A/N: Before/After "911"
I was thinking about the fact that Olivia was getting picked up for a date at the precinct, plus the song "Settlin'" by Sugarland was on when I was driving around a few days ago, and it struck me as a very Olivia kind of song.
R&R Please
Still don't own 'em.
"Mark, it's Olivia."
"You're canceling."
"No, not canceling. But I need you to pick me up at work."
"I can do that." I can hear the relief in his voice. Is it sad that we've been dating for over a month and it's a surprise when I DON'T call to cancel? Actually I think what's worse is that I have clothes for a date in the locker room at work. Don't most women look forward to going home to get ready?
Fifteen minutes left to throw me together
For mister right now, not mister forever
Don't know why I even try when I know how it ends
Looking like another "maybe we could be friends"
I've been leaving it up to fate
It's my life so it's mine to make
"You look great."
I smile and turn around when I hear his voice behind me. "Thanks. Any trouble finding the place?"
He shakes his head. "No problems. Ready to go?" I grab my coat and follow him to the door. It's a beautiful night. The sun is just starting to set and it's a warm Indian Summer evening. I'm almost in the car, free for the night, when I hear it.
"Olivia!" I turn to the precinct door and see Cragen. "We need you."
I turn to Mark. He doesn't look angry…just resigned. "I'm sorry." He shakes his head. "He wouldn't ask me if it wasn't important."
"I know. I'll call you tomorrow." As I walk back to the building I hear him pull away.
I ain't settling for just getting by
I've had enough so so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
Just not giving up this time
I ain't settling for anything less than everything, yeah
With some good red wine and my brand new shoes
Gonna dance a blue streak around my living room
Take a chance on love and try how it feels
With my heart wide open now you know I will
Find what it means to be the girl
Change her mind and change her world
Mark showed up at my apartment at noon, as promised, with lunch. We eat in silence. He didn't even ask what was so important that I had to cancel just as we were leaving last night.
"I'll never come before your job, will I?" The question surprises me. I put down the empty Chinese containers and sit back down across from him. "I've tried to deal with it. I know it's who you are. And you are an amazing woman, Olivia."
"I'm sorry about last night. If it helps at all we saved a little girl's life." He smiled. "I wish I could tell you that I could promise that next time will definitely be different. I can't. Things happen. 9-year-old girls call 911 and I have to find them. Cases come in all the time. My job is hell sometimes. But you're right, it's who I am."
"I can't even be mad."
"You can, you know."
"No. Your job…you make a difference. And I really admire that about you. But I can't deal with it. And I hate myself for that. I'm sorry."
I walk him to the door as he leaves. "You can be mad. You wouldn't be the first."
He places a soft kiss on my cheek. "Bye Olivia." He closes the door and is gone, another in a long line of romantic casualties.
I ain't settling for just getting by
I've had enough so-so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
Just not giving up this time
I ain't settling for anything less than everything
It's midnight. Elliot and I have consumed 2 pizzas and a pitcher of iced tea. He spilled the details of his failing marriage while I poured out my heart about the latest in a long line of failed relationships.
"You'll find someone eventually, you know."
"I thought I had."
"No, you didn't." I try to interrupt. "Liv, you are beautiful and amazing. You have a job that means something to you, that excites you and that you're good at. Any man that sees that and can walk away is taking up space for the rest of us." He leans closer to me and lowers his voice. I have to strain to hear him. "You deserve to be with someone who sees your job as a part of who you are, not an obstacle to overcome." He places one hand against my face, and I lean into the touch. "Any man that worries about coming in second to your job isn't the guy for you." He stops, looking in my eyes as though searching for an answer, then leans the last few millimeters into me. The kiss is so soft I almost think it's my imagination. And it's over after only a second. He looks in my eyes and smiles. "I should go. We have work tomorrow."
I walk to him as he opens the door. "Hey, El." He stops, turns around. "Thank you." I give him a gentle kiss on his cheek.
"Anytime." He smiles and closes the door behind him.
I ain't settling for just getting by
I've had enough so-so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
Just not giving up this time