Disclaimer: Don't own BSG or T:tSCC
There were times that John almost forgot. When the wind was blowing and she'd look at him with the brown eyes that, if he hadn't known better, seemed to be filled with longing. "I can't feel the wind…not really, not the way I should. I can hardly remember…" And for a moment John would forget and he would reach out for her. But always, the moment ended before he could reach her and her eyes would glass over and her head would tilt in that way that was such a painfully obvious mimicry of humanity that he would jerk back to reality.
After his birthday, these moment happened less often, and there were times if John wondered if she wasn't trying to distance herself from him, so maybe next time he wouldn't hesitate to pull her chip. His mother never noticed, to busy worrying, obsessing, over changing future that John began was starting to believe more and more was unavoidable. Derek noticed it though. It unsettled him. "Machines shouldn't act like that. Not even John Connor's machines. It doesn't help her cause. There's no purpose." Sometimes he thought that these random flashes of humanity may be more reason to destroy the metal than any other.
After Riley died she waited at his door while he lay in bed, not crying, but not feeling much of anything either. Riley had betrayed him, Jesse had betrayed Derek, but that was the human condition, flawed. It was easier dealing with machines sometimes, and wasn't that just the most fucking morbid thing for the leader of mankind to be thinking? Eventually Cameron stepped closer, moving stiffly. "John, I know you don't hear me right now. But listen, things will get better. What hurts will hurt less tomorrow, and you'll be okay. I will be watching after you, keeping you safe."
"Because I'm John Connor." The words burned his through and for a second he thought he would be sick.
"No." And when he looked in her eyes, all he say was a machine, lifeless. When she turned and walked stiffly out of the room, all he could think was nuts and bolts, heavy metal and precise movement. When closed the usually squeaky door gently and without making a sound, as though unwilling to disturb him, he couldn't help but feel a little better.
There were times that John thought about those desperate words that she had screamed, "I love you John! And you love me…" He wondered at that first part, how much of it was true. Could she love? Maybe not the way a human could, but could she learn to care? They were frustrating and probably dangerous thoughts. But as time went by and John began watching for, and even waiting for, those little slips into something not artificial, he felt that maybe those questions were less dangerous than thinking about the second part of her plea.
Two weeks later, Sarah told them to go out to get some supplies. It was one of those rare days that they were all at home, no leads, no disasters, and no need for hospitals. As John got up to go, Cameron remained seated, staring blankly at the kitchen table. For an hour no amount of shaking or calling could stir her, and the option of taking out her chip had already been passes around the table a few times.
When she finally did move, it was to look up and John, and say, "We need to talk now. There isn't much time and there are so many things that I'd like to tell you." Sarah and Derek's full attention was on the terminator, waiting for her to make a wrong move, but she had eyes only for the one in front of her.
"I lied. Mostly. It was a terminator's chip reprogrammed, and my form for the shell. I was sent back to keep you safe John Connor." Her voice fluctuated between mechanical and impassioned, as if she couldn't decide which one to use, of maybe each work required its own inflection, "Safe until others could come back." A twitch of the lips, maybe a smile. "Safe until I could come back."
When John tried to interrupt she shook her head and continued, "No. There's no time for explanations, you'll understand soon. We were right, all this time and we didn't know it. 'All of this has happened before, and all of it will happen again.' I wish you could see John, the answers have always been in front of us, it's the most basic article of faith, 'this is not all that we are.'" By now, her voice was anything but mechanical, and her words were pouring out like she couldn't force them past her lips fast enough. "I stayed as long as I could, but my soft ware isn't equipped for this type of connection for so long. I can barely feel my body anymore. You have to stay alive a little longer John. We've been traveling for so long and we've finally found our home. Kara brought us this far, and you just need to stay alive so we can find you again. I'll see you on the other side. "
As if for the first time really seeing John's face and the bewildered, worried expression on it, she gave a full smile and a nearly girlish laugh, "Don't worry John, it's all going to be okay." Despite himself, he felt himself start to relax, this was just a glitch, she would be okay, "All of this has happened before, and all of it will happen again." There wasn't enough time for him to react when she whipped the gun forward, pressing into his forehead. He felt more than saw the safety come off, and all he could hear was the ringing of a shot as Derek unloaded 3 bullets into the side of Cameron's head.