Transcendence
Chapter One
I
"As with any strong drug, true first love is really only interesting to those who have become its prisoners."
-Stephen King
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Dreams, they are getting worse. Usually in nightmares you see what you're scared of. Not in my case. No image. No color. A sound. Sometimes there are many sounds. No matter how many there are however, the end never changes- it always ends in screams.
It all started when she died, really- only a week has passed since that day. Ever see yourself doing something in the past and no matter how many times you remember it you still want to scream stop, or somehow redirect the action, reorder the present? That's what happens to me. Every waking moment, I see her dead, lifeless face right in front of me. And slowly, her face twists into a mockery of what she once was. Her eyes accuse me of negligence- you killed me, you killed me, Naruto, and now you'll have to live with it forever. That's what I imagine her to be saying, over and over again.
I knew I could stop her from dying if I had the time. I knew it. That's why I'd been doing all of these experiments. I suspect Jiraiya knows the truth of it, but he lets me do my experiments all the same.
Time-space seals, is that not what my father was an expert at? Had he not developed a method of instantaneous transportation across virtually any distance? If one could travel through space at a speed faster than light with seals, why can't one, for instance, travel backward through time using simply seals? Theoretically, it should be possible, right?
Wrong.
But they don't call me the most stubborn-headed ninja of the leaf for nothing, you know. I'll make it work, somehow. I'll make it work. I'll make everything alright- that's what I swear to myself everyday. That's the only thing that keeps me from succumbing to the demon within.
Ah, yes, the Kyuubi survives, still- a shadow of it's former self, but every bit as foul and cunning. And he is not merciful, God, no. Even now I hear it's sinister laugh echoing through the pits of my mind. I'm almost afraid of what it will do once it gets bored of me. The seal my father made has been weakening over time. Impossible? No. A consequence of using too much of the beast's chakra. It had everything planned from the beginning, the goddamned fox. Yes, I'm afraid. It is hungry. It is immortal. Worse, it knows nothing of whim. But the Kyuubi is a foe known to me, and so I can fight it with my will.
Time, time is what I need to fight against. And yet I can't.
No one can, really.
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The way she died has always puzzled me. Trust me, I'd rather not tell you the details- but it's necessary for the story. In some ways, this is where the story begins. Began. Her death is the hinge on which the story pivots like an opening door.
I was on my way to the Hokage tower for a mission assignment that day. God, I remember it clearly. There she stood, right beside the door to the tower. Smiling up at me even though she couldn't recognize who I was under the mask- I removed the mask, and her smile turned downwards- a frown. She looked puzzled. I, of course, asked her the reason as to why. Now this is where the mystery begins, listen carefully- she told me she saw me on her way here, just fifteen minutes ago, and from what she could see, I looked to be in a hurry. She says that I didn't even stop and say hi, that I looked immensely focused on something. The problem was, I had just reached the tower- nay, the village itself about five minutes prior- how then could I have been running about in a hurry fifteen minutes ago? I wasn't even there. She still didn't looked convinced after I explained it to her, but she let go of it.
I went up to the tower then, and turned in my mission report as per the regulations. Everything went fine, really. The Hokage wasn't present at the time, so I had to turn the necessary paperwork in to his secretary- nothing really seemed out of order. It was then I heard the fox's laugh. God, it laughed and laughed and laughed, and I at the time didn't know what was making the god-damned noise! In reality the laughter lasted mere moments, and then it was silence. But it unsettled me, god knows it did. Perhaps I had a presentiment for the future, even back then. Or perhaps it could've been that I was just afraid- I don't know.
That was the second strange thing to happen that day.
You're following the story? First, she tells me that she's met me before I was present in the village, and second, the Kyuubi begins laughing suddenly.
And then I heard it, the scream that keeps echoing in my mind. The voice at the time seemed oddly familiar to me- I acted faster than everyone and went to where the scream originated from. It was from the basement of the tower, and when I saw the scene that lay before me, it took all of the self-control training I learned in ANBU to control myself. What I saw there in the basement will be something that I will never be able to forget the entirety of my life. The image has been burned on to my eyes, I fear.
Sakura's lifeless body lay on the floor, a knife embedded in her chest, her blood flowing freely on the ground.
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That day was the day I began my research into the art of sealing- specifically, I was interested in time-space seals. Under the guise of trying to reconstruct my father's technique, I researched time-travel.
Today, a full year later, I have succeeded. I'll save her, I promised to myself.
Yes, I'll save her. I'll save everyone.
It's a promise.
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II
"People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint – it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly time-y wimey…stuff."
-Steven Moffat, Doctor Who
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Her face glows with adoration and warmth, and her eyes communicate in a blink an understanding of all the gestures I've ever made, all the thoughts I've ever had. So extraordinary is this gaze in fact that I suddenly realize I'm unable to move. I just...stand there, every sinew and nerve easing me into a world of relief, breath slowing, arms dangling, jaw slack.
Until suddenly my eyes on their own accord, commanded by instincts darker and colder than empathy or anything resembling emotional need, dart from her face to the ax she holds- "You killed me, Naruto." the axe she's lifting, as she suddenly starts to shake, suddenly swinging the ax down on me, at my head, missing it, but only barely. I'm dying, I realise, as I scream-
I wake up, sweating profusely. Another nightmare- it was different, this time- usually there's no sound, just screams. Sighing, I get off of the bed and wash my face with water, then I throw on some robes. Looking up, I see the date on the calendar. 22nd of September. Today's the day. Today I'll know whether it's possible or not. It wasn't time-travel, really- I'd sent a message to the past, but it would suffice- at least that was what the result should've been. I glanced at the clock beside my bed- it was four in the morning. Two more hours, then. Two hours until it is confirmed.
Those two hours were the longest of my life. I just...sat there, staring holes on to the clock, willing it to move faster- and of course, as if just to spite me, it seemed to move even slower than normal. I watched as the clock struck six.
My eyes moved on to the door.
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Jiraiya, please come to my apartment at 6 am tomorrow (that should be 22nd of September) and knock exactly three times.
I will not answer the door.
That is when you say 'Blubber'. I'll explain everything to you tomorrow, I promise. For now, just go along with it.
Please.
PS- Oh, and bring some food.
-Naruto
The contents above are from a letter Jiraiya found on his desk when he came back from his…research yesterday. Jiraiya found it puzzling, of course, but then his student was researching time-travel.
Who knows what goes on in that mind of his, really. But 'Blubber'? God, Naruto was such a kid sometimes.
Jiraiya walked up and knocked on the door three times.
~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x
It was fifteen past six and yet no one had arrived yet. Doubt began to fester in my mind. What if it didn't work? I'd been so sure about this, but what if I failed again?
But then I heard a knock on the door. Then another. And then finally, another. Three knocks.
I tensed up- this was it, the moment where it all begins. If the experiment is positive then the possibilities are endless.
When I heard a muffled voice say 'Blubber'- to say I flew to the door to open it would've been an understatement. The relief I felt in that moment is indescribable in words, to be honest.
"God, your face is all lit up like a christmas tree, Naruto. Nevermind- just explain to me what exactly was the meaning of this-" Jiraiya waved the letter over my face. I clutched at it and gave it a once-over. By god, it's exactly the same.
"Of course, sensei. Come in, please, and thank you. Thank you."
Seating himself on the couch, Jiraiya made himself comfortable. "Now, boy, what is all this about? You told me you'd explain everything. I have a feeling it's related to all that time-based seals you were studying, but the contents of the letter were quite cryptic. And of all the code-words you could think, Blubber? No, seriously, kid- Blubber?"
I laughed, and I saw Jiraiya's face contort. It was then I realized I hadn't laughed much since that day. In fact, I hadn't laughed or even smiled at all. "Before I explain, sensei, would you tell me when you found this letter exactly? At what time, I mean."
"I'm not exactly sure, but it was right after I came home- so I'd say I found it somewhere between 11 to 11:30 in the night. Why do you ask?"
I smiled. So it had worked, after all.
"I wrote and sent that letter to you at 2 in the morning. Yes- I sent this to the past, 3 hours in the past, to be exact. It worked."
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After explaining everything to Jiraiya- and God, that took hours- he and I ate the food he'd bought together, then he went back to his house. I then took a bath, the first time in two weeks.
It was about an hour before noon when I stepped out onto the street. The sun was out and the cobblestones were warm beneath my feet. As the noise of the market rose to an irregular hum around me, I tried to enjoy the pleasant sensation of having a full belly and a clean body.
But there was a vague unease in the pit of my stomach, like the feeling you get when someone's staring at the back of your head. It followed me until my instincts got the better of me and I slipped into a side alley quick as a fish.
As I stood pressed against a wall, waiting, the feeling faded. After a few minutes, I began to feel foolish. I trusted my instincts, but they gave false alarms every now and again. I waited a few more minutes just to be sure, then moved back into the street.
The feeling of vague unease returned almost immediately. I ignored it while trying to find out where it was coming from. But after five minutes I lost my nerve and turned onto a side street, watching the crowd to see who was following me.
No one. It took a nerve-wracking half hour and two more alleys before I finally figured out what it was.
It felt strange to be walking with the crowd- I hadn't been out for so long.
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Now that I'd succeeded to send messages to the past, it was only a matter of time before I could change everything and bring her back. I'd long since come to a conclusion that physical time travel was all but impossible- this method, sending messages to the past, was crude, sure, but it would suffice for what I had to do. I had a plan in mind- I'd send Sakura a message, tell her to be careful and warn her not to go out on that day- I couldn't be sure that she would listen to me, but it was worth a try- I had nothing to lose, really. To be safe, I'd send myself a message too.
But before that, I needed to perfect this technique- this time I needed to send the message back farther than 3 hours- in fact, if I had to save Sakura, I would need to send the message one year back.
I had ironed out the mechanics of the time-traveling-sealing-array by sitting down with Jiraiya and by doing multiple experiments: when I sent a message to the past, the world, it changed to accommodate the message. That is, when I send a message to the past, it changes the world to be in line with the contents of the message- of course, this is only possible if the message is read by the person intended and they change their actions accordingly- it was beautiful, a butterfly effect of sorts. What this meant was, that there isn't a single universe where everything happens- what this means is that there is a multiverse- multiple universes, all diverging from each other according to the choices we make. This means that somewhere, in some universe, Sakura is still alive. We soon realized that the universes, they keep subtly changing and shifting, like a vast shimmer of sorts. It was like an art, to us sealmasters. Beautiful.
Over the course of the next week, I perfected the technique. I was highly motivated, of course.
Today, on the 29th of September, I will test the results of my work over the past week- I'll send back a message both to my past-self and Sakura- a warning, of sorts.
And then the world will change.
It has to.
You know, I still hear it- the Kyuubi's laugh. I wonder what it means.
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III
"Two roads diverged in a wood and I, I took the one less traveled by."
– Robert Frost
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"This is it, isn't it." said Naruto, his voice very low. Beside him was sitting Jiraiya, who simply gave a nod to the boy.
"Now is not the time to hesitate, kid. This is what you wanted."
"...Yes." And with those words the boy's hands moved to the sealing array kept on the centre of the table, hands moving deftly to complete the sealing process. "Yes." Naruto repeated slowly, as if to assure himself what he was doing was right.
Jiraiya had noticed that the boy had been very hesitant in doing more experiments since the day before yesterday, but he had not asked why. If Naruto had something he needed to tell him, Jiraiya trusted Naruto to do so. But he suspected it had something to do with the results of the previous experiment- they had sent a letter back, its contents quite simple in nature- the results of a local lottery- one month back to be exact: it hadn't changed the universe by much, but the puzzling fact was that Jiraiya, along with everyone else had no memories of the previous world after the change- only Naruto did. Jiraiya had suspected that it (the fact that only Naruto had memories of the previous world) had something to do with the Kyuubi, as Naruto had mentioned the fox had been acting strange lately. Jiraiya, after a bit of prodding from Naruto, remembered a bit of the previous universe- but only a bit.
"I'm sending it now, Jiraiya-sensei." Naruto looked up at him, eyes full of…something.
Oh. He doesn't want to say goodbye.
Jiraiya sighed, then smiled brightly. "Kid, it's not as if we'll never meet again. When you send that message, another-me from another universe will be here, but it'll still be me. Stop acting all melodramatic all of a sudden, will ya? It makes me laugh. "
Naruto nodded.
Yes, it's time.
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I didn't know what to expect after completing it- me and Jiraiya had never sent a message as far back as a year before.
But whatever I expected, I'd never expected this. I rose from the wet floor, and looked up to see heavy gates looming ahead in the darkness. Sighing, I started to step towards the gates.
The Kyuubi, huh.
The scene was the same as I'd experienced a few years before- the location I found myself in looked to be something like a sewer, with pipes going up along the ceiling and water dripping with every step I took towards my destination. I'm back here again, in the seal.
I stopped when I heard a loud laugh echo through the walls of the sewer. It was the same laugh I'd heard yesterday, and the day before, and countless times before. It'd all started when she died- I narrowed my eyes in thought. The Kyuubi is up to something.
Up ahead, red chakra drifted around the bars of the seal like a living flame, making hissing and crackling sounds.
FOOL.
The disembodied voice came from behind me, and I turned around. Two red, slit eyes loomed in the darkness, full of wicked cunning and eerie intelligence. The gaze looked malevolent.
But I wasn't afraid- hadn't been afraid of the Kyuubi for a long time now. The demon's full visage came into view; it wasn't as huge or towering as it had been when I was a kid- the demon's power was but a shadow of it's former self- the seal had taken care of that. It'd been specifically made to suck the Kyuubi's chakra and integrate it into my system. Of course, the Yondaime had never expected the seal, made by the Shinigami itself, to ever fail either. But it had- for now, the only thing keeping the Kyuubi from escaping was my will maintaining the half-broken seal.
"Why am I here?" I asked of it simply. I was careful to keep the nervousness I felt away from my voice- it would not be well to show the Kyuubi weakness. The nervousness had nothing to do with the Kyuubi, of course, but rather it was because of the message I'd just sent.
Nine tails writhed sinuously around each other, blood-red and fiery. The demon's tongue lolled from its fanged jaws in a gaping grin.
THE WORLD IS AT A CROSSROADS, HUMAN. YOU RISK TOO MUCH IN MEDDLING WITH THE FLOW OF TIME.
The Kyuubi paused, looking at me as if it wanted me to say something in response. So I did: "And?" For a moment, there was silence: even the water dripping from above froze. And then, the earth rumbled and shook as the Kyuubi let out a hearty laugh. It had been laughing a lot recently.
I was puzzled, of course, but before I could say anything I was transported back into my original surroundings: my apartment.
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I looked around a bit. Aside from Jiraiya not being present, which was something I had expected from the beginning, everything looked the same.
I didn't really notice the complete silence (not even an insect buzzed)- in retrospect I suppose I should've been more perceptive, but then I had a lot on my mind at the time.
I went to the door and opened it: let's see how things are outside.
That's when things began to get strange. Everything seemed frozen. No people. I walked around a bit, but still, no people. I had reached as far as the Hokage tower now, wandering for what could've been either an hour or just a few minutes. I looked up to see the mountain- that's when panic began to set in.
The mountain had six faces on it; Jiraiya's was the new addition. Jiraiya, Hokage? My throat constricted as the possibilities crossed my mind: Did baa-chan…no, she probably retired, that old hag. That's what I told myself.
Suddenly everything gets substantially darker. Like a cloud passed over the sun. Except it hadn't. My nostrils flare with the scent of something bitter and foul, something inhuman. Something telling me in whispers that I'm not alone- I suspected it was the Kyuubi, but then you never know.
Something is behind me. Of course, I deny it. But it's impossible to deny it. I hear it coming closer.
I finally heard a sound - and after that everything came alive- I could feel the wind on my face, I could see the people walking around in the street, it seemed the world had finally decided to go back to normal- but for now, what concerned me was the sound I'd just heard.
For it was the I'd been hoping to hear, the gentle voice that I'd last heard a year prior. Her voice washed away my sudden bout of paranoia.
Sakura.
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It would be nice to say that our eyes met and I moved smoothly to her side. It would be nice to say that I smiled and spoke of pleasant things in carefully metered rhyming couplets, like Prince Charming from some fairy tale.
Unfortunately, life is seldom so carefully scripted. In truth, I simply stood- too numb with shock to do anything else.
I had dreamed of this reunion for so long, pored over it in the nights, built every word and smile and laugh up painstakingly in my mind, taking comfort in it- and now I was unable to say anything.
But I had succeeded. The message had changed the universe, and now she was alive. I'd promised, hadn't I? And I never go back on my promises.
I still had this uneasy feeling in my stomach, though. As if something was horribly wrong. I remembered the Kyuubi's laugh- yes, something's wrong.
And it knows.
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IV
"In the end it's never what you worry about that gets you."
-Chuck Palanihuk, Guts
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I was just standing there. So was she.
Up above, the sun shone brightly. The sky as blue as ever, a pleasing breeze fluttering through the ground. The day was beautiful.
Sakura opened her mouth, "A beautiful day, isn't it?" she said. Too distracted by the melodic sound of her voice to make sense of her words, I could only nod.
She started twitching nervously, her hands clasped together her back. Her face turned to a shade reminiscent of her pink hair. "I was…umm, I was wondering if…" she started.
I wanted to talk to her. I really did. I wanted to hold her tightly to me and never let her get away, I wanted to tell her how much I'd missed her, I wanted to tell her everything I'd never had the time to tell previously.
But it would have to wait. She would have to wait.
I fucked up bad this time, I thought, as I gazed at the Hokage mountain.
I needed to talk to the old pervert. He'll know what to do when I tell him everything. He always knows what's right, doesn't he? He'll help me. Jiraiya will.
I turned to her, and she was looking at me expectantly. Of course, she'd been speaking all the time that I'd been lost in my own thoughts. Her face was more than a little pink now, and I wished that little smile would remain on her face forever. "Sakura…I have to go. I'll talk to you later, I promise, okay?" I said, and her smile vanished instantly.
"O-okay…" she stammered, her expression shattering like a mask. A tear threatened to fall from her eye, but she gathered herself and smiled. In my distracted state of course, all I could notice was the bright smile she gave me- and it didn't quite reach up to her eyes- and I took that as an affirmative.
So I left, making my way over to the tower looming overhead. To the Hokage tower, where I'll get the answers.
Yes, the old pervert will have the answers, I told myself.
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As soon as I left her presence, the paranoia took me again. First there was a vague unease in the pit of my stomach, like the feeling you get when someone's staring at the back of your head. I shook it off.
Then suddenly I began having problems breathing. No one noticed. I walked into an abandoned alley. A mistake.
I should have stayed near people.
Suddenly I can see everything gets substantially darker. Again my nostrils flare with the scent of something bitter and foul, something inhuman. Something telling me in whispers that I'm not alone. Something telling me that someone- or something- is following me.
Na..rut..o. The wind speaks. And suddenly there's absolute silence. Then there's sound of footsteps. A chill runs down my back- it's waiting for me to turn around.
It's coming closer.
The sound of footsteps stops.
It's behind me.
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"Kid, it's not as if we'll never meet again," Jiraiya heard himself say. He was sitting in something familiar to Naruto's apartment, except all the furniture was absent. He couldn't move his eyes or mouth or even his hands- he was stuck inside the body that spoke the words coming out of his- no, not his- mouth.
By this time he'd gotten used to it. He'd been having these sorts of dreams for about a month now, and he'd never told anyone. He already knew what people would say when he told them about this- 'Oh, it's nothing, just a recurring dream.' And inside, they'd be thinking- the old pervert has finally lost it- he's gone crazy.
So he endured these. Endure wouldn't be the right word, he thought, as his mouth spoke- "-it'll still be me," no, these dreams weren't something he had to endure. He found them more interesting than anything. But he knew that what he was seeing definitely wasn't real- Naruto a seal master? His mouth moved without his permission again- "-it makes me laugh." And for once he agreed with what his dream-self spoke. Then everything went black.
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The lake stretched away, fringed by steep rocks and greenery everywhere- a beautiful scene, it had to be said, and in no village other than Konoha would you find such a landscape.
A pink haired girl sat on a big rock just beside the calm water, throwing stones across the lake. If one could see her expression, it would be something between a mix of anger, hurt, and self-pity.
I waited too long, she thought to herself. I waited too long, and now he doesn't like me anymore. She threw a stone across the lake. A lone tear fell from her eye before she could calm herself.
I won't cry, I'm not a little girl.
He doesn't like me, at least, not anymore. I was even wearing this bracelet he gave me for my birthday.
She threw another stone across the lake, this time with some force. It made a big splash, with some drops falling on Sakura. Getting wet made her angry.
You do not want to make Sakura angry.
Ever.
A vein pulsing on her forehead, she looked around for the biggest rock she could find. There, she thought. She picked it up and threw it in the river.
It made a big splash. A really big splash.
What was going to happen next was as inevitable as the sun rising everyday- Sakura got completely drenched.
For a moment it seemed as if smoke would come out of her ears, but then the moment passed and she sighed.
I'm so stupid and useless, aren't I?
As she wallowed in self-pity, she suddenly heard the sound of leaves crunching. Someone was coming- her eyes narrowed, all semblance of emotion gone immediately- not many people knew about this place. Her face was as blank as an empty canvas as she closed out the sounds of the forest to narrow down where the person was coming from. From behind.
She turned around, saw a flash of blonde hair and screamed as the person enveloped her in a hug.
"Oh, you poor thing! I heard what happened. That bastard Naruto's gonna pay, I'll make sure of it- just you wait, Sakura!"
"God, Ino! You scared me half to death!"
Letting out a breath of relief she gave herself over to the hug.
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Jiraiya woke, taking in a deep breath. He'd fallen asleep doing paperwork this time. Shizune looked over him worryingly- "I tried to wake you up, but you wouldn't budge- your heartbeat was very low, Jiraiya-sama, I was so scared-" Jiraiya waved her away.
"I'm not the sort to die when sleeping, Shizune. I will die on the battlefield, if at all. In the meantime, I'll live my life to the fullest- there's so much more research to do, after all." he said with a perverted grin.
Shizune frowned, an errant vein on her temple bulging as she heard Jiraiya chuckle to himself. "I wanted to wake you because you've got a visitor. And old friend, he says, and it's urgent. Wouldn't take no for an answer. He told me to tell you that he knows about your dreams. He's been here for about two hours. Should I send him away?"
Jiraiya was immediately serious, his expression one of contemplation. He knows about my dreams? That isn't possible. "Describe him to me, will you, Shizune?" Definitely not possible…unless…
"I couldn't see his face, he had a mask over it-" she began, before Jiraiya interjected: "What kind of mask? Is it one of our ANBU, perhaps?"
"-as I was saying before you interrupted me, the mask was not an ANBU mask. It was a…I don't know how to describe it- a spiral kind of mask. I could see the outline of his hair though, it was blonde. His clothes were normal- of the sort you would see a civilian wear."
"And he said he was an old friend? That he knows about my-" Jiraiya calmed his excitement. "Dreams?"
"Just so." Shizune said. She was getting a bit curious now, because she'd never seen Jiraiya so excited before, at least, not after Tsunade- she was interrupted from her musings when Jiraiya stood up.
"Send him in, would you?"
"Are you sure? It could be someone dangerous…" Shizune didn't think the person was dangerous though, his presence had had a sort of familiarity to it, but she couldn't for the life of her place where she'd seen that kind of presence before. But she couldn't let her feelings get in front of the safety of the Hokage, at least not after what happened to her teacher. "Perhaps I should have the ANBU stationed behind the gates when he's here? Just for safety?"
"Bah, kid, you think I can't protect myself? I'm one of the Sannin, for fucks sake! But if it calms you, do whatever you want. God knows I don't have any authority here anyway, and all they make me do is paperwork! I never should have taken this job in the first place! I belong in the field, I tell you!" Jiraiya managed to cut himself off before he went off into a rant about his position and said: "Damn it all, just send him in, will you?"
"…okay."
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Author's Notes:
Reposted, all in one chapter divided into 4 parts (previously there were 4 chapters of like 1k words each which I hated. Also, a little bit of editing/rewriting done as well.) I'm still working on a project for the summer so the next update might be a bit delayed (uhh...3 weeks? 4 if delayed really badly) I'll try to put it up asap though!
So long!