Silena wasn't sure what to expect when she entered camp again. She knew what she wanted to expect. She wanted to be able to convince her friend to put aside this petty grudge. A sad smile flickered over her face as she thought about the irony of that. Cabin 10 was famous for its grudges, after all, petty or otherwise. Mostly petty.
She dug the toe of her shoe into the dirt, standing still.
If she lived through this, she wanted to change that about her cabin. She wanted to make amends for her crimes, if they would allow her to. She wanted to live how Charlie saw her.
There was something wrong about Halfblood Hill being so empty, and it gave her goosebumps as she made her way down to the Ares Cabin. That one wasn't as empty. Not when their counselor refused to let them go to war. That was ironic, considering that they were children of war. If anyone should have wanted to have their fill of blood, it was Clarisse.
Thinking about that made Silena angry, every part of her body singing with rage and the need to fight and the need for redemption. How could she defeat Luke - defeat Kronos - if she didn't have Clarisse at her side? If Clarisse refused to lead her into battle?
She stood outside of the garish cabin, ignoring the few demigods outside that were eyeing her curiously. Her jaw clenched. They shouldn't be so complacent when their friends were out dying for their lives. They shouldn't have been hanging around here when so many people were hurt.
For a moment, that rage nearly drained out of her. The pang of loss was sharp, almost acrid, as if it was something physical clouding over her.
But she steeled herself again. Convincing Clarisse wasn't going to be some easy walk in the park, assuming her friend would even come out to see her.
Cupping her hands around her mouth, she yelled. "Clarisse La Rue, you come out here right this second or I'll break this door down, and if I have to ruin my shoes to do it, you'll definitely be sorry for that."
Those kids bit back laughs, and she could see them whispered behind their hands about her. Probably calling her Barbie, soft, unsuited for threats. They didn't know the true power of Aphrodite, that she could bring each and every single one of these idiots to their knees.
They weren't her intended targets, though, and she didn't have time to waste on them. Not when she needed Clarisse.
"Clarisse!"
"Fine!" She heard her friend before she kicked the door open, sending the younger kids scampering away. There was fear in their eyes now, but also a curious light.
Silena quickly looked from them back to Clarisse. That was exactly why she needed to be successful at this. Why she needed to do at least one thing right before this war was over. They needed someone like Clarisse out there to watch their backs.
To watch her back.
Clarisse frowned, her brows drawn down in an intense scowl. She stood with her feet apart, arms crossed over her chest. It was a stubborn stance, born from her inability to move an inch unless she knew that she was going to get her way. That wasn't going to stop Silena, who had proven more than once on the path of their friendship that she could be just as equally stubborn.
"Well, are you just going to stare at me, or are you going to get to the begging?" Clarisse tilted her chin up in an almost haughty expression.
Silena's face heated up, color rising high on her cheeks. "Is that any way to speak to a friend?"
That almost seemed to knock Clarisse off her high horse, a momentary flicker of regret, but then it disappeared behind her nasty veneer. This was going to be harder than she hoped for, and she should have known that from the beginning.
Looking to her younger brothers, the war daughter bared her teeth and practically growled out, "Scram." They didn't stick around after that, tripping over each other to get as far away from the two of them as humanly possible.
Silena didn't watch. She kept her gaze trained on her friend. She wouldn't be intimidated, even if she wanted to turn heel and give up and try to comfort herself with pretty little lies about how hard she tried.
"Come to Manhattan," Silena said. Her voice was equal parts firm and pleading. Mirroring Clarisse, she crossed her arms over her chest, widening her stance.
Amusement crawled over her face. "No. You can do better than that."
"What do you want me to do, Clarisse? Do you want me to get on my knees and beg you to help fight for your camp? Do you want me to start crying for your help?" Silena had a lot of pride, but she could still feel her knees bending. Anything wasn't as horrible as being a traitor, she thought. Nothing could ever hurt the same way knowing that her betrayal had led to Charlie's death.
"I'd love to see all of you on your knees, asking me for help. But it doesn't seem like anyone else followed you." Clarisse put a hand to her brow, narrowing her eyes as she searched behind Silena. "Nope. Nobody."
Silena closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. When she opened them again, she looked hard at Clarisse. Her lips were too pinched, her always-terrible hair even messier than usual, and there was a darkness in her eyes as if she were fighting herself. Her pride and her need for war were at odds with each other.
She wondered what she could do to tip that balance. Taking a step closer, her hands dropped to her sides. Clarisse didn't move, but she watched warily.
"They're busy fighting," Silena said softly. "They're fighting for all of us. I should be there, too. You should be there. Is your pride worth the end of the world, Clarisse? I know it isn't." She reached out when she was close enough, sliding her hands into her friend's.
Clarisse's lips quirked into a sneer, but she wrapped her fingers around Silena's all the same. "They disrespected me. They disrespected Ares. End of the world or not, there's no getting around that."
Silena huffed angrily. "Just come back with me!"
"No!" Her grip tightened on Silena's hands until her bones rubbed together, and she hissed in pain.
No intimidation, she reminded herself. It hurt like hell, and what she wanted was to grab her hands away, but maybe this was right. This was punishment for her crimes, and if Clarisse could break every single one of her traitorous fingers, she'd accept it. As long as the Ares Cabin went to war.
"Why won't you? Why is this stupid grudge more important than helping me?" Silena cried out before she had the chance to bite back her words.
Clarisse's eyes widened briefly. "You're not going to fight, Silena. You wouldn't. You'll sit back and you'll bark a few orders here and there-"
"I will. I am," she protested, her pretty face mottled crimson with rage. She forgot the pain in her fingers as she stepped in even closer to Clarisse. Okay, that was a warranted point to make. What daughter of Aphrodite dirtied her hands with war?
But Silena knew that she did. And that others would follow her. And that they weren't good for nothing but sitting around and gossipping.
"And even if I did just that, at least I could say that I was there, Clarisse. At least I could say that I was fighting!"
It was her friend's turn to go red, and the air between them practically crackled, she thought. They were too alike in this way, too stubborn, too good at hitting low blows. Too good at knowing each other.
"You'll get yourself killed," Clarisse spat. It was an insult. It was concerned. It was heartbreaking.
And maybe that's why Silena had to do it, because if Clarisse was right and she was going to die like so many others did at war, she wasn't going to go down without having one last kiss. Every hero deserved that, even those who couldn't even be called heroes in the first place.
Her mouth crashed against Clarisse's with absolutely no finesse, and she was sure that if her mother was watching, she'd be cringing in terror at the haplessness of it all. Worst of all was the way that Clarisse let her go as if she was on fire, dropping her hands and pushing at her shoulders until Silena stumbled back.
Her lips were pursed together, fingers clenched into fists as she glared at Silena. "What the hell are you doing?"
"I don't know anymore!" She wondered if this was how it felt to go crazy, to have every nerve electrified, to want to fight and make love and scream and cry all at once. "If you're going to send me off to die alone, the least you can do is kiss me back, though."
Maybe this time, if she was allowed the chance, she could convince Clarisse. Maybe she could pull out everything that she knew about love and beauty and twisting people around her finger and make Clarisse come with her. It would be wrong and dirty, but it couldn't be any worse than having her hands in Charlie's death. Nothing was worse than that, she thought.
Silena waited and wondered if she would make the move again when Clarisse stepped forward this time. And this time, her hands were on Silena's face. They were rough and calloused and scratched her pretty skin the same way that Charlie's did when he held her, and there was comfort in that. And there was comfort in it being her best friend who was easing her lips over hers, too. It wasn't harsh, like she expected, but tentative.
Clarisse tasted of regret as Silena rested her hands at the girl's waist, kissing her back with a finer expertise this time around. She wondered what she tasted like. If Clarisse could detect the hints of desperation and pain and guilt. Seconds of soft gave way to hungry need.
"Come back with me, Clarisse. Come back with me," Silena found herself whispering in between each break, wasting the air she needed on words that were useless to say.
"No."
When Clarisse walked away this time, sudden and yet not surprising, Silena watched her go.
She could sit and hide and pretend that she was doing the right thing as she thought about Silena going to war and dying.
But Silena would carry the hunger on her lips and the taste of Clarisse's power as she rode into battle with the Ares cabin at her back.