Link and the Monster Under the Bed
By: JediPrincess
A/N: Mwa-ha-ha-ha! I am doing a humor ficcy! God help us all! I'm really upset because the first copy of this ficcy erased itself from my computer. It was really horrible and I felt like crying.
We see before us a younger version of the Link we all know and love. He appears to be age six. It is nighttime, and Link is all alone in his little tree house.
Link (talking to a plant in the corner): Night Mr. Flobby Plant!
Link (talking to his pillow): Night Mr. Pillow!
Our little Hero of Time shuts off the light and settles into sleep. Awww, isn't he the cutest little Hylian-
Link (sitting up in bed): I'm HYLIAN?!
Oops...umm.... (muttering) Great now I let the cat out of the bag...
Link: I'm not Hylian! I'm Kokiri! Aren't I?
Yes, you are, now would you go to sleep now so I can continue the story?
Link: But I don't have a fairy, and maybe I should have a fairy. All the Kokiri kids have fairies, and I don't have one. Even Saria has a fairy, and she said I could have it if I felt bad that I didn't have one. But her fairy seems really annoying. Maybe I don't want a fairy. But if I had a fairy I'd be like all the other kids. Maybe I am Hylian...
Would you please shut yer hole that way we can continue with our lovely story?
Link: But I haven't finished pondering my life yet...there are so many different roads to take now that I'm Hylian...or am I? I really look like all those other Kokiri. I think I'm a Kokiri. But wait that means I would have a fairy! But I don't have a fairy, and maybe I should have a fairy...(rambles through the whole thing again, and starts over)
(promptly conks Link on the head with a garbage lid, and sighs) As I was saying, ahem. Our little Hero of Time is currently sleeping. SOUND asleep, thank you very much. (muttering) Hope he stays that way. And now we wait...
Link (snores and mummers in his sleep, or rather unconsciousness): No! No! Don't hurt Mr. Poogles! He's just a poor defenseless balloon!
Link (screams): You popped Mr. Poogles! You evil *CENSORED*
Link (snores some more)
Well, I think we've seen enough, don't you? (takes out a remote control and presses "FAST FORWARD")
(watching as Link rolls over several times, and even gets out of bed on several occasions, sleepwalking) Almost there...
(pushes "STOP" and the scene resumes normal play) There. As you can see, we have currently skipped about five hours ahead.
Voice from Under Bed: I'm coming out now. Dust bunnies don't exactly make good company...
Dust Bunny: Is that an insult that I hear? Dust Bunnies UNITE!!!
Voice from Under Bed (shrieking): Ahh! Get off me you little monsters! I'm supposed to be the terrorist in this scene, not you! Gaaaa!
Dust Bunnies (shouting gleefully): We've almost got him!...Do you like dust in your nose, anti-dustite?...We're not so cute and furry anymore, are we?...Get him!
And we hear the voice of the legendary Monster Under Bed. He is from a long line of Under Beds, from the Boogie Man Under Bed, to Monsta Under Bed, his sister. Who knows, there may be one of the Under Beds living under YOUR bed. Wait, but that would make it an Under Your Bed, which would not be an Under Bed...oh just forget the whole thing.
Monster Under Bed (climbing out from under Link's bed, covered with vicious dust bunnies from head to toe): Stupid little things... (tries to brush off several of them, and realizes that they won't budge) Jeez, they should pay me more.
Link (is still sound asleep and snoring): Mffdf.
Monster Under Bed (poking Link): Wake up, kid. You were supposed to wake up when I came out from under that hell hole down there...Nasty place. (shudders, thinking of the dirty underwear and broken glass under the bed)
Link (doesn't budge and mumbles some more): Gak.
Monster Under Bed (poking Link harder) Wake up, idiot! (produces a Deku Shield from hiding, and bonks Link on the head)
Link (opening eyes): Wha? (sits up straight in bed) AHHH! A giant dust bunny! (screams and jumps out of bed, runs, bellowing at the top of his lungs, out the front door).
Monster Under Bed (shrugging): Tough clients.
Link (runs, screaming, directly towards Saria's house)
And you would think he gets to Saria's house without any problems. Well, the story does not go that way...
Link (runs, and bumps into Mido): Out of the way, I've got to get away from my house! What are you doing out here anyway?
Mido: Er...plothole? And may I ask the same thing to you?
Link (looking scared): I'm running away from a gigantic Dust Bunny!
Mido (looking curious): Oh? Is this another hoax like the blender that was going to eat your brains last week? Do you think I believe you?
Link (scared): Hey! That blender was real! And there's a giant dust bunny in my house! It's going to eat me! You can go in there if you want to, and see for yourself!
Mido's Fairy: Hey! Listen! There goes Link again, making up rumors. He loves making things up, doesn't he? Making up rumors is a bad habit, I say. If rumors were Rupees, Link would be rich. He'd be able to stuff his whole house full of his rumors. And he'd be able to fill the Deku Tree also. And probably the whole Forest while he's at it. All with the rumors he makes up. Or is it Rupees that he would be filling everything with? Is it Rupees and rumors or rumors and Rupees? I don't really know and now quite frankly I think I am very confused, don't you?
Mido (staring at the fairy): What the...?!
Mido's Fairy: Maybe Rupees are made from rumors. But that can't be true because then Link would be rich. And Link isn't rich, is he? No, I don't think he is because he doesn't seem to have a lot of money. But if he got a Rupee every single time he told a single rumor, he'd be very, very, very...BOOM! (implodes)
Mido (looking shocked and staring accusingly at Link): Oh my goddesses you killed my fairy! Fairy killer!
Link (turning white): It wasn't me! (dashes towards Saria's house)
Mido (chases after Link, shouting): Don't think I'll just let you go! I know what you did!
Monster Under Bed (seeing Link and Mido running towards Saria's house): I'll just creep along behind them, and they'll never see me...
Link finally reaches his beloved friend Saria's doorstep. But the story's not over yet.
Link (banging on the door with both fists): Let me iiinnnnnn!
Saria (opens door, looking tired, hair mussed): What is it Link? This is the third time this week you've come knocking on my door in the middle of the night...
Saria's Fairy (talking extremely fast): Hi Link! How are you doing? I've missed you- we haven't seen each other in such a long time! It's been a whole day, hasn't it? We have to catch up on old stories...
Saria (stuffing her fairy into a bottle and tucking the bottle into her room): Sorry about that, but she'd just keep on droning on and on...
Link (nods and is about to tell Saria the story of the dust bunny when...)
Mido (grabbing Link from behind and pushing him into a headlock): He killed my fairy, Fifi!
Link (gurgling and choking with laughter): Fi*gak*fi?!
Saria (giggling insanely): Fifi?! FIFI?! Hahahahaha!!!
Monster Under Bed (chuckling uncontrollably and rolling on the floor): Fi*snort*fi?!
Saria, Link, and Mido (spin around on their heels and stop laughing): What the...
Link (wrestling out of Mido's grasp) It's the Dust Bunny! I gotta get out of here before it decides to eat me!! (breaks free and runs into Saria's house, locking the door) Now see if you can get me, ball of fluff!
Mido (shrieking and pointing at Monster Under Bed): Oh my goddesses, it is a giant Dust Bunny. It's come to eat me! Run for your lives! It's alive! (screams and tries to get into Saria's house)
Link (from inside): I'm not letting you in! It's my house! Besides, it would do Hyrule good if it ate you!
Saria (talking to the Narrator): Some Hero, eh?
Yes, I know. This story isn't turning out at all the way I had planned it but as they say, go with the flow. Since Link is obviously not coming out, I declare Saria the Heroine of Time, as she is the bravest and-
Saria (interrupting): I am?
Well, there's no one else...
Saria (sighing): Ok, whatever...
Monster Under Bed: I'm not a Dust Bunny!
Saria (taking out the bottle with her fairy inside): Well, take this! (uncorks the bottle and send the fairy flying out)
Saria's Fairy (flies towards Monster Under Bed, rapidly talking): Hey! Look! Listen! Look! I'm Saria's fairy. I don't think we've met before. Perhaps we could talk. I love talking, don't you? Talking is one of the goddesses' gifts, don't you think? I could talk all day, and I've been known to talk for long periods of time! I love hearing other people's stories! Maybe we should swap stories? But I don't get to hear them, and I don't know why. Saria and I have been friends for the longest time. I've known her for like forever. Well, actually it's only been about six years, but still it feels like forever to me...
Monster Under Bed (falls to the floor, a look of contorted fear on his dust-bunnied face): Noooo! This is a cruel and unjust punishment!
Saria (creeping around to Monster Under Bed's backside): Almost there...(jumps on Monster Under Bed's back) Gotcha!
Mido (still trying to break down Saria's door): Let me in Link, please! I'll do anything just to get inside there! I'd even give up my rare Diku Stick collection!
Saria (notices zipper sticking out of Monster Under Bed's back) Hmm? What's this?
Monster Under Bed (yelling feverishly): No, stop talking you numbskull fairy! It's melting my brain!
Saria (pulls zipper): Let's see...
Monster Under Bed (realizing Saria's actions as skin falls off) No! Don't! Gak!
Saria (looks at who is under the skin and gasps) Could it be? It's not possible! (she stares in disbelief) It's the Deranged Windmill Old Man from Kakariko Village! I met him there the last time I was visiting the Cucco Lady there!
Deranged Windmill Old Man: Bwa-ha-ha-ha GO AROUND! GO AROUND!
And so we learn about the Windmill Old Man. He is obviously the processor to the Windmill Guy everyone knows and loves. The craziness probably runs in the genes. And this story has gone to the birds. Er, Cuccos.
Saria (thinking quickly): I think I know a way to stop that awful racket he's causing...(pulls out the Fairy Ocarina and begins to play Saria's Song)
Deranged Windmill Old Man (dancing erratically): Doo dee doo! What a hot beat! Wowie!
Mido (mirroring the Deranged Windmill Old Man's actions exactly): Doo dee doo! What a hot beat! Wowie!
Link (shrugging inside of the house as he listens to the song): I don't understand what is with that song...I never did, and I don't think I ever will!
Deranged Windmill Old Man (falls to the floor, wheezing, and mumbling): Don't...let...son...hear...Song of Storms...(becomes very pallid, and stops breathing)
Saria (stops playing and rushes over to where the Deranged Windmill Old Man is lying): Oh my goddesses, I think I've killed him!
Link (stepping out of the house and inspecting the body): Maybe...
Saria (checking for pulse): He's dead!
Link: Weird.
Saria: He was saying something about storms and the sun. It seemed like a bunch of gibberish to me.
Mido (lazily spinning around in circles): Doo dee doo...doo dee doo...
Link (shrugs): I don't know what that meant. Could be just mumbling something or other.
Mido (faints dead away, falling near the Deranged Windmill Old Man)
Link (looking eager and excited): Hey Saria, guess what? I heard that there's reruns being shown of Cucco's Clues! Wanna go watch them?
Saria (looking happy as well): Sure! Maybe they'll show the one when Rauru and Cucco go to the beach! That's my favorite episode!
Link and Saria link arms, and skip happily away from the pair on the ground. They open the door to Saria's house and head inside.
Dust Bunnies (detaching themselves from the Monster Under Bed costume): Oh, it's a wonderful life.
Saria's Fairy (banging herself against the wooden door to Saria's house over and over again): Hey! Saria! Let me in please! You know how much I enjoy Cucco's Clues! Don't leave me out here all alone... Saria? Saria!!
THE END!
A/N: So that was my first humor ficcy. Hope it was good enough to satisfy the readers!
Thankies: To Galaxy Girl, who this story was heavily influenced by, as she is one of the greatest authors in the Zelda section!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Zelda characters, they are not mine to keep, as much as I'd like to keep 'em. Nintendo owns Zelda, and the Zelda games. If anyone watches Seinfeld, you can see the quote "anti-dustite." Ring a bell? ^_^ Hope you enjoyed!
By: JediPrincess
A/N: Mwa-ha-ha-ha! I am doing a humor ficcy! God help us all! I'm really upset because the first copy of this ficcy erased itself from my computer. It was really horrible and I felt like crying.
We see before us a younger version of the Link we all know and love. He appears to be age six. It is nighttime, and Link is all alone in his little tree house.
Link (talking to a plant in the corner): Night Mr. Flobby Plant!
Link (talking to his pillow): Night Mr. Pillow!
Our little Hero of Time shuts off the light and settles into sleep. Awww, isn't he the cutest little Hylian-
Link (sitting up in bed): I'm HYLIAN?!
Oops...umm.... (muttering) Great now I let the cat out of the bag...
Link: I'm not Hylian! I'm Kokiri! Aren't I?
Yes, you are, now would you go to sleep now so I can continue the story?
Link: But I don't have a fairy, and maybe I should have a fairy. All the Kokiri kids have fairies, and I don't have one. Even Saria has a fairy, and she said I could have it if I felt bad that I didn't have one. But her fairy seems really annoying. Maybe I don't want a fairy. But if I had a fairy I'd be like all the other kids. Maybe I am Hylian...
Would you please shut yer hole that way we can continue with our lovely story?
Link: But I haven't finished pondering my life yet...there are so many different roads to take now that I'm Hylian...or am I? I really look like all those other Kokiri. I think I'm a Kokiri. But wait that means I would have a fairy! But I don't have a fairy, and maybe I should have a fairy...(rambles through the whole thing again, and starts over)
(promptly conks Link on the head with a garbage lid, and sighs) As I was saying, ahem. Our little Hero of Time is currently sleeping. SOUND asleep, thank you very much. (muttering) Hope he stays that way. And now we wait...
Link (snores and mummers in his sleep, or rather unconsciousness): No! No! Don't hurt Mr. Poogles! He's just a poor defenseless balloon!
Link (screams): You popped Mr. Poogles! You evil *CENSORED*
Link (snores some more)
Well, I think we've seen enough, don't you? (takes out a remote control and presses "FAST FORWARD")
(watching as Link rolls over several times, and even gets out of bed on several occasions, sleepwalking) Almost there...
(pushes "STOP" and the scene resumes normal play) There. As you can see, we have currently skipped about five hours ahead.
Voice from Under Bed: I'm coming out now. Dust bunnies don't exactly make good company...
Dust Bunny: Is that an insult that I hear? Dust Bunnies UNITE!!!
Voice from Under Bed (shrieking): Ahh! Get off me you little monsters! I'm supposed to be the terrorist in this scene, not you! Gaaaa!
Dust Bunnies (shouting gleefully): We've almost got him!...Do you like dust in your nose, anti-dustite?...We're not so cute and furry anymore, are we?...Get him!
And we hear the voice of the legendary Monster Under Bed. He is from a long line of Under Beds, from the Boogie Man Under Bed, to Monsta Under Bed, his sister. Who knows, there may be one of the Under Beds living under YOUR bed. Wait, but that would make it an Under Your Bed, which would not be an Under Bed...oh just forget the whole thing.
Monster Under Bed (climbing out from under Link's bed, covered with vicious dust bunnies from head to toe): Stupid little things... (tries to brush off several of them, and realizes that they won't budge) Jeez, they should pay me more.
Link (is still sound asleep and snoring): Mffdf.
Monster Under Bed (poking Link): Wake up, kid. You were supposed to wake up when I came out from under that hell hole down there...Nasty place. (shudders, thinking of the dirty underwear and broken glass under the bed)
Link (doesn't budge and mumbles some more): Gak.
Monster Under Bed (poking Link harder) Wake up, idiot! (produces a Deku Shield from hiding, and bonks Link on the head)
Link (opening eyes): Wha? (sits up straight in bed) AHHH! A giant dust bunny! (screams and jumps out of bed, runs, bellowing at the top of his lungs, out the front door).
Monster Under Bed (shrugging): Tough clients.
Link (runs, screaming, directly towards Saria's house)
And you would think he gets to Saria's house without any problems. Well, the story does not go that way...
Link (runs, and bumps into Mido): Out of the way, I've got to get away from my house! What are you doing out here anyway?
Mido: Er...plothole? And may I ask the same thing to you?
Link (looking scared): I'm running away from a gigantic Dust Bunny!
Mido (looking curious): Oh? Is this another hoax like the blender that was going to eat your brains last week? Do you think I believe you?
Link (scared): Hey! That blender was real! And there's a giant dust bunny in my house! It's going to eat me! You can go in there if you want to, and see for yourself!
Mido's Fairy: Hey! Listen! There goes Link again, making up rumors. He loves making things up, doesn't he? Making up rumors is a bad habit, I say. If rumors were Rupees, Link would be rich. He'd be able to stuff his whole house full of his rumors. And he'd be able to fill the Deku Tree also. And probably the whole Forest while he's at it. All with the rumors he makes up. Or is it Rupees that he would be filling everything with? Is it Rupees and rumors or rumors and Rupees? I don't really know and now quite frankly I think I am very confused, don't you?
Mido (staring at the fairy): What the...?!
Mido's Fairy: Maybe Rupees are made from rumors. But that can't be true because then Link would be rich. And Link isn't rich, is he? No, I don't think he is because he doesn't seem to have a lot of money. But if he got a Rupee every single time he told a single rumor, he'd be very, very, very...BOOM! (implodes)
Mido (looking shocked and staring accusingly at Link): Oh my goddesses you killed my fairy! Fairy killer!
Link (turning white): It wasn't me! (dashes towards Saria's house)
Mido (chases after Link, shouting): Don't think I'll just let you go! I know what you did!
Monster Under Bed (seeing Link and Mido running towards Saria's house): I'll just creep along behind them, and they'll never see me...
Link finally reaches his beloved friend Saria's doorstep. But the story's not over yet.
Link (banging on the door with both fists): Let me iiinnnnnn!
Saria (opens door, looking tired, hair mussed): What is it Link? This is the third time this week you've come knocking on my door in the middle of the night...
Saria's Fairy (talking extremely fast): Hi Link! How are you doing? I've missed you- we haven't seen each other in such a long time! It's been a whole day, hasn't it? We have to catch up on old stories...
Saria (stuffing her fairy into a bottle and tucking the bottle into her room): Sorry about that, but she'd just keep on droning on and on...
Link (nods and is about to tell Saria the story of the dust bunny when...)
Mido (grabbing Link from behind and pushing him into a headlock): He killed my fairy, Fifi!
Link (gurgling and choking with laughter): Fi*gak*fi?!
Saria (giggling insanely): Fifi?! FIFI?! Hahahahaha!!!
Monster Under Bed (chuckling uncontrollably and rolling on the floor): Fi*snort*fi?!
Saria, Link, and Mido (spin around on their heels and stop laughing): What the...
Link (wrestling out of Mido's grasp) It's the Dust Bunny! I gotta get out of here before it decides to eat me!! (breaks free and runs into Saria's house, locking the door) Now see if you can get me, ball of fluff!
Mido (shrieking and pointing at Monster Under Bed): Oh my goddesses, it is a giant Dust Bunny. It's come to eat me! Run for your lives! It's alive! (screams and tries to get into Saria's house)
Link (from inside): I'm not letting you in! It's my house! Besides, it would do Hyrule good if it ate you!
Saria (talking to the Narrator): Some Hero, eh?
Yes, I know. This story isn't turning out at all the way I had planned it but as they say, go with the flow. Since Link is obviously not coming out, I declare Saria the Heroine of Time, as she is the bravest and-
Saria (interrupting): I am?
Well, there's no one else...
Saria (sighing): Ok, whatever...
Monster Under Bed: I'm not a Dust Bunny!
Saria (taking out the bottle with her fairy inside): Well, take this! (uncorks the bottle and send the fairy flying out)
Saria's Fairy (flies towards Monster Under Bed, rapidly talking): Hey! Look! Listen! Look! I'm Saria's fairy. I don't think we've met before. Perhaps we could talk. I love talking, don't you? Talking is one of the goddesses' gifts, don't you think? I could talk all day, and I've been known to talk for long periods of time! I love hearing other people's stories! Maybe we should swap stories? But I don't get to hear them, and I don't know why. Saria and I have been friends for the longest time. I've known her for like forever. Well, actually it's only been about six years, but still it feels like forever to me...
Monster Under Bed (falls to the floor, a look of contorted fear on his dust-bunnied face): Noooo! This is a cruel and unjust punishment!
Saria (creeping around to Monster Under Bed's backside): Almost there...(jumps on Monster Under Bed's back) Gotcha!
Mido (still trying to break down Saria's door): Let me in Link, please! I'll do anything just to get inside there! I'd even give up my rare Diku Stick collection!
Saria (notices zipper sticking out of Monster Under Bed's back) Hmm? What's this?
Monster Under Bed (yelling feverishly): No, stop talking you numbskull fairy! It's melting my brain!
Saria (pulls zipper): Let's see...
Monster Under Bed (realizing Saria's actions as skin falls off) No! Don't! Gak!
Saria (looks at who is under the skin and gasps) Could it be? It's not possible! (she stares in disbelief) It's the Deranged Windmill Old Man from Kakariko Village! I met him there the last time I was visiting the Cucco Lady there!
Deranged Windmill Old Man: Bwa-ha-ha-ha GO AROUND! GO AROUND!
And so we learn about the Windmill Old Man. He is obviously the processor to the Windmill Guy everyone knows and loves. The craziness probably runs in the genes. And this story has gone to the birds. Er, Cuccos.
Saria (thinking quickly): I think I know a way to stop that awful racket he's causing...(pulls out the Fairy Ocarina and begins to play Saria's Song)
Deranged Windmill Old Man (dancing erratically): Doo dee doo! What a hot beat! Wowie!
Mido (mirroring the Deranged Windmill Old Man's actions exactly): Doo dee doo! What a hot beat! Wowie!
Link (shrugging inside of the house as he listens to the song): I don't understand what is with that song...I never did, and I don't think I ever will!
Deranged Windmill Old Man (falls to the floor, wheezing, and mumbling): Don't...let...son...hear...Song of Storms...(becomes very pallid, and stops breathing)
Saria (stops playing and rushes over to where the Deranged Windmill Old Man is lying): Oh my goddesses, I think I've killed him!
Link (stepping out of the house and inspecting the body): Maybe...
Saria (checking for pulse): He's dead!
Link: Weird.
Saria: He was saying something about storms and the sun. It seemed like a bunch of gibberish to me.
Mido (lazily spinning around in circles): Doo dee doo...doo dee doo...
Link (shrugs): I don't know what that meant. Could be just mumbling something or other.
Mido (faints dead away, falling near the Deranged Windmill Old Man)
Link (looking eager and excited): Hey Saria, guess what? I heard that there's reruns being shown of Cucco's Clues! Wanna go watch them?
Saria (looking happy as well): Sure! Maybe they'll show the one when Rauru and Cucco go to the beach! That's my favorite episode!
Link and Saria link arms, and skip happily away from the pair on the ground. They open the door to Saria's house and head inside.
Dust Bunnies (detaching themselves from the Monster Under Bed costume): Oh, it's a wonderful life.
Saria's Fairy (banging herself against the wooden door to Saria's house over and over again): Hey! Saria! Let me in please! You know how much I enjoy Cucco's Clues! Don't leave me out here all alone... Saria? Saria!!
THE END!
A/N: So that was my first humor ficcy. Hope it was good enough to satisfy the readers!
Thankies: To Galaxy Girl, who this story was heavily influenced by, as she is one of the greatest authors in the Zelda section!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Zelda characters, they are not mine to keep, as much as I'd like to keep 'em. Nintendo owns Zelda, and the Zelda games. If anyone watches Seinfeld, you can see the quote "anti-dustite." Ring a bell? ^_^ Hope you enjoyed!