Helloooo! c: This is another Kames one-shot of mine. I'm surprised this hasn't been done yet. It's a plot that I could TOTALLY see happening on the show. Like seriously, Kendall can't always be perfect. P.S Happy Valentine's Day! :D
Warnings!; I don't know why, but I always love to write a distressed/depressed Kendall, with James usually being the reason why. . . :| It's fun! :3
Disclaimer!: I own nothing :p But c'mon? Who wouldn't want to own this show! If I did, Jo would be a lying cheating cumwhore, Kendall would be with James, and there would totally be some Cargan in the mix. And it would all be on TeenNick. It would also be drama filled like Degrassi ;D And, I would also change the name to, The Rush, something a little more. . .dramatic, idk.
~3rd PoV~
The blonde trudged through the empty apartment of 2J; his head down, shoulders slumped and jade eyes blood shot. Luckily he had waited for everyone to leave the apartment before he left his and James' shared room to go and get breakfast, or else everyone would have been harnessing him with questions on why he was so upset. Just thinking about it made fresh tears come back to Kendall's eyes, the tears mostly representing how scared Kendall was.
But, what could have upset the fearless leader of Big Time Rush so much, to the point of tears?
Kendall was always the kind of person who people saw as perfect. His wise words of advice, kind demeanor to everyone around him, pristine girlfriend, loving family and almost never shattering shell, made Kendall look like he had the perfect personality and life.
How would people react if they found out that most of it was lie?
Would people still look up to him if they found out Jo and his relationship was all a sham? That it was just used to cover up the ugly truth that Kendall Francis Knight was gay and also, in love with his best friend of ten years, James Diamond, the boy of his dreams? How would everyone react when Kendall does decide to confess that James is the person Kendall is truly in love with?
These questions were haunting Kendall all morning, after he had woke up from his seemingly pleasant dream of a reality that he wished he could live. A reality were James and him could live happily together, with no one judging them in any way.
James and Kendall sat snuggled up on he neon orange couch in 2J, James' head on Kendall's chest as said blonde petted his boyfriend perfect hair, something only Kendall was allowed to do.
With the constant stroking of his gorgeous hair and the steady heartbeat of his lover, James' eyelids were becoming heavy quite fast, and Kendall could sense his drowsiness.
"You ready to go to bed, Babe?" James' response was a muffled "yeah", due to the fact that his face was too busy being snuggled into Kendall's warm chest. Kendall just chuckled, as he slowly stood up as he held James bridal style and made his way to their shared bedroom, ready to end the night, together in each others arms like they always did.
Since his arms were busy, Kendall kicked the door opened, hoping the bang from his roughness didn't wake the half-asleep James. Once he made it to him and James' bed, he laid his boyfriend down and covered him with the blanket they shared. Kendall quickly went over to the other side of the bed, giddy to share his warmth with James and to get some from him too.
As soon as Kendall was comfortable under the blanket, James quickly situated himself back on Kendall's chest, his heartbeat once again soothing him to sleep. Before James' eyelids finally closed, Kendall leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the top of the pretty boy's hair, making James grin sleeplessly.
"I love you James, sweet dreams."
"Love you too Kendall." Knowing that James felt the same way, even though they told each more than five times a day, made it easier for Kendall to succumb to sleep, knowing that James was his to keep, forever and ever.
Kendall had already knew he was in love with the gorgeous singer, hell, he had known for years. However, he would hide the longing and want for James by using fake girlfriends to make it seem like he was perfectly fine, when in all reality, his heart was breaking more and more everyday for the past 5 years.
That dream though, was the final straw.
When he had woken up, his heart was pounding at a remarkable pace, Kendall's breaths coming out rugged, trying to get air into his body anyway possible. Kendall started to panic when he felt the burning that was eating away at his heart, the pain becoming almost unbearable. He looked around the room and gave out a small sigh of relief that James wasn't in the room at the time. He didn't want to have to explain why he woke up in such a state. Quite frankly, he didn't even want to explain it to himself, even though he already knew why.
He couldn't take hiding his love for James any longer.
The desire and love he had for his best friend was eating him alive and he had to come clean about it to everyone, James most importantly. Kendall was so scared that once he did tell everyone his dirty little secret, that his reputation of being 'the perfect human being' would soon fade away and people would never look at him the same. He couldn't bare knowing that everyone would hate him and look at him as nothing, so, he cried, knowing that would ever he decided to do, bottling his feelings up or letting them explode, would lead to his 'perfect' life to never be the same again.
****Linebreak****
After Kendall had forced himself to eat some toast for his body to have some kind of energy, he slowly made his way back to his bedroom, never noticing the front door opening and James walking in.
"Hey Kendall!" Kendall froze in his spot immediately, praying that the voice was all in his head and that he was still alone, not having to worry about anyone bothering him. When Kendall started to blink his eyes and realized what was going on was real, he took in a deep breath and greeted James back.
"H-Hi James..." Kendall was mentally slapping himself for letting his voice flatter, knowing that James was going to see past any lie he was about to tell him. He went into a sprint once he heard the pretty boy's footsteps come his way, running into his bedroom and locking the door before jumping into his bed and letting tears fall freely.
Once James got past the shock of Kendall running away like that, he cautiously made his way to his and Kendall's bedroom door, pressing his ear to the door to hear Kendall's heart breaking sobs of agony. He went to turn the door knob, when he felt it didn't budge, signaling it was locked.
"Kendall. . .could you please open the door? I wanna help make you feel better." He made sure his voice sounded soft, not wanting to upset Kendall anymore than the blonde already was. James smiled to himself when he heard shuffling from the other side of the door and the door knob click. He waited to open the door to give Kendall enough time to shuffle back to his bed before he finally opened the door.
He peaked his head inside, and frowned when he saw Kendall curled up in a ball on the bed, the blonde's head facing the wall so that James couldn't see his broken expression, body shaking from his sobs. James slowly made his way past the threshold, taking baby steps to Kendall's bed.
Once he was there, he sat himself on the edge of Kendall's bed and started to rub soothing circles into the shorter teen's back.
"You wanna talk about it?" James frowned once again when he saw the shaggy blonde head shake, telling James no.
"Whatever it is, I promise I won't tell anyone. You can trust me." Kendall thought over his options, finally coming to the conclusion that getting over the heartbreak and rejection now would be much easier. He slowly, but surely, sat up to face James, their eyes locking simultaneously. James could see the stress and pain that was flashing in Kendall's perfect jade eyes, wanting so bad to just take the blonde into his arms, whisper sweet nothings into his ear and to take away all of his troubles.
If only James knew he was Kendall's problem.
"I-If I tell you w-what's wrong. . .y-y-you promise not to get mad?"
James answer came almost instantly,"Of course, no matter what it is." With a shaky, unsettling intake of air, Kendall thought up of the exact words to explain what was going on.
"Well, lately, I've been feeling very self-conscious. . ." James quirked an eyebrow at Kendall, a little confused by his statement.
"How so?"
"Uhm. . .well, I've just been thinking how everyone thinks how I'm this perfect person when really. . .I'm anything but." When James didn't say anything after a few seconds, Kendall continued, "Every body thinks I'm this sort of person who is incapable of doing anything wrong, and that everything about me is perfect. . .I just. . .I-I don't want them to h-h-hate me when..." Before Kendall could finish, he broke down into hysterical tears once again, his head crashing down into James chest, hands clinging onto the material of the T-Shirt. James soon wrapped the blonde into his arms, pulling him closer, trying to comfort him so he could continue on with his confession.
"When what Kendall, you know I-" He was stopped dead in his tracks when he felt a warm presence pressed against his lips, realizing it was Kendall's lips kissing his own. Even though he was shocked from Kendall's sudden action, he didn't hesitate to kiss back, both their lips moving together perfectly. Kendall's hold on James' shirt only got tighter as the lip-lock progressed, Kendall wanting to make sure James wasn't going to go anywhere. James' hold around Kendall got tighter for the same reason, hoping all of this just wasn't a mistake Kendall was making.
After minutes of lips moving together, Kendall had finally pulled away, eyes huge as he waited for James to open his eyes and look at him. As soon as the pretty hazel eyes came into the blonde's vision, a small smile came onto his face.
"So, you don't think. . .I'm disgusting, for feeling this way?" All James could do was shake his head and put his forehead to Kendall's gazing deeply into emerald eyes he had loved for years.
"Kendall, no matter what anyone, even yourself, has to say about you, you are the most incredible, handsome, and loving individual I have ever met. You will always be perfect to me, no matter what." James couldn't help but beam when he saw the dimples on Kendall's face come into full view, one of his favorite features about the blonde.
"I love you James, thank you so much for accepting me. . .do you think everyone else will?"
"Well, you do have everyone under you're 'Knight' charm, so, I can't see anyone thinking any differently of you." James couldn't help but brush his lips against the smile that appeared on Kendall's face, it looking too adorable for James to not kiss. After their sweet lip-lock was over, James leaned down to place his lips right next to Kendall's ear, whispering only soft enough for Kendall to hear.
"And I love you too Kendall, don't ever change. . .you're perfect, just this way."