I have never done a Rocky Horror Picture Show fanfic before. This is partially because I'm not the biggest fan out there (I do like it though), so I never thought too much about it, and also because my favorite characters, Columbia and Frank both die at the end, which kind of made it pointless for me. However, I could not resist for too long. And so I decided to go ahead and do one, regardless of canon.

I did an iPod shuffle theme for this story, but instead of doing just 100 words on a song, I wrote from the beginning of the song to the end, and I only finished up the last sentence I may have been on before moving onto the next one. I like this a lot better because it gives me more room for creativity. I think I might do this again.

This is a Frank/Columbia fic, because I love Columbia and I think Frank probably secretly enjoys how much she cares about him. More than he lets on. In any case, I hope you all enjoy and can give me constructive criticism if you see anything amiss. Oh, and these are not in chronological order.

Also I apologize if any of the characters come off as OOC. This is my first time writing these guys, so it's probably a little rough around the edges.

Ups and Downs

1. Never Gonna Happen- Lily Allen

She was a sniveling, whimpering mass of tears and misery. She lay there at his feet, a whimpering mass, wearing an over-large bathrobe and little else. She had started to make a habit of waiting for him to leave his room in recent days, ever since she put her aside for the delivery boy, Eddie. She wanted answers, wanted to know what she had done to make him brush her off like a fly. The poor thing was convinced that she was lacking some deep, indefinable quality that was supposed to attract him to her. The truth was much less dramatic.

It wasn't that he disliked her. If he did, it would have been made abundantly clear to her. He wasn't known for subtlety. And because he wasn't subtle, didn't really believe in it, he decided to put an end to this nonsense once and for all. "Columbia," Frank snapped at her. "If I hated you, you would be dead."

The redhead finally met his gaze, and her large, wet eyes made him feel a small tinge of guilt. "B-but then why… I love you!"

Frank sighed and closed his eyes briefly. "Columbia," he said, his voice indulgent and as gentle as he could make it, "It was fun while it lasted, but I'm bored and I don't love you. Now I have to go to the lab, if you would be so kind as to remove yourself from my path."

2. Hoedown At Alice's- Steve Martin

Columbia had a special gift that she didn't really share with anyone. In fact, no one at the castle even knew about it, because she always used this gift out of sight in rooms where there were no cameras and were more or less forgotten. In those moments when Frankie didn't want her, and Riff-Raff and Magenta were too absorbed in other things, she would sneak away with an old, worn case, and stash herself away from prying eyes.

And then she would open the case and take out an old, well cared for banjo. It was the only thing she had brought with her from her old life, a gift from her grandfather before he passed away, to remind her that although her family had next to nothing and lived in the boonies, they could at least make something beautiful. He had made the banjo with his own hands, made it himself, just for her. She never played it around others because she didn't want it taken and used against her in case she ever made someone angry. It was far too precious for her to risk it like that.

What Columbia didn't know was that while she played away in those empty rooms, the master of the castle had a habit of finding her and listening through the doors.

3. Wonderful Day- Charly Lownoise and Mental Theo (this is a rave song, so it's like 2 minutes longer than the other songs are)

This, Columbia thought to herself as she twirled in the darkness, was quite possible one of the best parties that they'd ever had at the castle. This wasn't a small affair with just one room being used. This was the whole place, every nook and cranny, full up of people from Earth, from Transsexual, and numerous other planets who had come to celebrate the birthday of the Crown Prince himself! The entire place was dark, save for the flashing lights, disco balls, and glow-in-the-dark items that people from everywhere had brought.

She hadn't seen Frank in a while- since the party started- and hadn't talked to him for days before that, ever since he told her he was bored and didn't love her. Every moment of every day since had felt like she was breathing knives and walking on glass. But here, on the dance floor, where no one was paying attention to anyone, and everyone was swaying to the music… here, although Frank might be prince of the castle, she was Queen of the Dance.

Columbia's lithe body lept through the air, perfectly in time with the beat of the music, her short red hair speckled with silver sparks and her silver sequined mini-dress catching what little light there was perfectly. She looked like a flapper from the 1920's, radiating light for everyone in the room to see. She danced without restraint, and when a man came in to dance with her, she began gyrating against him without a thought. The other party goers cheered and clapped, enjoying the spectacle.

All except one. The person who should have been most happy (as the whole party was for him), was standing in the corner, four women and two men draped over him, and all he could do was scowl at the bright girl dancing with a strange man, not thinking of him at all.

4. Spy- Shakira, ft. Wyclef Jean

Frank had once told Columbia, emphatically, that he did not care what she did, or who she did it with, as long as she stayed out of his way and left him the hell alone, especially when he was in the lab.

He was now about to eat his words with a spoon, although he would never, ever, ever tell anyone, and if anyone saw, he'd kill them.

Columbia had hit it off with one of the guests from Transsexual, and he had been forced to listen to her little giggles and shrieks of laughter throughout the entire night as the nobleman flirted shamelessly with her. Even worse, it was DeLordy, one of the most insufferable courtiers he had the displeasure of knowing. He wanted to tell her she was being pitifully obvious, despite her attempts to hide it. Did she honestly think he had missed the hand of another man sneaking up under her skirt? Really, who did she think he was?

He just wanted to make sure she wasn't embarrassing herself. If she embarrassed herself, it would reflect badly on him. He couldn't have that. That was exactly it, he told himself as he stared daggers at the screen that displayed Columbia wrapped around damned DeLordy and screaming to the sky.

5. Girl With One Eye- Florence and the Machine, Bayou Percussion Version

She screamed and screamed, clawing at the walls and shrieking her fury to the ceiling. Columbia could hear the cries and weeping right in the room next to her, belonging to the golden creation of Frank N. Furter, who had once praised the creature as the pinnacle of all things attractive and sexy in a man.

Apparently this was no longer the case, as he was now being ruthlessly tortured by an infuriated and blood-thirsty Frank. Why was he torturing the poor thing? Simple. He found Rocky in bed with Columbia. Rocky had left the lab to sleep with her in her own room! The audacity! The gall! How dare he?! How dare she?!

Not ten minutes later, Frank had rushed into her own cell, apparently done with Rocky for the time being, and began screaming at her, hands trying to grip her neck and beat her. She couldn't understand what he was saying, exactly, just things like "Bitch!" and "Whore!" and the like. This wasn't surprising. What did surprise her was when she got a good look at his face, and she saw that in his eyes burned unshed tears, and she clearly heard him shout "How COULD you?!"

6. Prison Wall- Solid Base

She just couldn't get away. There was no escape. Every time she thought she was on the verge of getting away, he would do something sweet, or say something kind, and she was right back where she started from. It was like Columbia was trying to climb a very sheer wall, and not only was it difficult enough without being able to get a firm grip, the walls were slimy and slippery.

Sometimes when she was too tired to keep trying, she would think to herself that she would always love Frank, and was doomed to misery. And then there were times when she was determined to get over him. And God knew she had been damned close to succeeding several times already. First with Eddie, then with that charming DeLordy guy, and then a few times when he had just pushed her way too far. Occasionally, Riff-Raff and Magenta (mostly Magenta) would help her along in an attempt to get her moods to stop swinging so dramatically with Frank's every whim by commiserating with her and saying nasty things about Frank behind his back.

But every time Columbia was about to Get Over the Prison Wall that was her love for Frank, he would do something to yank her right back down to the floor. The pathetic part was that whenever he did this, she found herself not minding too much in the long run.

7. The Boy From Ipanema- Diana Krall

Elegant was not a word that you could typically use to describe Frank N. Furter, Prince of Transsexual. Dramatic, yes. Handsome, yes. Charming, dashing, graceful, flashy, clever, yes, yes, yes, all those things yes. But the word "elegant" denoted a certain amount of quiet dignity and peaceful countenance, the ability to make people grow still just by walking into a room even without the intent to do so. Most people would say that this was not one of Frank's gifts. Oh, he could certainly get people's attention with words and actions, but no one knew if he could do it by being quiet, because he wasn't really a quiet type of person.

Columbia knew better.

The first time she had seen him, he had been sitting in a pickup truck outside a store. Just sitting, and reading a newspaper. Not speaking, not being loud, no music playing, wearing normal clothing… just being.

He took Columbia's breath away just by sitting there in quiet contemplation. At that moment, to Columbia, who didn't have much experience seeing the word in action, Frank N. Furter was the epitome of elegant.

8. This Guy's In Love- Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass

It was unthinkable. Well, not really unthinkable. It happened on occasion. But this circumstance, this occurrence, concerning these people, was unthinkable.

Eddie had woken him up that morning, both of them still naked from the exertions the night before, and told Frank, with a face so serious he could have made rocks look like they were laughing, that he was in love.

Frank's first thought was an exasperated "Not again…" Hadn't he gone through this with Columbia just a few months before? "Eddie," he began, his irritation clear in his voice, "I thought I told you this was just for fun."

"I'm not in love with you," Eddie said, rolling his eyes.

Frank sat up, his rush of relief overpowered by the wave of indignation at Eddie's statement. Not in love with him? What was wrong with him?

"I love Columbia."

Frank froze.

Oh, no.

No, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, No, NO NO NO NO NONONONONONO!

In an instant, Frank was up, one hand fisted in Eddie's hair, the other lightly wrapped around Eddie's neck. Or what he could grab of it.

"Columbia is mine," the prince said, in a tone so calm he could have been discussing the weather. "She's mine and you will stay away." His hands tightened. "Or you will face the consequences."

9. Baby, It's Fact- Hellogoodbye

Columbia sat in the kitchen, happily munching on a turkey and lettuce sandwich she had made for lunch. The rest of the inhabitants of the castle were sound asleep. To them, 12:00 PM, high noon, when the sun was brightest, was a nightmare. Their planet had no sun, and instead drew their warmth and light from their moon, which they explained was much larger and brighter than Earth's moon, and from plants which glowed with a light of their own. It sounded magical to Columbia, but she still found herself in love with the daytime, and all its bright heat.

She sat there happily in a seat that was directly in the middle of a ray of sunlight from a window, gently swaying back and forth while humming to herself, her mouth full of sandwich and a contented smile on her face.

Frank found her like that, happy as a clam, basking in the daylight. The sun hitting her from behind her made her hair light up in a bright halo and bathed her in a soft, gentle glow that seemed to suit the bright, bubbly girl so perfectly. She looked up when he came in and she gave him a special, loving smile she saved only for him. He said nothing, but crossed the kitchen and took her in his arms.

10. My Romantic Pattern- Kelly

Columbia had a terrible, awful habit of falling for guys who were not only complete losers, but who were also complete scumbags and treated her terribly. They mostly consisted of Bad Boys and men with reputations that made people cross the street to stay away from them.

But something about them drew Columbia to them like a moth to a flame. She loved their dangerous air, and liked to think that they were different around her than with everyone else, that they showed her a side that no one else had ever seen. She was always wrong. Her psychologist had once told her that this stemmed from her virtually non-existent relationship with a father who had barely spoken more than two words to her a week. Since she could never get him to notice her, she got other men to notice her, always believing that she could make them change, that they would change for her. That they would love her, really, and not just say it to get into her pants. That was what she hated the most. When they lied about loving her.

Frank was not like that. He wasn't nice, he wasn't good, he wasn't gentle, and he certainly wasn't loving. But he didn't pretend. When he was bored with you, he was bored with you, and he never told you that you were irreplaceable or singular to him. He never lied about loving you.

So years and years later, when he actually looked at her, seriously, without makeup or anything to make him look fantastic (even though he was always fantastic to her), and told her he loved her, she knew he was telling the truth.

So there we have it. I hope you all liked it, and if you did, please review! Let me know if there's anything you think I could change or improve on. Oh, and Happy New Year!