To those of you who had read the first chapter, I apologize for the sudden revision. I was unsatisfied with what I did in the first chapter (which was done in a flight of fancy) so I had decided to redo everything, well, mostly the first part. Most parts will however remain the same with a few changes here and there.

Hope you peeps enjoy reading,

Lots of sweet sugary love, Kayzin

Disclaimer: I wouldn't be here if I owned Team Fortress 2.

Summary:

Waking up in an operating table was not fun. At all.

Shameless Self-Insert Fic. I joined the bandwagon.

Chapter 1 – In which I am an Idiot

I winced as the doctor in front of me dabbed a cotton ball of alcohol along the cuts on my fingers. I was still trying to figure what had happened in the past hour.

It wasn't entirely pleasant to wake up in a cold slab of metal, harsh light glaring down at your eyes with several dark blurry figures leaning above you, muttering to themselves.

I thought I had been kidnapped.

So I screamed (more like screeched), flung myself off the table, screamed again when I dragged the IV lines attached to me, grabbed the nearest thing around me and threw it at their general direction.

Most of them were scalpels which I grabbed handle first.

They managed to finally calm me down in between my hysterical screaming and game of cat and mouse. I think it was also because I had run out of projectiles to throw at them.

I'm thankful that they gave me my clothes back, instead of letting me suffer in the hospital gown. I'm sure I've flashed them several times during the chase.

"Aside from the incident earlier, everything seems to be fine." He concluded as he finished putting bandages on the cuts. They had apple patterns on them. He accepted a clipboard from the nearby nurse, humming as he read what was written on them. "How are you feeling?"

I rubbed my sore wrist, thinking on an answer. "A little bit nauseous but I think I can manage" I told him, accepting a cup of water that was offered to me. "Can you tell me where I am?"

He frowned, giving me a look. "You're at the Merciful Saints Hospital in Florida."

What did I do to end up having an operation at the hospital?

I repeated my thoughts to him, trying to remember anything from the fog in my mind.

"According to your files here, you had an appointment for your RSIC required for your job"

Wait, what? What job?

Since when did I have a job?

"I can explain that,"

I turned to face the newcomer, cursing at my lack of glasses. When they had returned my clothes to me, my glasses wasn't among them. I had asked the nurses about it but they didn't have a clue, stating that I had come to the operation without it.

I squinted my eyes at her, trying to make out her figure. All I could get was a blurry shape of purple.

"Ah, Miss Pauling" The doctor stood up, marching towards the newcomer to shake her hand. "You're here to pick her up then?"

I could see the silhouette of Miss Pauling nod, "I heard there were problems?"

"Nothing much. Well, aside from a few cuts and bruises. Side effects sometimes occur after the operation, one of them is disorientation and some memory loss. Don't worry, it'll fade in a few hours. Just for precaution though, I recommend that she stay here for at least a bit more for closer observations."

She shook her head, "No can do, doctor. We're already behind schedule as it is."

The doctor barked a laugh. "Helen hasn't changed a bit, hasn't she? If that's the case, I can't stop you."

I looked back and forth at both of them, trying to find clues at what the heck is going on.

Miss Pauling signed a few papers, beckoning to me as she finished. I hesitated before following her out, questions at brimming at the tip of my tongue. She seemed to know a lot more than that guy.

"I suppose reintroductions are in order," she began as she led me through the hallways. It was nearly bare of people, with the occasional nurse or doctor passing by. "You can call me Miss Pauling. I worked as an assistant to the agency you applied at" She stopped, handing me a duffel bag and gesturing to the door beside her, "Your uniform is in the bag. The goggle's already fitted with your eye prescription and the replacement glasses will be delivered to you in a few day. I accidentally broke your glasses when we met. Sorry about that."

Oh. That answers where it was.

She coughed when I kept staring at her, lifting the hand that was holding the bag. I blushed in embarrassment at being caught, clutching the bag and going inside the room. It was a small closet, with only a sink and a mirror inside. I propped up the bag on the sink, unzipping as I rummaged through the contents.

Now time to find some clues.

…

What kind of job is this?

I lifted up… the suit? Whatever this thing was, it was heavy and blue. I turned the suit over, inspecting it more closely. It was oddly familiar. From what I can mostly see, it was a blue one piece rubbery (?) suit, with a zipper in the middle, reaching from the neck down to the hips. It was a little bit glossy as I ran my hand over it, smoothing out the creases. Putting it aside, I went through the contents in the bag, coming up with belts, rubber gloves, boots (no wonder it was heavy) and a gas mask?

What the heck?

Did I apply for a biohazard job?

A knock broke me out of my thoughts. I heard Miss Pauling call out, "Are you alright? Do you need some help putting it on?"

"No, I'm fine." I called back at her, struggling on as I tried to figure out the suit, making mistakes on the belts. The gloves and boots were the easiest to manage. It took a while for me to decide to wear the gas mask, remembering that Miss Pauling telling me that the lenses had my prescription.

Whoa.

I look… scary.

I shifted, looking at myself in different angles. The suit was really baggy on me, completely hiding my figure. There were also some details I missed, like the blue flame printed patch on both arms.

Was I some kind of fireman(woman)?

My mind was nagging me the more I stared at my reflection. The suit looked incomplete.

I shook my head from the thoughts. Gathering everything else, I put it all into the duffel bag; I decided I would think more about it later. The doctor did say that I'll remember stuff in a few hours.

Whatever this job is, I know I'm going to sweat like a pig.

"Miss Pauling? I'm done" I announced as I stepped outside, closing the door behind me.

My mind went blank as she turned to me.

Oh.

So that's why she was familiar.

"So I burn stuff," I concluded as I tried to keep up the pretence of an amnesiac employee. Temporary amnesia it may be.

"Burn stuff and people." Miss Pauling corrected me, staring straight ahead at the road in front of us as she drove towards our location.

I was still trying to wrap my mind around it.

Miss Pauling was real.

I'm in Team Fortress 2. Maybe.

I thought it was a dream until I tripped down the stairs.

It hurt a lot for a dream.

Or it could be that she coincidentally looks like Miss Pauling from Team Fortress 2. Or that she's a fan of the game and based of her looks from Miss Pauling.

I was starting to make myself believe that idea until Miss Pauling started debriefing me on my job. She unknowingly shattered it into little tiny pieces and blew on the ashes.

I was going to be the replacement Pyro for the BLU team stationed in Badlands.

Yeah.

Oh god.

I groaned as I sank back to the chair, wiping the sweat on my brow. I had taken my mask off in the car when I realized that the mask really muffles your voice, rendering your speech gibberish.

My emotions were in a whirlwind. I was scared and excited at the same time, my body tense at the prospect of meeting the mercenaries. Will they be the same as in the game or different since the game is now technically reality?

Another thing.

How the fuck did I get here?

My mind was already clearing up, remembering last night. There wasn't anything out of the ordinary, just having a pizza and karaoke night out with my friends. I had safely gone home back to my apartment and fell right asleep.

So why am I here?

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get along with the guys." Miss Pauling reassured me after glancing at my expression, mistaking my apprehension for something else.

And there was that.

One more thing about this job is that, I'm part of a new program the company is trying out on.

Hiring female mercenaries.

Since the program was still recent, there were only a few who had applied for the job. The Administrator spread us out, assigning each of us in different teams.

In short, I'm going to be the only girl in a team full of guys.

I'm still not sure how to feel about that.

On one hand, I love these guys, well the game version of them. It was like a dream come true to finally meet the mercenaries, to see what they would look like in reality (if they're even the same as the ones in the game). One thing I was planning on heavily was to get Heavy to hug me. I want a big Russian bear hug.

On the other hand, these guys are mercenaries. And guys. And mercenaries. And guys. They might not take too kindly on having a girl on their team.

So, yeah.

Add to that with my usual reluctance at social interaction with strangers, I wasn't sure how to act when I finally meet them.

"Alright, we're here"

I felt a brief flash of horror as the car slowed to a stop. I scrambled to zip up my suit and put on the mask, trying to still my beating hard. Holy shit, this is it. I'm here. What the fuck am I going to do?

Miss Pauling caught my attention, giving me an encouraging smile. "You ready?"

Heck no.

Despite my thoughts, I gave her a nod. I exited out of the car, clutching the duffel bag with me. Deep breaths, take deep breaths.

I nearly screamed when a blue blur went right past me, kicking up a trail of dust.

"Heeeey there, Miss Pauling. You're looking extra good today."

I turned at the speaker, spotting him leaning on the window of the driver's seat where Miss Pauling was still sitting. She rolled her eyes at him, giving an exasperated smile. "Good afternoon to you too, Scout"

I already knew who he was judging from the speed and clothes but I hadn't expected the fact that he would be, well, taller than me. I him closely, drawing parallels between him and in the game. He was a feet taller than me with a corded lean body (those were nice biceps). I would have mistaken him for a normal person with him dressed in a plain blue shirt, brown pants and black running shoes if it wasn't for his bandaged hands and the small pistol hanging on his belt and I didn't know the game.

"GOOD AFTERNOON, MISS PAULING!" a loud voice greeted from beside me, startling me from my observations. I turned to my side, guessing already who it was. I was right. "Is this the newbie?"

It was Soldier and best I can describe him is that he was buff. A feet taller than Scout, he gave off an intimidating visage in his soldier uniform and the sash of grenades on him. He was grinning toothily under the oversized green helmet, which hid the upper half of his face.

I would have laughed if he wasn't holding a shovel covered in dirt and blood.

Miss Pauling nodded from her seat. "Yes. Scout, Soldier meet the new Pyro. Pyro, these are your teammates, Scout and Soldier."

I gave a muffled hi and a small wave, nearly dropping to the floor as Soldier enthusiastically patted my shoulder. "Welcome to the team, soldier!" He greeted me, grabbing my hand and shaking it with eagerness. He turned to face Miss Pauling, taking notice that she was still in the car. "Are you not going to come inside, Miss Pauling?"

Scout let out a forlorn whine when Miss Pauling shook her head negatively. "I'm only here to drop Pyro off. I still had something else to do after this."

I panicked inside. I didn't know that. I had assumed that she was going to come with me in the base. I tried to send hey pleading looks from behind my mask.

My hopes were crushed as the engine of the car rumbled, watching it pull out. She gave a smile and waved at us, "I'll leave you guys to it. Don't be too hard on the newbie, okay?"

What courage I managed to dredge up went down the drain as I watched the car leave. I timidly followed after Soldier, the Scout firing questions at me along the way. He gave up after I repeated my muffled answers over and over again. I wanted to take off the mask but I wouldn't be able to see the rest of the team's faces.

The common room was spacy, various knickknacks tossed around the area giving it a homely feeling. It was one big room with the kitchen on the left and the dining room beside it.

All attention went to us the moment we stepped in, Scout hollering as he ran to the fridge in the corner.

"Guys! The newbie's here!"

Oh god.

I shrank back from the intensity of their stare, turning as I bumped into something behind me.

Whoa, he's big.

I had no doubts as to who he is. He was a large man, his bulk overshadowing me completely. He was the biggest person I have ever seen in my entire life. My head only reached his chest. He was wearing a plain blue shirt, designated patches on the sleeves. I nearly buckled in fright when he reached out his huge hand and patted my head. "It is good to meet new teammate," his booming voice sent my heart beating fast, my body freezing from intimidation. I dazedly took note of his Russian accent. He offered his hand to me, "I am Heavy Weapons Guy, you can call me Heavy"

Okay I knew that he was the largest of the mercenaries but I haven't expected this large.

It took me a minute to compose myself, scrambling to take his hand and gulping as it engulfed mine. It looked so puny compared to his and I ain't a dainty girl. "H-Hi, I'm Pyro. I-It's nice to meet you." I introduced myself, flushing when I remembered my voice would come out muffled. Despite that he smiled and nodded, walking inside the common room and taking a seat across a man setting up a chessboard.

"Attention!" Soldier hollered, making me startle as I remembered he was still here. I sighed in relief as every eye turned to him, stumbling when he grabbed my shoulder and pushed me in front of him. "This here is our new teammate! We must welcome with him and become friends with him because we are a TEAM! We must work together as a unit and be FRIENDS! Now, let us mingle!" He then left me.

Wait, what?

"You okay there, partner?"

I whirled. Why do people keep sneaking up on me?

It was Engineer sans the helmet and the goggles. I wouldn't have recognized him if it wasn't for the overalls and the blue toolbox he was carrying.

I fidgeted, thinking on a response. He gave a smile when I shook my head, beckoning at me. "Come on, I'll introduce you to the rest of the team."

I sighed in relief, following him as we went around the room. "I reckon you've already meet Soldier, Heavy and Scout." He started, "Playing chess with Heavy is Medic, our resident doctor. Approach him if you're hurt, you can usually find him in his clinic. That man drinkin' on the couch over there is Demoman, our demolitions expert. Spy? Ah, there he is, that gentleman reading the newspaper. His specialty is espionage. We don't know much about him, secretive guy. Our Sniper's not here at the moment, you'll probably see him later at dinner." I exchanged greetings as he introduced me to the rest, making a round in the room. "This here is the common room; we usually come here to relax around when we're not fighting. Speaking about that, the next battle is going to happen tomorrow afternoon. I'll show you later to the armoury for your gear."

Oh god. It starts tomorrow?

"My gear?" I asked him, hiding my shaking hands behind my back. I'm going to have to fight tomorrow?

"Yes, the weapon's you're gunna use for tomorrow's fight. We have nearly everything stocked in the armoury. Usually Pyro's get the flamethrower, shotgun and a fire axe. There are some weapon alternatives like a flare gun and other… interesting melee weapons our Pyro's picked up"

I gulped and gave out a shaky laugh. I'm going to die. I don't even know how to fight.

"I'm sure you're pretty tired from your trip all the way there. I can show you to your room if you want to take some rest before dinner."

I accepted his offer, following him closely behind. There was a bit of tension on my end with my mind bringing up possibilities happening on the fight tomorrow. Engineer filled in the silence by pointing out directions to certain areas in the base. He also told interesting bits about himself and the team, giving me advise on what to expect tomorrow.

I was a bit calmer by the time we arrived at my designated room. I turned to give him my thanks.

He laughed it off and dropped a key on my hand. "Here's the key for your room and the other one's for the armoury. Dinner starts at eight. I'll see you there later, partner?"

"Yeah, sure." I replied, waving him goodbye as he walked to his workshop, which he told me was located at the end of the base. I unlocked the door, switching the light on as I went in. It was a simple room with the necessary furniture. Situated nearby the window with blue curtains was single bed with one nightstand. In front of the bed was an empty cabinet for my clothes. There was a desk and chair near the door, where there was a stack unopened boxes and one luggage bag placed beside it.

My legs gave out.

Holy shit.

I'm going to die.

CHAPTER 1 END

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