Title: A Stone Heart Needs No Mourners
Author: Sapphire Smoke
Beta(s): BellaRei713
Fandom: Once Upon A Time
Rating: M
Pairing: Emma/Regina
Summary: The five stages of grief as a love story.
A/N: This fic is very much centered around Regina's fear of vulnerability, and how she eventually learns to accept that love is a far better alternative than a heart made of stone. I had this idea a few weeks back and couldn't really let it go, so I actually made it amount to something, despite already being in the middle of another story, lol. Updates will be every Sunday, provided my girlfriend/beta doesn't slap me for overworking her. We'll see :P

PART I
Denial

"Why don't you just ask her out?" Henry asked one day, as casually as one would inquire about the weather, and in her surprise Regina nearly dropped the take out bag that Granny had just handed her. She fumbled with it for a moment, the question having caught her off guard, and once she felt as though the breakfast she had just purchased wouldn't land on the floor, she sharply turned towards her son.

"Excuse me?"

In the back of her mind, Regina already knew to whom Henry was referring. Still, the idea that her son had apparently formulated was completely preposterous, and it made the simple question feel more like a misguided accusation, which then caused Regina to noticeably bristle in defense. Henry however, his sixteen years beginning to mold him into quite the accurate reflection of both of his mothers, merely raised a skeptical eyebrow as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Don't act like you don't know. You've been covertly wooing her with bear claws over the better part of the last year. Every single day, Mom," Henry reminded her, his eyes glancing at the pastry concealed in the bag as though its mere existence was the answer to every question one could ever think to ask. "Every. Single. Day."

"I am not wooing your birthmother," Regina corrected sharply, the brown paper bag crinkling in her hand as her grip on it tightened substantially, "With pastries or any other form of breakfast food. I am simply being nice, as Miss Swan regularly forgets to eat in the morning, and the Sherriff's office is on my way to work. I had believed that was what you wanted of us, did you not; to be civil towards one another?"

"Being civil is saying hi when you pass each other on the street," Henry told her pointedly. "Delivering baked goods on a daily basis is practically a love letter."

"Are you quite finished?" Regina snapped, eyeing her son in a disapproving manner. "Because if you're not, I might have to think about rescheduling your driving lessons for another day."

Henry just rolled his eyes, knowing that it was an idle threat. If Regina didn't teach him, then Emma would, and Henry knew how much his adoptive mother hated that idea. "You don't need to get defensive over it," he told her as he slid onto one of the barstools, awaiting the pancakes they had ordered. "It's not that big a deal."

"On the contrary, I think you having misguided romantic idealizations of your two mothers getting together is terribly unhealthy," Regina informed him, placing herself on the seat to the right of her son as she nearly slammed the to-go bag down on the counter, taking out her frustrations on the unsuspecting pastry. This was entirely its fault anyway. "I don't know where this foolish idea came from, but it needs to cease."

Henry glanced at the object that had seemed to offend his mother so badly, looking a little amused by the abuse it was receiving. "I think she likes you too, you know," he casually mentioned as Regina put her cup of coffee to her lips.

She practically choked on its contents.

As Henry laughed at the reaction, Regina shot him a furious glare. Mopping up the liquid that had spilled on the countertop with a napkin, she sharply asked him, "What is this, some kind of ill-advised, teenage prank? Because I can assure you, Henry, it's not funny; and it will be even less so once you find yourself grounded for the rest of the month."

"Oh come on, Mom. Relax," Henry responded with an eye roll. "Not everyone's out to get you. I'm actually being serious. Emma talks about you all the time, and I'm pretty sure the whole bear claw thing is the best part of her day. She's always like, a thousand times happier after you come by."

"Then that is either a testament to how dreadfully dull her life is, or the fact that she has an unnatural obsession with pastries. Either way, you're reaching." As Ruby came by to place their plates of food in front of them, Henry looked like he was about to contradict her, but Regina interrupted him with a stabbing motion towards the pancakes in front of him. "Eat. This conversation is over."

Henry sighed heavily, stabbing his food dejectedly with his fork. "Whatever," he mumbled, apparently having expected that this conversation would've had a different end. "But I still think you should just ask her out; that way you don't have to pretend your weekly dinners with her are just so you can talk about me. Seriously, you guys aren't fooling anyone."

Regina clenched her jaw, and for her son's sake, pretended not to hear him.

[x]

"Regina, you really don't have to pay every single week. I have money too."

Regina was about to brush that off, just as she had every week over the past six months, but this time something stopped her. Her son's accusation came to rest at the forefront of her mind, making Regina involuntarily flush as suddenly it didn't seem so logical anymore that just because she received a larger weekly paycheck than Emma, she should be paying for their dinner. In fact, their regular table in the corner of the restaurant seemed almost akin to the atmosphere of a date, a thought which was heightened by the fact that neither of them exactly dressed casually for these meetings anymore. But it was a nice place, and shouldn't their attire reflect upon that?

Still, it made Regina paranoid. Did Emma believe it was a date? Did Regina subconsciously do this because she herself wished to be? It sounded so utterly ridiculous, and yet Henry had planted this idea in the back of her mind, and despite how hard Regina tried to shake the feeling that perhaps there really was more to their interaction than she previously believed, she found it wouldn't budge.

"Are you okay?" Emma asked, taking notice of the change in Regina's demeanor. She reached across the table, resting her hand on top of the brunette's in concern. "You look like you're gonna be sick."

Regina started at the feeling of Emma's hand atop hers, a gesture that wasn't exactly foreign to them, and yet still she quickly pulled it away as though she had been burned. A hurt look flashed across the blonde's face, but within a moment it was gone, allowing Regina to convince herself that it was her imagination. "I'm fine," she quickly assured her, yet could not meet the other woman's gaze as she said it.

"I told you not to get the fish."

"It wasn't the fish," Regina assured her. "I merely have a headache and the lighting in here seems to be furthering it. So in the interest of leaving quickly, you may pay for your half of the meal if you so desire, but I don't want to argue about it."

Emma's brow crinkled at Regina's dismissive attitude, as they had been getting along great throughout the rest of the meal, but she still fished her wallet out of her pocket as the waiter came over. "Just put it all on my card," she told him, before Regina could hand the man her own.

"I said half," Regina sharply reminded her as the waiter scurried away from the table, noticing the former Queen's dark look and not wanting to stick around to find out what would come after. "This is not a date, Miss Swan; I don't need you to pay for my meal."

Emma rolled her eyes at the other woman's attitude. "No, it's not, because when I take you on a date it's not gonna be at the same damn restaurant we go to every single week. Believe it or not, I actually have more imagination than that. So just smile and say thank you, Regina; it's what I do when you pay."

As the waiter came over to hand Emma her receipt, the blonde just shook her head as she puffed out a long breath of air. "Jesus, what is with you today?" she mumbled, scribbling her signature at the bottom of the slip of paper.

"…When?"

"What?" Emma asked, her brow crinkling in confusion at Regina's unexpected response. But Regina was just staring at her, this uncomfortable feeling of rocks settling at the pit of her stomach. She had hoped she misheard her, but Regina was fairly certain that she hadn't.

"You said 'when', not 'if'."

For all of her attitude before, Emma suddenly looked a little pale. "No, I didn't," she quickly dismissed, her eyes falling back to the paper as she wrote in the tip, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

"Yes, you did. I'm not deaf, dear."

Emma clenched her jaw as she slammed the pen down on the table, the sound actually managing to startle Regina, who already felt on edge for even broaching the sensitive topic in the first place. "You know, can you just… I don't know, for once, not make it your mission in life to make me look stupid? Because every time I think we're getting somewhere, you have to go and make me feel like an idiot for even trying."

"I…" Regina tried, but words failed her as she began to feel utterly lost. She hadn't expected that kind of reaction, and it made her feel a little bad. Emma actually looked upset, but for the life of her, Regina couldn't understand why. "I wasn't trying to make you look stupid, Emma. I just don't understand what it is that you're 'trying' to do, here."

"Don't you?" Emma challenged, looking her in the eye. The intensity of the gaze made Regina feel uncomfortable, and so she was the one to break it. Regina didn't much like feeling nervous, as that feeling never led anywhere good.

"No."

"Right, okay," Emma responded disbelievingly, getting to her feet. "Thanks for meeting me for dinner, Regina. It's been…" she searched for the word, but in the end, decided to just outright tell the truth with a heavy sigh, "really fucking embarrassing."

And then she was gone, leaving Regina to just sit at the table with her mouth slightly ajar.

What in the hell just happened?

[x]

"Damn, Mom. What did you do?"

Regina's brow furrowed as she glanced at her phone, receiving Henry's text message. It was his weekend at Emma's, so Regina could only deduce that whatever he was talking about, he was referring to what had happened between Emma and her at the restaurant. That made Regina feel uncomfortable. Despite not knowing what the hell had even happened, it still felt like it should be a private affair.

Picking up her cell, Regina quickly typed back, "What do you mean?"

A minute passed, then the phone beeped again. "Emma just came home and punched a wall. All I heard was some swearing and then your name before she barricaded herself in her room."

Regina blinked, swallowing the tension in her throat. What on earth was going on? Things between she and Emma had been progressively getting better over the last few years, so much that if – and only if – Regina had a gun to her head, she would actually admit out loud that they had become friends. But that was all they were, wasn't it? Surely Emma knew that.

Another beep. "Mom?"

Regina sighed, picking back up her phone. "I'm here," she typed back. "Honestly, I'm unsure what I did that upset her. Dinner was… fairly confusing."

It took a little longer for a response, but when it came Henry told her, "Well whatever you did, fix it. Bring her a half dozen box or something in the morning."

A pause, then another beep followed.

"Actually, scratch that: bring a whole dozen. I think I just heard something break upstairs."

[x]

"What is that?"

Emma's flat tone as she stared at the box in Regina's hands made the woman instantly feel foolish. Perhaps she should have not even bothered to come here; Emma's anger clearly hadn't diminished any, which meant this would probably not be well received. Still, Regina held it out to her. "An apology," she explained as Emma took the box from her, opening it up to inspect the contents. "I… I didn't mean to upset you last night. I think perhaps I had too much wine."

"Too much wine," Emma deadpanned, putting the box down on her desk. "That's what you're gonna go with?"

Regina blinked, uncertainty masking over her features. "Well what else would you like me to go with, dear? I'm still unsure of what I even did that upset you so much. I really wasn't trying to make you look stupid; I was just asking for clarification. You were the one that said 'when'."

"And you were the one who acted like you didn't even know what I was talking about, after you deliberately pushed!" Emma exclaimed, pointing at her furiously. "I mean, Jesus— I thought we were doing the whole… slow thing, or whatever, so you wouldn't get all freaked out, and I was fine with that, okay? I was. But then you didn't let my slip go, deciding instead to just barrel headfirst through all the bullshit, and—"

"What 'slow thing'?" Regina demanded, cutting her off mid-sentence. Emma looked at her as though she had four heads and not one of them was making any sense, which at least explained why Regina felt like her confusion over this entire exchange had quadrupled.

"Are you kidding me right now? Because I gotta tell you, Regina; not a great time to joke."

But then she paused, taking in the look of on-setting panic and utter perplexion that was settling across Regina's face, and Emma's eyes widened in realization. "Oh my god," she breathed, looking at her in disbelief as she slumped onto the top of her desk. "You really don't know, do you?"

Regina was certain her heart was about to pound its way out of her chest, and God—she was really not okay with that feeling. "Know what?" she snapped, hating how overwhelmed she was feeling right now. Regina knew, in the back of her mind she knew what this was about, but the very last thing she wanted to do right now was face it.

"What you've been doing. What we've been doing for like… Jesus, the past nine freaking months."

Regina shot her a look, warning her not to go down this road. She was certain neither of them would like where it led. There was a reason Regina distanced herself from these kinds of things, and she wasn't just about to allow that to not matter. "We haven't been doing anything, Miss Swan."

"Right, okay," Emma responded disbelievingly as she hopped off her desk, grabbing the box of bear claws in her hand. Gone was the woman who just sat back and allowed things to happen at their own pace, and instead she began to advance on the former queen with a sense of purpose in her eyes. "So what the hell is this then?"

Regina instinctively took two steps backwards due to the look etched upon Emma's face. It seemed almost predatory, and all the blood in Regina's body immediately rushed southward at how dangerously appealing it felt to be hunted. "They're called pastries," Regina told her, ever the defiant. "Perhaps you should look them up on the internet if you're unsure, or are our tax dollars solely for funding your porn habit?"

The words were meant for the sole reason of throwing her off, to just get Emma away from her and onto another damn topic that didn't make Regina feel like running straight out the front door, but the blonde merely smirked at that. "Don't need porn," she told her pointedly, throwing the box of pastries onto the file cabinet to the left of Regina, "Have you."

Regina nearly choked on her breath at the bluntness of the other woman's statement. She really wasn't expecting it, and it seemed Emma found pleasure in taking her so off guard, because her smirk widened. "Excuse me?" Regina demanded, hoping she had just misheard her. She knew she hadn't though.

"Well, and my imagination. But it's good enough for now."

Regina fumed, furious at actually being bested at her own game. That is, if it was a game. Regina really hoped that it was, and that Emma's words were solely meant to annoy her, because the mental image of Emma masturbating while thinking of her was—

Fuck. Was probably going to kill her, actually.

"Well I'm glad you have something, dear, because you certainly don't have tact," Regina shot back, trying to wipe the very distracting image of Emma's hand between her own legs out of her mind. It was a fairly difficult task to accomplish though, and suddenly Regina found herself wondering if Emma called out her name as she came.

Christ.

Focus.

"Tried tact," Emma told her with a shrug, that annoying little smirk still plastered on her face. Regina clenched her jaw and tried not to flush; she really didn't want Emma to know that she was entertaining the vulgar idea in the back of her mind. "Really didn't work. All it did was get me nine months of this cat and mouse game with a woman who can't even admit to herself that she has feelings for me."

Regina noticeably bristled at the accusation, beginning to feel emotionally attacked. This was not what they did. They had come to some sort of unspoken agreement, had they not? Why couldn't they just stick to that? Why did Emma feel the need to make everything far more complicated?

"I do not have feelings for you, Miss Swan. Have you been speaking to Henry? Because I hardly think a teenage boy with the idealization for a proper family is a good frame of reference."

"No, but nice to know the kid's on my side," Emma told her, before motioning to the box of pastries again. "Seriously, Regina, what did you think you were doing? You know Ruby told me that when your car was in the shop a few months ago you actually walked over here every day to give me my breakfast? That kind of says something, especially coming from someone like you."

Regina shot her a furious glare. This was utterly ridiculous, and damnit, naked Emma really needed to find a new home other than inside of her head. "I needed the exercise. Having a desk job doesn't allot me much of it. That was for me, not for you."

"Fine, okay, we'll talk about me then," Emma told her, still trying to make her point that Regina was fighting tooth and nail to not accept as truth. "Did you really think I broke into your office every week for the last four months to put fresh flowers on your desk just because I wanted to be friends? Cause that's not exactly standard, Regina."

Regina blinked, the admission actually startling her. "You did that? I had thought…"

"What, that your useless secretary did it?" Emma responded, looking at Regina like she couldn't fathom how she had come to that conclusion at all. "Come on, Regina, that dude can't even keep your schedule straight; you really think he's gonna make sure you have your favorite flowers on your desk every week? He probably doesn't even know what you like." Emma's brow crinkled as she paused, this unreadable expression passing over her face before she said softly, "I thought you knew…"

"I… I didn't," Regina admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. There was a lot that she could ignore, but a gesture like that wasn't one of them. It made her feel… actually quite special. It wasn't often that anyone made her feel like she was worthy of attention. "That's… thank you. They've always been very beautiful."

Emma gave her a small smile, looking fairly calmer after the other woman's gratitude. It seemed that once Regina at least acknowledged something, Emma no longer felt like she had to push. She had managed to put a small crack in Regina's fervent denial, and now all she had to do was stand back and watch it crumble.

Emma took a small step towards her, and when Regina didn't retreat, she took another. Reaching for the brunette's hand, Emma gently pulled the other woman the rest of the way. "Regina," she began softly. "I… I like you."

Regina exhaled a hard breath, turning away from her. "Don't," she pleaded, her heart firmly lodged in her throat as she tried to pull away from her. Emma's grip was firm though, and she wasn't about to just let her leave until she had her say.

"And not just in a 'I wanna bend you over my desk and do dirty things to you' kind of way… although that mental picture is nothing to scoff at," Emma continued, shooting her a small smirk. But then she got serious again and she used her other hand to lightly touch Regina's chin, guiding her to look at her once more. Regina fought it for a moment, but in the end, if she really wanted to leave, she could have.

There was a part of her that needed to hear the rest, despite how bad of a decision that could turn out to be.

"I want to hold your hand at dinner. I want to take you dancing. I want to make you breakfast in bed, and then hear you complain about how I burnt the toast." Regina snorted softly at the truth in that statement, and her amusement made Emma smile. "I want to know what your favorite song is, and then watch you laugh as I try to sing it to you. Because you know, when you laugh, it just… it fucking lights up your entire face. And it's… it's beautiful, Regina. You're beautiful."

Regina felt her breathing shallow and she tore her eyes away from Emma's prying gaze. "You see what you want to see," she told her softly. "I'm not beautiful, Miss Swan. I'm very far from it. And if you do not cease your romanticized delusion of me, one of us is bound to get hurt."

"One of us?" Emma questioned gently, although a small smile began to tug at the corners of her lips. "So, not just me then?"

Regina closed her eyes for a moment, silently berating herself. "I misspoke," she tried, but she knew even as she said it, that it wouldn't be accepted. She didn't even know if she believed it herself anymore. What Emma had said, it… it made her feel something. It made her feel something terribly dangerous, and yet the crack had been made, and so all that was left was for Emma to watch her shatter.

And God, she was. She was.

Regina did give her those damn pastries every day for a reason. She did invite Emma to dinner every week for something other than Henry. She dressed up because she wanted Emma to notice, and Regina wasn't leaving now, even though she knew that she should, because there was a part of her that was afraid if she did, Emma wouldn't come after her.

And yet still, her own fear was threatening to consume her, as she knew that if they fell into this, they were bound to drown in its destruction. People like her, they didn't get their happy endings, and the last thing Regina wanted to do was to take Emma down with her. She didn't deserve that.

"I don't have feelings for you, Emma."

The words were barely even audible, yet they were said all the same. But instead of being deterred by them, Emma's fingers lightly untangled from Regina's so they could trail over her palm, up to her wrist as she took a step closer. "No?" she questioned lightly, her digits now tracing an agonizingly slow path up her arm.

"No."

It didn't sound in the least bit convincing.

And then Emma's hand was cupping her neck, tangling in her hair, and Regina felt her breath leave her as the blonde eradicated the last of the space between them. Her eyes falling closed, Regina could feel Emma's uneven breath on her lips, and though she expected the woman to kiss her, to shatter the last of her own foolish delusion, she didn't.

"Tell me you don't one more time," Emma breathed, her fingers tightening at the base of Regina's neck. "One more time, and I'll walk away and we can pretend like this never happened. I promise. If it scares you that much, we can… it doesn't have to happen."

Regina didn't dare open her eyes. It was ridiculous, for someone so predatory to suddenly find themselves the prey. It was disorienting and it was overwhelming, and yet, a small part in the back of Regina's mind reminded her that she had probably always been the aggressor because in the end, no one could ever really be bothered to chase her.

Except Emma.

"But you want it to?" Regina asked quietly, despite already knowing the answer. Still, she could feel Emma smile against her lips at that, and it filled the pit of her stomach was an inconceivable feeling of warmth that was so very hard to ignore.

"Yeah," Emma whispered, the words almost being breathed into her. "I do. A lot, actually. Like in the 'it's the only thing I ever really think about anymore' kind of way…" She chuckled a little, leaning her forehead against Regina's. "I know that sounds stupid. I'm not really good at this, sorry."

Regina bit her bottom lip and moved her head upwards, just slightly, so that their noses bumped against one another. "It's not stupid," she told her softly, feeling the last of her resolve shatter in an instant. "And you are much better at this than you think…"

Emma smiled, but it was soon covered by a soft pair of lips, Regina having finally lost the battle within herself. In that moment, it didn't matter how bad of an idea it was. It didn't matter that there was no way that this could end well. It didn't even matter that they had a teenage son that could get caught in the middle of this entire disaster, because Emma was holding onto her like she didn't want to let her go, she touched her as though she was something to be treasured, and she breathed a sense of happiness into Regina that the woman hadn't felt in such a very, very long time.

It gave her hope, she gave her hope, and in the end, Regina knew that was the sole reason why Emma was so very, very dangerous to her.

TBC…