Disclaimer: don't own duo never claimed to.

Well this story is a little depressing. And it's written in duo's POV. Rated R for reference to rape. And various other stuff such as swearing and also pedophilia. If I have rated this wrong please let me know. U no the drill people R+R plz. Thanx all views welcomed.                   

                                  Shinigami's hope.

 

Shinigami's POV.

Red, purple, black. What do you first think of when you read these colors? Could it be clothes? Make-up? Or are they just colors and nothing more? I mean do they symbolize anything for you? Do you know what they symbolize for me?

Blood, pain and death. Nice huh? Red as the color of blood, no explanation needed. Purple as the color of bruises that cause endless pain. And black as the color of darkness, lying waiting in the darkness is death. Bet you never saw it that way. Or you could have, maybe you feel the same as me but also maybe not. I cannot expect any of you to know how I feel. Not saying you don't feel pain, deep down inside. It wrenches your organs making you sick. But no, none of you could feel what I feel.

I am still a scared six-year-old boy, who was slowly destroyed by him. Him being a man by the name of j. Dr j as he liked to be called. Pervert, pedophile, abuser by me.

I hate him. A pure hatred, the place only reserved for those you really despise is where he is in my heart. This part of me waits for the day when I watch that man die.

He said to me, he did it because he loved me and cared about me. For my own good. Yeh, right I didn't believe it. Not even once. Not when he was drunk not when he was sober not ever.

I just keep saying to myself, if he loved me so much then why did he do it? He told me it was my fault. My FAULT! That I shouldn't… he would trail off. He didn't even know the reason himself.

I knew, I knew even then. He was a pedophile, who likes fucking children.

I never knew my parents. I lived on the street for 2 years. At the age of 6 j found me. He named me Shinigami, I don't know why. Maybe it's just because he just liked the idea of fucking with death. But who knows what went on in that mans head.

Well thank you Dr j, thank you for my name. Now when I meet new people I can say 'hello, nice to meet you.' 'Oh my name? My name is Shinigami' and people would look at me like I'm crazy and walk away. Thinking 'she's mad, she thinks she's death. What a freak.'

Not that it really matters to me. I am a freak. Maybe my new owner will name me something more appropriate, like a real name.

J is making me get ready 'make yourself look good' he said. Great another order. Right if he want shinigami, I'll give him shinigami. Let's go for extreme gothic. Just black make-up. That'll annoy him.

But after I'm done the harshness stands only to enhance my bright violet eyes and naturally pale skin. I have expertly put on a black haired wig. It looks quite good if I must say so myself.

I'll be glad to get away from him. But I don't know where I'll end up next. They might be worse than him. Either way I'm doomed. I am going to be used and abused the rest of my life. It's not like it's been any different.

But I know if I watch him die. I'll die in peace.

But that another thing why can't I die? Why do I have to be confined to this body? This dirty used body of which this dirty soul has no right. I don't control my body it mearly does as told. Why must I have to live? Why? Why?

Even if I was freed. Do you really think I can live after this? I don't think I'll ever be truly free.

How could I have a normal relationship? A normal life? But what is normal? Not this. No, I know this isn't it.

This little bird could never be free. But that is all I want, freedom.

But the dirtiness inside stops it all. Destroys all hope, all chance of… I don't know.

Do you know what I wish for? I wish none of this had happened. I wish my parents were still alive. I wish I could be free. I wish for love. I wish for all the normal things you take for granted. Let me tell you something don't. Don't take anything for granted. Realize how much you do have. Cause you won't know what you had till it's gone. Don't expect anything from anyone, live under no illusions, act on your emotions, play your strengths and never fear death. Life is a battle that'll never be won but that doesn't mean stop fighting. I gave up the battle a long time ago I died a long time ago but you still have your lives so live them. Hey, live for the moment and grab it take the chances I'll never be able to. Please just live your lives to the full. And remember you won't get any where if your not yourself not what someone else want's you to be.

J is calling me. It's time to go. Live a long and happy life everyone. Because I'll never have the chance. Take it all for granted. Show the world who you are. Make a difference. And the only way to do that is to be you.

Thank you for reading goodbye.