The (Probably) First Ever Anti-Kurt Fanfic!!!!!

As seen in the forum "Will Ian and Amy be together?"

By PBG. With some help from the characters in the 39 Clues. (If you don't know who PBG is, it's ME. I only write it in every story, review, forum, etc... And if you don't know what the 39 Clues are, you are in the wrong place, bub. Now go get me some bacon.)

This is under "humor" because I'm PBG, and "crime" because if you put Kurt and PBG in the same room that room would probably end up a CRIME scene.

Summary: Basically a mish-mash of stuff about that FREAK OF NATURE: Kurt! MAJOR spoilers for book 7. Only read if you are not pro-Kurt. (If you ARE pro-Kurt, maybe you should read this! It'll do ya good!) Just don't expect anything nice about him.

I expect this to be a few chapters long at most, with a few "Parts" in each chapter. The "Parts" will consist of anything about Kurt, interviews, short stories, and other random things. If you have any ideas or input feel free to review or PM me.

I don't own anything related to the 39 Clues. Do you? If you do, fear for your life.

Okay, Part One: The reason why PBG dislikes Kurt so much:

Once upon a time there was a sort-of-little-ish girl named [PBG]. PBG led a nice, happy, normal life reading the 39 Clues and writing amazingly hilariating stories on Fanfiction dot net. (Just kidding, I'm really not that funny.) Until one day, she got her hands on the seventh book, hoping for an adventurous story with some Ian and Amy action. Boy was SHE surprised when they threw in a new love interest: KURT.

Kurt was pretty much the boy every girl dreams about. He was kind, he liked all the things Amy did, he was funny, he wasn't Ian Kabra, he wasn't trying to kill her, oh, and he had the singing voice of an ANGEL. (An angel that PBG will soon push over the side of a large mountain...) So of course Amy fell in love instantly.

PBG was smoked. (Almost like bacon!) She threw the book at a wall (Which her brother, owner of the book, was not too thrilled about.) and screamed. Well, she screamed in her head. That was when she was at the airport. Had she screamed she probably would have been carted off to juvy...

Anyway, Kurt's disgusting perfection was so infuriating that PBG decided to write nasty things about him on the internet, tarnishing his image forever.

Too bad he isn't a real person, huh?

Part Two: Brief interview with Dan Cahill.

PBG began to speak. "Hello America and other more exotic places. I am here today to interview Mr. Daniel Cahill, brother of Amy, the poor soul who fell for our subject of discussion: Kurt. So Dan," she turned to face a young man wearing a ninja costume. "How do you feel about Kurt?"

Dan wasn't listening. He was too busy playing his Nintendo DS. PBG tapped him on the shoulder. "NINJA!" he yelped. Then he became aware of his surroundings. "Whoa, uh, sorry. What was the question?"

PBG repeated the question.

"Oh yeah, yeah. He's cool. Real nice dude. Amy really likes him." Dan nodded.

"And how do you feel, that your sister is infatuated with this boy?"

"Well," he started. "Anyone's better than Ian Cobra. He's kind of really evil and it's very likely that he is plotting to take over the earth. Or Hamilton. He's a meathead."

"I thought he saved her?" PBG asked.

"Oh he did! But he's still a meathead."

"Ah."

"Can I get back to my DS? I was about to beat the level." he said stupidly.

"Well. If you must. Since that electronic device is FAR more important than a teensy little interview," PBG replied icily.

"Cool, thanks dude." The boy clapped PBG on the back, and eyes on the screen, walked away.

I'm too out of it to do any more right now, but stay tuned next time for....

AN INTERVIEW WITH SALADIN

PBG DISSING KURT EVEN MORE

LOTS OF OTHER CRAP

Author's Note: Yeah. It was bad. Sorry for the badness, but I couldn't really think of anything better. Which is why you should REVIEW and give me YOUR IDEAS! YEAH! YOU! Like, RIGHT NOW! You see the button! Don't pretend it's not there! If you don't click it, then it will sit there, sad and alone, for all eternity. You must make sure it can serve its purpose in life! CLICK IT!

I need some bacon.