Author's Note- Hello! Here's my newest one-shot. I got the idea from 2 great songs. The main one is 'Spare Me The Details' by The Offspring. If you don't know it, look it up. It's great. The second one is 'Gives You Hell' by The All-American Rejects. It's a great song, too. In case you haven't noticed, this fic is rated M. It's mostly bad language and a little implied 'naughtiness'. Hope you enjoy! R &R!

If you're still here, I'd like to give a little advertisement for my good friend, soulful_ginger. If you don't mind the bad language give his stuff a try. It's really good! He's a new author and it'd help him out if you gave him some advice. He also helped me out a bit with this fic so I'd like to say thanks to him for that. Onward!

Warnings: Bad language, a bit of semi-mature content, and MAJOR RUKIA BASHING! (If you don't like any of this, don't read this fic.)

Disclaimer: Don't own Bleach or either of the songs.

Spare Me The Hell

Renji Abarai sat on Ichigo's bed, his head in his hands and he felt like the most depressed man in both worlds. His friends sat around him with sorry looks on their faces.

"We're really sorry, Renji," Rangiku said quietly.

"Yeah, dude, we had no idea this would happen," Ichigo added.

"We really didn't know she'd get that loose…," Hina Takeshi also added as she stared apologetically at her best friend. "Apparently, she can't hold her liquor." Ikkaku let out a snort that suspiciously sounded like 'whore'. Renji stayed silent.

"Did you hear how loud she was screaming?" Ichigo asked the others. They nodded.

"The bed sounded like it was going to break," Ikkaku added.

"He was taking a really long time, too," Rangiku put in. Hina was just about to add something when Renji flipped.

"ENOUGH!" he yelled as he stood up. "I really don't need to hear about this. Yes, my girlfriend fucked some random dude at a party. Yes, she's a whore. But I really don't want to know the details!" He popped a soul candy in his mouth and jumped out the window.

"Wow, he's really upset," Rangiku observed.

"Well, duh! He's been in love with Rukia since they were kids. Now she's gone and done something like this. His heart has probably shattered!" Hina exclaimed. Her friends just stared. "Don't you think we should do something?" They just kept staring. "Ah, Hell," she said and ate a soul candy.

Renji was slumped on a tree branch in a random park.

"Kami, why did this happen to me?" he said to no one. "I gave her all my love. What have I done to deserve this?"

"Nothing," answered a female voice from below him. The voice almost made him fall out of the tree. He looked down and saw Hina standing below in her shihaksho.

"What are you doing here? I said I didn't want to hear it," he told her coldly. She jumped up beside him and sat down.

"I'm not here to say any of that. I'm here to apologize. For all of us. We just thought that she'd like to go to the party with us. We should've-"

"Just stop. This is her fault. Not yours or any of the others'. Just forget about it." At that moment, his soul pager rang. He sighed when he saw who it was. "What do you want?" The harsh edge to his voice made Hina shiver.

"I'm so sorry, Renji! I didn't know it would happen. I love you and it will never happen again," Rukia begged.

"Really? Then why the hell did you fuck another guy? Is that how we show love now? Fuck you, Rukia," he said sharply before hanging up. His riatsu was swirling dangerously and Hina was worried. She placed a gentle hand on her best friend's arm.

"Renji, please calm down," she said quietly. He looked at her and sighed.

"Fuck…I'm gonna go get my gigai and then I'm gonna go get shit-faced. You wanna come?" he asked. She smiled.

"Sure."

Ah, it's amazing what alcohol does to misery! Renji was laughing and joking like nothing had happened. He and Hina had been having a great time.

"Hey, Hina, give me a kiss!" he slurred. She laughed and stumbled drunkenly as she weakly pushed him away.

"I really can't," she slurred back.

"Aw, c'mon! Just a little one. Don't you think I'm sexy?" he asked. She blushed and he couldn't tell if it was the alcohol or his cheesy comment.

"I-I have to go to the b-bathroom," she stuttered before she stumbled away.

"Damn," Renji laughed as he flopped back into his seat. His soul pager rang for the second time that day. Although, this time he made the mistake of not checking to see who it was.

"Hello?" he answered with a drunken hiccup.

"Hello, Renji," Rukia replied. He scowled and hiccupped again.

"Why the fuck are you calling me again?"

"I love you and I don't want to lose you." He snorted.

"Then why'd you act like a ho?" he asked with a slight laugh.

"Renji, are you drunk?" she inquired.

"Damn right, I'm drunk! It's your fault! I loved you with everything I had and you screwed me over. But I don't give a shit. I'm out with Hina and I'm having fun," he said as he hung up. Hina made it back in time to see him hang up.

"Who was that?" she asked.

"Whore," was his only reply. She nodded knowingly. "How about one more round?"

"Okay, but I think we should head back to Urahara's afterwards," she answered. He nodded as he ordered the next round of drinks.

Renji threw his arm around Hina's shoulders.

"You have got to be the greatest girl in the world," he told her. She laughed as she and her best friend stumbled towards Urahara Shoten and he started to play with her shoulder-length brown hair.

"Haha, Renji, you know that's a lie," she said back. He stopped walking so she did the same.

"No, it's not," he told her seriously. "You're a great friend and a good person all around. Kami," he added with a laugh, "maybe I should've dated you instead of Rukia." Hina laughed nervously.

"Aw, just shut the hell up. You're so drunk! You don't even know what you're saying," she said, playfully punching him in the chest. He caught her wrist and brought her hand to his lips.

"I think I know more than you think I do," he said and placed a gentle kiss on her palm.

"R-renji! Stop it," she said weakly. He pulled her flush against his chest. Her heart was racing.

"Why should I?" he whispered in her ear.

"Because you're drunk, your girlfriend recently cheated on you, and you'd only be using me as a rebound," she said as she pulled free of his hold.

'That has to be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life,' Hina thought sadly. Renji just stared at her.

"What the hell?"

"What do you mean 'what the hell'? I'm telling you that I'm not going to have drunken rebound sex with you," she replied. He gave her a glare.

"Whatever. I thought you'd want to help a friend out."

"Fucking me isn't going to make you feel better, idiot! In fact, you'd probably feel worse. I'm going back to Urahara's. Goodnight," she told him then ran off. He sighed in frustration.

A few days had passed without a single word between Renji and Hina. Their friends curious but by the glares and obscene gestures involving a certain finger that were being exchanged between the two, they decided it was safer not to ask. One night, Renji got another call.

"Seriously? What don't you get about the fact that I'm done with you?" he said angrily.

"Yet you still answer whenever I call," Rukia pointed out. He frowned deeply. "Admit it. You still love me." That just pissed him off.

"Fuck no. How could I still love you? My girlfriend might be upset if she heard that," he blurted.

"Girlfriend? You've replaced me already? Who is she?" she asked.

"You don't need to know."

"Because you don't have one."

"Of course I do! It's Hina," he said without thinking.

"Hina Takeshi? I guess I'll just have to come see this for myself when I go back to the world of the living," she said. She then hung up and Renji realized what he'd done.

"I'm in deep shit," he muttered.

"Hina, open up," Renji said quietly. He stood outside her door with a worried look on his face. He didn't get answer so he asked again. "Please open the door." The door open a crack and Hina's hand poked out, flipping him the bird. "That's mature," he growled. The door flew open to reveal the short, angry girl. Her brown hair was in a ponytail and her green eyes were blazing.

"What in Kami's name makes you think I want to talk to you?" she asked angrily.

"I need your help." She crossed her arms over her chest.

"Why?"

"Because I said something stupid." The anger in her eyes died down a bit and gave way to curiosity.

"What did you say? And to who?" she asked.

"Rukia. She tried to get me to say that I was still in love with her and…" he trailed off. She scowled.

"And what?"

"And I told her I had a girlfriend. And I told her it was, um, you," he replied.

"WHAT?" she screeched. He covered her mouth with his hand and pushed her backwards into the room, shutting the door behind them. She bit his hand and he jerked it away.

"What the fuck did you bite me for?" he growled as he cradled his hand against his chest.

"Because you told Rukia I was your girlfriend! This is the first time we've even talked to each other in days! Why would you say something like that?" she exclaimed. He blushed.

"Because she baited me. Now she wants to come here and see if it's true."

"Oh, no…"

"Please, will you pretend to be my girlfriend while she's here?" She glared.

"What are we supposed to do when we all go back to Soul Society?"

"Say we broke up?" She stared at her friend and the pathetic, pleading look on his face.

"Fine," she sighed. He hugged her.

"Thank you, Hina," he said gratefully.

"Yeah, yeah. Now get out of my room," she replied with a smile.

"So this is real?" Rukia asked Renji as he and Hina stood before her. "You're really dating your fourth seat? Does Brother know?" Hina tried to keep her huge fake smile in place.

"Yes, Lady Rukia, it's true. And, no, Captain Kuchiki doesn't know," she replied to the dark haired girl. Rukia turned back to Renji.

"Well, I'm glad you're happy." He gave her a big shit-eating grin.

"Yep. Couldn't be happier," he replied. "So how long are you staying?"

"A week." Hina mentally balked. She smiled sweetly at Rukia.

"If you don't mind, I need to speak to Renji for a moment. Privately," Hina interjected. Rukia nodded and left the room.

"What's the matter?" Renji asked.

"I don't know if I keep this up for a whole week!" she whispered frantically. He put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"You'll be fine. We can do this." She sighed and nodded, hoping he was right.

Rukia had been there for three days and Hina was getting worried. Rukia kept asking why Hina and Renji never kissed in front of the others or why they never held hands or hugged. The well of excuses was beginning to run dry.

Hina was walking to the underground training room when a hand darted out of a supply closet and dragged her inside. She looked up to see that Renji was the one who grabbed her.

"What the hell are you doing?" she exclaimed.

"Shh! I'm hiding from Rukia," he explained. Hina raised an eyebrow.

"Why?"

"Because she keeps asking questions that I can't answer."

"And you think the same hasn't been happening to me?" she said a little too loudly.

"Hina, is that you?" Both of them stiffened at the sound of Rukia's voice.

"Shit! What do we do?" Hina whispered.

"I don't know!" Rukia's footsteps were getting closer.

"What do we do?" she repeated.

"C'mere," Renji said, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her to him. He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. She gasped and he shoved his tongue into her mouth. She put her arms around his neck as her knees began to shake. Renji started to back up and the pair stumbled into a shelf, knocking stuff off and causing a racket. They pulled apart for a quick breath and then Renji dove back in. His hand went behind her knee and pulled her leg up to his thigh, making their bodies become even closer and causing them both to moan. Suddenly, the door opened and Rukia stood in the doorway. There were tears in her eyes as the other two stared at her and blushed.

"I had hoped it wasn't true," she said quietly. She took off down the hallway and Renji and Hina separated. They straightened their clothing and Renji smiled.

"Good idea, huh? Now there shouldn't be a doubt in her mind," he said triumphantly.

"Uh, yeah, great idea. I-I've gotta go," she mumbled. She took off down the hallway, her mind feeling completely jumbled.

'Of course that wasn't real. It was just to help him out. To get Rukia off his case. Renji would never do that with me because he wanted to.' Tears stung her eyes. 'He'll never like me like that,' she thought sadly. What she didn't know was that Renji was feeling the same way. Back at the closet, Renji slumped against the doorframe.

"Damn, that was amazing," he said to himself. He sighed as he headed to the training room.

Rukia went back to Soul Society, but Renji and Hina didn't return to normal. One night, while everyone was eating dinner at Urahara Shoten, Rangiku finally asked what everyone else had been wanting to.

"Alright, what's wrong with you two?" she said as she stood in front of them with her hands on her hips. They stared at her.

"What are you talking about?" Renji asked. Rangiku and the others noticed that they were avoiding looking at each other.

"Don't give us that bullshit, Renji," Ichigo said.

"Yeah. Obviously something happened," Ikkaku decided to throw in.

"It's unbeautiful to lie," Yumichika added with a hair flip. Hina suddenly stood up and walked out. Renji looked back at his friends with a slight glare.

"Good job, guys," he said as he got up to go after her. She wasn't out in the hallway so he started searching for her riatsu. He eventually found her down in the training room in her soul form, sitting cross-legged on the ground and meditating with Katori unsheathed on her lap. He could tell she was in a deep conversation with her sword because she didn't even notice he was there.

"How many times have I told you, I can't do anything about it!" she said angrily. Renji didn't know the sword's reply, but he saw that it only made things worse. "Idiot! I can't tell him that!" It wasn't long before the fire bird appeared.

"How do you know?" the bird said, making his words audible instead of speaking in Hina's mind.

"Because I could never take her place," she replied sadly.

"You moron!" the flaming spirit growled. He glared at his master. "I've talked with Zabimaru. Renji doesn't love Rukia anymore! Talk to Renji. Fix this. Because the darkness is starting to get suffocating." With that, the bird was gone and Hina let her head fall into her hands. Renji walked out from behind the rock he was using to hide himself. Hina's head shot up and her eyes were full of panic.

"How much did you hear?" she asked.

"Enough," he replied as he sat next to her.

"Aw, Hell. Look, Katori is just being dumb. I know that-" He stopped her by taking her chin in his hand.

"Shut up," he said with a smile. He pressed his lips to hers softly.

"But-"

"I said shut up," he interrupted as his smiled grew. He kissed her again, but harder this time. Her arms slid around his neck as he pulled her into his lap. His lips traveled across her cheek, down to her throat where he bit down and made her moan loudly.

"Renji," she said breathily. Her hands fumbled with his hair tie. His hair finally came loose and she instantly tangled her fingers in it.

"Say my name again," he said huskily as he kissed her collarbone. He pushed her kosode off of her shoulders and kissed the top of her breast.

"Renjiiii," she moaned, drawing out his name.

"Again." He kissed back up to her neck.

"Renji!" she cried as he bit down again.

"Again."

"Renji, Renji, oh Kami, RENJI!" she exclaimed as he clutched her to him tightly, bucking his hips upwards. He carefully laid her back on the ground and knelt above her. He kissed her deeply as she tugged on his kosode. "Take it off." He gave her a feral grin and did as she said. He hands were instantly tracing his tattoos. He kissed her again as his hands moved to untie the belt on her hakama. She grabbed his wrists and he stopped to look up at her.

"What's wrong?" he asked. She blushed and looked away.

"It's m-my…first time," she said quietly. He smiled softly and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

"I'll go slow," he promised. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him back down for a kiss.

Hina and Renji leaned against a rock, still trying to catch their breath. They were curled together, covered by their kosode. It wasn't long before there were shouts from the door of the training room.

"Renji! Hina! Are you here? We felt your riatsu going crazy…" Ichigo trailed off when he came around and saw the couple. A small sandal soon met his face.

"Go the fuck away!" they yelled. The orange haired teen didn't need to be told twice. He was gone! Renji and Hina laughed and share a deep kiss.

Omake (Back in the Soul Society)

"So what do you think will happen if we see Rukia? Do you think she heard?" Hina asked as she and Renji walked down the street hand-in-hand.

"I don't know. If she has heard, and she probably has because Rangiku knows, I hope it gives her hell," he said with a smile.

"Well, to be honest, I hope she finds someone as great as I have. And this time, hopefully she keeps him."

"As much as it hurt, now that I think about it, I'm glad she cheated on me. Now I've got someone better. And I don't have to worry about the captain killing me because I'm dating his sister," he said with a laugh. "Ah, life is good!" Renji stopped and pulled Hina into a deep kiss.

"That it is, Renji, that it is."

The End!

A/N- There it is! I had a ton of fun writing this one. I hope you liked it! R&R!

ren-shika-inu15