AN: All characters are the property of the brilliantly talent Ms. J. K. Rowling and not, unfortunately, me.
Dear James and Lily,
The first time I ever even contemplated it was Fifth Year; to be honest, I'm surprised it took me that long to think about joining the 'Dark Side'. After all, you know what my brother was like – it was, of course, him who suggested I might be better off following the Dark Lord.
I had, foolishly, taken a short cut from Potions to Charms – you know, the one that takes you through the dungeons, dangerously close to the Slytherin Common Room. I happened to bump into a group of them, my dear brother included.
He was a bit of an outcast in my family. We were a right mix of Houses but he was the first Slytherin, he was something of a disappointment… When it became clear the sort of people he had befriended, that disappointment changed to fear.
They stopped me in the corridor, baiting me and teasing as they always did. Some of the things they said struck a chord but, for the most part, I forgot about that instance pretty quickly.
In Seventh Year, I went home for the Christmas Holidays instead of back to your house, James. My brother had written and told me that he would be there too and my parents wanted the whole family to enjoy the holiday together.
I was very scared by now, we all were. Every day the newspapers bore grim news of deaths and losses for our side and yet more victory for the Death Eaters and their master. My brother was one of these Death Eaters, I knew that and I hated him for it. I honestly did. But in those two weeks I spent at home, he regaled me with tales of receiving the praise of the Dark Lord, of how the torture and murder was mindless – it wasn't like you knew your victims.
His words circled my head all that year and my decision was aided by the fact that none of you even noticed. I spent half my time in the Hospital Wings after nervous break downs, I was paler than Remus for the majority of the year. You never asked me what was wrong once.
That said, I did not join He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named in order to turn you in. I thought I would be dealing with unknown Muggles, away from the eyes of my master. Of course, I know that this is wrong and disgusting and you will sneer as you read this. It is not an excuse. I know what I am. I just need you to understand that when my brother suggested me to get the necessary information on you, it genuinely was a hard and terrible thing for me to do.
I know you won't be sympathetic and that this letter will probably make you hate me more and, don't worry, I don't deserve sympathy. I just… I don't know. I had to get it out. The… regret.
I am a weak and cowardly person. I believed that we would not win the war and so I fled to the side that would. You were people I honestly considered my closest friends, we were close. But when it came down to it, I still valued my life over the friendship we had. I truly am sorry for that. Truly.
Peter.
AN: Reviews are much loved and appreciated (;