you should really see watch?v=cusKmODM61w on youtube if you haven't seen it already - then the second part will make more sense probably

Peter couldn't believe this was happening. Wade had literally dragged him to Orlando. Peter even tried sticking to the wall once, but Wade almost ripped his hands off. With his teeth. He could be very persuasive when he wanted to. They finally stopped in front of that monstrosity and Peter couldn't suppress a whine.

"Come on, Peter, you know you want to."

"No, I don't want to, Wade! Why would I want to, are you nuts? What am I even asking, of course you are. No. We're not getting on that ride."

"What do you mean why? I'm starting to get worried about your mental health! It's a Spider-Man ride! Everyone wants to get on it! Ha. Pun not intended."

Peter sometimes forgot how much of a Spider-Man fanboy Wade was. He really liked Spider-Man. Trust him, Peter would know. Wade liked Spider-Man very much, in many different positions. Peter could feel himself smiling goofily, as certain memories started flooding his mind. Wade snapped him out of the daze by suddenly grabbing his shoulders and looking him straight in the eye. He was wearing a hood over a baseball cap and Peter frowned, his hands tingling to remove the annoying disguise from Wade's face.

"And you! You especially should be dying to see it!"

"But why?!"

"I'm appalled that you even have to ask! To see your own booty of course! Do you know what a rareopportunity this is? The last time I could take an unobstructed look at my own butt was when my head was severed from my body!"

"You're not being serious."

Wade wasn't being serious, he couldn't be. This was beyond ridiculous. Besides, his ass couldn't possibly look that good.

"Trust me, it does."

"Did I say it out loud again?"

"Nope. You were just absentmindedly rubbing your butt with an adorably confused expression on your face."

"I hate you. I'm going home."

"Oh no, you're not!"

Wade grabbed Peter in the middle and lifted him off the ground. After considerable amount of struggling on Peter's part, Wade managed to throw him over his shoulder and started walking, unaffected by Peter's kicking and punching. Man, this guy was made of rock.

"Stop being childish and behave yourself or I will knock you out unconscious. Don't worry about getting on the ride then, I'm a skilled velumoquist."

"You mean ventriloquist?"

"That's what I said – veneroquist. Now, are you going to be good and let me take you for a ride?"

"What has my life come to when I find myself wishing it was one of your horrible innuendoes…."

Wade laughed with his whole body and Peter felt the vibrations where their bodies were touching. He slumped down, all the tension from the fighting leaving his body. Maybe he should just give in if Wade wanted to go that badly. He tensed back in a flash when he felt Wade's hand creeping down his back to his ass. He squeaked indignantly and wormed his hand under Wade's hood to find his ear and pull.

"Whoa there, Spider-pre-schooler! You're gonna tear it off!"

"It'll grow back. Be grateful it's not your dick I'm pulling."

"I will never be grateful for not having your hand on my dick, Peter, I hope you realize that. Your hand should always be on my dick. I want them forever joined. Hey, do you think, after you die, that I could take your hand and surgically attach it to my dick? It's not like you're going to need it anymore and it would me a nice memento."

Peter wriggled and squirmed until he managed to knee Wade's solar plexus. Wade keened and dropped Peter. Both of them were on the ground, Wade whining in pain, and Peter huffing with anger and annoyance.

"There are kids in here, Wade!"

"So what, sooner or later they will learn the truth about their junk, Peter! I'm just saving those poor suckers called parents from having The Talk. Or did I just make them have The Talk sooner? Hm…"

"I can't believe you. I really can't. Will getting on that stupid fucking ride make you shut the hell up?"

"Gasp! Peter, there are kids in here!"

Peter cursed under his breath and stood up. Wade could be really insufferable at times. Peter often wondered if he had the patience he always thought he had and that one day he wouldn't just snap at Wade and cause some irreversible damage to their whole relationship. After all, the lack of brain-to-mouth filter/any brain activity at all aside, Wade seemed to just always try to make Peter happy. He just wanted to take Peter out on a date and have them get on a Spider-Man ride. To anyone else, it was Peter who was being difficult. Even to Peter it looked that way. But seriously? Spider-Man ride?

"Take me to that stupid ride before I change my mind. And don't think even for a minute that I'm doing this for you. I just want to have it done and over with."

"Aw, Petey, I love when you go all tsundere on me! Reminds me of good old times! Makes me feel loved!"

"I'm not even gonna ask. Come on, get up."

"You're not gonna carry me? I carried you."

"But I'm not the one heavy like a car."

"Are you calling me fat?!"

"Well, now that I think about it…"

Wade shrieked before Peter could finish the sentence and sprung from the ground to leap on Peter. Peter laughed and started running. They were chasing, pushing, shoving, generally acting like kids, laughing almost to the point of crying, until they stopped abruptly at the end of the line. A lot of people turned around to look at them in grave awkward silence, so Peter did his best to quickly compose himself. Luckily, Wade was a master in going from joking to serious in two seconds flat.

"You're not allowed to tell me I'm too old for this place anymore, mother" some kid announced seriously and Wade snorted.

Oh, great.

.

"A Spider-Signal? Really? If only I were so lucky… At least they got Jonah right…"

"Wait for Doc Oc, you're gonna soil your pants."

"How many times did you ride this?"

"A lot. But that was before I got on the first name basis with your booty. Don't worry, your real booty is the only one for me."

"Gee, thanks, sweetheart."

Wade made kissy face at Peter and he alternated between laughing and pushing Wade away with a mock disgust on his face. When fake-he suddenly jumped on the hood of the Scoop, Peter flinched. Whoa. Weird.

"I do not talk like that."

"Look, look, did you see it? Did you see the booty?"

"No Wade, I was too busy being mortified. Remind me again why I agreed to this?"

"Because you loooooove me?"

"Hmpf. I guess. Wow, this thing isn't too flattering for New York, that rat was huge. Huh. They got pretty close to the right level of annoying with Hopgoblin's voice, kudos."

"Ahaha, but did you see Electro? That guy always cracks me up! Loser Marvel Girl wannabe. BTW, I pull off her outfit way better than him. Suits my complexion."

Peter snickered and waited through being fake-electrocuted. As soon as it stopped and he wanted to offer a snark remark to Wade, Scream got right into his face.

"Whoa, that was ugly. WHOA, and that was creepy and apocalyptic."

"Aw, Pete, are you enjoying yourself more than you anticipated?"

"Do I look like someone who's enjoying himself?"

"You look dizzy."

"That's probably because we spiraling for no good reason, ugh. Oh no, it's fake-me again. I can't listen to fake-myself talk. Why is fake-me punching a giant body of water? Ha, body of water."

"Good one, baby boy! But forget Hydro-Man, focus on the booteh! Oh wait, here comes Doc Oc! Ahahaahah, look at his clothes! Straight from a nineties boyband video! I can't, help! Ahahaha! Do you have a tissue?"

"You cried?"

"No, I peed myself."

"Oh my god, Wade, are you s- Wow! Go, fake-me! That was smooth."

"I don't appreciate the way you're not paying attention to your fake-ass, Peter. I'm really disappointed in you right now."

Peter sighed, rubbing Wade's back apologetically. He looked ahead, set on spending the rest of the ride silent, while Wade shouted excitedly like the five year old he not so secretly was. It was weird watching fake-himself like that. Crawling on buildings, jumping, slinging on webs, getting beaten up by poorly dressed villains, having the city crumble around him, saving the day. He didn't even notice when they were falling down.

He never thought about it, how it looked like to others. It looked pretty impressive to be honest, less blood, obviously. It kinda looked easy, actually. Peter didn't like how easy it looked. Wade must have noticed that Peter was upset, because he put his arm around Peter's shoulder and kissed his neck briefly, just as fake-he took their photo.

"Don't worry, Spidey, you're much funnier than fake-you. He's just meh, and your bad puns arebaaaaaad."

"Thanks Wade. You always say the right thing."

"You bet! So, did you like it?"

"It wasn't all that bad, so there. But I gotta admit, people of New York would skin me alive if I made a mess like this every time I dealt with those guys."

They got off the Scoop and walked outside, following a group of middle-schoolers. Great. Wade was thrumming with impatience, and as soon as they were out of kids' hearing range, he grabbed Peter's arm.

"Did you take a good look at your butt?"

"No, Wade, I, uh, I forgot."

And it was super weird and just no.

"Do you want to go again to take a good look on your butt?"

"Don't even dream about it."

Just no.