Disclaimer: I don't own anything. You should know that by now.
AN: I hit my head really hard and it made me think of what would happen to accident prone Kirk.
The crew of the Enterprise realised very quickly that their Captain had a tendency to injure himself. If there was potential danger afoot then Kirk was guaranteed to find it. This was realized as they waited for the captain to regain consciousness after concussing himself again. It seemed to the crew that most of the captains non-life threatening injuries occurred when he injured his head.
Several moments later Kirk's eyes fluttered open. "Ow."
Leaning over his friend and peering into his eyes with a pen light, checking his pupil reaction he gruffly said, "And what have we learned?"
"That you should always be nice to people who might have ended up unconscious."
"That isn't what we learned."
"That you should always repay your doctor with alcohol based gifts."
"I didn't ask what you are going to do, I asked what you learned. See I keep on hoping that one of these times you'll knock some sense into that head of yours."
"But- "
Kirk was cut off from speaking when McCoy ruffly turned his head to see the place of impact better, complete with prodding the delicate flesh.
"We have learned that you aren't allowed to open your mouth ever again while completing treaties. We have learned that you are not allowed to go on diplomatic missions without supervision in the form of someone wielding a hypospray. We have learned that we should not antagonize people who are three times stronger than us. We have learned not to start fights with people who are four feet taller than us. We have learned that we shouldn't stand next to a door that swings outward. We have learned that you should not be allowed to walk by yourself where there are low overhangings."
"A lot of those were not my fault."
"If they aren't your fault then who should we blame then? Perhaps it was a fairy that made you forget to duck when the doorway was only tall enough for people under 5 feet. Or perhaps Spock meant for you to stand behind the door that swung open even though it was glass and you saw that he was coming. And of course I was the one who forced you to insult that one guy at the bar because he was just asking to have his penis size ridiculed. You're right I can see how none of those were your fault."
"Words hurt you know."
"So do hypos," he deadpanned.
"So those might have been my fault, but how about that time were you gave me that shot even though it was marked that I was allergic to it, and I went into anaphylactic shock and lost consciousness. Or when Chekov shot those rocks above my head instead of the man attacking me causing the formation to collapse, and knocking me out. Or the time that Spock nerve pinched me."
Everyone looked at him.
"I might have deserved that one."
A collective sigh ran through the room.
"Alright I definitely deserved that one. But I think that the things that weren't my fault outweigh the things that were."
"That would be the concussion talking."
Kirk pouted up at his CMO.
"It won't work kid. Now sit up, shut up and let me look over you properly. Who knows what else you've done while I wasn't looking?"
The rest of the crew dispersed, going back to what they had been doing, and leaving the Captain with the doctor. He was in good hands.
AN: This isn't very good, but I found it unfinished. I couldn't just leave it like that. And why finish something and not post it. Anyway, please leave me a review and tell me what you think.