Doug :)

Just as we start getting closer, I go and ruin it again, same old story eh? I see ye look at me, ye watch me a lot lately; ye say it's because you're worried about me. But then why would ye worry, especially after everything that we have been through? Ye still care deep down don't ye Steven? The little text messages, popping round to see how I'm doing, constantly checking up on me, just to make sure I'm okay. Maybe it's just your way, but I feel closer to ye and it seems like ye feel closer to me too.

Either way i like it, I want ye in my life…I've always wanted ye in my life and everything I've ever done was to try and keep ye there. Ye seeing me with Eoghan was a mistake, I never wanted ye to see that, not there on the sofa, our sofa, the sofa where we properly started and then ended all in one day. I promised ye so much that day and I did mean it at the time although I broke every promise I made and I'm sorry for that Steven, I really am.

Even after that ye are still there for me, defending me to Chez, trying ye best to fix our broken relationship. Ye know how much I need her, but I desperately need ye too. I find myself Wanting to see ye and after Chez telling me what ye said, I need to thank ye and tell ye how grateful I am and how much it means to me…how much ye mean to me. I walk in the deli to find ye dancing, totally engrossed, like no one's watching, I can't help but smile at the sight of ye.

I thank ye, we talk, ye ask about Eoghan and before long I am moving closer to ye, telling ye what I've always known deep down.

"Sometimes, what you're really looking for is standing right in front of ye"

Ye look so beautiful, your eyes widen and ye stare intently into mine and looking at ye now, I forget everything else. I forget that we've been here before and that I've hurt ye so much and that I do every time ye try and reach out to me. Only this time I know I wouldn't hurt ye. I want this…you, more than anything I've ever wanted in my life.

For one minute I thought that we were going to kiss, that our mouths were going to find their way back home. I thought we were going to reconnect, just as we always do. My heart is in my throat and it is pounding loudly and beating so fast and your eyes are telling me everything I need to know. Ye feel the same, I know ye do, at least in this perfect moment ye do. Your lips look so warm and inviting, ye don't know how many times I've thought of this.

Then ye speak and at first I think I must have misheard ye but then I hear the sound of another bullet hitting my chest and I know I heard ye right. Ye walk off and leave me standing there alone and ye go to him and the arms that should be wrapped around me are wrapped around him. Ye hold him tightly, breathing him in and all I can hear ye say in my head is his name. His…not mine…his…Doug.

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