Juliet Shepard, Vanguard, Spacer/Sole Survivor, Full Paragon (in ME1 anyway)

Yeah I know that the new Normandy doesn't HAVE a co-pilots chair.

I decided to take a slightly different tack then with my Dragon Age fics. My absolute favorite Shepard+Joker stories have Joker doing hilarious silent arguments with himself, often while people are talking to him. I have attempted to duplicate this, because it makes me giggle. I hope it turns out well. (I'll be keeping my alternating perspectives for now though, since I find it's easiest to tell the story I want that way)

Disclaimer: Bioware owns everything good.

Shepard

"Commander!"

Juliet Shepard heard her pilot's panicked cry as the blast threw her away from the open escape pod. She flailed wildly and managed to grab the shattered remnants of her broken ship; she thought she heard him call her name, and looked up in time to see his horrified green eyes as she hit the emergency button, causing the pod doors to slam shut and launch the pod. Shepard winced when another explosion rocked the part of the ship she clung to, throwing her free and launching her into the cold void of space.

She drifted for a moment, watching the pods shoot away and the pieces of her home fall in burning fragments to the planet below. The ship that had attacked them was gone. Juliet heard a faint hissing sound; feeling panic begin tickle the back of her mind, she realized her hardsuit was damaged. The seals had failed to activate and her precious supply of oxygen was beginning to vent into space. She thrashed around, trying to find a way to seal the break in her suit, knowing that unless she did she had three, maybe four seconds before she suffocated.

One...

She felt the air sucked out of her suit in a quick burst, probably further damaging the seals on its way out. A chill settled along her spine as Shepard exhaled slowly, stubbornly clinging to life.

Two...

She saved them. She knew that much. Not all of them, mind you. Some were lost in the initial attack, and probably some of the escape pods were struck by flying debris, killing their passengers. But Ash would have gotten most of them out...

Three...

Shepard was out of time, and she knew it. A tear slid down her face, her blue eyes staring down at the nearby planet as she spun gently in space. Her ship was gone, but her crew would be ok, for the most part. She hoped they'd be able to stop the Reapers without her.

Four...

Juliet felt her heart slow, and her eyes turned from the planet and scanned the stars, hoping for one last glimpse of the escape pods. She knew she wouldn't see them. Shepard thought briefly about the pilot she had apparently died to save. Joker always seemed to know just what to say when she was upset or angry, always ready with an ear or a joke. Shepard remembered his bright green eyes as she had launched his escape pod... She wished she could have said goodbye, but she had no regrets. And then she died, gasping for air that was long gone, her lungs screaming for oxygen as her vision went black, her eyes drifting closed...

...two years, thirteen days and seven hours later

Commander Juliet Shepard, N7 vanguard of the Systems Alliance, first human Spectre of the Citadel Council and Savior of the Galaxy lay on top of the sheets in her rather large bed on the Normandy SR-2 with one arm tossed carelessly over her eyes. Her long, glossy black hair, loose from it's normal bun, was spread around her head on the pillow like a halo. She was in the captains quarters of the Cerberus built frigate, a room the fitting yard workers had apparently called 'the loft'. Exotic alien fish swam gracefully in the massive aquarium that took up much of one wall and a battered red and black N7 helmet sat on the desk next to the bed. The lighting in the loft was dim, most of the illumination coming from the aquarium in the form of a cool blue glow. A low couch sat against the large glass display case that served as a sort of wall between the bed and the small office, housing a desk, shelves and a private terminal. There was a single ship model, the SSV Normandy SR-1, in the case.

Despite the rather comfortable accommodations, Shepard was tense. She did not like it here, on this ship. She missed the original Normandy. This ship, though similar in many ways to her old ship, felt wrong. Perhaps it was the Cerberus symbol emblazoned on the walls every few feet. Shepard made a fist as she thought about the organization that had given her this ship, that had brought her back to life. Cerberus. Even just thinking the name sent her thoughts racing back to the rachni, thorian creepers, Admiral Kahoku... Toombs. Akuze. There was a brief flare of purple-blue light as the Commander fought back her anger, biting down on her tongue to avoid a biotic outburst. She was still having trouble with her new L5 implants. Extreme emotions tended to cause... flare ups.

Shepard sighed and dragged herself out of bed. Clearly she was not going to be getting any sleep. Not that she welcomed sleep. With sleep came the nightmares. They varied slightly from night to night... sometimes it would be Akuze, or the Prothean visions. Sometimes she'd dream of Virmire, and what it had felt like to leave Kaidan to die. Lately, she'd dreamt mostly about what it felt like to die, to suffocate, knowing help would never reach her in time and that everyone she cared about would have to deal with the Reapers without her. She jerked open the small closet and pulled on some casual clothes; fitted dark grey leggings and a long black t-shirt. She decided to forgo her usual boots. It's not as if she was military anymore, after all... When she had first arrived, all that was in the closet was a handful of Cerberus uniforms. She had immediately ordered new clothes. She would NOT wear anything with their symbol on it.

"EDI, what time is it?" A blue glowing ball appeared near the door. "It is 0413 Commander. Is there anything else?" Shepard stared at the AI for a moment then shook her head. "No, that will be all." "Very well Commander, logging you out."

Shepard ducked into the small bathroom, splashing a handful of cold water on her face and pushing her hair behind her ears with an impatient movement. She thought of tying it back, but decided against it. She stared at her reflection in the small mirror, trying to see a hint of herself there. Gone were the faint lines around her eyes, her pale skin looking fresh and new like she was in her early twenties again. Unfortunately, her familiar scars were gone as well. The faint line that once marked her lower lip, a memento from Akuze, was gone. The thin, perfectly straight scar that used to grace the side of her face, a token from Sovereign, was replaced by a strange pattern of faintly glowing red lines on her cheeks. Shepard found herself missing her old scars, hating the new ones with their unsettling glow. They made her feel less then human. She scowled at her reflection and decided to get out of here. Perhaps a walk around the ship would do her some good.

She slipped out of her quarters and entered the elevator, absently hitting the button for the CIC. Maybe she'd go hang out on the bridge for awhile. She figured Joker was probably catching a few hours of sleep, but she could watch as the autopilot moved them closer and closer to the Sahrabarik System. They were heading for a station called Omega, where Shepard had reluctantly agreed to recruit some new squad members. The Illusive Man had given her several dossiers, and there were three potential recruits on the station. She stepped of the elevator, a faint flare of biotic energy pulsing along her skin as she considered the head of the Cerberus organization. Shepard pushed the thoughts aside and walked quietly around the galaxy map and the massive holographic representation of the Normandy towards the bridge, her bare feet silent on the slightly textured floor.

It was empty, as she had assumed it would be, but she slipped into the co-pilots chair anyway, her hands automatically hitting the button to open the shutters and pull up the terminal there. She stared out at the stars for a moment, then turned back to the terminal and pulled up the dossiers, figuring she could spend a few hours reading up on the people she was supposed to recruit.

She read through the file on Archangel, noting that there was extremely limited information available on him. It seemed the turian arrived on Omega several months ago and had orchestrated several high profile, tactically brilliant attacks on the gangs there. She turned to the second file, the one both EDI and Miranda suggested she recruit first. "Hmm... The Professor..."

Joker

Joker limped back towards the bridge, walking slowly past the giant holographic representation of the Normandy, feeling slightly distracted. As much as he liked the new Normandy, he missed the old one sometimes. Like now, when the walk from the showers to the bridge stretched on forever. He supposed he should be getting some sleep, but he was damned if he was going to let that bloody AI take things over because he was tired. Who cares if the thing said it couldn't access those parts of the ship.

He stepped into the cockpit, his green eyes immediately drawn to the co-pilots chair, which was unexpectedly occupied by Commander Shepard. Joker froze. He hadn't talked to the Commander much since... well, since she came back to life, and now there she was, sitting on his bridge going over dossiers. He noticed her casual attire and felt his heart speed up a little. He'd always had a little crush on the Commander, ever since the first time she came up behind him on the first Normandy, but he'd never seen her out of uniform. She was wearing a loose black t-shirt and snug grey leggings, one leg hanging over the arm of the chair.

Shit. Where are her shoes?

Who cares? Would you look at those legs? If I were you, and I am, I'd be wondering what those would feel like, wrapped-

That is hardly appropriate. Is her hair down? It's longer then I thought. And shiny.

I bet it's soft. How long did you think it was?

I dunno... not that long.

Shouldn't you be more concerned with what she is doing here? And how long you've been standing there gaping like an idiot?

Shut up shut up!

Uh huh, you just told your own subconscious to shut up. Brilliant.

Joker flinched out of his internal dialogue when he heard her speak, her voice low.

"Hmm... The Professor..."

Jerking into motion, he quipped, "Talking to yourself Commander? That's a sure sign of crazy you know." He moved forward, watching from the corner of his eye as she started and turned to watch him slide into his chair. Feeling nervous under her scrutiny but doing his best to maintain his normal demeanor, his hands moved automatically across the console, pulling up specs on their travel so far. He saw her lean back into her chair, her large blue eyes drifting to the window as she said, "If anyone has a right to being a little crazy now and then, it's me."

The pilot glanced at her, slightly surprised at her informal tone. Even back on the SR-1, she'd always held on to her Commander Shepard mask, even when chatting with the crew. Now, she looked a little sad as she stared out the narrow windows. He found himself staring at her again, taking in the weary slouch, so different from her usually perfect military posture. He noted the faint glowing pattern on her cheek and frowned. Those weren't her scars, from Akuze, Ilos or the Battle of the Citadel. Those were gone, replaced by a strange pattern of glowing scars on both cheeks. They were a little creepy. He'd overheard Chakwas telling her they'd disappear on their own if she could maintain a peaceful state of mind. Something about the nano-cybernetic-whatevers reacting to her emotional state.

She looks tired. And sad...

Jesus man, say something. You're staring again. She's beautiful, but if she catches you staring she'll break your legs.

Shit. What do I say? What can I say?

I dunno, but stop goddamn staring. Or, I dunno. Say something.

Good idea.

Joker closed his eyes briefly, then cleared his throat, opening his mouth to say what had been central in his mind for two years. "Hey.. uh..." Joker faltered slightly when she turned to meet his gaze, her normally bright blue eyes looking tired. "Look, I just wanted to say that... that I'm sorry. You know... for what happened on the old Normandy. It was my fault..." He trailed off and dropped his gaze, turning to face his console, his hand moving up to rub the back of his neck. Silence stretched out between them and he heard her stand.

Oh good job.

Well what else was I supposed to say? I had to apologize some time...

Yeah, but she's clearly tired and now you just reminded her of that time she died.

Ugh.

Yeah, that's right.

And then suddenly she was right next to him, leaning over slightly with her hand resting on his arm. Joker blinked in surprise and looked up at her, finding her standing there with her large blue eyes on him. He realized that he'd never actually been this close to her, except for when she was saving his ass on the old Normandy. He hadn't noticed it then, because of his mask and her hardsuit, but she smelled sort of like vanilla and spices. She ventured a brief smile, her fingers warm against his skin, and her voice dropped lower then usual, almost a whisper as she said, "Don't apologize, Jeff. It wasn't your fault and..."

He tensed slightly. She had never used his real name before, just calling him Joker like everyone else. She paused, probably noticing the tension, her eyes flickering slightly as if she was coming to a decision. Then she leaned over, glossy black hair spilling across her shoulder, and brushed her lips against his cheek, murmuring, "And I don't regret a thing." Shepard smiled again, warmth evident in her weary eyes. Putting on a feigned-serious face, she said, "Now get some sleep, Flight Lieutenant. " With that, she turned and padded quietly down the long corridor to the elevator. Joker spun in his chair, watching her go. He had one hand on his cheek and his eyes were probably ridiculously wide, so he was glad she didn't turn around at any point to see him staring after her in such a position.

She kissed you.

It was just on the cheek, it didn't mean anything.

Then close your mouth. Dude, she just kissed you.

Yeah, but it was just a... you know, 'don't worry about it' thing. Right?

What if it wasn't? She called you Jeff. She never calls you Jeff.

It definitely was. She's Commander Shepard for god's sake, she could have anyone she wanted, she's not into a cripple like me.

Yeah, you're probably right.

Thanks.

Hey, you said it. I'm just agreeing.

tee hee. Writing Joker makes me giggle.