked it. The way it needed to be.
He did not notice the angel standing before him before it was too late.
A fist collided with his jaw sending the drunk man sprawling onto his side.
"How dare you!' Castiel demanded, crouching before the man he had just punched. "How dare you give up!" He sent another punch to the side of Dean's head.
The hunter tried to sit up but fell back over, his blurred state of mind not comprehending what was going on.
"Cas?" The hunter slurred blinking up at the angel.
Castiel picked the man up by the lapels of his button up flannel shirt and pushing him up against the nearest wall as if he weighed nothing. As an angel of the Lord he was a lot stronger than Sam and Dean gave him credit for.
"How could you do this to me? I give you and your brother everything I am able to and this is the way you repay me?" The angel snarled, shoving him against the wall again.
"What are you talking about?" The hunter asked, closing his eyes against the pain.
"When I pulled you out of Hell I put you back together. I know you better than anyone because I have seen everything you have to offer. So much good lies within you, the capacity for love is great, but you are going to give up on everything you are because Famine told you that you are dead!" Without thinking, he pulled his fist back and punched Dean in the cheek.
The hunter spat blood, the inside of his mouth ripped apart.
"What do you want me to do? We are going to loose! Sam is going to say yes to Lucifer and the Apocalypse is going to happen! No latter which side wins everyone is going to die!"
"So that's it?" Castiel asked, his nostrils flirted and breathing hard. "Your not going to fight anymore? Your just going to drink yourself to death and allow your brother to go through this alone? And what about me? Am I not worth fighting for?" His blue eyes baring into Dean's green ones.
The hunter did not say anything. He looked at the angel, his eyes out of focus.
Castiel let go of him, letting the man crumple to the floor in a heap of limbs.
Dean tried to get up, his limbs too heavy to get far but he tried none the less. "What do you want me to do, Cas? Pretend that everything is fine while the world burns around us?"
"No. I want you to see this as an opportunity to live life to the fullest. Not to give up and pretend that if you can't see it what's happening has just stopped because it's not. No matter what the world is going to need you no matter if you and Sam defeat Lucifer or if the Apocalypse happens. The world needs you Dean and so do I."
Dean looked up from his crumpled heap on the floor. "What are you talking about?"
With a disgusted huff, the angel reached out and touched the man's forehead making the drunken stupor disappear and leaving him sober. Still beaten, but sober.
"You need to listen to me, Dean. I need you. I don't care if the world is ending as much as I care if you give up or not."
Dean stood up, facing the angry angel. "Why does it matter if I fight or not?"
"Because I love you! I've always loved you but you were too arrogant to even notice." Castiel rubbed a hand through his wild black hair. "I love you and you are going to throw it away."
Dean reached out and grabbed the shorter man by the shoulder. "I didn't know," he started but Castiel grabbed him by the arm and twisting it behind his back before shoving the hunter further against the wall, wanting to make sure the man got his point.
"Dont you dare act as if you would have known things would be different. Don't lie to me." He bent the man's hand, adding pressure to the discomfort of having his hand pulled up between his shoulder blades.
"Cas," the hunter grunted but the angel grabbed him by the hair to turn his head to the side.
"Shut up and listen to me. I'm not going to let you waste away because that is just what Lucifer and the Horsemen want. They want you to break and to give up but I refuse to let you." Before Dean knew what was going on, Castiel crashed his mouth into the hunters breaking his lip further.
"Dont forget Dean, everyone needs you more than you know. They love you and if you let yourself die the world goes up in flames."
With the sound of flapping wings Castiel was gone, leaving Dean alone with his thoughts and the knowledge that the awkward angel he had come to depend on loved him as much as he loved the angel. He had just been too caught up in his own problems to admit it.
He knew he was never going to give up on their ridiculous plan to over throw Lucifer and stop the Apocalypse.
Grabbing his jacket, not caring what his face looked like, he walked out the door to find his brother and help him fight until the very end. Castiel was right, he needed to be there for his brother no matter the outcome.
That's the thing about love: you will do anything for those you love including stopping the Apocalypse.